kevin

That Boost and Ensure (Vanilla) provided my Angela with 50% of the main nutrients each day. I found she was more hungry in the morning but anytime she got the yen /craves for anything, I whipped it up. She may have only taken a bite or two and she was full, but the dog ate well......Canabis is prescribed here quite often.

Sunday dinner is non existant ......and they used to be so special......I had frozen perogies and peanut butter sandwich.....Approaching Four months now. Things are getting better, but this rain and snow makes things so dreary/depressing.......But on the positive side, through most of the paper work..........This new normal sucks big time......

Deb, I'm sure you are aware, Brussels seems to be the hot spot at present.........good luck and stay off the streets, these crazies have no rules....

Gwen, I was in a different but similar predicament , my wife was suffering from dementia and had stroke complications. My concern was if anything happened to me, no one would give her the care she received from me.......I was watching both our blood pressures like a hawk, ate good foods, medications, doctor visits, and lived life in Harmony.........I was (still am) devastated how quickly she passed, but I am so grateful she doesn't have to go through this Grief process . This would have surely did her in or stroked her to invalid status......After a week or two, I realized it was best and actually gave thanks....Doesn't help me, but I believe it sure was the best result for my Wife........

Not being to quick to condemn any one person or group but our History(going back to Old Testy) sure has a lot of violence associated with religion........Fighting army on army, I see as the ultimate waste but, I can understand......but these cowardly attacks on soft civilian targets I cannot stomach........I think the UN...security council...had better step forward, unanimously, and put this terrorism to bed once and for all....and no way around it, it's boots on the ground with Leadership ..............

All my best.....kevin

This Song takes in the Wet, Sunshine, and Snow...........Tommy James https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skydln4BhDI

Margaret .....a trick I was given, when the robots got you ,go to " 0" right away.......it doesn't work all the time, but keep dialing and within 3 or 4 tries you get the" you are in the que" with 5 minute wait.......This inability to talk to a person is a result of just too many cutbacks and poor decisions. Consider how the Vets feel trying to get a straight answer when nobody is there to talk to them.......

Sunshine Somewhere..........read somewhere you were doing some "paper work" and someone else mentioned it was like"erasing" a name...I have been sending letters "Certified Death Certificates", Certified Marriage Certificates, and in one case proof of Co-habitancy........I picked up the phone today(after 40 minutes) got through to a person and they assured me (with numbers and dates), that the applications and Pensions (widower)are all approved as of Nov. 10/2015......That is one big box of papers off my Kitchen table...... The Sun is Shining, I think my Angela helped it along.......

Decided to be logical on how Grief is effecting us...I take the Stephen Covey type model. As we are all different, the Grief addition will imbalance "wheel".......as our wheel is out of balance, we can expect silly things happen, .......Symptoms of this "wobbly Wheel" are people finding too much religion, drinking too much, reclusive, uncontrollable emotions etc.........until we accept Grief is here to stay, and is part of our wheel, we will never be back to (new normal) balance.........Hope this makes a little sense, I still have a wobbly wheel, but am trying to make sense of it......

I lived on the West Coast of British Columbia for over 10 years......I started out Logging in the Summer then finished school and moved to the Manufacturing side. But the big trees need big rain, and we went weeks and weeks without seeing the sun......Our joke was you don't tan, you rust.........Now, later in life, We chose less rain, less snow, and a whole lot less cold.............We love the dry and the sun, providing the Mountains get the snow........Overcast skies and dreary weather ,definitely effects my mood.......if there is a move in my future ,it has to be somewhere dry and sunny..........

There is a lot of great quotes in Shawshank Redemption, but one that applies to us/and grief is something Morgan Freeman said....".You better get busy living, or get busy dying"..........the First Christmas will be difficult.......as will the other firsts, but I plan on making some NEW firsts in future years, but I reconciled I will always carry a heavy heart....and this new person I am becoming,is a changing work in progress.........this being alone puts us on a steep learning curve with a few marbles missing..

