Kat2005

PopPop, I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. I lost my husband just over a year to an aggressive form of prostate cancer. This the hardest thing I have had to go through. I have learned that there are going to be ups and downs. You think you are doing better and then a picture, a song or just a memory will trigger the tears. I've learned to just let it out. It does make you feel better. Nats is correct. You must try to take care of yourself. It is very important because this journey takes alot out of you. I know it doesn't seem like it right now but things do get better. You just need to move along at your on pace. You will know what is right for you. I am right there with you when I hear someone complaining about their spouse. If they only knew how blessed they are to still have them in their lives. I do find comfort in journaling. I set a time each day to sit down and share my day with Pat. Journaling is not for everyone but it helps me alot. PopPop, you have found a wonderful group of people here. They have helped me through some rough times. There is always someone hear to listen. I will keep you in my prayers. Take care, Kat

I had mentioned in a previous post that I have a song that I believe is a sign from my husband. I was at work the other day having a silent conversation with him....which I do quite often. I hadn't heard my song in a long time and I was feeling so alone. I was telling him that I am really trying to accept this life that has been handed to me. I was trying to explain to him that even though it had been alittle over a year I still needed to now that he was still with me. I no sooner said that and the song came on the radio. I couldn't believe it. It proved to me that he is still with me and watching over me. I just wanted to share this. Take care, Kat

Suzanne, I wish I had a magic wand to take all your pain away but unfortunately I don't. I know how you feel and it isn't fair. We didn't ask for this life that has been handed to us. You just have to remember that your wonderful children need you and it goes without saying your grandchildren too. You need to take care of yourself. It has been 13 months tomorrow that I lost Pat. It has gotten better for me. I still have days when all I do is think about him. It just doesn't consume me like it did. You just need to give yourself time and deal with this at your own pace. Just remember that we are all here for you. I will keep you in my prayers. Take care, Kat

Cheryl, I also took my first vacation this year without my husband. I went to visit my sister in California. I really had a nice time. Just getting away from everything helped. There were tears, especially the night we went down to the beach to watch the sunset. I wanted Pat with me so much. I was out there the month before his angelversary so it was a very emotional time. My sister was great. She would just sit there and listen to me ramble on about everything. The hardest thing was knowing that he wasn't going to be there when I got home. I still have trouble with coming home to empty house. You sound like you have taken care of everything. I hope you have a wonderful time. Enjoy your time with your kids and make some new memories with them. Have fun and take care, Kat

It has been 13 months for me. It is so hard for me to believe that a year has gone by. It seems like yesterday that we were running to the doctor but on the other hand it seems like an eternity since I felt his touch. This past year has been so hard. The roller coaster of emotions has gotten the best of me at times but they do not consume me all of the time anymore. I am just thankful that I had 28 wonderful years with him (25 yrs married). The emptiness that I feel in my heart will never go away. I am just so thankful for my son. He is truly what keeps me going. I just wish his dad was here to see all that he will accomplish in his life. Kat

I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. Having to deal with this along with everything else is very difficult. You need to know that your brother truly loves you. For some reason people lash out at the ones they love the most. I wish I would have handled things differently with my husband also. I knew he was very sick and I think I was in denial of just how sick he was. I truly didn't think I would only have nine months with him. I remember when he was diagnosed with the prostate cancer and still in the hospital he turned to me with tears in his eyes. Pat was not sick a day in his life. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that he wasn't going to see me anymore. I told him that I wasn't going anywhere and that he couldn't give up. We needed to fight this thing. Pat also suffered from vascular dementia. He had a hard time processing things so alot of times he would ask me why he hurt and I would have to remind him about the prostate cancer. Since I was told in the very beginning that he could live 5 to 10 years, everytime he would bring up dying I would try to be upbeat. I regret not talking to him about it. There were so many things I would have done differently and so many things I would have said to him. I do believe in the afterlife and I know he will be there waiting for me. I agree with Chai, let your brother know that you love him and remember that your brother truly loves you. I will keep you in my prayers. Take care, Kat

Marty, Thanks for inserting the link into my post. I didn't know how to do it. Kat

redwind30, It was just a year in June for me that I lost my husband and best friend. I'm alittle older at 54 but I never thought I would be here either. My son is grown and this was going to be our time alone again. I try so hard to keep myself busy so that I am not alone all of the time but that empty house is still there waiting for me to come home to and that really sucks. He was always there waiting for me also. We did everything together. We met at work and worked together the whole time. I am told the samething about time. I don't think time will change our feelings, I think it helps us learn how to deal with them. I was just asked the other day would I start dating again. Like you I dont't want to be alone for the rest of my life but I don't see myself with anyone but Pat. Maybe that infamous word "time" will change things, who knows. Right now I am just taking a day at a time and trying to take of "me". I also posted a beautiful poem back in October that you might like to read. It gives me much comfort. It is under my posts. It is dated October 26 and it is titled Needed To Share With Everyone (poem). Take care, Kat

I don't think I will ever get used to living alone. Although my son is still living at home he basically just comes home to sleep. He is always at school studying. Med School is so demanding. I always feel better when I am around people and I have wonderful friends and family that try to keep me busy. The only problem is that I have to eventually go home to an empty house. That is when I get that empty feeling inside. I usually write in my journal which helps. I have been told that God has a plan ..... I just wish I knew what it was. Take care, Kat

Mrs.B Just wanted to wish you, HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! Hope you enjoyed your day. Take care, Kat

