Kat2005

Kim, Thank you for the words of encouragement. It really helps to hear things will get better. Take care, Kat

Sue, First let me say how sorry I am for your loss. I lost my husband of 25 years on June 23rd. That is the day my whole world changed as I knew it. I am still trying to work through alot of anger. There are so many ups and downs to this journey sometimes I ask myself how much can one person take. I do know that my family here has helped me through alot of rough times. I can say anything and everyone understands. We are all here for you whenever you need us. Take care, Kat

Hi! It will be eight months on the 23rd of this month that I lost Pat. I have felt so lonely and lost lately. I still have a loving family and wonderful friends but they think I am adjusting to my new life but I'm not. I guess I am getting good at faking it in front of them. Most of his family lives away and their calls are far and few between. Pat's name is not brought up anymore in conversations and I still feel the need to talk about him. I am thinking of him constantly. I have a picture of him that I keep in the car because we worked together and we always rode in together. Sometimes I wonder if what I am doing is healthy. I just can't help it. I need to feel that he is still with me. Sometimes I don't know what I am feeling. Forgive me, I'm just rambling. I am just not having a good night. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day. I am just so thankful that I am able to come here on nights like this because I know everyone here understands what this is all about and is willing to listen. Thanks again, Kat

Mel, I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Kat

Give that precious angel a big birthday (((HUG))) for me. I know it is going to be a difficult day but just remember Scott is still with you and Kailyn in your hearts. I will keep you both in my prayers. Take care, Kat Would love to see some BD pictures

I was really starting to think that I was loosing it. I kept a notebook where I logged all of Pat's doctors appointments and treatments. I find myself picking it up and reading it all of the time. I don't know why. I want to hold on to every part of my life with him. The good and the bad. I guess I am just trying to make sense of everything because I truely do not understand why this happened. He was such a good and caring man. I did go through his clothes and gave alot to the homeless. I know that is what he would have wanted. It still didn't make it any easier. His younger brother also took some things. There were a few things that I just couldn't part with. I know that letting go is not an option for me right now. I don't see that happening anytime soon. I still have alot of anger that I have to work through. I just take one day at a time. Kat

Marty, How true! I too would like to thank your for being there for all of us. Kat

John, I am so glad that you have found a way to work through some of your grief. This a major step. Congrats!!!!! Take care, Kat

Everyone, I do not understand what is going on here. I come to this site for comfort and understanding and all I see lately is conflict. I agree with Jeanne, our emotions get the best of us sometimes and the words do not come out the right way. No one here is trying to hurt anyone. I consider everyone here friends. These friends are helping me through this journey and I hope that I am helping them .... although I am one that has a hard time putting my thoughts into words. We are all doing our best to deal with the ups and downs of this journey that we are on. Let's just try to be there for each other. Take care, Kat

Every picture that you post is cuter than the one before. She is adorable. Kat

jrm When Social Security sent me the letter stating that Pat's disability benefits would be ending I remember the last line reading "Marriage ended in Death". I never once thought about my marriage ending until I read those words. I still thought I was still considered married. In my heart he is still my husband and I am his wife. Kat

John, I find journaling very comforting. It is a way that I end my day. Pat and I always talked about our day when I got home from work. I miss the conversations and companionship and this is a way of still having those conversations. There were also things that I don't remember if I said to him before he passed, so I tell him in my journal. I have been having some really difficult times lately. My sign from him is a song. When I am really down and need a lift I always ask for my song and more times that not I will here it that day or the following day. I know he is still here with me guiding me through this journey. I may not see him but I definitely feel him. I am really not very good at explaining things. I hope this helps. Kat

Daughter 2010, First let me say how sorry I am for your loss. I lost my husband June 2009. You mentioned that you wish you could pick up the phone and call heaven to talk to your dad. Wouldn't that be great. Unfortunately we can't. I do talk to my husband every night. I do that in my journaling. I talk to him as if he was sitting right next to me. I know journaling is not for everyone but I find it brings me much comfort at the end of my day. It is just a suggestion. Remember we are all here for you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Kat

Mrs. B, Thanks for sharing that beautiful poem. No matter how small the milestone ....... it is a huge step forward. Take care, Kat

Hi Everyone, Cherish all of these signs. I was once told they are gifts. Hold them close to your hearts. Kat

Korina, What a little sweetheart! Kailyn is adorable. Take care, Kat

Happy Birthday Rochel, I hope you had a good day that was shared with good friends and wonderful memories. Take care, Kat

Sharon, People do not understand what this is all about. You have to go through it to truly understand. I don't care how strong of a person you are, when your whole world, as you know it, is changed forever it is going to take time to adjust. It is unfortunate that there are people that speak without thinking. Everything you are going through is normal. I know because I am right there with you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Take care, Kat

Korina, It was very hard to go back to work for me also. Especially since Pat and I worked together for so long. He was home for the last year on disability so we talked on the phone quite often. I still look at the clock and think to call him. He was not a computer person. I actually thought I was going crazy but something you said made me realize that I am not. It will be 7 months for me on the 23rd and I miss him more today than I did yesterday. I really admire you that you are taking care of alot of the paperwork. I did what I had to do and I just can't bring myself to finish. I get that I don't care attitude. I guess I really should check to see if there are any time limits on any of it. As for the weekends I still hate them. I try to keep busy and out of the house as much as I can. The quiet drives me crazy. That is one good thing about going to work but there is always that time of the day that you have to come back home to the quiet. I will be thinking of you this weekend and keeping you in my prayers. Take care, Kat

Hope you made it home safely, Kat

Kath and Korina, I do believe that our love ones are still with us in one way or another. Pat has not come to me in a dream yet but he has come to my son and he too told him that everything is okay. I do get a sign from him and it comes to me in a song. I will hear it when I am having a really hard time. It is really amazing. It has happened too many time to be a coincidence. Kat

Oh John, I feel your pain. I have alot of trouble with the lonliness also. I am constantly thinking of the way things were and so desperately wanting those days back, although in my heart I know that will never happen. I do get alot of support from some very close friends which helps alot and my journaling brings me much comfort. I really have to push myself to sometimes to do things. I know Pat would want me to go on but the unknown is so scarey. I just have to put my trust in God. I know he will guide me through this journey that I am on and with time things will get better. I think it is great that you are seeking help by seeing a therapist. I belong to a support group right now but I am seriously considering a one on one. It is so important that you take care of yourself. I will keep you in my prayers. Take care, Kat

Rochel, Have a safe trip home. Returning may be difficult but your strong faith will get you through it. Just remember to take care of yourself and if that "grief monster" sneaks up on you, we are always here. Take care, Kat

I guess I did something right "No Broken Pipes".

Babs, I posted another poem back on October 27th. You might want to read that one also. I received it right after Pat's death in June. I think it is titled Needed To Share With Everyone! Kat