MartyT

I'm so sorry to learn that this is happening to you and your family, my dear. Unfortunately, though, your experience is not at all unusual. I realize that knowing this doesn't make it any better for you, but if you're willing to read a bit about how others have dealt with this, I'm hoping you'll find some suggestions that might work for you: When Death Brings Out the Worst: Family Fighting After a Death I think it's helpful to remember that feelings are not the same as facts, and feelings aren't always justified. Feeling guilty is not the same as being guilty for something you did or failed to do. Still, guilt is one of the most common reactions in grief. See, for example, Grief and The Burdern of Guilt ❤️ Understood ~ but part of coming to terms with loss is finding ways to maintain our connection with the one who has died. Might you consider other ways to "talk" to your dad or communicate with his spirit? It really does not matter if your dad can "hear" you. What matters is that you find a way to say whatever it is you feel a need to say: to get those words out of your head and onto a piece of paper, in a journal or into a computer word processing program. See, for example, Writing As A Healing Tool in Grief ❤️ More than anything else, it's important to give yourself permission to mourn this loss and to take the time you need to do so. See also Bereavement: Doing The Work of Grief ❤️

"Why do we feel collective grief for the Queen? A sentence you’re likely to hear a lot right now: ‘I didn’t expect to feel so upset.’ But there’s good reason why you might feel more affected by the news than you anticipated, whether you consider yourself a royalist or not." Collective grief: what you need to know + how to deal with it

Is Kodie with you, Kay? Stay safe! ❤️

Your conclusion is absolutely correct! Grief is a lifelong journey ~ not a single event. We find ways to get through it, but we never ever "get over it." I'm hoping you'll find this helpful ~ and note all the resources listed at the base: In Grief: After Caregiving Ends, Who Am I?

Okay, Scott. I understand. I'm just concerned for you. Do make every effort to keep everything as clean as possible. That's the best way to prevent infection. ❤️

Scott, I don't know what, if any, instructions you were given regarding an indwelling catheter, but finding blood in your urine is not a good sign, and it should be reported. Can you return to the ER to let them know what is happening? Having an indwelling catheter can lead to other problems, including infection, and special care is required. See, for example, Indwelling Catheter Care

My friend, you say you don't want to burden your doctor with your problems, even though you recognize that "this sheer heartbreak is taking a physical toll" on you. If your doctor considers sharing your problems with him to be a burden, perhaps you need to find a different doctor. As for what you can expect from a mental health professional, there are many articles online that can answer that question for you. See, for example, 10 Sure Signs You Need to See A Therapist (And How to Find The Right One. I also invite you to read this, in hopes that it will speak to you in a helpful way. Note the additional readings listed at the base: Finding Grief Support That Is Right For You ❤️

This may be a good reason for you to consult with a qualified grief counselor ~ someone who can support and guide you through these challenging circumstances . . .

James, it hurts my heart that you think so little of yourself, as if your life has no meaning, no purpose at all. But you do have a choice! Our lives have as much (or as little) meaning and purpose as we choose to give them. I have to ask: Have you ever considered volunteering as a way of "getting through this lonely life"? There are so many organizations and places that need help, and they simply could not exist without the help of volunteers. See, for example, Healing Grief Through The Gift of Volunteering ❤️

WELCOME TO THE SUMMER E-LETTER FROM WINGS Click on the link to read this edition. Link: https://www.wingsgrief.org/ This is a FREE ELetter. We encourage you to pass it forward to others who might benefit. If you change your email address or no longer wish to receive the ELetter, please let me know: Nan at nanwings1@gmail.com Thank you for following Wings. -- Nan & Gary Zastrow nanwings1@gmail.com the Founders of: wingsgrief.org Wings--a Grief Education Ministry (1993) P.O. Box 1051, Wausau, WI 54401 Visit Wings on FACEBOOK website: wingsgrief.org

Voices of Experience: How Grief Can Affect Your Health Physical Reactions to Loss Physical Effects of Grief

See also National Widowers' Organization - Support Groups Resources for Young Widow(er)s Starting A Support Group: Suggested Resources

My dear, my heart hurts for you as I read your story. I am so very sorry for your loss. The best advice I can give anyone in your position is to be careful making big decisions when you are in early grief. Better (if you can) to make decisions that are reversible, that you can get out of later, should you decide to change your mind. (See, for example, To Move or Not? Making Decisions in the Wake of Grief .) That said, sometimes big decisions are simply unavoidable. In that case, it's important to find someone you trust who knows you well and has your best interests at heart, who can guide you and support you in whatever big decisions you must make. Given how you describe your close friend, it would seem that she is that person. What does she think about your proceeding with buying this house? Even if you decide to go through with the purchase of this new home (which is, after all, presumably a good investment, and something you can always decide to sell later on) you might try staying with your parents on a temporary basis, to see how that might work for you (and for them). And as I say in the article mentioned above, bear in mind that wherever you decide to live, your grief goes with you, no matter where you choose to go. ❤️