My plans are pretty simple. touch basis with my kids and extended family week before Christmas.......Return home within 4 days and spend Christmas alone..........I have over 40 years of tremendous bountiful Holidays in my memory bank, this year I will spend it with Angela and our Pets .....The house and yard will lit up in a true Griswald tradition .........I will veg out and watch movies and at least one Marathon program of some type.......PS great to have you back Deb

Well for some of us it is Thanksgiving(again) and then the run up to Christmas......This is a tough time to say the least. Got an E mail today from Grief toolbox I think I should share....the last couple of lines are good............ Holidays Can Be the Most Trying - New

KayC..... can you quantify very long time?.....I am reassured that others have stated the same observations. It would be nice to know if there was a treatment...vitamin deficiency, diet, more sleep. Gwen, I got note pads, a Journal, and a new rule about not leaving the kitchen with the stove on.....I've also overflowed the Hot Tub, adding water and forgot about it, big mop job.

This may not qualify for dead inside but I sure am absent minded lately.......I definitely am still cognitively impaired...And have absolutely no intentions of ever going through this again....I made a comment that before I ever went out with anyone seriously, I would need a full medical report, it got some chuckles, but I was half serious. I find this living alone is a big waste of space full of memories, its not good, but getting better if I can regain my focus.......

Are anniversaries are very close. Your words and feelings are exactly how it is today. I can finally talk about the past without getting misty......moving old storage stuff, clearing out old tax documents, scripts, toiletries, etc.......I used the 100 day milestone to get in gear and take stock.......I think our Goals, as the ones left behind, is to be someone our Spouses would be proud of...

Just got back from Super Market, ran out of large Trash Bags....buying 40 at a time now......Margaret you missed your calling, you are a regular Tony Robins type Motivational speaker.......(typer)...I ran out of gas only after I had one box for the Thrift store and two trash bags started.....PS....even made the bed today.......Tomorrow will slowly continue with the Trash project........

There is definitely cognitive impairment we all go through.......inability to concentrate to the level we are accustomed to......I notice that when I'm driving(forget where I'm going).......three seconds of re thinking it comes back, you may have to circle the block......But I repeat myself and I have times of High Energy and times the Tank is on E....Harley mentioned something...very honestly, that she has been a Top performer in the past and now is "skating" at work. I don't think I could hold a job today and it's been over 100 days for me....

I am definitely in the getting rid of"stuff mode"........I reversed the process that fits with your operation. Angela's special belongings are all being placed in special plastic containers/drawers.......Now we have 30+ years of legacy trash that I am throwing out......cloths to Thrift store, books to Library, and all my stacks of crap in my office to the dump.......Still going to have a Garage sale (maybe two weekends in a row)in the Spring....Must have 200 VHF tapes........My quota is 100#'s a week out of the house...two big Orange Garbage bags.......I was taught early in life," begin with the End in Mind"...Stephen Covey.....sorta gets your head around things. Margaret, sounds like your on your game today.....good luck......PS Snowing outside in my neck of the woods.....Southern BC Canada......

Margaret, I made a list for all the items I had to take care of and a utilized a Binder with dividers to organize myself. I got 6 marriage certificates(certified copies) and 10 death certificates.......keep originals under lock and key.......But every night in my Journal(Diary), I list what I accomplished and what I have to do the next day..............I am on my 15th week now and do not expect to have this completed until first week of December......and Income tax early next year........Your focus on something each day is commendable, sounds like you have a handle on things..................... On the somber side, I am putting together a "kit" for my son, to make things easier for him when my time comes.......

Wanting to get home is the best sign you are on the road to recovery.....slow and easy.....even bathroom breaks.....slow and easy.....super good luck....

We had over 4 feet of snow on my roof after one storm........then I saw the forecast had some mild weather coming. I decided I had better move the snow now before the weight doubled with the rain......It took three days to shovel the roof......and another three days to clear the compacted snow away from the house(if you could find a place to put it)the compacted snow was like concrete........we had snow, slush, and watery ice for about a week.....pushing vehicles, stuck or high centered.....those were the days...love front wheel drive now...

Helping people into a lifeboat.....what a vision, and so true. You feel totally used up, dead inside, and these strangers are dragging you to safety....and you gain strength from each other......good writing...