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Gwen I truly believe that they can see us and see our pain and I truly think that they wish they could stop it, they loved us in life they still love us in spirit I know it doesn't always help to know this or make it any easier or fill the void but sometimes it is all we have to keep going which is what they would want I am know that my Kevin could never of handled this pain or loss not with his bipolar if I went first my children would have lost both parents that was the extent of his love it is that love that gets me through every hard lonely day no matter how dark the day.

Joyce what a truly amazing picture it radiates happiness and love, I hope you find some comfort today your words touched my heart hold onto the love never let it go I believe it is our strength on these hard days until you see him again.

Keeping the whole family in my prayers I know that the Lord is with Gracie giving her the strength to keep fighting

My Kevin was so very smart he could fix anything, he always had an answer for everything he was my problem solver it was just the anger he would get so upset at something most people wouldn't bat an eye at but I just learned over the years to ignore it because it would pass and boy was he funny he had such a sense of humor and could be the most caring soul, he was not afraid to cry around me, then of course the addiction due to trying to escape him own brain, through it all I stood by him mental disease and all you don't abandon the people you love just because they are not what the world perceives as normal he was my heart and soul my life craziness and all .

Amy am so sorry for the hard day we will never have our old life back with them though Lord knows we want it those happy days when we felt truly loved and cared for it can be so hard to push forward and find our way it can be very painful and scary but Daniel is still a part of this new life just look into your heart and he is right there with you in all you do, they never truly leave us I hope you find some comfort

Song by Danny Grokey I Will Not Say Goodbye something I can never say to Kevin

Kathy what a beautiful picture of Connor can truly see how happy he was at the beach, I truly can feel your love and your pain I hope you found some comfort yesterday I am sure Connor knows how much you love and miss him and he will be waiting for you with arms wide open when it is time and then forevertruly starts.

Mitch my heart goes out to you truly it does and you are so right in everything that you say if it is any comfort you are needed and cared about deeply by us, you have brought so much hope to me in my darkest hours, we all feel your pain and you are not alone, I know we are no substitute for Tammy no one is but we are here for you and you can always vent to us, I know we will find our way by holding them in our hearts they are right here with us I hope you find some comfort and peacefull days.

Hang in there Butch we are all praying for Gracie.

I think that this group is full of such amazing and caring people not to many people in this world who share their pain in order to try and comfort someone else, as far as friends I am fine without them at least for now most people would not understand the pain and to hard to explain, I was always to visit raising our seven kids and helping with grandbabies to really make true friends plus with Kevin's issues most people I tried to make friends with thought I should not stay if you have ever lived with someone who is bipolar and an addict you would understand how offensive that can be both were diseases not his fault so I built my life around Kevin and the kids. I can always talk to Kevin and look for my signs or look into my heart to know he hears me and my seven kids have enough drama to keep me going for a lifetime.

Marie your friend is in my prayers and thoughts cancer takes to many lives.

Marie so know how you feel longing for when they were here it is hard sometimes the loneliness can get so bad but I guess we need to remember it is not permanent we will see them again, George I feel so bad for your father losing a soulmate and a child I could never imagine, I could never imagine losing one of my children I am glad he is opening up it has got to be hard, if anything Kevin's passing has taught me we are all flawed and not perfect but even with our flaws we are capable of great love.

Thank you Marie you words touch my heart I have accepted the fact that Kevin passed from his addiction it did not make him a bad man he loved me more than life itself I to wish for a world of nonjudgmental I really don't tell people other than here what he passed from, I know what people's thoughts would be and I want him remembered for the man not the addict, here is different I know people don't judge here and have such kind souls, I am sorry about you brother I am sure he knows you are sorry, My Kevin had bipolar so boy can I understand anger but again it was a disease not his fault he was a good man I wouldn't have traded him for the world

She is still in our prayers.

