dave s

Happy bday Anne! Head that there were 101 tornados spotted in Ks yesterday, havent heard if any family were hit yet, personally I dont miss Ks at this stage of my life, but use to love the tornados as a kid, the power off and parents taking us to the basement where we would get to eat ice cream at all hours of the morning...those memories make me smile! Have a good day! Dave

Mary, one thing surprises me about you, how you not realize how people look up to you, your kindness, humor, compassion, and wisedom. I personally felt a bond with you, almost immediately after your replies back in those early, exceptionally dark days....almost a yr ago! Funny though, Ed recently stated to me " You dont realize how others look up to you, your strength, and resilience" Huh? was my reply, not sure why we dont recognize what others see in us....... Went shopping today, next door at a yard sale, the neighbors daughter and her boss (maybe more?) were in a horrific car wreck recently, where he drowned and she luckily crawled to the shore, barely missing his same fate, she is a rep for a bed sheet company and had piles of complete sets for 10$ a piece, bought several for myself,and family, Xmas presents??? They were going to give them to me for free, but couldnt accept, she is out of work, while healing, and 10$$ a set is a steal.......they report that she cries constantly everyday, not surprising.......got them in touch with some grief counseling.....knowing it will help. Glad you got out, even just for s short while......Take care....Dave

I spent this day at work, doing what I have to, went about my day planning in my head what I need to, to take care of some personal business that has come about , that was not in my plans......got home to clean the house, chores etc....while sweeping the floor, it dawned on me...it was 11 months ago that life, was ruined......as , I knew it. I had simply forgot!!! And I am not upset with myself for forgetting, the one thing I have learned and continue to learn.....is to just accept and forgive myself (yeah I know a continued work in progress), but look what I have done in less than 1 yr.....I have simplified my life in some ways redecorated, set limits on family, friends, work and myself.....I have allowed myself to develop a new and wonderfull relationship with Ed...allowed myself to dream and plan for a future, that includes a new career and a new place to live, have allowed myself to get rid of some of the old baggage, that included Mike....friends, or so I thought...and material things.....And this experience has allowed me to gain some new and wonderfull friendships, and experiences, that most importantly has revolved around Ed.....an incredible soul, that has been so nice and caring, for me when i couldnt care for myself.... I really dont recommend others to go out and find a new realtionship so soon after such a loss, but in my situation, this has saved me! There is not a day I dont think about Mike in some way.....but for now.....I feel that I am one of he lucky ones, to know what it feels like to have lost..the one thing my life revolved around....and to have survived..............so far.....to live to try it again......... Best Wishes! Dave

Happy Bday! Dave

Today was good, survived work, Cooper enjoyed his day at his grandmothers house, and recieved word that we were approved for a new home! It has been my desire not to live in this heat of phoenix all the time, it was a dream of mine before I met Mike, it was a dream of Mike's also.......and it is a dream of Ed's also........and now I,we have the option of leaving the area.....live where it is green, with seasons...and yet stay nearby my family,in case something should happen...I really am excited about this, but yet something says to slow it down.....not my time with Ed, but slow down more changes.....wow I am rambling, maybe should post this in a new topic! I am just gratefull that this could be the last summer I have to spend full time in the frying pan, called Phoenix! Dave

Been a nice weekend Cooper the dog arrived from Washington, so damn cute and timid he wouldnt leave my side, but when he got around the other dogs, he came to life, not realizing that he is probably a tenth of their size! Amazing o me that he as a Jack Russell is so quiet and timid! Ed had a brainstorm, which was something that I had thought of many times, but never had the time so I use to spend hundreds of $, a yr on grooming the dogs, fortunately after Mike died, my groomer took pity and took care of the dogs for next to nothing, but alas quickly a yr has gone by with me dealing with my recovery, and the dogs were neglected, so today we bought clippers and did it ourselves, have to admit, not near as nice as the groomer....but alot cheaper, the Standard Poodle, wont have Poms, but who cares she is much more suited to be a ranch dog vs being prissy! Anyhow, actually it was hard work, but it was nice to me outside! Dave

Wow...am I so choked up over this song.......a yr at this time, i was handling everything, Nurse, homemaker, cook, confidante, driver, medical power of attorney, firing doctors.....the list goes on and on, as it does for us all, and then the grief......enough said.......never have I really thought of what Mike was thinking of me at the time........nice song......now do I go cry somemore or mow the yard....maybe I can do both.....Dave

Dear Thistle. about 1 yr ago my Mike was diagnosed and gone in about 6 weeks, so I understand your loss, and am so sorry! Keep coming to our site often, and grief support groups, they really do help! I also live in AZ, and dont believe your job can deny you the time off that YOU NEED....please I am no expert on this, but please look into this further, a high stress job on top of what you are dealing with, is really rough! Best Wishes Dave

Mary thinking of you today.......Dave

Mary, sorry things are so rough.....thinking of you.....Dave

Should have been K State Anne (multi generational Wildcat here, for those that dont know.....rivals) glad they are making the home state proud!!! Dave ps afghan in red and blue UGH!!!lololo!!!

what a storm we had last night ,I slept peacefully and got up to find the neighbors across the street up and at it, during the rain that I slept so peacefully through, a microburst? tornado? touched down across the street blowing out windows, ripping awnings apart,( later found a mile away), ripping the top of a barbque grill leaving the bottom of the grill in the same location, and taking the neighbors solidly built chicken coop, that was set securely into the ground and heavy!......it is now kindling, their fence gone and one chicken was located under the rubble, a chicken I had gave them when my dogs attacked her, she is unhurt, one tough Hen! So strange how these storms can hit on or two houses and leave the rest of us alone... So the positives for today are that my place was untouched, and most importantly my neighbors were not hurt.....it is a good day! Dave

Melina, after having a much more serious knee surgery, can honestly encourage you to plan on not driving, and arranging foe some help, most bounce back well from this procedure. Yes, the Westboro Baptist Church, what a shame they are so hatefull, speaking as a Ks native and a Gay man.....Dave

Yes have had a Jack mix, Ellie, at the age of 12, a wild woman, but a lot of fun! Cooper is a rough coat, and a Parsons...look forward to this boy coming into our lives, this makes 5 dogs.....am i a hoarder? LOLOL....enjoy them alot!!

