rdownes

Oh Ruth can so relate and understand the loneliness is so hard that saying don't know what you had till it's gone is so true at least for me we never expected this and we all thought we would have more time but I guess we were blessed to have the time we did though sometimes it is easy to forget that, I relied on Kevin for everything and now things just don't get fixed I am sure your kids and grandkids had they known that Randy would not be around would have watched the game with him you take for granted that that person will be there so you always think there is a tomorrow unfortunately for some of our families that tomorrow will never come againand it hurts beyond words, sometimes it takes a loss to make people appreciate what they have unfortunately in alot of ways it has brought me and my children closer but our family link is broken now. Hold on to Randy's love I bet he was there for game night saying (Go Blue) right along with you all. I wish there was something I could say to ease the hurt but I know I can't take away your pain just know you are not alone hugs

Marie can do relate to what you say. I have my children and grandbabies but I still feel tremendous loneliness my kids understand why I am sad but they don't understand the rest and I don't expect them to, all I can do is live in the moment lately I was being able to think alittle farther but that has stopped and boy do I know about appreciating the little this, even appreciating being blessed with another day no matter how hard it is, you are never alone in this journey.

Kayce and Karen yes it is so nice feeling like others know and understand it is truly a help and blessings to have that it is just the loneliness is getting worse and I feel like the light is slipping farther away I don't want that this is not me it is not the Robin that Kevin loved I feel like a stranger to myself, J went trick or treating with my grandson it got my mind off things for alittle while but even that did not remove the ache in my heart, I know that they say holidays are extra hard days and I guess Christmas will be another test of this but I think everyday is hard holiday or not trigger or not, I can be alright and for no reason just lose it and start a crying fit that won't stop I just want to find my way with Kevin by my side forever in spirit and in my heart but sometimes it feels like a losing battle hugs to everyone

Kim am so sorry today finds you with a heavy heart and hard memories it is so hard on these trigger days, who am I kidding it's hard everyday just breathing can be a challenge, I am sure LC is at peace when they leave this earth they leave behind all pain and sorrow and suffering I am sure he sees how much his "Pumpkin" misses and loves him truly a nice picture it radiates your love and happiness I hope your heart finds some comfort today in remembering the love you to shared will be thinking of you today hugs

So true Kat this place is my family of fellow grievers who have been a godsend very lucky to find such compassion,love and understanding.

Marie for me it just seems my hard days are out weighing my ok days lately I was doing good was finding some comfort in different things and now it is like finding any comfort is a gift I just seem to keep slipping farther into the darkness away from the light no matter how hard I try I am sure Kevin would have loved his first Halloween with Mason but I am sure he was with you in spirit enjoying the day hugs

Patty that is truly amazing it brings tears to my eyes for you I am sure you really cherish those 10 seconds Ron truly wanted you to know how much he loved you, and twin stars Gwen truly amazing you and Steve up in the sky together for always such a truly amazing gift.

Gin and Joyce thank you for your words it is so hard without them and yes do not need a particular reason to feel low our soulmates are gone and it hurts beyond words at times.

That is so nice Brad to have that special star I am sure Deedo hears every loving word and is smiling down on you something to cherish.

Laurie welcome to the group I am turning 46 in December my loss is not as far along as yours I lost my husband of 26 years on May 17 2016 Age really has nothing to do with it in my opinion to loss your soulmate at any age devastates you when I first came here I thought the same thing but I have found that regardless of age we are all feeling the same emptiness, loneliness and longing for our soulmates I don't know how I make it through some days are so hard I just want to rip out my heart but everyday I somehow make it through another day with this pain in my heart that never goes away I think it is Kevin's love that keeps me going I think that everyone is capable of loving more than one person and yes it would be different you need to do what is right for you in this journey for me only Kevin has my heart and soul. If only we could get the answer to the "why" question but we never will and even if we knew why it would not ease our pain I hope you find comfort here and know we understand your pain.

Thank you to everyone for listening I know everyone understands this feeling and we are all trying to find our way with no real answers just hope it is just so hard but we keep on going I am surviving today like every other one with this ache in my heart that won't go away Patty that i a truly special thing to have your man in the sky I am glad Ron got to show you the whole thing makes it truly a gift I wish there was a way to make this pain just stop it gets overwhelming

Everyday this is what I get up saying what alot of us say and it hurts so bad, it is so hard without them sometimes to the point of wanting to give up, we then have to search deep inside us and find our strength to keep going our reason to go on it is different for all of us but one thing I feel that we all share is their love gives us strength but it doesn't take away the loneliness the emptiness the yearning to hear their voice , look into their eyes and see the love, missing holding them close that always is there I know it will get easier in time but it will always be there and nothing prepares you for this pain I just needed to vent today am feeling very low

Gwen I hope you had some peace on this hard day, I don't think I would want to be bothered either on the anniversary of his passing there is nothing joyfully about that day nothing but a reminder of when our lives changed forever and now birthday's yes a totally different story that is the day that brought us our soulmates you are in y thoughts hugs

Amazing news she is so precious that smile melts your heart feel better soon Butch am so glad for you and your family

The Lord truly watched over her

Mary is there with you and with Gracie watching over you both I know she is I truly feel for your family it must be so hard beyond words but try to hold on Butch Gracie and your family will be in my prayers and thoughts until you are able to shower her with your love again and she can give you all that precious smile.

