Kat2005

Even though we are not together for our 26th anniversary today, I want you to know that you will always have my heart. I sent balloons to you this morning, I hope you got them! Pat, I love and miss you with all my heart. Kat

MAM, I am so sorry for your loss of you beloved Michael. My husband, Pat was complaining about back and hip pain which we attributed to all the manual labor that he was doing around the house i.e. cutting down a tree in the yard. We ended up in the emergency room back in September 2008, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer that had spread to the bones. It was everywhere. He responded well to the treatment for the first 4 months and then he started to decline. He lost his battle June 23rd, 2009. He was only 61 and I miss him with all my heart. Just remember you are not alone and we are here for each other. I find it very comforting that there are people that really understand what I am going through. Come here whenever you need to talk to someone. There is always someone here to listen. Take care, Kat

fraublucher2, Hi, I'm Kat! First let me say how sorry I am for your losses! It will be 10 months on the 23rd of this month that I lost my husband to a very aggressive form a prostate cancer. He was diagnosed in September of 2008. We only had 9 months after finding out that he was sick. We weren't told that he had less than a year. Actually, I was told by the oncologist that he had seen people live 5 to 10 years, so that is what I was holding on to. If I would have known he had less than a year I would have handled alot of things differently. I can also identify with your love for your beloved Tigger. I have a poodle that will be 18 years old this June. I can't imagine loosing him right now. I have been told numerous times that God had a plan for my husband and He needed him. Frankly, I think God's plan stinks but I do believe that he doesn't give us more that what we can handle. We just have to put our trust in Him and take one day at a time. We will sometimes feel we are really making real progress and then something will happen and it seems like we fall back a couples steps. I've learned that it is okay. The people on this site are wonderful. Sometimes I just need to talk to someone and there is always someone here that will listen to me. I have learned one thing and that is I am not alone and alot of what I am feeling is normal. So, if you just need to talk we are here to listen. Take care, Kat

The first time I encountered the "single" status was when I received a letter from Social Security and the last line read, "Marriage Ended In Death". It never crossed my mind that I wasn't married anymore. I have not had to fill out anything that didn't have the box to check widow but what a great idea to make your own box. It still hard to check that box, I am still married in my heart. Take care, Kat

This first has hit me really hard. I have such an empties inside it hurts. I thought the holidays were bad but my anniversary seems much harder. It isn't until the 14th of this month but the minute I realized that we were already in the month of April the feeling crept up on me and hit me like a ton of bricks. I guess it because it is "our" special day. I know I have my memories to help me get through this important day but I still feel cheated out of the life that should have been even though we had 25 wonderful years together. It is so strange. You think you are making such progress in this journey. You are able to control your emotions instead of your emotions controlling you. Then "BAM" another first comes around and all of sudden your emotions seem like they are in the drivers seat again. I just miss him so much. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have everyone here. Thank you for listening. Kat

Happy Belated Birthday, Valley! Hope your day was filled with love and memories. Kat

Hi! I was with Pat when he passed. I don't remember alot during the days he was in Hospice. Everything happened so fast and he was on so much pain medication I don't know if he heard anything that was said to him. I was so concerned that his brothers had their alone time with him that I didn't have mine. I remember when the time was near my son and I were standing next to his bed along with one of his brothers and my sister. I didn't tell him goodbye but I did tell him it was alright for him to go. He wouldn't take his last breath until my son told him it was alright. I have regrets and like Korina the woulda, shoulda, couldas still weight heavy on me. If I would have done things differently would the outcome be different? I don't know. I just have to try and accept that this was God's plan. I am just having a difficult time accepting it. Kat

Jude, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT DAY! Take care, Kat

Terry, I am sorry for your loss. I am having trouble with my computer so I have to make this short. Everything you are feeling is normal. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Someone is always here to listen. Take care, Kat

Korina, I'm sorry I missed your birthday. I didn't get on the site yesterday. I hope you had a great day. It is so nice you have such a caring group of friends and family. I know Kailyn brought you alot of joy on your special day and Scott is in your heart always. Take care, Kat

