chrissy777

Flossie, I am so sorry for your loss. It is especially hard during times where we are suppose to celebrate. I had my birthday about 2 months after my husband died and it was horrible. You want more than anything to hear him say happy birthday or I love you. Luckily it is only a day. I know alot of days coming up that are going to be hard. I come here alot and it helps talking to others who understand. Take care

Gaby, I am so sorry that happened to you. It is not silly to feel like you do. When Jay died I was obsessed with finding every little thing I could and burning it several times. I cant say anything that can ease your pain but please know that my thoughts are with you. I know better days are to come. One day at a time. Take care/.

Thank you all for your kindness. It helps me so much to come on here and vent and have others who can understand and be so caring . I am going back to work soon and I am focusing on that and not to mention my little guy. I am actually happy about getting back to my job. I talk to others at work and of course they are complaining about staffing, etc etc. but I cant wait to get there. Iam working Christmas eve and day too and this is the first time I am actually happy about that. Well thank you all again God bless you all.

KayC, Im sure many people here want to thank you too for your help. Thank YOU. I pray things go your way. I think losing our spouses makes us stronger and more determined people. I especially think that about you. I will pray for you KayC. I cant beleive how many interviews you have had. You are stronger than me. I think I would walk into the interview screaming HIRE ME. One of these employers has to be smart enough to Know a good employee when they see one. Take care KayC and may God be Bless you and be with you.

I have been having some rough days lately and I think I know why. It may sound strange but I think I finally have realized he is never coming home. It is almost five months and it took me this long to realize that. I think in the back of my mind I thought I could see him again or something. I was wondering if it took this long for anyone else. I think I have finally realized that I have a new life to start. It is hard and a very strange realization.

Deb, I am sorry you have to go through this rough time. Anniversaries are horrible. People tell me I look good too but little do they know. People say to me next year things will be better. Well I dont see how. People dont understand how it feels. Like you said their lives go on and dont miss a beat. For us our world grinds to a painful hault and it will never be the same. My only advice is to keep busy.(Iknow its easier said than done sometimes). I dont know what else to say I wish I could give you a hug. Take care

What else can I say that I havnt already said? Today is such a horrible day for me. I never knew I could cry this much. I feel so guilty not being happy for my babies sake. Its so weird yesterday I was ok (as ok as I could be) Today I feel like I was hit by a train. I know I have to start a new life but I cant leave my old life with Jason. I just wish he could come home. Im sick of this rollercoaster and I want off. I was going through old greeting cards and found one from Jason on our last and only anniversary together. I also found one from our freinds Joe and Deb. It said we had been through so much in our first year of marraige but things should get easier and they wished us many more anniversaries together. We only had one anniversary he was alive for. I needed to vent and I hope tomarrow is a better day. Thanks for listening.

KayC Jenn Benita and Laurie, Thank you for your responses. I hope to like the weekends more when I get back to work from my maternity leave. I think being stuck in my house all day and night doesnt help. My mom in law invited me over for diner tonight so I have something for today. My in laws are so wonderful. Well thanks again for your responses.

Jasper (that is cute kitty name), My cat helped me alot in the beginning too. Now I have my precious son Thanks be to God. I am at 4 1/2 months. I was hoping it got easier at a year and a half but I dont think it ever will. Each new day brings new challenges. I find it harder with Christmas coming than Thanksgiving. Christmas used to be a very happy time for me. I here Christmas music now and feel like breaking down. I wish these stores would wait until December at least before they started playing the music. It is so hard at this time. I know what you mean on not knowing where to go from here. I do have my son and I am so thankful for him, but we had our plans. We were going to both get back to work in Nov. Jason and I had so many plans. To buy a home and begin our family with our son. Cancer had taken him actually the treatments for it did. Now you feel where do I go. Do I stay here where every memory slaps me in the face constantly. I can still see him everywhere I look. The nursery is especially hard. It was his project and God bless his soul it is so beautiful. I think deep down he knew he wasnt coming home from the hospital. Even the car seat was in the car and I was only at 5 months. Sorry to go on about me. I pray that God will be with you during this difficult time. Take care and God bless.

Derek, I agree about being a better person now. When Jason was alive I took so much for granted. Not anymore. I think of everything as a gift from God and I pray to never take anything like our time together for granted again. It is a real eye opener.

I am reading and alot of people had a bad weekend it seems. I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that Thanksgiving is right around the corner? Everything just seems like some horrible nightmare. I think of the day he died and it just seems like something I dreamed or something you see in the movies. I wish we could all wake up from this nightmare and have out loved ones with us.

Brooke, I noticed you havnt been posting and missed you. It is hard to find the words to say sometimes. I am at 4 1/2 months and it is a very hard time. The more time that passes the more I realize he is not coming home and it hurts soooooo bad. I hate the weekends too. I recently posted that I think on Sat night. Right after I called my sis and was reminded how her and her boyfreind were going out for dinner and dont think of inviting me. I feel like an outcast. I know what you mean about just wanting to snuggle on the couch with him. It was those simple things I took for granted. I dont think there is a magical date or time when the lonliness will go away. I just hope this doesnt last for a long time. If I had my way I would remove the weekends from the calendar. I hope things get easier. Take care

Laurie, Id like to know the answer to that too. Im at 4 1/2 months and I still feel like I will see him or can call him. It is so unbeleivable. I wish I could give you a good answer or something to help you. Days do get pretty repeatitive dont they? They seem to just be the same over and over. It has to get better. I pray alot and it helps. Take it one day at a time. I try not to think of the future too much because I see my future without Jason and it really hurts. Take care.

