LoriS.

Hi Laura, I am so very sorry about your situation. It seems like you have all these puzzle pieces that you're trying to piece together after all these years, but you also seem to have a positive attitude and are dealing with it the best you can. Keep on posting, we're all good listeners...there are a lot of great people on these boards to help! Take care...Lori

Wow, you bring up some very deep "meaning of life" questions. I wish I had the answers for you, but I don't. I am not a religious person, but I would like to believe that everything happens for a reason and that God has his reasons. But what are the reasons? Is tragedy supposed to make us stronger people? Maybe, but it takes a lot of energy to get there and to be strong. And for what? And why put you and your family through this with your sisters fate? And the families of those kids in Alabama and Atlanta? And the the families of the soldiers in Iraq? I wish I knew the answers. I feel for you and your family and I am very sorry. Hugs to you...Lori One thing I am aware of is that when tragedy strikes, some people use that tragedy...in your case drugs...to help others in similar circumstances. But it doesn't explain bus accidents, natural disasters, war, etc...

Thanks Shell and Paul for you responses. It's now clearer to me why I'm feeling what I'm feeling and I feel a lot better about it! Thanks for your help! Lori

I am wondering if any of you have gone through this. My mom always wanted me to have certain things of hers and I always wanted to have them. Especially this old antique desk and antique crystal hurricane lamps or candle holders. Now that these things are in my house in plain view, I almost feel detatched from them. These things were in the house I grew up in and when I moved away, everytime I would come home for a visit, I would always look at these things like it was the first time ever laying eyes on them as they were so beautiful. I love old antique looking furniture and crystal vases, so I can't quite put my finger on why I feel so detached from them. All of the other things...pictures and such that I have are upstairs in one of my kids old rooms that I don't have to look at them. I thought of putting the crystal hurricane lamps away, but they really are beautiful and I know my mom would want me to enjoy them as I always had in the past. The antique desk is in a perfect spot in my living room, but it doesn't thrill me either! Any thoughts? I'm sure that the answer lies in my subconscious about my moms death and how these things are a reminder, but I really want to enjoy these things as she loved them so much, too. Lori

Annie, I remember I lost it, too, at the two month mark. I cried many times before that, but one day, I just lost it. I went up to my room and cried and cried like I had never cried before. I even held my moms picture close to me and slept with it. After that day, I fell deeper into my grief and didn't want to go on. I had all the symptoms: achy,low energy, tired. Saw my doctor and got some much needed help. And than I found this website and all of you. What a blessing. This website is (for me) better than any therapist that I have gone to. Trudy is right...together we'll all make it! Hugs to you...Lori

Kellymarie...I loved that tribute!!! And Joshs parents will certainly leve it when they read it. They are lucky that you were in his life to bring up positive memories that they had for their son. You sound very grounded, too. Yes love is all there is when you get right down to it. As the Beatles said "All you need is love!" Take care! Lori

Shell and Shelly, I agree with you, Shell 100%. If we close ourselves off we might be missing an opportunity to meet someone great who can be there for us as we are for them too. I try not to think about losing anyone that I know and am currently close to, whether it be a family member or a friend. It is a scary thought, but we need to leave it up to fate because we certainly don't have control over it. As Marty always says, we need to learn from this and grow. I am trying just as everyone else is. It's hard, but we can do it! Hugs to all...Lori

Dear Haley I really don't feel qualified to give advice to you since I haven't hit the one year mark yet, but I just wanted to tell you to hang in there as best as you can. Maybe you can plan something special and uplifting for that day to honor your mom. I have read some really great posts from some people who have already been in your position and it seems to me that everyone got through it ok. But I do think that it takes some planning before the day comes so your not without anything going on that day. Hugs to you...Lori

Shelly and whoever else: Check out Martys article she's written about Finding Meaning in Your Loss. We should all print it out and carry it with us and refer back to it from timt to time. Just thought I'd share! Lori

Shelly, Sometimes I feel very distant from my own life...as if I'm a spectator sitting on the sidelines. I don't know if I can really put it into words. Other times I feel like I want to be involved in life and just live it as best as I can. I saw this doctor on our local news channel the other day and he said that the only way to self fulfilment and to have a life where there is love is to give of yourself to others and to not be so self involved. He didn't address grief but said plain and simple that that is it. He's not necessarily talking about anything big either. Just starting out with a compliment to someone else, or asking someone else how they are doing are a couple of examples. By giving of ourselves, we have given a gift to someone else and that in turn becomes our gift. Harder said than done when we are going through what we are going through! Yeesh...I wish I would take my own advice half the time...I'm trying very hard though! Take care...Lori

That is a very cool story and I hope everything works out with your dad and his new fiance. It's good that you spoke your feelings to him, too. I don't know how old you are, but I know when my daughters (21 and 25) talk to my husband, sometimes there is fire in the air! But they always get things resolved and both sides know that the other one really does love them. Take care...Lori

MJM, I am new at this (my mom died 4 months ago), but I imagine that if I fast forward my life to 6 years from now, that I will always be remembering her (and my dad) and what they are missing and that will be what will be sad to me. Hang in there. I am learning that grieving and death are just a part of living and life. It sometimes cannot be put into words or feelings. It just is. Lori

It sounds like you had a great day despite the fact of your loss. You can look at it as a celebration of her life here on earth as your children honored you with flowers. I hope that when I reach the one year mark (not until October) that it will be a day of hope and being greatful rather than a day of dread. Thanks for sharing with us your beautiful day!!! Lori

Dear Daddylivesforever, I agree with Trudy and Shell on everything! What a truly blessed person you are to have been raised by such a wonderful man! How he stood by you was so beautiful. He is still with you and you will always be a part of him. Hugs to you...Lori

