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Janka

The Loss Of My Beloved Man.

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I´m a new member on here and I´ll be happy to share with others feeling tremendous pain and grief.It´s been not long ago and it still hurts.It was the last time I saw my beloved man early in the morning,smiling,kissing and talking to one another unforgettable words full of undying love.3 days later the phone rang.It was his brother telling me:"Jan is dead."My heart broke into small pieces,even now the tears are falling from my eyes.At that moment I was speaking to my beloved Jan,telling him everything from the bottom of my heart,desperately crying and hoping he does hear me,and he did.After hour rang a message from my mobile,so I entered the room we were sleeping 3 days ago to see and the sender was my beloved Jan,but message was empty.I think he was there while I was crying in the kitchen and let me know this way,so I entered the bedroom and at that moment I got the most beautiful evidence of his immortal love,because on the sheet of my bed was engraved a big heart.I´m sure he´s been by my side all the time,helping me hold on my way to home he´s waiting for me to come.I had to make a picture to believe it wasn´t just a dream.I found a place where I can say a few words for my beloved deceased,so I created my Memorial book dedicated to my beloved Jan.I can recommend everyone who is suffering and wants to do something for his beloved deceased person he´s thinking of.
Thanks a lot for reading these words and everyone who has an understanding heart.
I need to get to know those people which experienced a loss of beloved man or woman.
I send to all of you the warm greetings from Slovakia.

Janka

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Janka,

I am sorry you lost the man you love. How long has it been? I am glad you got signs from him, I haven't had anything like that happen, but when a rainbow appears, it has special meaning to me...my husband passed amidst a terrible thunder storm, and there was a triple rainbow in it the moment he passed. I've never witnessed anything like it...I was in the middle of a hospital and couldn't see it but my daughter and sisters described it to me and my sister took pictures of the rainbow.

There are a lot of people here that have lost their mate so you are not alone. This is a very caring and understanding group of people here. We are all here to walk the journey together, although all of our journeys are unique.

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Dear Kay!

My beloved Jan died 11.1111 at 1 o´clock.Seven digits explain it all...I´ve been learning to live and cope with my painful loss more than 1000 days and nights in order to do not break down...to do not lose the common sense...to stand up each time and move on...I do it every day of my life because of my beloved Jan waiting for me in heaven.I´ll never stop crying for him.He is everything I´m living for every second of my life.I do visit his grave every month more than 3 years to be bringing him the most beautiful roses and I´ll always do for the rest of my life.There is all of my love in every stone...all of my tears in every lump of the ground...Do you know the feeling when a powerful surge of grief can overcome yourself so much that you suffer more than before and can´t stop crying though you try to?Sometimes I wonder how can my heart stand so much pain...The love may change everything and now I feel as one person,one part it´s my beloved Jan and another part it´s me,two hearts beating as one forever.

He is everything I have,I believe in and I love till eternity...

There are many signs my beloved Jan has been sending me so far,but the day before yesterday something happened again.I went to the church that me and my beloved Jan were going in.After the mass just ending up I went to see the relic of Saint Reparatus from the 4th century I had been visiting with my beloved Jan,hand in hand speaking to him as a patron of the love of us two listening to our prayers.I must remark that we had always been heard.I strengthened with those memories never stopped going there to talk to him about my beloved Jan,always begging for him,for both of us,again and again.The day before yesterday I did it too,coming to him with my prayers.I said: "If you only could do a miracle for me,please!" Then I went home,lit up a candle and took a seat to my laptop.After 10 o´clock p.m. I suddenly felt a well known feeling of the loved one´s presence.I felt those goosebumps all over my body,couldn´t move and it was like the warmest embrace of my beloved Jan every time he came to me.It always feels the same and the tears are falling down by themselves,but I wasn´t sure because of my father´s birthday he had today. Then I looked at my display and at that moment have disappeared all of the messages until the year 2011,remaining just all of those sending in the year 2011 while was my beloved Jan alive.He let me know this way that it was him.Later were all of missing messages right back where they were before. I looked at my clock and it was at 10:30 p.m. I´m sure it was the miracle I was begging for,there in the church. It touched me as deep inside as I couldn´t stop crying,even now the tears are falling from my eyes,but they are not those tears of sorrow,they are these tears of joy...

It´s wonderful as for a triple rainbow you wrote about.I think it was a sign for you making you feel happy.It happened to me,too.I was celebrating my name-day in the summer of the last year in the same place as we used to go with my beloved Jan.It was raining all along,but when I got there,it suddenly stopped raining and at that moment I saw an incredible rainbow in front of me,the nearest me as I had ever been seen till then.When I was leaving the place,it disappeared,so I have no picture,but it´s in my mind forever.I´m sure it was a sign from my beloved Jan as a gift for me letting me know that he was there with me.

