Kat2005

I am so sorry for the loss of your adorable Turbo. Your loss has touched my heart in a special way because I just lost my poodle about two months ago. I will keep you and Turbo in my prayers. Who knows maybe Cocoa and Turbo are chasing rainbows together. Take care, Kat

kayc, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! Hope you enjoy your day. Take care, Kat

All of the firsts were difficult for me also. Somehow, we make it through them. I felt I needed to do something for each of them so I decided to get balloons. I went to the cemetary and let them go and watched till I couldn't see them anymore. I think that will be the way I will celebrate those special days from now on. The one thing that I did learn was how to say "no". I was always concerned about hurting people's feelings. If I wasn't in the mood to celebrate and I wanted to stay home I did. You need to do whatever it is that will get you through them. Family and friends will understand. Take care, Kat

Joerg, I am so sorry for the loss of you precious Schniffy. I know exactly what you are going through. On August 8th I lost my sweet Cocoa. He was 18 years old and also died from a stroke. I had decided that I didn't want anymore pets because it was just too hard loosing them. Well that lasted about a month. I was constantly looking for him and I couldn't take the quiet. I took kayc's advice and adopted another dog. It was the best thing I ever did. She is so much company. She is 1-1/2 years old and I forgot how funny a younger dog is. She has brought me so much joy. My husband passed away June '09. I know that they are now together which brings me much comfort. Take care, Kat

Carol Ann, You are going through the loss of a loved one just like everyone else. You should not be treated any differently. I just cannot believe that someone could be so insensitive and actually say that to you. We are all here for you whenever you need us. Take care, Kat

I am so sorry for your loss, Gloria. I lost my husband to prostate cancer almost 16 months ago. We all have regrets. There were things unsaid. I didn't know that I would only have nine months with him. I was always trying to keep him positive telling him he needed to fight. If I would have known the time he had I would have handled it differently. I was also exhausted and wish I would have been more patient at times. I think that is what I regret the most. I have been journaling for over a year and it has helped me tremendously. I just feel like I am still sharing my days with him. Children are amazing. They cope with change so much better than adults. Just keep the memories of her dad alive. Your love and support will help her through this. She is also going to help you through this journey. I know if it wasn't for my son this would be so much harder. He is my rock and I don't know what I would do if I didn't have him. This is a wonderful site with alot of caring people. Come here as often as you need to. There is always someone here listening. It really helps to know that you are not alone. I will keep you in my prayers. Take care, Kat

kayc, I am so happy for you. What a great birthday present. I am so glad you will all be together. Take care, Kat

I think we all need to hear the positives. I know it helps me. I have had a few difficult days lately and hearing the positives of others makes me look for the positives in my life. Sometimes we dwell on all the pain and we forget to look for the good in our lives. I am so guilty of that. My son is my world and I am so fortunate to have such a wonderful young man in my life. My new little dog also puts a smile on my face everyday. I feel blessed to have everyone here in my life. Take care, Kat

Marion Claire It is amazing how our loved one look after us after they are gone. They will always be there for us. Kat

Mornings during the week are easier for me. I am busy getting ready for work and making sure the dog is taken care of before I leave. Weekends are another story. Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed. I do find that once I get going it gets alittle easier. I just have to push myself to get started. Now that it is only me I have to do all the yard work and it takes up alot of my time on the weekends. I am not too fast especially when it is 98 degrees outside. Well it is about that time. I have procrastinated long enough ..... the yard is waiting. Take care, Kat

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Deborah, WaltC and Marion Claire. Take care, Kat

What a beautiful tribute to your husband. Thank you for sharing with us. Kat

Kayc, Thanks! I was confused with the insert image on the toolbar at the top. You gave great instructions. I really don't have too many pictures of her yet. She is alittle afraid of the flash on the camera so when I go to take her picture she turns her head away. Hope you can see what she looks like. Kat

I totally believe in signs. As in one of my previous posts I said that I have a song that is my sign. When I got in the car to go to the funeral home to make my husband's funeral arrangements the song was on the radio when I started the car. I had no clue at the time what my sign would be but when I got in the car and heard it I had no doubt it was it. I have heard the song numerous times over the past 15 months since Pat has been gone but the most recent just confirmed it for me. I recently lost our dog that we had for the past 18 years. While I was so upset about loosing him, I knew my husband was there waiting for his little buddy. I was so happy that they were going to be together. I had him cremated and on the day that I was to pick up his ashes I was wondering if I was going to hear my song. One of our local funeral homes cremates pets. I went to go pick up the ashes and when I turned onto the grounds of the funeral home the song came on the radio. This just confirmed that they were together and now I have both of them looking out for me now. Kat

Kayc, Arlie is adorable. I am enjoying Mia so much. When I lost Cocoa, I knew if I ever got another dog I wanted another poodle. Cocoa was a miniature. So I decided to look for a rescue poodle but could not find one that I liked. So I went online and look at poodle breeders. I just so happened to find a breeder not too far away that was giving it up and was looking for good homes for her adult dogs. I actually adopted her youngest adult. Mia is 1-1/2 years old and has had only one puppy. She had her fixed and had gotten all her shots for me before I picked her up. She is also crate trained and potty trained. It took her about a week to adjust to her new surroundings. She has definitely made herself at home. I would love to post some pictures of her but I need a quick lesson on how to do it. I am pretty dumb when it comes to computers. Take care, Kat

