laurieb

Korina I have so much respect for your strength through the loss of your Scott. You are quite a phenominal person and it is no wonder why you and Scott had such a strong wonderful relationship. As much as I am in such pain and miss my husband so so much after so many years together, I can't imagine going through this with and infant and still be positive, loving and be there for others. Huge Laurie

Lea, This is your time, your time to feel and grieve. You will deprive your children and family from this if you are hiding it. I had to learn that in my griefshare support group. I thought that as the oldest child in my family and being a mom made me have to be strong and hide how I felt the loss of my husband, the love of my life and my grandmother soon after meant that I had to hide my sorrow and tears. Lea, this is just a horrible time for you and I am so sorry for all your pain. I am so glad that you wrote to all of us so we can help support you through words and prayers. Let us know how you are and know we are all here for you Laurie

Boo, Thank you, you are a very special person and I am very appreciative for all your posts and the hard work you put in to your journey. I have been blessed many many times by that work and hope you receive so many blessings back. Thank you so much for that post and all your posts. laurie

Rochel, your picture with you and your husband is beautiful! You obviously shared a wonderful life and love with your husband. God Bless Laurie

Hi Ted, my gosh 3 months, are we suppose to be normal? and its the holidays. I would strongly share that grief counseling is such a blessing, grief support groups are also a blessing for me. No one can make a decision for medication but you and hopefully your well trusted and well respected physician. I do agree that if the outside world thinks we all need drugs because we are sad! that is sad! How are we suppose to feel? How much time do we get before we are judged or moreover judge ourselves? Ted, please be kind to yourself, take it slow, allow yourself to cry and grieve and be sad. It's ok, and you're ok. I have found that journaling to Scott also helps me. I actually write to him and just share how much I love him and miss him and although I cry hard, I do feel a bit better. I do NOT want to be numb from this . I want to heal from this, grow from this and find myself again. I want to honor the love we had for so long and survive this and find out what God wants me to do next. Ted, some days this is just so hard. We are all climbing that high mountain that is near to impossible but remember with God, all things are possible. I am so sorry for your pain Ted but it is a tribute to the love you had for your wife and who you are. dont run from that or hide that as if it is something to be ashamed of. You are not alone laurie

we just had a horrendous Noreaste hit this area and I had to evacuate with my son as our pond over flowed, and the back yard looked like a lake with ripples and all. Dogs had to go to the vet and we just made it out before the water was too high to ruin our cars. I returned only to find a huge tree down which just missed my son's bedroom, our furnished detached garage was completely flooded and I couldn't handle it so I wend to the mall to walk around aimlessly only to hear all the christmas music playing with ALL the christmas decorations up.. Holy crap!!! I feel like there is no place to hid and no place that is safe!!! I am tired, so sad, I don't have any idea how to fix my yard or even who to call I am probably feeling sorry for myself but I can't seem to pull myself out of it!!! I am so overwhelmed. I miss my Scott, this was our very favorite time of the year and we were so blessed, and were so grateful for it. Is it just me or is anyone else feeling like the walls are coming in? laurie

Kat, thank you for the poem. I plan on showing and reading this to my son how is struggling so much lately. Ted, I have spent my entire adult life loving an alcoholic and I am so blessed that we had a sober healthy loving marriage before he left to go be with God. PLEASE don't let this terrible thing called guilt stop you from going through your grief journey. It is very hard to love them when they are active. God knows! I have read your posts and we all know how much you loved your wife and she also now knows how much you loved her. Please try to let that go and find some peace. Nothing we do will ever bring them back but I am trying every day to work through this journey to be whole again (what ever that means) and to honor Scott and to be a good mom for our boys. God Bless and thank you for your posts

Absolutely and positively!!! I have actually went to the dr. over this. Unfortunately we are young to have lost our husbands and many I have spoken to about this have either passed the age where they have to deal with it or they have had surgery. I have found that it does help me to know that it is "that time" and not me loosing my mind!! although that is how it feels ... I am back to "normal" when "it" passes. I am so unbelievably sad during those times and find it hard to get myself out of it. thanks for the post laurie

