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Penny, Unfortunately in todays sociaty people are too afraid to get involed. They are scared that who they testify against will come back to get them. I don't know if it the same in Canada, but down here criminals get paroled too early then they go to get revenge on the people that put them in jail. Just keep the faith that this will all work out, and remember there will be a day that he will have to face that crime, although it my not be here on Earth. And I don't know about you, but punishment here on Earth is a piece of cake to the punishment God hands out.

You may be gone, but I know you are near, I can sense your spirit when an answer comes to a log, drawn-out question that has weighed heavily on my heart. When I feel the darkness in my soul fading and when I muster up a little strength to go on, it isn't like it used to be when I could hear you laugh, see your smile, and catch the twinkle in your eye. I want to reach out and hug you, but it's then that I have to listen with another ear, see with different eyes and feel another touch. Because it's a powerful spirit that now surrounds me, so full of love and help and healing, as always, but now in a different way. You may be gone, but I know you are near. by Peggy Werner

Shiloh's Mom, First of all I hope you have taken the time to read some of the posts on this site, there is several from avsqr_dancer who recently lost her 2 year old dog. I think it would be useful for you to read what she had to go through in trying to get Tawny treatment. We can all tend to be selfish when it comes to our pets, they are like a member of our family. But also realize that you love Shiloh very much and want what is best for her. You won't want to see her suffer, so in your heart you will know when it is time. Pray to God to give you the wisdom anda to help you with descisions and you will know you are doing what is best for her. I will pray for you during this difficult time and keep coming back here there are a lot of people who have gone through what you have gone through and are here to help in any way.

I completely agree, we are goiog through so much right now the least little thing set us off like a bomb. I know for myself, I am fustrated a lot because of having to raise my 7 year old by myself. Sometimes it frustrates the he** out of me and then I get short with other people around me including Carson. It is just something we go through and as time passes we will get better and be able to stop and think before we react. Right now our nerves are so raw we are like a wounded animal, who through its pain is going to attack rather that think about it first.

You started the process of communication with this you will find out how receptive he is in expressing his emotions, just be there for him when he needs you. I know what you mean with your mother, with this situation my mom has been good. But in other times in the past, she coulde switch things around so easily it was like you had to be careful what you said and how you said it. I think that is very kind to send her a card like you want to, that may help her out in the long run. Well, I will be thinking about you and what you are going through, I am glad you have tried the praying, all I can say is keep it up and watch what happens, you will be surprised at the outcome of things. I try to ask God into my life each morning and it seems like if I don't I have an unusally bad day. Also when things seem real good, pray anyway. Keep in touch.

Penny, I am sad to hear that you are still having difficulty with this situation. I know that you have the faith that there will be some clousure to this. Just keep praying to God and let him take care of the rest. I know this is hard to do, we are the type that want to be able to be in the middle of things so that we will know everything that is going on. It sounds like you have a wonderful Husband who is caring and understanding. Something some told me in another post is this, if you are having a hard time dealing with a whole day at a time break it down to hours or minutes if you have to. Sometimes thinking about a whole day ahead of us is very scary, so just think to yourself, I can do this for one more hour. When that hour is up, then say I can do it for the next and so on and so forth, before you know it the day will be gone. Lord, I just pray that you will be with Penny as she goes through this period of waiting. Lord be with the dectectives on this case and guide them towards the evidence they need to convict her father for the crime that he has commited. Justice on this Earth will not be sufficient to pay for his crime, but ultimately he will have to face you one day and will recieve judgement from you. God, I pray now that you be with Penny and hold her and confort her, be with during the day and let her feel your peace. It is in Juses name I pray. Derek

Serl, I know this has to be difficult for you. I was thinking about you the other day when a good friend of mine had to put her golder retriever to rest, she was 13 years old. Granted she lived a long life compared to Tawany, but all the same she will be missed. I believe that Tawany is chasing bunnies across endless beatiful fields and has more love than anyone here on Earth can give. I know she knows how much you loved her and will be there for you when it comes time. She is at peace tonigh without any sickness, pain or sorrow. I pray that you will find peace in this and know that she will always be alive in the memories you have of her.

