rdownes

Gwen your words express what so many feel I don't mean to sound corny but you do still matter to someone you matter to Steve and you always will death does not destroy love, is it different now yes can we see them or hold them in our arms no but their love for us is forever present, it is hard to explain but I feel a closer love with/for Kevin I am not going crazy I know that he is physically not here anymore but he lives inside me in everything I do for me that is enough I still chose Kevin today and will till my last breath and I know he will be there awaiting me with open arms.

George am sorry for the hard day loneliness can consume us sometimes let's face it there are days we just can not control our grief no matter how hard we try or how far along we just have to ride the waves and know that it will not always be so painful or hard, sometimes I actually welcome the tears my release of all my pent up love I hope you wake with your new mercy hugs

Marita my thoughts will be with you tomorrow on this hard day it will be hard but I hope remembering his love will bring some comfort hugs.

Gin these marker days are hard I hate them it is hard to picture our lives without them but we muster up the strength to carry on, trying to find hope in all this emptiness and sadness one day we will get there.Even though it is one more day they have been out of our lives it is also one day closer to be reunited with them again bitter/sweet.

Darrel am sorry for the hard day they really stink, I get angry sometimes I get angry at drugs and addiction for robbing me of my husband, I get angry at God for taking him out of my life, I even get angry at Kevin for leaving me it is a hard life we lead now but I try not to let anger consume my life anymore I spent to many years angry at my Kevin nothing changed and I can't go back now, I hope tomorrow brings a better day keep heading towards that light hugs.

AB3 I know how you feel I went back to work the day after Kevin's viewing it was so hard all I could see was Kevin's face everywhere, here his voice everywhere, I would cry everytime someone brought him up, it is hard and will be for awhile your life has just been turned upside down and inside out take everything slow grief is not an easy journey I still see my Kevin's face in my mind all the time but now it doesn't bring me the saddness it did it makes me remember his/our love but it took me alot of tears and hard days/nights to get there you will find your way in your own time know you are never alone my heart goes out to you because I remember how hard it was in the beginning of this world no one asked for not that it is easier for me now I have just gotten used to him not being in my physical presence anymore but he lives in my soul hugs.

Thank you all for your support today was a more normal day as normal as they are now, I buzzed my other sons hair tonight and my grandson's and was fine, I don't know why last night was such a trigger I guess it was because my oldest son looks like the spitting image of Kevin or , I know it is my time now and I can either spend the rest of my life sad, lonely, empty and even bitter, or I can learn to live with Kevin's love inside me and make the most of the years I have left with his spirit forever beside me it is just getting from one spot to the other that is the challenge but I truly believe that one day with alot of work and alot of shedded tears I will get there hugs to all.

I was talking to my daughter the other day we were walking to the store and me and her always talk about Kevin she was telling me about a sign she felt she got from her father she looked out of the corner of her eye and saw one of those airplane that leave smoke as they fly she said it looked like it drew angel wings, I told he it had been awhile since I had received a sign from her dad but I told her I think it is because when he first passed I think he new how hard it was and how much we still needed him and missed him not that it is not hard now but unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you look at it we do get used to these feelings being present, to some degree we get used to them not being here we live a new normal life, no need to apologize grief truly SUCKS.

Just am feeling a little extra low to night , just missing Kevin alot, feels like forever since I heard his voice oh yeah it has been 7 going on 8 months feels like forever, have been getting through my days ok, not to much in the way of tears lately haven't had any grief waves this week guess it's been an OK week I survived first Christmas, New Year's and my b-day without him, I still listen to his music everyday it is my way of feeling he is still here in some sense, today I was buzzing my older sons hair (he is the spitting image of his dad) and for a moment it was Kevin's hair I was cutting again so am alittle extra sad tonight just missing him alittle extra more but I know this is my new normal sadness mixed with love, my youngest son is turning 18 on Saturday it is bitter sweet me and Kevin always talked about when they all were finally adults how our time would start, now it is me time with Kevin in my heart not quite the same but better than nothing

AB3 you should not have to hide your grief to make other people believe you are doing better, unless you have lost a spouse you will never understand this loss and even then everyone's journey is different I am lucky that I am close to Kevin's mom and she respects my feelings and loss, my family understands nothing, I do not hide my grief for anyone, if I am sad then I let it be known, just like if I am doing ok I let it be known I will not be someone I am not for anyone it is my loss not their's if I make them feel uncomfortable than they need not be around me maybe that sounds harsh but it is just the way I feel now I need to do what is best for me and hiding my emotions help nothing.