Linda, My thoughts and prayers will be with you. I also have had the problem with posting my replies to the sight. It doesn't happen all the time though. Again, "GOOD LUCK". Kat

Also thinking of you!! Kat

Linda G, I am so sorry to hear this. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Take care, Kat

I don't really know why that is but I do the same thing. I had spent the last couple of years taking care of my husband. Everything I did was around his needs. I didn't consider my needs that important. I guess when someone asks for my help I feel needed again and it keeps my mind occupied. I feel like I have a purpose again. When I am alone I go into that other part of my world that lacks motivation and I will only do what has to be done. Kat

It is so nice to hear a story like this. What a wonderful caring person this lady is. Thank you for sharing. Kat

Linda G, Just wanted to wish you a "HAPPY BIRTHDAY". I hope you have a great day! Kat

It has been eight months since I lost Pat and I finally had my long awaited dream last night. Dreams can be so hard to explain because sometimes they do not make any sense. I was working in the yard and for some reason there was a mirror where I saw Pat's reflection. When I turned around he was standing behind me. I remember getting that long awaited hug that I wanted so badly. He also told me that he was okay. That is exactly what I needed to hear. I needed to know he was okay.

Sharon G, I will keep you in my prayers today. What a beautiful way your friend honoured your husband. I hope you find some comfort in your memories of your wonderful life together. Take care, Kat

Frank G, First let me tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I also met and worked with my husband. We were married 25 years and together 28. Pat lost his battle with prostate cancer 6-23-09. We only had 9 short months after he was diagnosed. After 8 months, I have some good days but there are days that are quite difficult still. Driving to and from work are one of the hardest things. Like you, I also have trouble with certain songs. When I hear them the memories start flowing ...... and the tears. It is wonderful that you have good family support. I don't know what I would do if it wasn't for family and some very close friends. I have gotten pretty good hiding the emotions when I am around them because I am afraid that it will make them feel uncomfortable, although I know that they would be there for me. Everyone handles their grieve in their own way. I find comfort in journaling. I feel that I am stilling sharing things with him. Just remember to take care of yourself. This is a very difficult journey that we are on. You may take one step forward and two steps back That is okay. You have found a wonderful site with alot of caring people that truly understand what you are going through. Come here to talk, there will always be someone here to listen. Take care, Kat

I hope to have a dream one day too. Kat

Laurie, Kathy and Marty, Thank you so much for keeping my mom in your prayers. Kat

Hi Everyone, I just needed someone to talk to. My mom fell this week and dislocated her left shoulder. Fortunately, she didn't break anything and she is fine except for not being able to use that arm. It makes things alittle difficult especially since she is 85 years old. So, I found myself in the middle of the night sitting in the same emergency room that I sat so many times before with Pat. Although it was almost eight months ago all the feelings and emotions came flooding back. I guess we draw from some inner strength to get through such difficult times because I trully do not know how I did it. It was one of the harder things I had to do since Pat has passed. I even ran into his oncologist the next day when I went back to arrange for her ER records to be sent to the orthopedic doctor. It was difficult seeing him again also. We had a nice talk and I was able to thank him in person for everything that he did for Pat, which was nice. Again, thanks for listening and please keep my mom in your prayers in hopes that she makes a speedy recovery. Kat

Laurie, I do agree. I don't know about you but I constantly think about that "special day" before it comes. When it arrives it isn't as bad as I thought. I found the holidays especially hard after they were actually over. Being around alot of family helped tremendously. It was the quiet afterwards that was so hard. The next major milestones that I will reach are our anniversary in April and my birthday two weeks later on May 1st. I know family and friends will be there for me but there will always be that alone time. I know I can always come here if that time gets too hard. Take care, Kat

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY EVERYONE !!!! KAT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MARSHA !!!!!! HAVE A GREAT DAY !!!! Kat