William, I have a saying, better late than never. It makes me feel good that through my pain that someone has gotten some benefit from it. It somehow makes it better that all that I am going through is not in vain. I to like to come here even if it just to sit and monitor the boards looking for some tidbit of information that will make it better. I do believe that everyone on this site is my friend and family, I never thought I would fell like this about a on-line forum but I do. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

Kellymarie, Wow, a lot to think about bieng in the for only 6 months. I to think it is great to meet someone new, I am not at that point myself but each person becomes ready at different times. I thnik taking some food over would be start, I know you barely know him, but I think it would be a kind gesture of friendship. I know this has had to bring up a lot of feelings for you being that Josh's death is so fresh still. Let the feelings come, it is just another aspect of grieving. Ask God for guidence, and he will help you throgh this and you will know what to do and say. I will pray that God will get you through this hurdle. God bless and have a good night.

Dearest Brooke, I am so sad to hear of your loss. I to have a hard problem asking for help here at home, I know my family and friends want to do everything they can to help me and my 7 year old son, but in mind it just seems like an incovience or that I am taking advantage. I have started to learn that I can't do it all and do need help and everyone has stepped up to the plate. I agree with what you said when people are saying you will find someone else, you are young. Like you, I don't want anyone else, I just want Karen back. This is going to be a confusing time for you right now with emotions running wild at times. I won't try to sugar coat anything by saying it will be an easy journey. I will be coming up on 5 months on September 6th and have had one heck of a roller coaster ride this past week, but I will say this...everyone on this site pulled through for me, sent me messages and were there when I needed them. They made things go a little easier. I was blessed by finding this site and if you continue to come here and read and post I know you will be to. I wish I could make you pain and confusion go away, but unfortunately I can't but all of us here will help you get through it. I will pray that God give you some peace and guidance.

Thank you to all of you who responded, it meant the world to me. Today has been a lot better, like I came out of the fog. I have come to realize out of all this a few things. One is my dream to teach elementary school children. Before, I didn't have the means to persue that dream and settled for what I am currently doing which is technicial training on copiers. It kind of came to me today that maybe this is what God wanted me to do and he has opened up some doors while closing others. Granted, I would trade every bit of it to have Karen back, but I realize that is not a possibility. Now it is just a matter starting the process of getting my Associates Degree. Again I thank you for all of your prayers and thoughts of me during yesterday's rough time. I love you all and this site, it is a light in the darkness.

Lori, You are not horrible and no one here will think that either. I am sure that you mom forgives you. There is no room in Heaven for bad thoughts or for someone not to love someone. You did the best you could with the circumstances that you had. When I was 19, I went to live with my dad and step-mom, my mom didn't like that one bit, in fact she told me one night that she could never forgive me, but that she still loved me. Some of the things parents do to their children is unreal. A child needs both of their parents it is not the childs fault that they couldn't get along. Please remember you are not at fault, you kept a secret that you had to keep in order to have the relationship that you had with your father. My mom wouldn't come to my wedding because she knew that my step mom would be there, I had to just tell myself that is her problem not mine. She missed out on my wedding and there isn't anything I could have or would have done differently. I was not going to exclude my step mom who was so instramental in getting me where I am today. Please take the time to forgive yourself, I feel you did nothing wrong. If your siblings don't want to have anything to do with you, that is their problem. This may sound rough, but it is a fact don't give it the time in your head, you have better things to think about. Lord, please help Lori with the problem she faces, help her to firgive herself for the transgression she feels she has done. I know you are all forgiving, as we should be also. Wrap your arms around herr and allow her to feel peace. It is in Jesus name I pray. Amen

