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Thank you Brad and Enna for your words I am so grateful for your support this is just so overwhelming I am not used to not being able to find comfort from anything it is definitely getting harder not easier but I guess it has to get harder I guess it gets much harder I guess this is the start of my new reality and it hurts beyond words.

I feel so stuck in this darkness I usually come out of it to an extent I usually can find my comfort and head towards a lite, sadness has completely taken over since Wednesday, I listen to his music and just cry no comfort, today is the five month mark, I talk to him and no comfort just a sad heart can't seem to climb out this time ,I sit with the pain but it only seems to get worse, I thought I was doing good, I was able to be positive and find my comfort I was able to post to a new griever with a sense of hope not just tell them I understand I need to find the light in this darkness again

Hello I truly feel for you and your loss I lost my husband almost five months ago and life has definitely changed while I don't live alone, I can understand you see even when surrounded by people I still feel alone he was my other half, my life my soul I feel so lost without him, he always had hopes and dreams even is not achievable do to finances, all I do is pray to make it through another day without him, I can say I was doing better but have fallen in a rut I can not seem to get out of but I keep on getting up and trying I truly am sorry for what brought you here but am glad you found us.

This is such an amazing thing Steve I know it will help so many people it is truly a caring thing to do to put your journey in a book to help others

Thank you Mitch it is definitely hard and scary and painful to think of them not being remembered you see I know me and my kids will never forget him but the little ones are a whole different story they brought so much joy to a man whose life didn't seem to joyful most of the time.

Gin and Marty thank you for your words, I do try and talk about him to them my one grandson is only two so he will never have any memories, my one granddaughter has a necklace that was pop pops when he was little she is 5 she saw all of us walking around with our necklaces with Kevin's ashes in it and she said she wanted a special necklace of pop pop she never takes it off, I know I have to keep Kevin alive but I also know that my grandfather died when I was ten and I have no clear memories of him anymore I know his pictures and I know he loved me I was his favorite granddaughter I lived with him but I don't feel a connection anymore and then it brings to mind how Kevin used to talk about his dad to his kids, it just is killing me inside because I know how special they were to him and I am the only one who can share that now it is just one more hard hurdle to overcome and it feels like it is ripping at my heart

Marita you words are truly touching and I can feel your love for Gord what a wonderful way to honor him.

So here it was a day like any other day, I actually thought it was a pretty good day almost all my grandbabies were over out of the six of the five were here and it was nice since some I barely see anymore my daughter took a picture of them all and posted it to facebook I saw it liked it and then lost it, I can't stop crying all I can think of is they will never remember their pop pop and how much he loved them the oldest is only 7, they will forget him and there is nothing I can do to stop it I am so tired of grief it always feels like it is sucking the life out of me.

Kayce hope you birthday was nice I know George was with you, your a special person.

Kat, thank you so much it is beautiful. I know all his pain and suffering is gone no more having to battle addiction or the demons in his head from the bipolar, he is with his dad again who he truly missed, I know he didn't want to leave us and everything happens for a reason though I will never know why that day was his day to pass only God knows why all I can do now is cherish his memory and hold on to his love until we meet again.

I want to share the son from Kevin viewing he played it all the time it was like he was asking not to be judged you have to listen to the words. It is by Shinedown and it is called "What a Shame"

Butch am so sorry, you have been through so many losses and my heart goes out to your family, I am sure your Mary was welcoming her sister home with open arms, I can only imagine how hard it is know that you are in our hearts,prayers and thoughts.

I lost my husband on May 17,2016, it is very hard, the best thing you can do for your sister is be there to listen to her and let her know you care about her, you can not fix her pain, there is no fixing grief it is a journey we must go through at her own pace she will hopefully find her way, when you lose your soulmate you lose a part of you, you need people just to listen,offer a shoulder cry on, sometimes it is nice just to know you can cry and not have someone tell you how to make the pain go away, I know you want to help the best thing is just be there in her presence let her cry,vent if she has to it will be hard but grief is hard everyone has their own way of dealing, if she feels like it would help her maybe she could get a counselor but that is her choice,right now she is trying to figure out how to go on without her love some days just getting out of bed is an accomplishment to us, you could let her know you will be over on a certain day to do a specific thing for her, try to stay away from sayings like" If you need anything let me know" because the one thing we feel we need we can't have, and sometimes we are not sure what we need. My heart goes out to her I hope she finds some peace in her journey

Siotara I want to let you know how reading your story touch my heart, it truly shows your love, I am sure when your Pete left this world he knew how much you cared for him and it is that love that will help you in this journey, I lost my Kevin on May 17,2016 to drug addiction we were together 26 years, no amount of time together is ever enough,and you are right a legal paper does not define your love, it is a hard journey we are on some days are harder than others,somedays just getting out of bed is an accomplishment but I truly believe that with their love in our hearts we will find our way out of our darkness, this is an amazing site everyone is truly caring and we all know what it is like to lose our soulmates so you are never alone hugs and prayers are being sent to you.