Hey thanks! Now some tears......After Mike died, an old flame reappeared in my life, someone who is truely kind and caring who has attended my grief support groups, with me, is not afraid of talking about Mike, someone who made sure that all was taken care of here at home, when I couldnt..the list goes on and on, what this kind and wonderfull man has done for me......but was, a little shaken up when recieved the word that he maybe at the age of 49, having a stroke.....but alas, kept my emotions together, somehow thinking surely God, wouldnt put me through another round of grief in less than 1 yr!!!! Well the good news, is that Ed is home with me, sleeping on the couch now ( the same couch that Mike slept on when he was so sick.......it must go soon) and am feeling so good about the future with Ed, never dreamnt that through so much..pain that I have felt, something else, very wonderfull could appear, and am so excited about our new family member coming into the house, Cooper the Jack Russell, bought for Ed for his 50th bday....spent some $ on this dog, but for what Ed has done for me in 10 months......it is a cheap repayment......Dave

Cheryl, your story doesnt surprise me, you are a beautifull woman, and a beautiful friend! My day has been good, a health scare from, one of the best things that has happened to me on my journey of recovery, turned out to be not that bad....but worth some watching and just today adopted a 7 month old Jack Russell, named Cooper, the breeder said he was to big for her breeding program, but perfect for our lives here....just what I need another dog.....and yet I feel in my stomach, it is just what I need in this house, new, positive energy! Things are good here, for today! Dave

Just looked up the symbolism of a hawk, one site says it is the sign if the sun and enlightened! Reminds me of the cardinal that appeared in my yard the day after Mike died and still comes frequently, they report it is the sign of the afterlife. Dave

Mary so sorry you are having such a rough time, I have been doing well for several weeks, but last night it got to me, I was watching American Idol, which is what Mike and I did, the same time last yr, it got to me when someone did a rendition of "I will always Love You" and the tears......... I have been changing things around the house to accomodate the new Dave, but one thing is really bothering me, the lovely couch, that Mike spent so much time laying sick on, with the afghan that covered Mike when he died.....everything else that he left me brings a smile the couch, I am fixated on.......for it only brings back sad memories.......think it is time to go shopping and get a new, used one, and move this one to the spare bedroom at least for awhile.....hope this a healthy decision..... The weather here is wonderfull today! Need to go out and taake care of the livestock....

Melina, I have had many, many things happen to me after Mike died, that were to much to deny that, for me, life goes on .....in what form? That i dont unders tand......but after my incredible exoerience with the Psychic drawing a pic that resembled Mike, very well, different repeated sounds in the house.....the list goes on and on of the many different, unique things that have occured since Mikes death that has given me great hope and encouragement, that our relationships will cont.....In fact today going to work, in a different vehicle that Mike had never been in the smell of his cologne enveloped the vehicle.......was very comforting! Dave

Mary, I know what you mean about family,my family has only acknowledged Mikes death if I bring it up.....the elephant in the room. Am pleased to here of you saying no to your family something I am continue to struggle with, for I am the only one who seems to pick up the pieces....when all is crumbling down. I really want to move from az, but have decided to at least move out of the Phoenix area, have spent the day looking up real estate and talking to realtors, something they know nothing about, and will not till decisions are made...... long to live where it is green, and the weather is more moderate....so looking at least to moving 2 hrs away from my family....and start a new.....and still close enough if things are really bad here......Dave ps I really like the phrase responsible vs selfish!

Melina, although I realize I am usually logged in here, I havent read any blogs as of lately....others things good and challenging happening in my life. Hate to hear of you thinking about leaving this site, the site where I have appreciated others vulnerablity, as it has helped me cope with my own....which has saved my life......no not suicidal here but didnt care if I lived or died.......a feeling I know has been shared by others.. Havent cared what others, now know about me...I was in the closet before this all happened, and feel that others, if they really are that concerned enough to spend the time looking up my blogs......well then they really need to be educated about this loss, and how it has affected me......and how I am attempting to find some peace with my past and move forward...... You alone know what is best for you, I have personally benefitted from your experience, so Thankyou for sharing what you have....Best wishes...Dave

Although tired of this week, am planning to have some friends over for a barbq this sat, first time I have entertained others besides family since Mike died, I guess it will be a positive thing for me to do! Dave

Mary, the pic of the Cardinal is wonderfull, in fact it is bringing a tear to my eyes.....never forget how the Cardinal showed up yo the back window, the day after Mike died, it was so beautifull and still is, he and his mate still come for a visit now and again, but not as frequently as they did, that is interesting to me also. Currently am classifying myself as doing well, but so many memories are hitting me, so many anniversaries are happening for me right now, still overwhelming for me to digest what has occured and what I am doing to rebuild.....all good but tiresome. Currently am working too much, due to projected deep cutbacks that are occurring, for the states medical coverage, wanting to pay down some things, and be prepared, but alas I feel that I have lost some balance in my life again.....which, for me, adds another level of burden to my grief.....but for today have the day off, will accomplish what I can. Dave ps hope you dont mind if I try to print off the Cardinal pic?

Mary I love your pic of you and Bentley, would love to see a pic of the cardinal you painted........it still is my sign that Mike is around me, when I see that beautifull creature in my yard! Dave