Kat2005

I can totally identify with everything you have said. Pat was moved to hospice three days before Father's Day last year and died two day later. I knew this would be a really difficult time but I didn't realize it would be this hard. My emotions are all over the place right now. My son is away and I know he really wanted to be here for the anniversary of his Dad's death (June 23rd) but the program he is in for Med School doesn't end till June 25th. Pat was a golfer and Nick is following in his Dad's footsteps. He loves to play golf. This would have been such a good time for them. It upsets me so much that my son will be missing out on things like that with his father. I have already ordered my Father's Day balloons, so I will be going to the cemetary on that day to let them go. I have gotten balloons for alot things ...... Christmas, Anniversary and Birthday. It just makes me feel like we are still celebrating together. That may sound crazy but it works for me. The CD is a wonderful idea. Your son will cherish it forever. What a great idea! Take care, Kat

Suzanne, I don't know anyone that has AARP life insurance. My mom has AARP as her supplemental insurance with Medicare. She hasn't had any problems with them. Kat

Rob, I am so sorry for your loss. It will be a year on the 23rd of this month that I lost my husband to a very aggressive form of prostate cancer. We were married 25 years and I miss him terribly. You need to give yourself time. This is so new. In the beginning the littlest things seemed so hard to accomplish. I know alcohol seems like it helps you get through the rough times but sometimes it makes things worse. I know the pain is unbearble at times but you need to focus on taking care of yourself right now. You have come to the right place. Everyone here knows what you are going through and there is always someone here to listen. This site has gotten me through some really rough days. I will keep you in my prayers. Take care, Kat

Queeniemary, I recently ventured out on my own when I went to my cousin's. It was only a 2-1/2 hour trip but I had never done it alone. I filled up the car, charged my cell phone and put a picture of Pat on the front seat next to me and asked him to get me there safely. I made it with no problems and I know you can too. They may not be with us physically but I know that they are still watching out for us and keeping us safe. Have a good trip and stay safe. Kat

I just want to thank everyone for their advice, now it is up to me and I think I will make the call. Thanks again, Kat

It will be a year on the 23rd of this month that I lost my love and I have been having a difficult time the past couple days. I was going to group therapy but that ended. It was a program that lasted a set amount of weeks. I have been saying for awhile now that I was going to look into private counseling and just haven't made the call yet. I know quite a few of you are going to private seasons and I was wondering if you feel it really helps. I have dialed the phone number a couple of times to make an appointment and have hung up each time. These last couple of days have been terrible and I feel like I am going backwards. I just don't know what to expect from a private season. I am always better in a group. Any advice is welcome. Thanks, Kat

I am so glad your Dad's surgery went okay. I will still keep you and your family in my prayers. Kat

Like you, I found the nights and weekends the hardest in the very beginning. I couldn't stand the quiet either. It will be a year on the 23rd of this month and it has gotten easier. Don't get me wrong, I still have those nights where I sit and just think what could have been and wanting my old life back. I do find alot of comfort from my journaling. I have also been doing alot of reading. I have been reading alot of books that have been written my hospice nurses. I find them very comforting and it explains alot of what I was seeing with my husband when he was in the hospital and then later in the hospice facility. It brings me comfort to know that he is not alone. I do believe that family members were there waiting for him and he will be waiting for me when it is my time to join him. You need to remember to be kind to yourself. I would like to share two quotes that I have on my desk at work. They really help me and maybe you will find some comfort from them. "Life Isn't About Waiting For The Storm To Pass, It's About Learning How To Dance In The Rain". ....... author unknown "Knowing the Lord and His comfort does not take away the ache; instead, it supports you in the middle of the ache. Until I get home to heaven, there's going to be an ache that won't quit. The grieving process for me is not so much the matter of getting rid of the pain, but not being controlled by the pain." .... Bill Dunn Take care, Kat

In one of my previous posts I talked about needing my handy man back. I really needed him last night. Taking care of the house can be so overwhelming for me. Last night was another one of those nights. My A/C went out yesterday while I was at work. It was 86 degrees in the house when I got home and my poor dog (who is 18 yrs old) was sprawled out on my ceramic tiles trying to get cool. I panicked because I didn't know anyone to call. I was fortunate that one of my friends knew someone. I know this is terrible but I have a hard time trusting repairmen. I always think they are going to take advantage of me. I shouldn't be like that because there are good people in the world. It is just so scary making decisions about things you don't know anything about. Hopefully, I made the right decisions. I at least have my A/C working again. Who knows if I paid too much. Kat

Mrs. B, Thanks for sharing. I also do balloons for special occasions. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RICK" Take care, Kat

Phyllis, Thank you so much! Kat

Kim, I will keep you in my prayers. Kat

Delinda, First let me tell you how sorry I am for your loss. What you are feeling is normal. It has only been five weeks so go easy on yourself. It is almost a year since I lost my husband and I still live with some guilt. Should I have seen signs earlier, could I have done more? Deep down I know I did everything I could but we still doubt ourselves. I think in the beginning we are in shock and when reality starts setting our emotions go crazy. I don't know what your relationship was with his sons before they lost their dad but you have to keep in mind that they are grieving also. We all grieve differently and they may be doing what they need to do to get through loosing their father. Give them time. You just have to remember that you need to take care of yourself right now. I just want to tell you that you have come to a wonderful sight. Everyone here is so understanding and there is always someone here to listen. I have found much comfort from this sight, so come here as often as you need to. We are here for you. Take care, Kat

