Marie Lee

RangerKate, Yea...now we all know... the abstract and far off are our living reality.... Peace, Marie

High Five AB! You got this! Marie

Kevin, Wow..that is definitely insane weather!,, hope all is well!

Dear Dr Lenera, I know...that empty feeling and missed routines...big hug.. My whole life has changed. It is awkward doing things alone..but I must get out as I am not a complete hermit..although I like some solitude. Maybe I will take up bingo....Marie

Guilt....One of the many battles I face, every day. I am trying very hard to counter it with good, edifying thoughts. Reminding myself that I am Loved. God loves me. My children, my mom...the list goes on. I have come to realize just how destructive guilt is for me. When my mind goes there...for whatever it is..I am really working hard to counter it with the positives. I am hoping to make much progress in this area. It is time. Instead of guilt trips....let me take a bike trip, or trip to a mall... Working on good trips, Marie AB...you are so very welcome....you matter :-) more than you know...

Darrel....Our conversation could go on for a very very long time....I can relate to many things you said. My late husband struggled with his father...and came to the same conclusion you did. I spent most of our 30yrs together trying to figure out his anger issues... I am glad you talked about it ... I wish none of us had lost our loves... Keep putting one foot in front of the other, Marie

Yep Ana...that's it in a nutshell ...hugs..

Maryann.... I have sciatica too...the neuro surgeon said the nerve damage from the accident that causes my lower left leg to be numb may be permanent. It gets very uncomfortable to drive for long periods..my right leg bothers me badly....I guess pushing the gas pedal...etc. Good luck on the therapy. I can imagine your shock at the windshield....very glad you weren't in the car. Sweet story about the squirrel :-)...Hope today is a better day for you. Marie

Hi Gwen, I don't have anything to say that can even begin to help or make sense.... But thanks for sharing this insight. I wish none of us had to go through this,,. Trying to cherish the people in my life while I can.. I will be lost the day I can't call mom... Big hug..Marie

Dear Ranger Kate....Oh my! You have been through the wringer...3 countries and litigation ongoing.... And you lost your life partner ...so, you have to attend to all the details....while your heart has been shattered... We have all had our lives torn apart by losing our other half....so very sorry you are going through this long arduous journey of grief too. The land mines are many... We are here for you.... Prayers for Peace, Marie

AB....I too had to leave work after returning from my husbands departure. I am older, different circumstances ,....but ...I had to do what was best for me. Graphic design is very deadline oriented....and can be problematic when life is " smooth" let alone filled with this debilitating journey of grief.... Take a step back and breathe deep as you heal... You matter.... There are so many times I have been so tired and lonely....the survivors guilt so strong,...I wish I could just lay down with Kev and join him... My children remind me how much they and their children need me. Your mom loves and needs you too. My mom is 74..I feel like Kev has given me a gift to allow me to spend time with my mom , I cherish that ...and my beautiful grandchildren..... I try so hard to remember that. Even when my heart breaks because his time as grandpa was cut way too short.. We love and care for you....I pray that you find hope... A hope for the future...I hope you spend time with the ones you love and have something to do and look forward to life, experiences ....so many things...to hope for... When we love someone we want them to be happy and fulfilled....Your late love would wish the very best for you..... You matter so very much, hugs..Marie

FYI: When I went back to work after some time off, I took a class at the VA and learned that showing you are productive in the time off matters. Even volunteer work, classes, therapy etc. Be kind to yourself AB...Big hug! Marie

I don't have a recording of Kev's voice on my cell or phone..but I do,hear it in my mind all the time.. One day I will watch old family videos.... Finch, I hope you find them again. Take care, Marie

Hello my friends, I read your stories of your beloved's departure and their expressions . Pain and terror, etc.......oh how that must ache! I am so very sorry to hear this is your memory..I earnestly hope and pray for peace for you all. Hugs, Marie

Ana..that was right on....oh my....wow, we do live in a society that does runs from grief and acts like its wrong when it is a very common experience and part of human relations...Thsnk you for sharing...Marie

Hugs Autumn.... I am so very sorry to hear all you have experienced lately. Grief is a tough journey, Marie

Ana -I loved the everything doesn't happen for a reason article ...Tks!

It's very hard to do this....I left the dr appt I had yesterday...feeling good about things...but then what? I walked on the beach alone.. I ate a very nice lunch alone.. I went home, kids were there...they were babysitting ...so I hibernated in my room and read....alone ... I don't mind solitude for the most part...but I would have loved my hubby to be there to share these things... Hang in there AB.....we are all here for you.. Trying to grasp the golden rainbow ...Marie

Hugs Darrel...

Yep, lost here too...hand raised... Marie

I have limited FB and don't really ,it's it. Of course it really makes me realize how many friends I don't have.... but, growing stronger anyhow... This is about the only Internet interaction I am doing...and a few texts with frds... It's my Chill time, Marie

So lovely AnneW...Tks for posting...

Brad, I too have that same problem, nothing really appeals to me for dinner, so I grab whatever...I love the idea of picking up another lone diners tab...I will do that once in a while moving forward. Planting seeds of hope and love, I hope... Marita, I am too so thankful for this oasis..let us never forget what it means to us and help others in anyway we can. Seeds of hope, Marie

Hi Marita, I am so thankful you are here and grateful that you expressed your open, raw emotions. Lord knows we understand your quandary. Losing Kev in a tragic accident without foreknowledge and preparation has been difficult. Compounded by the fact I was in same accident and survived. Very well mind you....I am not sure how I feel about all that. I am concluding for myself, I spend way too much time trying to figure out my feelings..and want to put that energy elsewhere. My feelings won't change a thing. Thats where I am at with my quandary. I can't begin to think how it must be hard to have peace for yours, but how important it is to find it.... It wasn't your choice to make, but it impacted you more then words can even convey. It makes me think, as if I was in the same situation, wouldn't it have been nice if you had some say in this choice given its impact in your life and well being...? Every person in your shoes must have this quandary...to have your life so severely altered...lose the person you love..knowing the choice they made (that you didn't make) but, how do you move on? How is there peace? How do you let go of the thought , if only I had known? Could I have made a difference in this? The questions are many and never ending I presume.... I hope you find a way to view this so that your life can have a measure of freedom and peace. I am doubly sorry that you do not have a support system in his family. That must be the proverbial salt in the wound.... Perhaps an insight as to how happy he must have been to find someone as yourself, different than what he had as a family, to share his life and love with....I don't know.....just thinking and rambling..please take this as my ramble and I hope somewhere I have helped you today. Even if it's just knowing someone out here in this cold world has the same pain of grief in their hearts..the same questions with the way society doesn't like grief....and cherishes your presence and friendship here. Peace, Marie

Good to hear Wollfskat! Keep us posted. Best of luck to you... Cheers, Marie