Butch keeping Mary's little sister in my prayers it has got to be so hard.

Cheeky I am sorry for the hard day don't we all wish we could have them back for right now all we can do is hold on to there love and keep them in our hearts, I do not think it is odd to miss all that it was a huge part of your life it just shows how much you truly love and miss him, my husband had bipolar disorder so he was quite a loud man he was always yelling out my name for something when he was here I wished he would stop yelling now I would give anything to hear him yelling again my heart goes out to you hugs

Finch you are so right it is scary to think about a life without them I am still at a point where I can not think to far in advance maybe one day, while finding someone else is ok for some people I am right there with you no one will or can replace my Kevin hugs to you Finch you are in my thoughts.

I feel and understand your pain I lost my husband of 26 years on March 17,2016 and I am still considered raw to grief, it is hard there will be days you just want to rip out your heart not to feel the pain anymore I still have bad days like that, it is normal to feel like you want to be with them they were our lives our soulmates and it is hard learning to live without them one of the hardest things we will do, try not to think to far in advance, I would put any life changing decisions on hold for alittle while unless you find it is something you feel up to, take it one breath at a time.Try and hold on to his love and memories he would not want you to join him I am sure he loved you to much,this journey is hard and it hurts but for me I see a light at the end of the tunnel and it is my Kevin's unconditionally love, we all have our own paths and in time we will find our way which I know doesn't always bring any comfort sometimes we just want the pain to stop now but unfortunately it doesn't work that way we will feel the loss for the rest of our lives but the hope is to come to a time when the pain is not so overbearing, to be able to smile at remembering their love but it will be hard work.My heart truly breaks for your loss because I know how painful it is please know we are always here to listen to you. Hugs. Robin

Brianna it will come it just takes time unfortunately we have to feel the pain in order to get through our long journey I thought the same thing I thought knowing what Kevin passed from would bring me some peace but finding out I lost him to drugs to his addiction was hard I am just now accepting it and learning to cope with it but it is hard I feel like I am back to the day he died but I am deciding addiction will not have another victim I will not let it destroy my love for Kevin or his love for me.You do not have to fake anything or be someone people want you to be it is your right to grieve and how you want it is not their journey hugs Robin

I love your way with words Marg and all the interesting stories you share, I just think that you won't end it alone though Billy will be there with you in spirit and in your heart

They are a beautiful inspiration I know my grandbabies can still bring a smile to my face no matter how hard a day and it feels nice amazing picture she is precious.

Brianna I hope you are able to find another counselor I am truly sorry for all the pain I know how hard it is be patient with yourself it is a journey that we will be on for the rest of our lives and it is not easy I in a way understand like I said almost lost Kevin to suicide and it was so hard I could not understand how he could get to a point of just not wanting to be in this world anymore I blamed myself because before he took the whole bottle of Tylenol I had told him I didn't want to be in the relationship anymore ( it was a night of arguments) it took me so long to stop blaming myself and realize it was not my fault ,not that it was his fault people do not chose to get to the point they want to end their life, here it is 12 years later and I lost him to drugs, it hit me like a ton of bricks when I found out I felt right back at day one. This is a long hard journey but I will never stop believing that we can find our way again with them in our hearts, it will not always be so hard not that you will ever be the same person but you will be able to go with the hard days ride the waves of grief when they do hit, you will find yourself able to smile at memories instead of only crying just hold on to his love, as far as people go pay them no mind this is your journey and no one needs to agree with how you grieve I am sure he is proud of you. I know how hard it is to get through the darkness but "Sometimes Darkness Can Show You the Light" my heart hurts for you I understand your pain

As much as it hurts and I know how bad it does you just want to give up not be here without them, not feel so empty and sad at times but your loved one is your reason to keep going though their bodies are gone they still live through us in our hearts it will get easier in that the pain will not be as strong or last all day at least for me it has, I know it is hard to eat and stuff it took me two months to really eat again, but grief takes alot out of you so you really need to take care my heart aches for you hugs

Butch there is no need for thank yous we are fellow grievers who understand your pain and want you to know your in our thoughts and prayers.

Marita thank you for your kind words.