I have been doing pretty good lately .... or so I thought. I too still have my moments going to and from work since we worked together but for the most part I have been okay. I just feel like I have taken a giant step back. When Pat passed I truly didn't know if I was going to be able to make it. I had never lived alone. Fortunately, two weeks before he passed my son moved back home to attend Medical School. He has been accepted into a program and he will be leaving for most of the summer. Now the reality of really being alone is setting in and I am having a really hard time. I have that empty feeling that I had right after Pat died. I know I need to just suck it up and accept this new life. It is just not that easy for me to do. I am sorry for being such a downer tonight. It is raining outside and it makes me miss Pat even more. He loved listening to the rain hitting the windows. I just miss him. Take care, Kat

Chris, Your right. The tears are just flowing. What a special little girl. Thanks for sharing. Kat

Lucia, What a special young lady. Your story brought me to tears. I truly believe that Ben was with her on her special day. My son has just finished his first year of Med School. In July he will be receiving his "White Coat". It upsets me so much that his dad will not be here to share this important time in his life. I know his dad is looking down at him with a big smile on his face. He was always so proud. Nats, your are right. Nothing can ever take away our memories but I guess I am being selfish .... I want more. I apologize, I am just having one of those days. I ran into one of his friends today and I guess talking about old times just brought me down. Sunday will be 11 months and I am just missing him so much. Again, thanks for listening. Take care, Kat

Bill, I am so sorry for you loss. On the 23rd of this month it will be 11 months that I lost Pat to an aggressive form of prostate cancer. He suffered near the end also because it had spread to his bones. I too was told the same thing about him being out of pain and that he is in a better place. God has a plan for him. I think people want to say something but just don't know what to say. I know this is selfish but I still want him here with me and I think God's plan stinks. I have found that family and friends are a great form of support. They are there when you need them. You just have to ask. The other thing that I have learned in this journey is that it is okay to say "NO". If you need to be alone that is okay too. Just remember to take care of yourself. You have found a great group of people here. They have helped me through some really tough times and still do. There is always someone here ready to listen to anything you have to say. Take care, Kat

My mom dislocated her shoulder and was taken to the same emergency room that I sat in so many times with Pat. I am not going to lie, it was one of the hardest things that I have had to do. I guess I was focused on something totally different which helped. You need to take care of yourself. Why live in pain if you don't have to. It would be a good idea to check to see if the surgery could be done at a different location and having someone with you for support is good idea. Take care, Kat

Suzanne, I know how you feel when you hear of advancements is treating cancer. My husband died 11 months ago from an aggressive form of prostate cancer. It seems like I am seeing more and more commercials and articles about the advancements that have been made in the treatment of it. I have brought up these advancements to my sister who is in the medical field and she keeps telling me to keep in mind that even though I am hearing of advancements that are being made I have to realize that these are trials. Alot of times side effects are unknown and alot of the time the quality of life is unknown and it may be years before anything will be approved. I wish like you that there would have been a magic pill that would have cured my husband and maybe one day there will be. Take care, Kat

Hey Everyone, I have been away for alittle while. I just returned from a trip to the West Coast to visit my sister. It was nice to get away for awhile. It is amazing the feeling that comes over a person when looking out at the ocean and watching a beautiful sunset. It gives you such a feeling a peace. It let me know that everything will be ok. I know he is with me. It was a little hard returning to everything back home but I came home with this wonderful feeling. I really can't explain it. I have never felt so close to Pat since he passed. Kat

Korina, Kailyn is absolutely adorable. Every picture that you post is cuter than the one before. Sports, whether it be football/baseball was something that Pat and I both enjoyed looking at together. Last year when he was so sick the College World Series was going on. It is going to be so hard to watch this year but hopefully the LSU Tigers will be in it again. He was such a fan of the LSU Tigers and N.O. Saints. Take care, Kat

Chrissie, I lost my husband 10 months tomorrow. He was also my best friend and soulmate. I can't tell you the hurt goes away, it doesn't. It just seems like I control my emotions instead of my emotions controlling me. Don't get me wrong, I still have those days where I think of what could have been and of course the tears start flowing. I don't think the tears will ever go away totally. He was my world for so long. I also know exactly what you are saying about people expecting you to get over this. You really cannot set a certain time to stop grieving. This is your journey and you need to deal with it in your own way. Someone has to actually go through this before they can really understand it. Give yourself time and eventually your memories will make you smile. I hope this has helped. I sometimes have a hard time putting my thoughts into words. Just remember that we are here for you. Take care, Kat

nats, I can totally identify with what you have said. My husband and I met and worked together our entire time together. As hard as it was returning to work it did help. I got alot of support from the people there. It made my life feel somewhat normal. If that could be possible. Everyday is a struggle but as time goes on it is getting alittle bit easier to cope. Take care, Kat

Vicki, I truly believe that our loved ones are with us and watching out for us. My sign is a song which I hear when I really need to know he is with me. I also sent rose petals from one of the arrangements from the funeral to a company that makes rosaries out of them. I sent them off first week of August '09. I have been patiently waiting for it. I received an e-mail over the weekend saying the rosary had been shipped. I should receive it at the end of this week. Our anniversary was April 14th and my birthday is May 1st. Since I am receiving it between both dates, I am taking it as my anniversary/birthday gift from Pat. Like Korina said, I may be reaching on this one. I truly want to believe it though. Take care, Kat

Vicki O I don't think you should be hauled off to a "Loony Bin". I totally believe in signs. Take it as a gift and embrace it. Take care, Kat