kevin

Kristine.....spreading the Ashes is nothing to rush into. I want the Ashes with me for while...few years anyway. I have an Urn, (inscriptions and dates), corner piece in the living room, flowers(fake) plaques and Pictures........it is a work in progress

Harley, I don't have much sound experiences about affairs of the heart ,but I do know you can make yourself sick with this Grief. First I thought I was onto some great weight loss plan, then I realized I wasn't eating correctly. I find there is a strong correlation between mood and nutritiont....and chunks of dark chocolate as a pick me up.....I know you exercise/workout, remember to re-energize with good food, take the odd Boost...it does help,,,good luck

I went through a divorce with 4 young kids, felt down in the dumps and somewhat lost, but the need to keep the kids fed kept me grounded,......that feeling was nothing compared to loss of a Wife of 30 years...I tell everyone the Grief I have is 10X more pain than anything I ever went through in my life combined.......I met a Lady in town here who has been Widowed twice, my question was how can you go on...answer was simple, you just do . The belief in a higher power definitely helps one out........

Kristine, your feelings have been experienced by all of us ,and , if we are 100% honest, all thought about joining our loved one immediately. It is Natural. I am now on day 66 and just starting to think half straight.......If not from reading this board, and seeing how everyone is dealing with their Grief, I would still be a basket case.........Once I accepted my Grief will always be there, and my Love will always be there, things started making sense. ........You don't get over anything, you learn to handle it, with respect........Joined Heart and Stroke as a Volunteer Canvasser.....I may come a knocking.....

Butch , you just did it to me..................big Waves and Tears. Angela loved George Strait....." Our love is unconditional". .Life will never be the same, I accept that ,........but somethings make the memories so clear , and Music is one of them.....

Jim any kind of Grief counseling or EAP referrals are "enlightening"..but as everyone here shares, this process is a roller coaster and you will question your own sanity on occasion......I personally found benefit in counseling, if only for them to reaffirm I wasn't crazy........They do emphasize not to make big changes for a year, watch your own health, don't keep your emotions bottled in(nothing wrong with a good cry).....they have write ups on all this...it helps.............I'm only about 10 weeks into this process, and at least now, I think I know what I'm in for.....Prayers for you......kevin

Bob Segar, Brookes and Dunn, Linda Ronstad, Stones, and Nitty Gritty Dirt Band..........sorta got stuck in the 70's and 80's....but both loved Zach Brown Band....I play these over and over

Debi/Kayc.....my Sister sent me a card stating the exact sentiments , how fortunate I was to have 31 years of shared love. My biggest regret is, I took this for granted like it would never end........And like one of you said, you can't be hurt this bad unless you have loved this hard.....Makes you wonder if you ever want to go through this again?

I moved the Plaque upstairs........and read it every morning.......

IWhen things go wrong, as they sometimes will, When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,When the funds are low and the debts are high,And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,When care is pressing you down a bit-Rest if you must, but don't you quit.Life is queer with its twists and turns, As every one of us sometimes learns,And many a fellow turns aboutWhen he might have won had he stuck it out.Don't give up though the pace seems slow -You may succeed with another blow.Often the goal is nearer than It seems to a faint and faltering man;Often the struggler has given upWhen he might have captured the victor's cup;And he learned too late when the night came down,How close he was to the golden crown.Success is failure turned inside out - The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,And you never can tell how close you are,It might be near when it seems afar;So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.found this Poem on a Plaque in our basement guestroom.......cleaning for Christmas....One of Angela's Gems......

Marty's posts on communications have a couple key tips........one that was passed onto me by a Priest had to do with giving thanks before for the contact. Almost putting " your Better Half" on the spot to make contact.....If we are talking Dream contact there are a few things we must do to set things up enhance good peaceful sleep......Prayer and soulful conversation, no distractions(TV Off and no light), and fall asleep thinking about the Loved one you want to contact....You are the Receiver.....Good Dreams

All this talk about Christmas got me motivated.......tested half my outdoor lights and have them on right now....(neighbours giving looks).......While I'm at it, put up a couple of Angela's Pumpkins and Witches....might as well do it all at once. The inside of me will be hurting forever but the Outside me will carryon and make people smile........On the different note, can't cook a turkey for one person, decided on small chicken...........This Christmas season will be remembered for a long time. and for the right reasons.....