My dearest Jan,I love you...love you...I do...above all !!!

Janka

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The miracle you got was great! I believe they have a way of letting us know they are with us still. I feel the same way about my beloved, I will love him all of my life and beyond!

There are many here at about that timeline...three years out. I haven't noticed a lot of difference in three years or ten years...we still miss them. I have gotten more used to being alone though. The aloneness in my life just testifies to what we had together...and I miss now.

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Dear Kay!

I feel the same way as for a loneliness you talk about...I´m so sorry you must have been going through this,too!It´s getting more unbearable as time passes by...I miss him even more each day...The bigger is the love,the bigger is the pain.When two do become one as well as we two did,the loss is really devastating.I must stand up each time to move on,but some things don´t ever go back to where they were...My beloved Jan still does mean everything to me and will always do!I´ve been writing to him,my own poems from the bottom of my heart,about 30 poems just for him...Step by step I´m gonna post it on here.It´s like a real life-giving sap I can´t live without...like a bridge on the other side I can talk to...like a way of going on side by side forever...

I can´t live without my heart...I can´t live without my soul...When I feel it´s unbearable,I speak to myself that I´ll never see him dying,I´ll never lose him anymore,there will be no more death...Only happiness and love lasting forever...

I can´t wait to be with him again...

How long has it been for you?

Hugs from Janka

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It will be ten years come June 19...he died on Father's Day. There is a certain amount of it we just have to learn to live with, but the pain does lessen in intensity as we learn to draw from them from within us. Even death cannot take away our memories and love. My mom had Stage 3 Dementia and it was hard for me to see her forgetting...she didn't remember my husband at all and he'd been very special to her! She didn't know what happened to my dad (he'd died 33 years prior) and assumed they divorced. I'd tell her he was waiting for her and loved her and they would never have divorced. I'd tell her again about my husband. To see her memories stolen was really tough, but I knew the love existed regardless and they'd be together again.

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My dearest Jan,

wish you the happiest heavenly birthday!You´ve become young forever as we had always been dreaming of.Your bright blue eyes are shining more than the stars above.You´re the ornament of heaven all along.You´re my best,my most beautiful,my only one for eternity!Every second of my life,every breath in my lungs,every tear in my eyes,every heartbeat belongs to you...only you...forever!You´re my everything!I love you...above all...even more each day!I kiss you from the bottom of my heart!

I will always love you!!!

Janka

The 16th May

Edited by Janka

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:wub:

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My only one,my best,my most beautiful,my beloved Jan!

It´s been already 4 years now and it seems to be harder yet.I´m close to tears writing these words full of neverending love I feel for you forever,my sweetest honey,trying to do not make cry myself as I know that I couldn´t stop,again.You´re everything I have,I believe in and I love for eternity!

Please,don´t keep me waiting too long as you know that I can´t live without you.I hardly breathe through the pain I feel inside.Every day I wait for you to come,for the day you get back to me and hold me in your arms being as one forever.I can´t wait to be with you,my love,again.

There will be no more death...no more tears crying for you...no more pain throbbing in my heart.We´ll be together,my angel,again.

I´m all yours,with every beat of my heart,the happiest to be with you and loving you always...forever...for eternity!

I love you...above all...and always will!!!

PS:This beautiful song is for you in heaven.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwrwKBJ5gug

Janka

The 11th NovemberJanicek-taverna.thumb.jpg.18119aac5aad88

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My beloved Jan!

I can´t stop crying tonight as much as I miss you again.Send you this beautiful song from the bottom of my heart.Oh,my God,I can´t live without my life...I can´t live without my soul...I can´t live without you...You´re my true devotion.

I love you forever!!!

Janka

http://youtubeinmp3.com/download/?video=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CiQx7XlsFLA

Love!.jpg

Edited by Janka

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Dear Brad!

I must write these messages...these mails...these poems...to him. He never may be forgotten! I start to worry about others forgetting him. They stopped talking about him...they stopped visiting his grave...they stopped mentioning his name...as if he never lived on this earth! I realized that now feeling so deep pain inside as no words can say. He became the past for everyone else,but for me will be irreplaceable forever! It´s because no one ever loved him so much as I do! I love him more than myself...more than anybody else...more than everything...from the bottom of my heart...above all...forever!!! While I live on this earth,he never will be forgotten!!! He is the best,the most beautiful being for me...inside and outside too...my everything...He is worthy of this...deserving all of this!

Thanks a lot for your answer! I hope that you´re getting a little bit better. It´s a comfort that there also others knowing what I´ve been going through. Wish you a nice day!