I have not personally chosen to seek counseling not that it wouldn't be useful I stumbled on this site at about three weeks into my grief and have learned so much, this site has taught me that I am not alone in my journey that there really are caring people who understand everything I am feeling, I am learning to have hope in all this darkness and Marty is always here with her kind heart and words of wisdom and encouragement for me right now this site is enough one day that might change only time will tell hugs

Yes I know me and my music found this song by Creed called "Time" please listen

Gwen I definitely know how you feel everyday feels like one step farther away from the last time we heard there voice, held them close, laughed with them it just makes there absence more real and hard, I bet Steve would love to be there to snuggle on a snowy night, last night I went to bed by 11 felt no desire to watch another new year roll in all I could do was think of a new year of heartache and pain, but hopefully a few more smiles will creep in, I think we all yearn for those yesterday's with them and I guess we will till our time comes unfortunately that seems to be our life now I hope that this New Year brings all of us on this long hard road alittle peace and more good than bad days.

AB3 I think it is matter of what you believe I was raised with a religious up bringing so I have always believed that our time to go is already decided for us, but again it is a question with no concrete answer but I do feel like Gwen as far as why keep beating yourself up over something that you have no way of going back to I know how hard it is and how much we wish for a different outcome in the beginning but unfortunately things happen out of our control and we are stuck missing them with every breath we take unfortunately we will never know or understand why certain people go and others stay all we can do is the best we can to keep on going with them in our hearts.

AB3 what you are feeling is a part of grief I think at some point we all have wished to be with them after all they were our other half I still sometimes think even at seven months how I just want to be with him but I know that he would never want me with him before my time, his love gives me the strength to keep going even when I feel like I can't we are all trying to find our purpose without them now Kevin's passing has taught me so much besides just what it feels like to hurt it has taught me never to take another single person for granted to be thankful no matter how hard it is to have been given another day and it has taught me just how blessed I was to have known a love like that I know it hurts beyond words and I know it is hard but you are not alone

AB3 I feel your pain I wish I had some magic words to take away your pain but unfortunately there is none, it feels like just yesterday I was exactly where you are and I know from the bottom of my heart how hard it is, I am at seven months and am just coming out of the fog , sometimes I still feel like I am living a nightmare everyday, for me time hasn't healed anything but I have learned to live with my loss which is a big step for me I have along way to go but I am trying it is all I can do, it takes time and alot of work yes unfortunately grief is hard work it is one of the hardest things we will deal with, we have to feel the emotions good and bad to be able to get past them and it can be hard somedays you don't know how much more pain you can take, but there comes a time when a thought of them brings a smile to your face not only tears and I cherish those thoughts now to you will find your way at your own pace in your own time grief has no time limit so be gentle with yourself try and think of the good memories though I know it is hard my heart truly aches for you because I know how hard this is hugs

AB3 I definitely believe they are still with us, love like the love we had never dies I have always felt my Kevin's presence still around I was at the beach one day not truly thinking of him just there with my grandbabies I looked up and a butterfly flew right over my head, I have had countless butterfly experiences since he passed, I am a big listener of music it is my coping skill I listen to his music everyday you see he had bipolar on top of his addiction and a pretty rough childhood I never noticed until he passed that his music that he listened to told the story of his life and feelings one night I was outside listening to his music tears streaming down my face and I felt a warm touch on my legs like he was telling me it is OK I am here. Of course no one can definitely prove life after death but chosing to believe in the thought that they never truly leave us is not hurting anyone, I believe it was a sign from him with all my heart I believe that they never truly leave us, sometimes it is hard to remember that though when we are feeling so sad,lost and lonely but I know that the connection/love me and my Kevin had can not be destroyed even by death if anything it has made my love stronger any hope that you can find in this journey is a blessing hold onto it for it will help you right now sometimes hope is all we have hugs.

