enna

What a joyous reason to celebrate and be positive, dear Mary. And to receive 'permission' from our 'Tribual Leader' is such a huge honor. Hopefully, we shall all reach that point in our journeys where more of us will be alble to see the positives in life's happenings as you and Kay do. Thinking about you as you slowly put your home back together. I think being alive and seeing growth coming out from the ground no matter how slowly is one positive all of us share. Happy Spring in Spring Green and everywhere. Anne

I'm right here in line with my big hug, dear Jan. Remember to let those feeling come and then breathe ever so deeply and let them go. We are here with you and I know it is bitter sweet. Be where you are in the moment and let those around you know how you are feeling when you can. We know how important our grandchildren are to us. They bring us such joy and are so full of life. Pete is with you. Love, Anne

"Anne, you are dizzy tonight...though I would like an audio of the song..." here is your request, Mary - and now I am going for a long walk with Benji since it's only 6:20 PM here in AZ - it is a beautiful evening for a walk. I know that feeling when you think your furbaby has escaped! Safe drive into Chicago. Have a good visit with Cathy. You should be in rare form after your three day conference on death education!!!

Hello dear Mary - you are quick! I wonder if perhaps, maybe it's because some of us are 'getting to know you, getting to know all about you - getting to like you, getting to like what you do' - see, you make me break out in song. Your list is long and it's being checked off gradually. I am so glad things are getting back to order. Have you found Bentley yet???? I'm kidding people, Bentley is fine.

Following on FB Kay and so glad that no one was hurt! Enough already.... Anne

"Take it easy. Be as good to yourself as you are to everyone else." Mary hummmmmm are you remembering to follow your own good advice, dear Mary... I listen to these podcasts on occasion and I like the music one which is pod6. MP3 - I hope you can follow it here: http://www.meditationoasis.com/podcast/listen-to-podcast/

I am speechless, Marty. Thank you for your kind thoughts, fae. Your snow will melt soon. And yes, we do have some pretty amazing humans on this forum.

I wanted to use the image extension but I guess we can't so I'm sending the quote as a thumbnail. All of us are on this grief journey and I think Deepak's quote is right on. The more we own the pain and feel the pain and go beyond it I'm sure we'll see something special waiting for us. Tears are good. Anne

I think there is a song titled 'Someone is Watching Me' and that is how I am feeling right now. My lab numbers were a little better (not worse) - that's the good news - I have to return on the 10th and again on the 22nd! I'm trying very hard to get them to tell me that they don't want to see me for a month - I guess that's a goal I can work toward. Patience needs to be on the list also. I so want to get the go ahead to travel this summer. Anyone who has lived in The Valley in AZ knows that one must leave the state for some time during the summer heat. Thank you for your call this morning Mary. And thank you for NOT telling everyone that I have a heavy foot when it comes to driving and that I forgot what the yellow light in the middle of the stop light means! Today I made it almost non-stop chasing all green lights. As I traveled next to Luke Air Force Base I was dreaming that I stayed up with the F16s that were flying overhead. I even imagined Jim smiling and telling me, "you'll never change!" I'm over 70 and I have never had a ticket. Thank you for all your good wishes and I know prayers and fairy dust and any other wish that has been sent my way. I send Benji to each of you as he loves to give kisses. It is already after 10:00 PM in the UK, Jan. My thoughts are with you. I can almost see you with the grandkids picnicing in the field. Anne

It is May. I hold you in my heart as you remember these days before Pete passed. Rainie and the grands will be there tomorrow. Enjoy the time with them. Remember what we have been talking about for months now, Jan. We are not alone in this journey. We have many walking with us. You will KNOW things when you are ready. There is no time limit on love. Walking with you these days before the 5th. Love, Anne

I could build Benji a yurt in the back yard. I can taste the cornbread right now, fae. Cornbread and chilli - yummmm. Mary, you know that I will be so happy when you have your dwelling back in order. I am thinking about the busy summer you will have. Please remember to slow the pace a bit!! I so wish we were not all so scattered in different places. My thoughts go to Jan now and I just wish we could be in the UK to support her during this coming week. You know we are with you Jan. We are connected on this forum.