Butterfly watching

Janka

 

Edited by Janka

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Janka,

I don't usually respond to what you write because I feel in awe, like I'm trespassing on holy ground or something!  You write so beautifully, I feel like I'm intruding on something private between you..

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On ‎18‎.‎11‎.‎2015‎ ‎2‎:‎50‎:‎05, kayc said:

Janka,

I don't usually respond to what you write because I feel in awe, like I'm trespassing on holy ground or something!  You write so beautifully, I feel like I'm intruding on something private between you..

Dear Kay!

That is so sweet of you!This is a sacred place in loving memory of himself.I know he can see what I´ve been writing to him and he is listening to,every day and night.I feel him by my side and it makes me close to tears knowing that our hearts became one forever.It´s gonna be Christmas soon and I feel more lonely again.I´m glad I can be on here to find more peace in my aching heart.

Thank you very much for being always here for me!

Hugs from Janka

Thank You

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On ‎18‎.‎11‎.‎2015‎ ‎21‎:‎10‎:‎34, debi.williams said:

I feel the same as Kay, Janka. You write so beautifully and from the heart xx

Thank you,Debi!

You´re very kind.I´m sorry for your loss and sending you my hugs!

Janka

LavenderHibiscus.gif

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2 hours ago, Kpl48 said:

Thank you for this. Your words express exactly how I feel about Andre, my husband. He died on October 2 2014. 

Dear Kpl,

I´m sorry for the loss of your beloved husband and all of those things you´ve been going through!You´re welcome and I hope to hear from you again.This time is so hard for me.I feel very lonely at Christmas as I have no close family.

Wish you a peace!

Hugs from Janka

PinkWhiteLotus.gif

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I had a bad day yesterday, talked to a Lawyer today...almost through the Maze of the system....Janka ,  as long as we stay alive, our Spouse 's memories will live on. In a conversation , with humour or reverence, where applicable, I give examples of my wife.. As long as I'm walking, she is walking with me.......I've accepted this is going to be awhile, but I'm going to have a good time with Grief my partner........Haven't figured it out yet, but" get busy living" is the motto........have a good evening

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I just got a piece of mail for George this week...he's been gone over ten years!  That really hit me.  It was about his 2003 Honda, which he only had a short time and he totaled it six months before he died when he had his first (unbeknownst to us) heart attack.  It really hit me.

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Kay,

I'm so sorry. I get mail for Ron, almost every day. The ones that hurt are for hearing aids and cremation. I think we're past that point, don't you?

Still get mail for Robert's ex. They'e been divorced 15 years. She's still running from creditors, even though he paid all her bills.

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Wow!  I just heard from a creditor of my daughter's ex-BF from over 15 years ago!  I did some detective work and called the agency back with his location and employer's name.  :)

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Ugh, that annoying mail.   I have contacted places that hit me hard like the hospital he received treatment from.  I hate seeing their logo and it makes me think of those times so I requested to be dropped from all mailing lists.  Then there are phone calls to field now and again.  Wow, just got one as I typed this....freaky!  Well, so much for not being pulled back into the sadness for the evening.

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On ‎24‎.‎11‎.‎2015‎ ‎3‎:‎25‎:‎54, kevin said:

I had a bad day yesterday, talked to a Lawyer today...almost through the Maze of the system....Janka ,  as long as we stay alive, our Spouse 's memories will live on. In a conversation , with humour or reverence, where applicable, I give examples of my wife.. As long as I'm walking, she is walking with me.......I've accepted this is going to be awhile, but I'm going to have a good time with Grief my partner........Haven't figured it out yet, but" get busy living" is the motto........have a good evening

Dear Kevin,

you´re right.Keeping myself busy has helped a lot,but after coming home so empty,it still hurts and always will.It´s been 4 years for me now and I feel the same and all the more with the Christmas coming up soon.It´s hard without any close family.Lately the best friend of mine told me how much he looks forward to Christmas.You know,the words like that hurt much,though they´re meant to be only uplifting and encouraging as well.He is helping me as much as possible,but he can´t understand how it feels,that´s why I´m here on this board with people knowing what I´ve been going through by now.I know that he wants me to be smiling,he is my best friend and doesn´t want me feeling sad.I understand him.He has a girlfriend,lives with her family,he is happy and doesn´t feel the emptiness I feel in my life and also the pain I feel in my heart.Seeing people happy hurts a lot and at the Christmas especially.I try to be strong so far and keep smiling then,because I don´t want to make my friends sad,but above all my beloved Jan who is helping me all the time to go through all of those things I have to,until I meet him again.When it seems to me too unbearable,I speak to myself that I´ll never see him dying...I´ll never lose him anymore...there will be no more death...only happiness and love lasting forever...

Angel with Trumpet

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