Gwen I wish I knew how to make this easier for you it is hard so very hard we walk around with this empty feeling that never goes away and it would be so easy to just give up and surcome to the darkness but we find the strength to get through another day and I know for me it is Kevin's love that keeps me going he is more than a memory to me he is embedded in my soul, I know he sees me and he replies through his signs and for now that has to be enough I know he walked beside me everyday he would never truly leave me completely his presence is all around me even on the darkest day when I say I can't do this anymore I know he is there and little by little I find the strength to push forward.It is so hard. I truly hope that in your own time you are able to find your comfort I know how hard it is and how bad it hurts I truly do.

I found this song by Daughtry tonight and it totally brought me a sense of comfort you see he had so much pain and sorrow in his life alot of it due to his bipolar and now he can open up his eyes please listen:

Marie I know how you you feel we move forward then something knocks us back down so we have to climb out of the hole again only to be knocked down again it can be so mentally exhausting but we will find our way we will learn how to live with the pain, one day we will find our sense of peace until then we need to hold onto the hope that we will find it one day and you are not a Debbie Downer we all understand what you are feeling and sharing your pain with people who understand truly helps one day we will be able to remember them and smile and the pain will not consume us it is hard sometimes holding on until that day

Butch my heart truly goes out to you,your family and little Gracie I am praying extra hard for her hopefully this rest is what her body needs to strengthen hold on Butch have faith that the Lord is watching over her I can only imagine how hard it is but we are all here.

Thank you Marty and Kat I will try and show my emotions in front of my grandbabies I never thought of it that way it does make sense I just thought I did not want to upset them more I did not think about the example I was setting learn something new every day when it comes to grief

Marie I so feel your pain it is hard to have days that bring us joy and they are not there to share it, I do believe with all my heart their spirits are still with us walking right beside us some days it helps other days it doesn't but through it all I keep believing that because I truly believe that the love we shared can never go away Kevin was the cook of all our Holiday meals he was Italian and loved food and making holiday dinners was his thing so for us dinner will be a big challenge none of us can cook but we will try. It is hard Marie but we will and can find our way.

Finch do what you feel is right for you I know it is hard for you right now hold onto Crystals love and good memories try not to dwell on the hard ones though I know how difficult it is holidays are difficult especially if it was special to our loved ones I wish you some sense of comfort.

Kim I am so sorry for the hard days and I understand how you feel completely I have been having a really hard time to this last week or so feel very consumed by darkness and barely starting to see some sort of light again, it can be overwhelming the loneliness,the not being able to see or touch them physically it can consume us, the feeling that our lives seem to have no meaning now can drive you crazy, and we all have wished to be with them at some point I think, it is not crazy they were our life our soul how could we not want to be with them but they would not want that they loved us so much and I truly believe as spirits they know the value of life it takes time but I truly believe we can all find our meaning in life we have to hold on to there love keep going it is all we can do, I know he didn't want to leave you, I am sure he meant what he said about he would never leave you , unfortunately none of us our promised tomorrow and none of us will understand why it was there time but he hasn't truly left you he lives in your heart.,For me Kevin lives in my soul he is a part of me. I am starting to think about Christmas now something I could not think about a few months ago it will be hard and I am expecting it to be but we can make it through like we do any other day because to me everyday is a hard challenge grief is hard and it stinks but it means we have truly known a great love and we were and still are blessed I hope you find some comfort I am thinking of you

Lost in Grief thank you your words give me hope that they will remember him my 7 year old grandson was over today and we were walking to the park he said to me "I wish pop pop was still alive" it broke my heart all I could say was me to I found it hard to say anything else he is so little I did not want to have a brake down in front of him, I am glad he got to see his granddaughter he must have been so happy, I am so sorry about your sister I think it is wonderful how close you feel to her it is hard for me to talk about pop pop because right now if I talk about him and lose it with my kids I know they understand but little ones don't and I don't want to make them feel worse but one day I will be able to talk and smile as apposed to talk and feel heavy hearted.