AB3 I feel your pain it is so hard losing someone we we so close to who was our world, I lost my husband of 26 years to drug addiction, you should not blame yourself in any way you had no control over it being his time to leave this world trust me I know how you feel I blamed myself for so long so many would a, could a , should a that now mean nothing because he is gone and it hurts, I can not tell you how to keep going someday I am not sure how I still keep going at seven months, I can say I try to remember his love and it gives me strength I know he wouldn't want me with him, this site has helped me very much it helps knowing that other people know and understand what you are going through and it's nice to know you are not crazy when you feel like your losing it take it slow, baby steps, one day one breath at a time if need be, try not to be hard on yourself it was out of your control, we are all in this world we did not ask for now trying to find our way hoping to find some sense of peace one day my heart goes out to you post whenever you feel the need it truly helps I am welcoming you with open arms but am so sorry for what brings you here hugs. Robin

Darrel a very nice song I love music it is my coping skill, it makes me feel my Kevin's presence I to so miss snuggling miss even just the sound of his voice, this was my first Christmas to it was hard but here I am still standing everyday is hard I just miss him so I am sure your wife would want you to find a sense of happiness and peace the remainder of your days, I think all of our spouses would want that the hard part is finding our way there welcome and never feel like you are abusing the site it is here for you to share whenever and whatever you need hugs.

Mitch you do not have to have the right words for anyone you have shared, helped and brought comfort to so many but it is not expected of you we all need others to lean on sometimes and we are here for you, I know that I to sometimes avoid the site or posting because sometimes it just seems like why post no one can fix this for me I realize that no matter how down and out I feel that I draw a sense of strength from this site in knowing that I am not alone in this pain I am feeling that others understand exactly how I feel and even if there is no way to fix this at least I can one day possible find a sense of peace I am sorry it has been so hard I know and understand how you feel just know you are appreciated and cared about whether you feel you have the rights words because there is no right or wrong in grief hugs.

By no means are you a monster for your feelings you have a right to have those feelings you lost an important part of you, I did not really have any holiday spirit this year no matter how hard I tried but I know people who know my situation they understood. My heart goes out to you hugs

Mugs so much of what you say I totally relate to it's like you took the words out of my heart, you are by no means crazy I am only at 7 months but my reality is here and I know I definitely feel worse I used to think I had found my way my sense of comfort but that feeling has gone the longer he is gone the more I miss and long for him, I to am stuck in the past it was where I was happy not that I don't love my kids and grandbabies but no one can fill this void, I have made a conscious choice my heart will always belong to Kevin I am only 45 so young enough to start over but for me no one could compare or replace Kevin so I don't want any part of that, he was and is my soulmate, I did find a song and posted it in Honoring loved ones and it is called One day to late and it really made me think somehow I have got to find my peace because tomorrow could be one day to late. Hugs to all

Hello Mitch I wanted to let you know that you have been in my thoughts I remember you saying that Christmas Eve was your and Tammy's anniversary I hope you are as OK as possible I know it is hard I just wanted you to know you are not alone hugs

Hello Darrel I feel your pain and loss you are farther along than me I lost my Kevin of 26 years 7 months ago I still miss him with every breath I take, for me as reality sets more in it is getting harder for me to keep moving forward but I keep trying time doesn't feel like my friend right now it feels like my enemy just one more day without my soulmate I am so sorry for your loss and for your having to be here but I am glad you found us this is an amazing site it has helped me on many a hard night my heart goes out to you.

Well made it through the holiday alot of empty feelings, alot of sadness in my heart my grandbabies were a little of a positive distraction everything is just different now and it always will be I have to learn to accept it and learn to live with it one day at a time I like the new saying of wishing "enough" I hope everyone found a sense of peace today and some joy even if it was remembering Christmases past hugs to all I want you all to know I care about you and I appreciate your kindness.