I am glad that you are keeping Mary straight, fae. I would have no doubt said that same thing Kay said only she beat me to it. You asked how I am doing fae - I am doing ok. At this time right now there is a peace over me that I am just enjoying. I had a good time away from the social media on Sunday and found a sense of peace. I did not mind being in my own thoughts. I did not mind spending more time outdoors than in. I am going to try to accept this pain I am sometimes in and own it - like Mary advises. Today I had a visit with my HOV grief counselor and she said that there seemed to be something different with me! I told her that I think I am finally learning how to live as a widow. I am so grateful for so many things that it is just the way I want to be. I don't like the pain, Mary, but I will learn to accept it. I don't like doing things as a single person when I have for forty years been always partnered with Jim. It is a pain that can't be seen because it rests deep in the heart as so many of you know. She will visit with me two times in May. Before the anniversary and again after to see how I am doing. We will have one more visit together before she releases me to fly on my own. She says I am ready. I shall miss her but as we both know - I shall do just fine. This is the single most helpful thing I did when I called HOV and told them that I would like to take advantage of their program for spouses who have lost a soulmate. The guidance has been amazing and I am so grateful for her kindness and loving care of me as a person. She is concerned as I am about my dx. I see the team tomorrow! More on that later. Anne

Thank you for the article, Marty. A whole lot to digest. I'll need to read it more than once - I think I'm still dealing with a little bit of brain fog!

Great advice, Steven. I have never thought of dying nor have I ever wanted to die. Sometimes health issues creep into our lives and we really have no control over them. My Jim was a fighter pilot during WW11 flying the B 17s and he flew after the war also. I can remember him saying something similiar to what you said about always fly the plane first and then take care of the problem - it must be a pilot thing. I am too new in my grief ( I'll be only one year at the end of May) but I do know how very important it is to take care of ourselves. I smiled when you said you are starting to play the violin. I played in the orchestra in school and was not very good. However, I did decide to do just what you are doing and I bought a keyboard piano and am learning how to play - it's a discipline. I receive calls from my six year old granddaughter and she wants to hear what I am working on this week!! Pressure! We even did a duet playing 'Aura Lee.' Her comment was, grandma, that was good. Good luck with the violin - it's all in the wrist with the bow. Anne

What Mary has taught me about meditating. I know you have a sense of humor Mary. I couldn't resist.

Your links above are all active for me, Marty. I hope Deb was able to open them. Marty pinned this onto her Grief Healing board and I just had to repin it here for all who have lost a father before they could have that first dance with their dad or for anyone who has lost their daddy and wanted to bring up good memories. Tears are good. Thank you Marty for tapping into our emotions once again.

All you say, dear fae, is a sign of your deep love for Doug. I think it will take you a while longer to realize that you do not need to work on this vigilance. It will come as the years pass and you breathe that deep breath and can say to yourself, 'I have done what I needed to do.' I think it will just happen when the time is right. I am encouraged to here that spring is starting to show it's determination. You do know we don't have anything to say about it really. I have never been able to wrap my mind around this universe of ours! Have good hours in your days. Anne

Oh, I do not like pain. I don’t even like the word. It would be nice if we could exchange the word pain to maybe joy, comfort, pleasure, elation, delight – there are so many other words that I would rather focus on! I know we walk this life now and any little thing can set us off. Today it might be a card found in an unread book and tomorrow it might be walking down the cookie isle and seeing the package of pecan sandies. In my own mind I will always think about the gift it is to have known someone like my Jim. Others I’m sure can recite hundreds of funny, uplifting facts about our loved ones. Today I am thinking of the amazing things that Jim and me had going on with each other – tomorrow I may be down in that deep hole I find myself in without any warning! Pain – I guess it is part of our living now. How sad. Anne Love the picture, Mary. Has spring finally come to Spring Green? Are you still a prisoner in your home? I can hardly wait for things to be back to ‘normal’ for you.