Marie what you said is exactly how I feel everyday my heart is heavy and with each day it feels alittle heavier I just can't wait to be able to see the light again in all this darkness I truly hope you have your better days

Marie I feel your pain and what brings you here saddens my heart I do not wish on anyone it is so hard, I lost my husband on May 17,2016 so I am not much farther than you in this journey we were together for 26 years he was 47 when he passed we will miss them for the rest of our lives in time we just learn to live with it though I am not quite there yet have along way to go but I keep trying it's all I can do it is so nice that he got to see his granddaughter I am sure that brought him so much joy, my Kevin would have done the same thing as your husband had he been driving they were our protectors, your positive attitude will help you in this journey I was positive to for awhile then fell into a darkness but I am slowly trying to climb out this is an amazing community of people who truly understand your pain and what you are going through this place has saved me many a lonely night know that we are always here to listen and offer comfort to you I know how you feel I never got to say goodbye but now I am glad I didn't because goodbyes are permanent and I believe that they never truly leave us we will see them again even at his viewing I didn't tell Kevin goodbye I told him I Will See You Soon.

Without you I'm lost in all I do I feel so alone and miss you Without you by my side, my grief, I cannot hide Without you to see, Life holds no meaning for me Without you you to talk to the silence is deafening in all I do Without you to hold I feel I cannot be consoled Without you to touch Life doesn't mean very much Without you to listen, I feel like I'm in prison Without you to care Is the heartache I just can't bear Without you to echo your voice no sound makes me rejoice Without you to share my life, my world is in strife, Without you nothing makes sense I so miss your physical presence Without you I am only half here, so I don't feel alive, Carrying this pain is so hard to survive Without you everyday is a living nightmare, Your memories and love are my only air.

I truly hope so Steve it would make all this pain worth while.

Am holding little Gracie in my prayers that Gods grants her the strength to keep fighting because she is truly a precious little girl.

I know Kevin will always be my husband until my last breath, some people are able to open up there hearts and find love againand that is fine your heart is capable of loving more than one person but for me Kevin is and was my soulmate he will always be my one and only forever love.

Kayce like you I believe that God has a plan for us though why his plan is to take one person as opposed to another is something only he knows maybe he is sparing them from something worse later down the road, I believe that true love can never die and your George knows you love and miss him how could a soulmate not, I am sure he is right there with you in everything you do today, I am thinking of you today HUGS

Thank you Jgillen, it has gotten harder for me I can't find the light just the dark, though everyone says it is normal and it is only reality setting in it feels worse than ever all I do is walk around with a heavy heart I have always been able to find some sort of light even in the darkness times my nature has always been a positive nature even when it looked like no hope I know I was blessed to of even known a love like I had and I need to hold on to it because love never dies, I think it is also hitting hard because even though I feel the pain, I have truly never been able to sit with it for any length of time, I work two jobs, I have five of my seven children at home so there is always a distraction.Me time doesn't really exist but sometimes I dred me time because it lets reality set in and it is a scary thing now though it is unavoidable the world will not stop because Kevin is gone and I can choose to hold on to Kevin's love and find my way or stay lost in the darkness I know what I want it is just hard climbing out. The butterfly you saw was an amazing sign, I love when they let us know they are still by our side it really helps.

Your family is in my prayers will be sending out extra prayers tonight for Gracie.

Mitch your post brings tears to my eyes especially because of the darkness I feel I have fallen into yes our lives will never be the same but we can find our way they would not want us to waste a precious moment of our lives because I believe they know just what a blessing another day granted is even without them, they loved us in life and I know they love us in death your life does have meaning you were and always will be loved by an amazing woman who you will see again and this time it will be forever. You are a very caring person do not be hard on yourself we all can make it through with their love, you see for me as long as I have Kevin's love everything else will fall into place in its own time a big cyber HUG to you.

Thank you all so much , Polly sometimes I feel like it would be easier to just withdraw and submit to the darkness but I know I have a family who still needs me and a husband who would not want me to give up I just feel so empty and sad beyond words right now I did see my butterfly yesterday I guess Kevin's way of saying don't give up.