Joanie, I am so sorry for your loss. Cancer took my husband too. It is so hard to go through and somedays it seems inpossible to get through. I am in my fifth month without my darling husband and somedays are still so unbearable. We were married for 2 years. I hope you find help coming here and thank you for your understanding. We all are here for you too. It has helped me so much to have a place to go to and talk with others who understand. Take care of yourself.

Im having a rough day. My life just feels so empty today. I know I have the baby and he makes me happy, but I just cant help the way I feel. It just feels like something is always wrong. I always feel on edge because he's gone. Everything just seems so purposless. The weekends are especially hard. Everyone seems to have someone and something to do but me. Jason and I used to go out or do something. Now Im just a third wheel. My sis and her boyfreind dont even ask me anymore. I bring up Id like to go with them and they always make their plans even around me and done even consider me. It hurts so much to be so alone in this world. Well I just needed to vent and talk to some people who can understand me.

Laurie, You are not crazy. I did the some thing. I would expect him to call or think I could pick up the phone and reach him at the hospital. I actually almost made the 2 hour drive to pick him up because in my mind there was no way he could be dead. I saw him dead I have his ashes but it still doesnt true. ITs not fair. I dont know what I would do without my son either. I hope some day it gets easier for all of us. Take care and God bless

Derek, I know what you mean. I have pictures everywhere of Jason and I but they are just around. Everytime I stop to look at them I break down. I wouldnt feel right taking them down. So there they are making my heart ache everytime I stop to look at them. I cant wait for the day where Ican look at them and smile instead of feel this emptiness and heartache. Take care and God Bless

I agree that the weekends are rough. Especially during the holidays. My husband and I would be out Christmas shopping or planning our Thanksgiving plans. It is so normal to shy away from people. Some days I just dont want to face the world. I never thought a world without Jason would keep spinning, but much to my suprise it does. Its gonna be rough.

KayC, I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. It is not easy finding a good job these days. Things would be a hell of alot different if we had our husbands back. I cant imagine how you are feeling because I worry all the time about nonsense things. I hope things start looking your way and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless

You are right. We all must go on. Our spouses or whoever we lost would want us to. My husband said to me that if he died he wouldnt want me to be alone an greive forever. He knew I would but they want us to go on. We will see them again someday. Thank God for that which keeps us sain. For me it is my son. I thank GOd for him everyday. This year for me has been very bittersweet. The loss of mY dear husband and the birth of our son. I couldnt imagine life without him now. I am sorry for your loss and come talk it helps so much.

Lori, You are not selfish at all. You did what was right for your mother and I know she appreciates that. I dont know if I would do the same for my mother. I know it sounds mean but we dont have a very good relationship. (I know she wouldnt take care of me). Dont feel guilty for sending her to hospice. I am a nurse and I see the wonderful things hospice does. It takes a very strong person to have hospice take over. I klnow it felt like you were saying I give up but you werent. At the end of life there is nothing better than hospice in my opinion. Your mothers last words were how she loved you. We all feel guilty about things we did or didnt do when greiving I think that is normal. My husband had cancer for 2 years before he died and I also found myself getting frustrated at times. You cant help it we are human. When you see the one you love dying I think it is a automatic reaction. I dont know what else to say but I hoped I helped some. Take care

Derek, I too have missed you on here. I understand. I was walking through Toys r us yesterday and I couldnt beleive they are playing xmas music already. Well that started me thinking about what is to come with the holidays and it left me upset. It will be my first holidays without Jason too. Sure I know it will be my first holidays with the baby too and that is great but it is so bittersweet. I am working on Christmas this year so maybe it will keep my mind occupied. Like Lori said I try to avoid things alot. Not saying thats right for everyone. I hope things get better too like KayC said They have to. Take care and God Bless you and your son

Laurie, I am sorry the pain is so bad for you now. It is very early and it does get a little better with time. Your Sean sounds like he was such a wonderful person. I dont know what else to say but Take care and I hope things can get easier for you.

Marty, Thank you so much. That does help. I have been focusing on the baby obviously and it keeps me occupied, but at night when I have to be alone I start thinking. During the day I do too but the nights are so hard. I do find myself telling people about the day he died and how I felt alot. It is almost like a compulsion to talk of it over an over an replay it. I guess if it is how I am suppose to heal it is ok. I will come on here to talk if I need to vent about those "bad things".. I am pretty sure the people around me dont like to hear it. Take care

Jane, My husband was 36 when he died as well. Too young. No matter how you lose them it is hard but it has to be so hard for you. I wasnt there when my husband died and I regret it sometimes, but when I think abou watching him die it sends chills down my spine. I wish God spared you that pain. I dont know what else to say but to talk about how you feel. It helps alot to talk. I come here alot because people who dont know how you feel cant help too much. Take care of yourself.