Debbie I am so sorry, this is all so new to you. Please accept all our hugs and warm support for you during this time. My husband passed 7 months ago and I still haven't gone through his clothes nor do I have any intention of rushing and... thanks to this forum.. I don't have to. I will when I can. I have heard more from others that actually regret doing anything too soon or too fast so I am giving myself permission to move slow in that area. It was easier for me to mow the lawn all summer than it was to go through his clothes. They are still with us, it is just different, much more spiritual but I believe they are still watching out for us and our children. There have been so many that have shared wonderful stories that I have taken such comfort from. Keep coming back Debbie Hugs, laurie

Hi Steely Your grief is so new and you must be in such shock. I am so impressed that you are already reaching out for help and going to a support group. Like so many have shared with you already, take it SLOW, be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel...sad, angry, what ever you feel like. My husband died suddenly of a heart dissection. We thought he was having an allergic reaction to peanuts and meanwhile his heart was slowly ripping apart and shutting down all his organs. I left him in the hospital that night with the doctors all telling me he would be fine only to wake up to an emergency call from the doctors to get there right away. that was the last I spoke to him. I can share that I hear the horror stories of others who have watched their love ones leave them slowly due to cancer and all the pain in that and I am so glad that Scott did not suffer. As much as I wish we could have had time to plan and talk , he knew how much I loved him as I told him every single day and he told me every day. My heart goes out to those that have to slowly watch cancer take their loved ones.... either way they are no longer here with us and now this is our journey to figure out how to live without them. It is not easy but you have all of us... and we all mean that! I can share that I would not be as "ok" (what ever that means) as I am without this forum. I learn so much from reading every one elses' posts. God Bless Laurie

Boo THANKYOU!!! all your posts are amazing and bless me but this one was.. for me! you are very special, thank you for being so in touch with you and working so hard on your journey and having the eloquence of sharing it God Bless you Boo, I work everyday to get to the place you are already Laurie

Kat I too will pray for you tonight and send you a hug. It is so hard and you are right, they will always be the love of our life and no one can take that away from us!! There will be days when we simply have a really hard time. Sundays are hard for me during football season as I loved to cook for him and watch the games with him while we had the fire going and football on... it was just Fall to us and now it is Fall to me. I have the fire going, football playing and made a nice dinner for our son... it will never be the same and that is just so hard to comprehend some days. I am glad you went out with friends. i went out a few weeks ago with a girlfriend and while I was on the popcorn line at the movies someone came up to me that I hadn't seen since his death and shared their condolences...I just wanted to go running out of the theater!!! I didn't and the movie was funny. Scott touched many many peoples lives and I am blessed that I still hear and see that in people. Keep writing to us Kat and know that you are NOT alone... One day at a time and, at four months, I could hardly make it through a couple of hours so be kind and gentle to yourself. Hugs Laurie

Stuart, Gosh, I am so so sorry for your recent loss of your wife and best friend. My husband died suddenly of a heart dissection 7 months ago at age 49 and we too have two boys 20 and 18 and you are right, they do not know the depth of love we had for our spouses. My youngest son was just accepted to college and was all upset about leaving his girlfriend and "how could he go on" I said how do you think I'm doing it without dad by my side after 23 years!.. he finally got it. I would never want them to feel this pain but do want them to have some sort of compassion as it is different. Having said that it is so sad to think they will not know and experience him as adults and for us to grow with our kids and hopefully grandkids some day. This was suppose to be the easy time, after the struggle of raising little ones and then teenagers, this was the enjoyment part when you get to sit back and realize what a good job we both did and how wonderful they turned out. Although I sleep in our bed, there isn't a morning that I don't open my eyes and realize the other side is not slept in. My heart and prayers go out to you. Please keep coming back as this site will help you. I too go to a grief share support group and it has helped tremendously and I have opened up far more than I ever thought I would. I don't feel so alone when I go there or read here. Please be kind and gentle to yourself during this period. Remember to drink lots of water and take it only a moment at a time. God Bless Laurie