Kayc, You were absolutely right. I really didn't want to get attached to another pet. I didn't want to face the loss again. I then looked at the pros and cons of getting another dog and the pros definitely out weighed the cons. I adopted an adorable 1-1/2 year old female. Like yours she has stolen my heart and the love and companionship is priceless. Take care, Kat

Hi Everyone, I haven't posted in awhile and I see alot of new names. First, let me say how sorry I am for your losses. Everyone here is so understanding and have helped me through some really rough times. I have only had a couple of dreams since Pat passed almost 15 months. Although, I do not remember many of my dreams, I do get comfort from another sign. I have a song. I truly believe that our loved one are still with us and if it is a dream or a song we should take that as a gift and cherish it. Take care everyone, Kat

MZM, Thank you for sharing your beautiful poem. I journal every night before bed. I still feel that I need to share my day with Pat. Take care, Kat

Everything you are feeling is completely normal. I did the same thing after my husband passed. I kept going back to the final hours in my mind. I don't know if it is the way our minds work to process things, all I know is that I kept going back there. Like kayc said, it does get better. I still find myself reliving those final moments every now and then but not very often. I try to focus on the good times we had. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time. It has only been six weeks. We are here for you. Take care, Kat

Korina, I am so glad you checked in. I was just thinking about you the other day and hoping everything was okay. I am so glad to hear that your homestay student arrived. I know that will help you financially. Give that adorable little girl a hug and take care. Kat

Nats, I truly believe that they are together. There is a song which I believe is a sign from Pat. It came on the radio in the car when I was leaving to make Pat's funeral arrangements. It was a song from when we first met. I have heard it numerous times when I needed to. My precious Cocoa passed away on Sunday and I decided to have him cremated. A local funeral home offers cremation for pets. They called me on Tuesday to let me know that I could pick Cocoa up. As I was turning onto the funeral home grounds the song came on the radio. I totally lost it. It just confirmed to me that they were together and it did bring me comfort to know that we will someday be together again. Thanks for your kind words, Kat

Stairway, I am so sorry for your loss. You should not blame yourself for what happened to Michael. It is true, with any addiction, the person has to first realize that there is a problem and second, make the decision to get help. No one can force them to do it. I have never talked about this on this sight but my husband also drank. He didn't drink all the time but when he did drink he didn't know when he had enough. If something was bothering him he would turn to the alcohol. It caused problems but somehow we made it through it. Then one day he just decided that he had enough and he stopped drinking and quit smoking. It was great. Then not long after he quit he started having problems at work. He was diagnosed with vascular dementia which led him to go on disability. His memory was fine, he just had problems processing things. He was on disablity for about a year and a half and he was then diagnosed with prostate cancer. It has been alittle over a year that he lost his battle with the cancer. Everything you are feeling is normal. I also had a bad case of the "what if's". I still question some of my decisions. Deep down I truly believe we did what we thought was right at the time. There are no right or wrong answers. I am so sorry that his family is shutting you out. It is not right to blame you. You are not to blame. Do you have any family that you can talk to? You don't need to feel alone. Everyone here knows and feels what you are going through. We are here to listen whenever you need someone to talk to. I know alot of times when I am feeling like I need to talk to someone I come here. I have gotten some really good advice from alot of caring people. I know journaling is not for everyone, but I do find it very comforting. I journal every night. It is just another way of letting out my emotions and sharing my thoughts with Pat. I have also attended a grief support which has also helped me work through alot. Just a thought. You need to remember to take care of yourself. Eating and sleeping are very important. Grieving is such a roller coaster of emotions. It takes alot out of you and you are what is important right now. Remember we are all here for you. I will keep you in my prayers, Take care, Kat

Mary Linda, I totally agree with you. It brought back all those memories of that day that Pat passed. I didn't realize that their deaths would be so similar. The minute I saw how his breathing changed I knew that he it was only a matter of minutes. Everyone is telling me that I need to get another dog to ease the pain. I don't think I am ready right now and I don't want to rush into something and be sorry for it later. Maybe in a couple of months. I do miss the unconditional love. Take care, Kat

I never thought I would be alone at this time of my life. Although it has been a year since I lost Pat there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I could go back in time. I really thought that I was making progress. I had been staying busy and having some really good days, even weeks and then this weekend I lost my beloved pet that I had for eighteen years. I know some of you may think I am being silly but I feel I am back at square one. I have that huge hole in my heart all over again and I feel so lost. Kat

Today was the day that I never wanted to see come. My precious Cocoa passed away this afternoon. He lived a very full and loved life of eighteen years. It is just so hard. Just over a year ago I had to say goodbye to my wonderful husband and soulmate and now my precious Cocoa is gone. I feel so alone. I know he is in a better place and he didn't seem to suffer and I should be grateful for that. I know my husband was there with open arms waiting for him and I am glad that they are now together. I just feel so lost. I never thought I could feel so alone as I do now. Kat