Something I listened to that reminded me of how hurried we are in our lives – Slowing Down to the Speed of Life. Part 1 Part 2 I think we all could slow down just a bit. Thank you for your kind words fae. I truly appreciate the *<fairy dust> you toss my way. I am hoping that you will find more signs of spring as our Midwesterners have finally started to enjoy. I was preparing for a houseful if spring didn’t arrive soon. Anne

We are holding you and Leo in our hearts, Shannon. Remember, you are not alone on this journey. Thinking of you are praying for both you and Leo. Anne

I think over time we all learn that the 'journey' cannot be rushed. Thank you for the quote and picture, Mary. Beautiful. A qutoe in the picture below is one I wish to share with all of you.

My day of silence away from all social media was a good one. It is tiring to look inward and accept yourself where you are and not always look elsewhere. My heart is happy to know that some of you are finally seeing the signs of spring. Thank you for the picture, Marty. I did read, work in the yard, walk Benji, and meditate. Oh yes, I took two short naps also! The quote below pretty much says what I believe. Mary, did you get the trellis for the clematis up? Anne

I shall be taking a 24 hour day of silence, Sunday April 28th, away from all social media honoring all who have lost a child. Dr. Joanne Cacciatore (Professor at ASU) and founder of the MISS Foundation has asked us to set this time aside to remember anyone who has lost a loved one especially a child. What a perfect way to begin the twelth month of Jim's death. There should be more healing as I get dirty in the yard and read without the TV or any other social media. Music of course will fill the house and walks with Benji are always on the agenda. Happy Sunday. Anne

Oh Harry, it was so good to get your PM today and find out that you were busy as ever for a cause so dear to your heart. Your devotion to the cause of cancer research is absolutely inspirational. What a positive you are involved in and how it truly lifts our spirits. Red Sox fan - good for you. Gardens brings life to a dormant soil that sends us into excitement over the notice of something popping out of the ground. My spring has been here for weeks and others are just getting the first signs of a spring that has been long awaited for especially in the midwest! Good luck on the yoga - I have decided that turning myself into a pretzel is not the best exercise for me since I'd probably never be able to find my way out of the twisted tangles! I'd rather sit quietly in a field of flowers or float in a calm pool of water. We are all on this grief journey. Hopefully we can manage to ride the waves or roller coasters with some grace. If not then we do it as we need to - I have been content to sit in a deep hole for a long time wondering when I'd make the move to start climbing out. I am out right now. I so believe that we make a collective difference in our grief journeys. Who better to understand than those of us how have walked, crawled this path. Good luck in your fundraising, Harry. We are with you and it is so good to hear from you. Anne

Thank you, Mary for telling us about your day. I do love classical music and did so appreciate the link you added to your post. I have always believed that music is a talent that one is born with whether it be singing or playing. Books - no, Mary I do not believe that you will ever stop buying books. You and a few others I know will probably be sitting under a tree somewhere 100 years from now playing catch-up with all the books you haven't read. I love to reread books I've already read. It's that place that I can go to when I'm reading. I know that I have read about a dozen books on grieving after Jim died and I look at them now and say I need to read these! I'm glad that you were able to shower. Hopefully the house will be back to normal in a few more days and the doors won't be sealed closed and you will be able to breathe easier. Sending flowers and sunshine to you from AZ. We will reach 100 degrees (a dry heat) tomorrow. I still don't know if Benji likes water. I hope so because I intend to spend many summer days in the water. Thank goodness Pat & Jerry have a pool. Jim loved the water and he could get his exercise even during his last months. I have been told that I will need to spend time in the water with my heart failure. It is great for anyone who has difficulty with arthritis or any other bone disease. Anne