I was posting and reading yesterday and felt bad as someone responded to my post about not having the pain get better with time. I remember when I first joined this group and read post of others that had lost their spouse several months and years before me and were still having tough times, days and nights. I was discouraged. I was holding on thinking there was going to be this magic moment when I would be able to breath without pain, when I would make it though the weekend without falling apart, when the pain in my heart would not feel so physically painful and almost paralyzing. Each month things do get better over all! You have to work at this journey of grief. I have found that if you just sit there and allow it to overcome you, it will. If you read, journal, post, listen and pray, one day at a time things will improve. This doesn't mean that we are whole again or that happiness is back in our life, or that things are even the way the were...never! we are changed forever. But there is hope and I want those that are newer in this journey to know that. Each month that passes (and I am on 7), I am stronger, I have longer periods of being ok, I am able to function a bit better and.. most of all I am able to give back and share. I could not do that before, I was in so much pain that I just couldn't. We all belong to this club that no one wants to belong to but I truly care about each of you and I am so grateful that you are here when I am having such a painful day/moment. For those that are new in their journey, please know that you will get stronger and to please keep journaling and sharing with us. I am such a shy person and my husband was my very dearest best friend for decades so it is sooooo hard for me to reach out and to change who I am and what I need to do at this age in my life, if I don't, the grief will overtake me and win and that is NOT what Scott would want for me or our boys. He is and was the love of my life and, until we meet again, I will fight every day to get better, to find myself again and to know that he is watching out for me and the boys and loves me just as much as I love him. God Bless Laurie

I work in pediatrics with sick children all week long and by the time the weekend comes I am so exhausted, I used to want to just fall into Scott's arms, talk, walk, love and laugh with him. just come down from my stressful week, well my weeks haven't changed but I don't have my "rock" there waiting for me... to love me and be there. I HATE the weekends!! I have to rest, have to slow down and have to "feel". it stinks!! the pain after 7 months is a bit stronger because I am no longer numb and having to handle all the immediate crisis things. Life is "suppose" to be back to "normal" and weekends are to be with families and .. well.. I don't have one to speak of now.. I HATE it and I'm so mad! I hear this is a phase and I want to scream at that too... I just want this all to go away. I want my life back. I want my life with Scott back. I don't deserve this and neither do our boys. I know Im not alone as many of you all feel the same way or have felt but I sure do feel alone as I sit here. I still don't want to accept invitations to go anywhere and yet I don't want to be alone.. talk about being confused... sorry for rambling on.. laurie

Hi Linda I too am 48, just lost my husband 33 weeks go today. and my grandmother just passed away at age 93. God it isn't fair. I truly feel somehow better readying everybody else's post as I don't feel so alone and so crazy. I miss him so so much. I don't have any family around, my boys are moving on with one in college and the other one just accepted this week. In a very short time I will be completely alone. I have a job, big deal. no family my best friend in the world is not here and never will be.. life is hard. I too hope someday I will smile and laugh again. I know what you are talking about when you describe being overwhelmed with all the sudden emotions... it is like having a wave rush over you and feeling like you are drowning.. its horrible. With God's help and one day at a time...i hope to get through this. hugs to you laurie

I am so so sorry for your loss. You and your sister are so young. My dad died when I was 21 and my boys just lost their father at 17 and 19 years of age. It just stinks and isn't fair. Give yourself some time. It is a long journey and just know that your dad is just watching you and guiding you from heaven. My boys would do just about anything to have him back here with them but they believe he is no longer in pain, at peace and still guiding them through what he had already taught them and will continue to. Your dad sounds like quite a wonderful man and he will live on in you and your sister. God Bless and I am so sorry laurie

Deborah, give it time. You know God will give us what we need not what we want and certainly not in our time. It will be a blessing when it does and I agree with Korina, she is already giving you strength. Scott has come to me in my dreams one or two times and I wake up and journal so don't forget a detail!!! The other day I was driving and I KNOW he put his hand on mine!! I just felt him. We held hands all the time and it was a presence on my right hand (which is the hand he held ALL the time) I just felt a brief peace..total peace he is ok, he is not alone, and I felt love. Can't explain it and I would never have shared this much if it wasn't this group. That outside world just wouldn't get it... and I don't care. laurie

