marsha

You have a good heart, Kay - ((hugs)), Marsha

Kath - yes - not all days are like this, but this one is. How true. Time goes on, yet sometimes it's not so for me. Externally, yes, internally - there are times I live in my own head. Love and hugs, Marsha

Happy late (sorry!!) birthday, Deborah! (And Walt, and Marion, too) Of course you miss your sweet Larry - that feeling 'taint going anywhere, nor should it. I'm sending a cyber chocolate cake along with a cyber balloon - hugs to you - Marsha

Thank you, Walt - and you're so right. Hugs, Marsha

Kay - my heart hurts for you...I just have to say something, and I don't want you to take it the wrong way. Let me preface this by saying I'm not bashing Jim - a year or so ago, you posted a picture of yourself now and one from several years ago. I think we were all talking about how grief shows in us. I told you my first thought was "she's beautiful!" in both the photos. But you said something - Jim, after seeing the older picture, said to you "what happened??". That bothered me then, and it bothers me now. Like he couldn't see the pain and effort and living that it takes. Is it possible he didn't look deep enough? I've never even met you, you're my friend, and I can see it, through what you've written these past years. HUGS, Marsha

Kay - he sent your cellphone back by Fedex???? No call, no talking, no explanation? WTH? I'm so very sorry, Kay - this has got to be a major blow to the gut and heart. Sending ((hugs)), Marsha (or send him over here and I'll give him what for!)

Marion - please don't think this way. In over 2 years, I've become friends with widows/widowers from age 25 to 80. I've come to realize that we may be different in where we are in life, but grief shows no mercy when it comes to age. I have so appreciated the advice and support of my friends here, and I try to give it back as well. Stay...Hugs, Marsha

Kay - it does suck. But you do only what you can do. You know, people have their own agendas for how they're living their lives, and there's only so much control we have. There's a point where we have to let our fists unfurl, and let happen what G-d chooses. I sense your full heart - you want to make it better. Sending hugs, Marsha

Melina - I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know how to preface it better. I understand what you're feeling. My husband died a little over 2 years ago, only 4 months from healthy to diagnosis of billiary duct cancer to death. Please, please don't beat yourself up about not doing more. I was an awful nurse. I was clumsy, and so terrified I was overbearing, trying to protect him. (from what??) I had a widow, someone I knew only barely, come in and take my hands, and say to me - you're like a raw wound right now. Try to sleep, take vitamins, drink a lot of water, try to take care of yourself. I know this sounds simplistic, but for right now, do this, please. Right now it's just about getting through the day. No further. It will change, but not yet. Hugs and peace, Marsha

Marion - if at 2+ years I could give any advice, I'd agree with Suzy. Just be, just take it day by day, or minute by minute. No "I should be's", just listen to your own gut and heart. 55 years is a long time - allow yourself to grieve however it comes out. Even if it means taking a sledgehammer to a wall, and I'm not kidding. Hugs, Marsha

I could not have said this any better, Kay.

Hi Teny - I'm still here, though I read a good deal more than I write. Almost 25 months for me. I have flashbacks of the healthy Joe, of our life together, more than the sick Joe. It still hurts. I'm glad you posted - Hugs, Marsha

Kay - thank you for letting us know what's happening with Kim. Please tell her she's in my prayers. She's had an awful lot to deal with over the past couple of years. Hugs, Marsha

Mary Linda - I think we'll feel this way, especially at joyful/sorrowful triggers, for a long time. It's especially hard for you today - sending hugs and peace, Marsha

Kath - like Sharon said, maybe bring along a friend? I understand what you're feeling, but I also want you to be safe, physically, and not avoid seeing the doc. (spoken from someone who hates doctors, btw). I was 6 months out when I went to the same hospital to see my employee and her newborn baby. I was having panic attacks in the parking lot. She was in the room next to where Joe was that last weekend. It was ok, though. I just held on to that baby for dear life, for 20 minutes or so. Joe wasn't there, Kath - do you know what I mean? I was remembering, but HE wasn't there. I wish I had better words of comfort, because I know you're in pain. Hugs to you, Marsha