Thanks everyone for your responses. I felt good being there for someone else. It took away from that wierd feeling that I've been feeling lately. It completely grounded me if only for yesterday. But I found that I really did have a productive day today. Coincidence? I don't know. I called my friend today and she's trying to be so brave and can't sit still and trying to stay busy. I just let her talk and told her that it's ok to slow down, but she doesn't want to right now. I told her I understood and that I'll call her in a couple days. I know how close she was with her dad. I pray that she's ok...like I pray for all of us everyday to be ok! Thanks again...Lori

Kellymarie, Why don't you ask for a postponment for the jury duty? They should give it to you if you haven't served already this year. Last year, I asked for a postponment because of a previously planned vacation, and they gave it to me really easily. This way, you won't wonder if your going to be called on or not. And maybe the doctors note is a good way to go, too. Good Luck and thanks so much for what you wrote to me on my topic I put up today! Hugs to you...Lori

Pebbles, we missed you too! You are always welcome here to "hang around"! Hope all is well with you! Lori

Dear Daddylivesforever, Welcome to this website. It's a wonderful place to get out your feelings. Everyone here is a great listener and we've all become "friends" through our grief. We are truly here for each other and look forward to hearing from you. Take care, Lori

Hi everyone, One of our good friends fathers passed away and the funeral was yesterday. I really didn't know her father very well, but he was a very nice quiet man. I wasn't sure about how I'd be during the service, but I managed to make it through without too much difficulty. Of course I cried, as I remembered my moms recent funeral, but it felt "ok". My husband sat on my left and a friend that we haven't seen in years sat on my right. When our friend saw me crying (and he knew why it was affecting me more than some others)he whispered in my ear that it was ok and to just let the tears come. I found myself not only crying for my mom, but for my dad as this funeral was very similar to my dads. Both my Dad and our friends father who died were in World War 2 and there were a lot of referances to that during the service. When the funeral was over, we went back to our friends house where we ate a great deli lunch and socialized and payed our respects. We saw old friends that we hadn't been in touch with in so long. It was great to see them. So all in all it was a good day. At the lunch at the house as I'm talking to someone, I'm crying letting them know that my mom had died 4 months ago, than in the next minute laughing and talking about my daughters upcoming wedding. It was a moment in time of bittersweet emotions! I guess that was a life lesson for me yesterday. That life really does leave this earth and that happy events really do take place and at the same times. Life doesn't stand still just because we are grieving and to deal with that knowledge is sometimes scary. Hope all is as well with all of you! Much love, Lori

Hi Lori, I had a similar situation happen to me. It was the year of the last big California earthquake...1994...and I was totally freaked out like a lot of people. I was just starting to get back to normal, than my mom was diagnosed with endometrial cancer, stage 4 with a 30% chance survival rate. Her doctor really had no hope for her and asked her if she would be willing to be part of a study regarding chemo meds. She had surgery, entered the study and started getting better! All the while I had been flying back east back and forth to be with her and my dad and helping my brothers deal with all the doctor appointments; my kids were 8 and 12 at the time and I was running myself ragged! I started obcessing about my mortality and that's when I had started with panic attacks. I asked myself the same questions that you are asking yourself. I ended up in the hospital. I was mentally and physically exhausted. It's been a long road since then...dealing with my panic attacks and anxiety, a variety of meds, my mom and dads future illnessses since that time and their eventual death. I think that when our parents get sick, it really poses questions about our own mortality. Lori, you sound very busy...with working and young kids with homework, etc. I was the same way back then. I'm glad you have your faith. I hope your therapist and minister can help you through this so that it doesn't escalate and get out of hand. I'll be thinking of you...Lori

Thanks everyone for your responses. Janine, the Christopher Columbus story is awesome. I love the saying: This day we just sailed on. Shell, your right about all the issues connected with grief. I think that there are a lot of things that I am going to miss such as: I'm going to miss flying back east often to see my mom, I'm going to miss helping her and taking her to her appointments, I'm going to miss how we would laugh at how slow she was (she used to be so fast with everything she did and when she started slowing down, she would make fun of herself and call herself "slowpoke!), I'm going to miss her birthday poems...her last one she made up was "I'm 85 and still alive!!!", I'm going to miss her apartment, my house where I grew up...etc. I am still going to go back east from time to time to visit my family, but it won't be the same. Everything for me is changing over the last couple years...big changes. My kids are grown and out of the house (empty nest). I have a daughter getting married in October and I can't believe it! So I have a lot of good things coming up, too. One day at a time... Thanks again everyone...Lori

Shelly, Sorry I responded to Dereks post (about the weather) under your topic! I meant to do so under the one that I had started about "Not Myself Lately". Take care...Lori

Derek, I replied to your last post under a different topic called "Following Through" by Starkiss. Thanks everyone for your kind words...Lori

Derek, about the weather...you could be right because winter definately does bring on a feeling of lethargy for me. BUT...I live in Southern California and we've been experiencing some of the most beautiful weather lately! My husband and I even went to the beach yesterday to get out and have lunch and walk around. It was 85 degrees and the ocean was beautiful. I wasn't happy, though, but I thanked my husband anyways for taking me, but the whole time my mind was cloudy. I don't know...it's wierd. Thanks everyone for your kind words as always! Lori

Shelly, I've been feeling like that a lot lately (see my most recent post). I don't know what it's from. For me, just a combination of things. I guess our lives have changed from caring and worrying about our parents (I know you have lost both your parents in a short time) to figuring out who we are now and what our lives have in store for us. Take care...Lori