Butch, my plan for the First anniversary is a picture and a nice verse in the local paper . It will definitely be a low Key day. This talk about Christmas has me convinced to go to our midnight services on the Eve...... It is a different life now.......

George, congrats on the walking.......its is funny how this works, the more you walk, the better you sleep, good sleep regenerates the whole body,the better you feel, and above all, the clearer you think...........Keep up the positive moves, sounds like you did a great job with your Wife...

Deb, I am doing not too bad......I've accepted this change I am going through and actually wrote down my own" Commandments" to keep me on the straight and narrow.........easy basic stuff with inputs for each........Spiritual(read the Bible)and attend Church,.....fitness and wellness, minimum debt , forgiveness(no grudges), no evening drinking, release bad thoughts, and heavy on remembering past good thoughts......Working on picture albums.........Angela had boxes of pics over the past 30 years and only half made it to the albums........

Small fake tree on a Coffee table fits the Bill.........Spray Pine scent, ready to go.......My small tree, I never "undecorated it", now it is my main(and only) tree.......I automatically avoid social outings that involve couples, not ready at all......

Christmas is the Best time of the year........Deb, with a 16 year old youngster, the tradition your husband had, must carry on in the eyes of your son. Christmas has a healing power of its own...(a temporary one at that), but it will bring more smiles than tears.........I considered backing off a bit but remember the effort my wife put into Christmas, I decided just last week to carry on and do my best.........

That really got me laughing......

KayC,If you were in control, there is no reason for them to shut you out in the final minutes. I know it was the most gut wrenching 20 minutes of my life . Now that whole time is as "surreal" as it gets....... I stayed with my Angela as long as it took, paper work, witness accounts,and then to transport her to the Funeral Home.......have no regrets but lots of questions. We are all so fragile.....

heard this old song that hit home today..........Bobby Goldsborrow? See the tree, how big it's grown But friend it hasn't been too long It wasn't big I laughed at her and she got mad The first day that she planted it, was just a twig Then the first snow came And she ran out to brush the snow away So it wouldn't die Came runnin' in all excited Slipped and almost hurt herself And I laughed till I cried She was always young at heart Kinda dumb and kinda smart and I loved her so And I surprised her with a puppy Kept me up all Christmas Eve two years ago And it would sure embarrass her When I came in from workin' late 'Cause I would know That she'd been sittin' there and cryin' Over some sad and silly late, late show And honey, I miss you And I'm bein' good And I'd love to be with you If only I could She wrecked the car and she was sad And so afraid that I'd be mad But what the heck Though I pretended hard to be Guess you could say she saw through me And hugged my neck I came home unexpectedly And caught her cryin' needlessly In the middle of the day And it was in the early Spring When flowers bloom and robins sing She went away And honey, I miss you And I'm bein' good And I'd love to be with you If only I could One day while I was not at home While she was there and all alone The angels came Now all I have is memories of Honey And I wake up nights and call her name Now my life's an empty stage Where Honey lived and Honey played And love grew up And a small cloud passes overhead And cries down on the flower bed That Honey loved And see the tree how big it's grown But friend it hasn't been too long It wasn't big And I laughed at her and she got mad

I felt the same way about playing Golf....I'm retired.......my children insisted I quit lounging around but to get back in the routine. It is almost 8 weeks for me and I'm still a basket case, but a basket case that gets 4-5 hours of fresh air a day........it will never be the same, and I don't want it to be.......I Feel progress, but Still have those misty moments....don't ever leave home without sunglasses......

I joined the Facebook page...not bad

Marty you are a remarkable person.....I feel a little regretl for in my past life(before retirement) I managed many people and gave normal bereavement leave, offered condolences without understanding what some of these people were really going through. As I sit now, except for the odd slip with the daytime beers, I find myself with two Bibles, prayer book, and fully committed to learn. Those 20 tips on contact are so true.....I actually say a few words at night in prayer and a few words to Angela..........Paper and Pen are at my bedside. It is amazing how many people are experiencing what we are going through.....this sight is great

I couldn't even imagine holding a job right now...I am all over the place...Even trying to straighten out the estate stuff I lose patience with some of the institutions.......Pension people have me on ignore I think........But I think I am softening up and not so paranoid. Being alone in your soul is tough.....

That is a good guideline.....I jumped right to #8..........this is a good find..thanks