That was beautiful, Kath. I could only nod in agreement to every sentence. Hugs, Marsha

Kay - I have always appreciated your openness and honesty - in the beginning of my grief, I would read back on past posts for hours, crying, and yes, laughing, too. Hugs, Marsha

Alone - I am so sorry for your loss. There is no answer, and for me, just getting through every day was an accomplishment. Like, am I still here? What for? The day to day isn't a platitude, it's survival - which is all you need to think about right now. I know you're just existing. It's ok to just do that. It's necessary to do just that. You'll find support here, and that's crucial - to know that what you're feeling and going through is normal, the new normal. Note to Terry - My Joe died of billiary duct cancer as well. It's very rare, yes. I remember going on line, and everything said was basically, he's a dead man. Once it's diagnosed, it's terminal. It took 4 months - from a healthy 210 pound man to 120 pounds - it was beyond surreal. I'm praying for all of us..Hugs, marsha

Angie - First, I am very sorry for the loss of your husband. I know it must feel like you're in total shutdown right now. My husband also died of cancer, after 4 short months from diagnosis to death, 20 months ago. We ran a business together, one we started almost 10 years ago. What I did in the very beginning was use my accountant, my lawyer, my purveyors, my employees, all to plug the hole of knowledge that Joe had. We each knew what the other did, but of course duties get divvied up, and tended to stay that way. There was a big learning curve. I dealt with the most immediate things first. Everything else that could wait, did. All I could do was take it a day at a time, and a problem at a time. There were some things I couldn't do - so I bartered with food (!) If you have friends that want to chip in and help in any way possible, accept their help. They're offering because they want to. I hope this helps a little; I know how difficult and overwhelming it seems. Don't look at the future - just do what you can, when you can, and things will slowly fall into place. Peace & hugs, Marsha

The same from me! Happy birthday(s) to my fellow Aquarians - Hugs, Marsha

Vickie - you are such a good friend! I'm blushing. Love ya, Marsha

Oh, man - I forgot about the tackle box! It's in the back of the pickup (cap on, not to worry). Along with his fishing rod. I think I've opened it once, and yeah, it was a little fragrant. Thanks, ladies, for all your heartfelt replies and stories - I'm holding on to everything for right now, for me. A kind of funny aside - I drive a 97 Dodge Ram, but also still have our 87 Chevy 1500. It has 220,000 miles on it, and still runs, sans rear view mirror, and with lots of rust. That was Joe's truck. And everyone calls it "Joe's truck", even now. I don't think I'll ever get rid of it. Hugs, Marsha

Oh, man - I forgot about the tackle box! It's in the back of the pickup (cap on, not to worry). Along with his fishing rod. I think I've opened it once, and yeah, it was a little fragrant. Thanks, ladies, for all your heartfelt replies and stories - I'm holding on to everything for right now, for me. A kind of funny aside - I drive a 97 Dodge Ram, but also still have our 87 Chevy 1500. It has 220,000 miles on it, and still runs, sans rear view mirror, and with lots of rust. That was Joe's truck. And everyone calls it "Joe's truck", even now. I don't think I'll ever get rid of it. Hugs, Marsha

I did, Kay, and it was heart rending. I wanted to reach through the computer and just give her a hug. Your answer was so kind and caring. I think maybe we can use this heading to reach each other, a little more often than we have been, when we need to hear that caring voice. Think about it...Hugs, Marsha

Kay - 2 years July 1st for me. I guess I'm between a newbie and an oldie. All of you who have posted here: I have spent many a night going through posts from the past years. You've made me cry, and laugh. Thank you, and I miss everyone, too. Hugs, Marsha P.S., sometimes I think we should have a separate heading called "down the road" so we could share these memories as well. There's still a lot to talk about.