Bear with me tonigh as I ramble, Today has not been a good day, it being Karen's 46th birthday and not having her here is really getting to me. I visited the cemetary tonigh and put some flowers and kneeled there for a little while. It was peaceful, but of very little confort. All day today I have been on edge. I feel like I am in a downward sprial, I am not eating much again, my smoking has increased and so has my drinking. What gets me the most is I really don't care about my health anymore. I just want God to take me away. I know he has plans for me, but why does he have to put me through this pain in order for his plans to be carried out? Why did he have to take Karen away from me in order for me to do his work? I am at the point where I just don't care anymore. I am tired all the time, and I feel like I am spinning my wheels and going nowhere. I yelled at Carson tonight when after asking him to close the toliet lid and he said why am I having to do everything? I do so much for him to make sure he has clothes on his body, a roof over his head and food in his tummy. I am sacaficing so much to make sure he is taken care of. All I ask for is a little help with keeping things picked up. I go from being depressed to being irratated at the drop of a bucket. I am tired of the roller coaster, I didn't want to ride this ride so why am I still on it. I don't want to do it any more, but I know that is not a choice I have. Why does life have to be so difficult? I feel bad for Carson, he just doesn't understand what I am going through. Lately I have had my head stuck in this computer getting things done and not wanting to do anything with him. I just don't have to energy anymore. And that is not fair to him. He spends the night at his Aunt's at least once a week, and it is so nice when he isn't here, it is like while he is there, he won't be bothering me to do something and I feel guilty for feeling that way. I should be cherrishing every minute we have together because they grow up so fast, but sometimes I just can't wait for him to go to bed so I can be by myself. But what does being by myself do but make me feel lonely. I really just don't know what to do anymore. Thanks for letting me ramble, and I welcome any prayers you all can give me.

To all of you who have lost a son or daugher, my heart goes out to you. I have one son who is 7 and my wife passed away this April. So I can't say I know what you are feeling, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have Carson. I have always thought that the loss of a spouse has to be the worst thing that can happen, but I think that lossing a child is probably worse. All I can say is moving on does not mean forgetting. Your child will alway live on as long as you remember them just like my wife will live on through mine and Carson's memories. Lord, I just pray tonight that you give Vicki and all others on this site the peace that only you can give. Especially be with Vicki tonight as she is having problems with the loss of her daughter. Let her feel your loving arms around her and help her to have a peaceful sleep tonight. Give her strength for the upcoming day and help her to get through each day. It is in Jesus name I pray. Amen. Vicki keep coming to this site there are a lot of people here that would like to help you through this journey. It is a rough road that none of us want to be on and we shouldn't travel it alone. We have found each other on this site through our common losses and everyone here is like family.

Erika, I encourage you to read the posts on this site, there are severl people that have had cirstances like yours where an ex-love has died and they went through and are going through the same thing you are now. This will take time for you, it doesn't happen overnight. Believe me pleanty of us wish it would. The grief journey is a long hard road, I won't kid you. Each person goes through it differently, but you will find a lot similarities. I am sad to hear that you have to go through this but like Janurary said, there isn't anything that you could have done to help him, even if you were there, it still wouldd have happened anyway. Please don't blame yourself, you were not at fault. I know it must be hard being that your last encounter with him was with him drunk. Anyone in your shoes in that situation would have done the same think you did. Learn to forgive yourself and things will be easier. Please continue to come here, there are a lot of great people here and we have become like one big family.

I haven't come to the point of putting away her toothbrush yet, just seeing one toothbrush in the holder is something I am ready to look at yet. Next week I will be turning Karen's truck back into Ford and that is going to be a hard thing to do, just to leave it there. There are a few of her clothes that I have given to my mother in Seattle, her and Karen were about the same size and Mom just doesn't always have the money for clothes, so I am glad that a family member will be able to put them to good use. Good to hear that you and the baby are still doing fine, I can't wait until the day you have him, that will be good news for all of us to hear.

For me, I like to think that God had something very special planned the children that we miscarried. There was something in Heaven that needed to be done and just needed us to bring the life into existance. Also what helped me was knowing that they are in Heaven and one day I will get to see them and they will know who I am and I will know them. I believe Karen is with them right now and they know what a wonderful mother she was here on Earth. I am a little jelious, because she got to meet them first, but I know I will get to meet them also when my job on Earth for God is finished.

I have found that keeping myself busy helps a lot. THe first couple of months tho I kept myself so busy that I was just totally exausted. I finally had to slow down and take a look at myself and what my life was going to be like now. I tried to think about the future way too much and it drove me crazy. Since then I have learned to have sometime to myself and relax and not do anything. It is hard at times because there is so much to do around the house, but I am learning to just let some of it go, it isn't as important as my health or the time I can spend with Carson. Please keep coming back to this site and I look forward to hearing from you and how things are going for you. You will be in my prayers.