Ted, This week was the 7 month mark for me since my husband left me for heaven. Scott would turn to me and say..."are you sorry?" and then smile at me... he knew me so well and knew I never meant to be cross when I had a bad day, I never meant to take it out on him or did he on me. We just got each other! Sometimes he never had to say a word, he would just look over at me and laugh and then I would laugh. God I miss him, if I close my eyes, I can just feel him and see him so clearly. Ted, I am more at peace than I was at 2 months. Lean into your grief, not away.. we can't get around this, we have to get through it... The one thing that Scott knew and said to me in the hospital the day before he died.. You are so kind to me and love me so much... He knew! and I know how much he loved and still does love me. I will say a prayer for you tomorrow Ted Hugs Laurie

Korina, What an idiot!! Gosh the nerve of some people. Talk about lack of character!! Don't give that "low life" the power to get under your skin. You and Scott were way above his pay grade Also, congrats for letting this unfortunate situation be a guide for what you are now committed to do. They are watching out for us and perhaps this is the push you needed. Now he better watch out. Remember what they say, for every one finger they point at you he has three more pointing right back at him. I am hoping, praying that your lawyer gets to work to find out his and to get what is yours. He is a very sad, pathetic human being. You know what you had and the love you "equally" shared with Scott... Noone!! can ever take that away from you. Hugs, Laurie

Kath, my smile for today.... thank you

Dear Linda I am so so sorry for the loss of your best friend. It was so recently and I am so glad you are with us and sharing already. You and your body are in shock and you need to remember to drink plenty of water as grieving can dehydrate you. I am glad you have faith so you know that he is not in pain and rather at complete and utter peace. Try not to think about the future. We only have today. That is what helped me when someone on her shared that. I still can't think of the future and it has been 7 months since I lost my husband. My husband, Scott died of an aortic dissection at 49. We were together at a meeting thursday night and all was great!!! the next morning I received a call that he was being taken by ambulance to the ER and the following day he died. So I know the shock you are in, its so horrible!!! I hope you stay with us. You can see if there is a grief share support group that you can go to. I go to one at a church on friday evenings. check out www.griefshare.org to see if they have one in your area. They also have daily emails tht are sent to me that are just such a daily blessing. Remember Linda, we grieve because we loved!! hugs, laurie

My Scott celebrated 7 months in heaven this week and it is hard, so hard. I still cry and some days it is just horrible but there are others.... where, Thanks to God, I am able to go a day and not cry. God only knows I am still in love with my husband and so very lonely but I am pushing myself to keep moving for our boys and for Scott. It is very hard to do without your best friend. I look forward to being able to talk about him or remember him and smile instead of cry. I feel like I will have reached a different level in my healing when I can do that. For today, I can not. Congratulations on your journey to quit smoking Lucia, given what you are going through, it is quite amazing. Celebrating your son's birthday will probably help as you will have much to celebrate and be happy for. God Bless Laurie

Oh Korina, My heart goes out to you. Our Scott's were apparently so much alike and our intense and deep love was definatley alike. They are there and still love us and are still watching out for us and our children. Trust that all the pain he went through, he is free of that but don't forget for a minute that he loved you and your beautiful daughter. The would of, could ofs and should ofs will only serve to hurt. They are at peace and happy, we have to, somehow get there without them and that is our struggle and journey. My Scott is living on in our boys and I see his sense of humor, stubborn side, and determination every time I look at my boys. That is his legacy and no one can take away the love I have in my heart and all the wonderful memories we shared for decades... Hugs laurie

Deborah, Of course you are angry. Its ok.. Be kind to yourself and talk to us. That outside world may not get it but we do. Watching a loved one leave us due to cancer can make anyone angry! Its horrible. Allow yourself to feel all the feelings and don't feel guilty. This is part of our new journey, like it or not and most days we don't This isn't the life we wanted but with God's help, lots of prayers and support (from this group too) we can do it. I admire you for speaking what we all have gone through. take care of you Laurie