Sunstreet, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for a speedy recovery. Take care, Kat

mlg, I do have a dog. He is alot of company. He just turned 18 years old. I have been fortunate to have him this long. I can't imagine the day when I lose him too. Kat

I have told this story before here. When my dad died in 2004 I thought I had signs that he was still with me. I was so worried that I wouldn't have a sign from my husband after he passed. The day that I was to go to the funeral home to make the arrangements, I got in the car and on the radio was our song. I took that as sign from him that he was ok and that he was with me. Sometimes when I am having a difficult time the song will come on the radio while I'm at work. One night my emotions were all over the place. I couldn't stop crying. The following morning I got up feeling alittle better but not great. I got ready for work and got in the car. I couldn't believe it but when I started the car the song was on the radio. Needless to say I had a pretty good day after hearing it. I felt that he was still looking out for me. Coincidence, maybe? But I truly feel that this was a sign. Take care, Kat

Laurie, I was fortunate that my son came home from college two weeks before Pat passed. Somehow I think Pat knew this. It was a comfort to have him around. He was accepted into a program for Med School and was gone for the past 4 weeks. Coming home to an empty house really sucks. I had never been totally alone before. I just tried to keep myself busy every night and before I went to bed I would write in my journal and tell Pat about my day. That has brought me much comfort. Are the boys close enough that they will be able to come home on weekends? I will keep you in my prayers. Take care, Kat

redwind30, I have packed numerous times for hurricanes. Last year was the first time that I was alone since Pat passed at the end of June. Fortunately, we had a very quiet season. From the looks of it this year is going to be a different story. I make a list of everything that I want to take when hurricane season starts so when the time comes I am not running around like a crazy person. Also have a plan where you might go. I have all my important papers, i.e. insurance policies, birth certificates, etc. in a fireproof box. I just take the box with me. I take all of my pictures with me along with my jewelry. I don't fool with the pictures until I am ready to pack eveything up but once I pack them I don't put them away until I know we will probably not have anymore storms. I also keep a little extra cash in the house and I make sure that I keep my car filled with gas. Even if there is no need to evacuate it is a good idea because if power is lost for any length of time you will not be able to fill up the car or use credit cards. I also make sure that I have batteries, candles, water and can goods on hand. I sometimes go overboard but I would rather be safe then sorry. Just remember if you do have to evacuate unplug appliances like the microwave and televisions. I also clean the fridge out. I throw away the milk etc. I also put everything in my freezer in a garbage bag. That way if it happens to defrost all I have to do is put the bag in the trash. Learned the hard way from Katrina. Let's just say a prayer that this season isn't as busy as they have predicted. Take care, Kat

Niamh, I forgot to say in my previous post that my son always called his dad "old man". Take care, Kat

Niamh, Your post caught my eye and I had to read it. I totally believe in signs and I do believe that this is one from your dad. What a beautiful song. I lost my husband a year ago today and I also have a song that I know is from him. I am going to ask my son to listen to your song. It is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing, Kat

Thanks WaltC! Today was a year that I lost Pat and reading your post helped alot. Take care, Kat

WendyB, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. It will be a year tomorrow that I lost mine. You have found a group of very caring people. They have helped me through some really tough times. Although our stories are different we are all feeling the pain of losing a loved one. When you feel like you need someone to talk to come here, there is always someone listening. Remember you are not alone and we are all here for you. Take care, Kat

Chris, First let me tell how sorry I am for your loss. It will be a year Wednesday that I lost my husband to prostate cancer. When he was diagnosed I wasn't actually told that it was the aggressive form. I was told that he could have 5 to 10 years. We only had 9 months. I still question myself. Could I have done more, did I miss signs. I went to group therapy but I am looking into going to one on one counselling. There are things that I have to work through for me. You know when all of this is going on I think we are in a fog. We are listening to what people are telling us but we are not really comprehending anything. I was with Pat when he passed and I questioned if I told him that I loved him. My sister was with me and she assured me that I told him numerous time. That day still come to me but I have to say not as often as in the beginning. It is very important to take care of yourself. We are all here for you and we truly understand. Take care, Kat

We always held hands. I remember that last day sitting beside him holding his hand not wanting to let go. Kat

We don't realize how important those little things were until we don't have them anymore. Pat was an ice cream junky and Blue Bell Chocolate was his favorite. I would buy 2 half gallons at a time and sometimes those didn't last and I would be making a special trip to get somemore. God, I miss those days. Kat

Mrs. B, I have had only one dream of Pat and it has been awhile. Dreams can be so strange. I was in the yard and for some reason there was a mirror in front of me and when I looked up I could see him standing behind me. When I turned around he looked and me with a smile and told me he was okay. I had been asking him to come to me in a dream for quite sometime. It gave me a sense of peace knowing that he was okay but on the other hand a very uneasy feeling too. It is hard for me to explain. Of course the tears flowed the next day but that is not unusual for me. Seems like the tears flow more than not right now since it will be a year next week. I am so glad you finally had your dream. Take care, Kat

kayc, That is an awful lot to handle at one time. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Take care, Kat

Lainey, I know too well the ups and downs of this journey. I thought I was doing so good lately then "BAM" I went into this downward spiral. I am having a really tough time this time. Tomorrow is a year that I brought Pat to the hospital and he never came home. I have cried all day. It just hurts so much. He will always be a part of me and I will never "let go" of what we had. Your right Korina we just have to find a way to live without their physical presences. It is just so damn hard sometimes. I am just so glad I have found all of you. You have truly helped me get through some rough days. I will keep all of you in my prayers. Take care, Kat