Karen, I know what you mean about dinner time. Most of the time it ends up being TV dinners for Carson as I rarely eat dinner anymore. I come home at night and am so exausted from work that I just don't like fixing anything. Nothing sounds good anymore, we have been out to eat so many times that just the thought of it makes me sick, so I just don't eat. I miss the home cooked meals Karen used to fix all the time. I think of some of the things she would make and I realize that I won't be able to have that dish anymore. There were so many things that she would fix and there aren't any recieps. I do have the recipe for her stuffing for thanksgiving and that was also her mothers. Now this year I will have to make it, only I know it won't be as good as hers was. Karen's birthday would have been tomorrow, so I am not looking forward to it at all. I plan on putting some red carnitions (Her favorite) at her grave after work, but the anquish of not having her here for it tares me up inside. I know I have to be strong for Carson, but it is so hard to do and wears me out. Chrissy Thank you for the suggestion of the book, I will look into getting it. I am always looking for anything to read that will help ease the pain and make life a little more bearable. Thanks to all of you

I am sad to hear of your loss, but at the same time welcome to this site, it is full of caring people that will do their best to help you get throgh this difficult time. Don't feel bad that you weren't with him, there is nothing you could have done to change things. I used to work on a ambulance and have witnessed a mototcycle accident. The guy was wearing a helment and it didn't help him due to the speed of hitting the car that pulled in front of him, the speed limit for this road was 45. I lost my wife 5 months ago to a heart attack and like you I wasn't able to say goodbye and to tell her how much I loved her. I wish to this day that I could hold her one more time. I know that she knows how much she meant to me. The next couple of months will be a very trying time for you with a lot of emotions. Just keep coming to this site and posting what you are going through and plenty of people will be here for you. Take care and God bless.

Ditto to what Paul said. My heart goes out to you. I wish ther was a magical answer that would make all of the pain go away but there isn't. I too will keep you in my prayers. Look to God he is carrying you right now and holding you in his arms. Come here anytime you like and post usually there is someone that will post a reply pretty soon. God bless you and give you peace.

Wow charlie, that is awesome. What a wonderful feeling that must have been. I hope to one day be able to feel they joy that you felt this morning. It gives me hope to hear someone who has felt this, By you posting I know that one day it will happen with me. Thanks again for your post.

Gaby, you have been on my mind today. I just wanted to know how you are feeling any better. I have been praying for you as you finish up your work in College.

My dear confused love, what you are feeling is perfectly normal right now. I remember exactly what I was going through at 2 months, I am now at the 5 month point. I still get the feelings I did back then maybe not as bad, but they are still there. I am sure you have heard or read this a hundred times, healing takes time. You will go through times when your days will be real good and then something will happen or you will hear a song and it all falls in on you again. We all have to put on that mask around people in order to trudge on with life. Two months for me fell on the same day as my 7 year old's birthday, it was a very difficult time for me. Monday would have been Karen's birthday and that has me going right now with all kinds of emotions. There are a lot of times I feel confused as well. Coming to here and posting helps to get rid of that confusion. I have found a book that has been very helpful to me, it is called "I am Grieving As Fast As I Can" this book is geared towards young widows and widowers. I saw so much of myself and what I was feeling in these pages. I found that either chapter 2 or 34 really didn't apply to me but I didn't give up I kept reading and I am glad I did. This book will explain a lot about the feeling we go through during this time and it stays away from saying that grief is in stages. I hope this will help you. God be with you and help you to get through this, he is carrying you right now. We can't always feel it when he is carrying us but believe me he is.

Gaby, I know what you mean about lack of purpose. Granted having a 7 year old is plenty of purpose, but it isn't enough. The plans we had, things we wanted to do to the house, so on and so forth, is now gone. You graduating still will make Chris proud of what you have accomplished, and to accomplish this in the midst of his death is a testimate to what you can do. Even though he isn't here phisically, he is with you. My prayers will be with you.