Customer Serivce (Author Unknown) “Hello, sir,” said the guy answering the phone. His accent was foreign. “Thank you for calling the Spectacular Internet Service Help Center hotline. How may I help you today?” “Yeah, hi. Look, my internet is out, and I just need to get it turned back on.” “I see. Yes, sir. Of course, sir. Let me begin by thanking you for being a valued Spectacular Internet Service customer. I shall be helping you with this very important problem you face. Do you have access to a phone, please?” “A phone?” “A telephone, sir.” “I’m calling you on a phone right now.” “Okay. Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. And what seems to be the problem today?” “Like I said. My internet service. It’s not working.” “Yes, sir. Thank you for your persistent patience, sir. I will be helping you to troubleshoot this inconvenient problem, can you hold please?” “Hold? Okay.” Smooth jazz. Then, Marvin Gaye’s “I Heard it Through the Grapevine.” Then, “Wildfire,” by Michael Martin Murphy. “Thank you for your patience, sir,” said the voice on the phone. “How is it that I may help you this day?” “Yeah, It's still me. Same person. I just need my internet turned back on.” “Yes, sir. I see. I will be assisting you in this terrible technical issue. Are you near your modem?” “Yeah, I am.” “Thank you, sir. Please unplug your modem.” “Look, I’ve already tried this, the unplugging-the-modem thing. I unplugged it, did the whole power cycle deal. Then I plugged it back in and nothing happened. So I tried it a few more times, and still nothing happened. That’s actually why I called you. Something is wrong, and the problem is not on my end.” “Please tell me when you have unplugged your modem, sir.” “Okay. I’ve unplugged it.” “Very good, sir.” Long silence. “Hello?” I said. “Hmmm?” “I said I have unplugged my modem.” “Yes. Thank you, sir.” Silence. “Am I supposed to plug my modem back in yet?” I said. “I’m very sorry, sir. What is this you are asking me?” “I’m asking if I’m supposed to plug my modem back in?” “Have you unplugged it yet?” “Well, I wouldn’t be asking you if I hadn’t.” “Plug your modem back in, sir.” “It’s plugged in.” “Very good, sir.” Long pause. “Are you still there?” I ask. “Of course, sir.” “What are we doing?” “Doing?” “Why are we waiting?” “Waiting? Have you unplugged your modem, sir?” “I just did that, remember? We unplugged it. And I was waiting for you to tell me to plug it in.” “I already told you to plug it back in, sir.” “I just plugged it in. Remember?” “Very good, sir.” “So, what the heck are we waiting for?” I asked. “I am looking for a signal, sir.” “Okay.” Long silence. I ask, “Do you see a signal on your end?” “Please wait, sir. This will take a long duration. Maybe five minutes or more. May I put you on hold again?” “No. Do not put me on hold ag—” Smooth jazz. AC/DC’s “Shoot to Thrill.” Burt Bacharach’s “I Say A Little Prayer For You.” “Thank you for your patience, sir. Have you plugged in your modem as of yet?” “Yes. Remember, you said you were looking for a signal? I plugged in my modem, and you said you were looking for a signal. Do you have a signal?” “Signal, sir?” “Yes, we were looking for a signal. Why do I feel like I’m in the movie ‘Clockwork Orange’?” “Sir? I have no signal. Do you see any lights blinking on your modem?” “Yes, I see lights all over the place. I see lights up the earhole, but no internet service. No nothing. I have no service.” “Hmm.” “What does ‘Hmm’ mean?” “Please unplug your modem again, sir.” “Oh, no. Not again. Please don’t make me do this again. It’s not going to work. Unplugging my modem doesn’t work.” “May I put you on hold, sir?” “I am serious. Do not put me on hold again or, I swear to God, I will—” Don McLean’s “American Pie.” “Smooth Operator,” by Sade. “Sir?” said the voice. “Thank you for your continued patience. I am going to transfer you to my supervisor, thank you for allowing me to help you with your issue. Is there anything else I may assist you with today?” “No, thank you.” Rupert Holmes’ “Piña Colada Song.” “All Out of Love,” by Air Supply. Followed by “Dance With Me,” by Orleans. Finally. A voice. “Hello, sir,” a new foreign voice said. “Thank you for calling the Spectacular Internet Service Help Center. How may I help you today? Let me begin by thanking you for being a valued Spectacular Internet Service customer. I will be helping you with this important problem. Let us start by unplugging your modem.” Dear God, either give me strength or just take me home. 😜

It is gratifying to know that you're finding some measure of healing here, my dear ~ but you might also consider giving yourself the benefit of an in-person grief support group, or even a session or two with a qualified grief counselor who specializes in traumatic loss. Coping with Traumatic Loss: Suggested Resources

My dear, I'm hoping this article, along with the related readings listed at the base, might assure you that you are not alone in how you are feeling: Traumatic Loss: Needing To Know The Details ❤️

In Grief: After Caregiving Ends: Who Am I? ❤️

After Death Communication After Death Communication: A List of Resources After Death Communication, Continued ❤️

Sometimes we mistake prolonging an animal companion's life with prolonging their dying. You chose the most compassionate and humane alternative. Now Buttercup's suffering has ended, and yours has just begun. This exchange of suffering ~ hers for your own ~ is your final and most selfless act of love for her . . .

I am so very sorry for your loss, Ellenmarie ~ but I must say that, given what you've described, it seems to me that your beloved Buttercup already had reached (or was reaching) the end of her natural life. Whether the flea medication speeded things along we cannot know, but you say your vet didn't think so, and I see no reason why you cannot take that professional opinion to heart. I understand that you read about side effects on Google, but Dr. Google doesn't know your cat the way your vet does, and at her advanced age (17) it is more likely that (as your vet said) her body was shutting down and she was getting ready to leave. I know my words will do little to comfort you now, and they won't erase the guilt you're feeling either. But guilt is a FEELING, not a FACT ~ and just because you're feeling guilty, it does not follow that you are, in fact, guilty as charged. I encourage you to do some reading about guilt and forgiveness ~ and I hope that one day soon you will find it in your heart to forgive yourself for being human ~ as I'm sure your Buttercup has done already. ❤️ Pet Loss: When Guilt Overshadows Grief In Grief: When Pet Loss Feels Worse Than Person Loss

Tips for Coping with Anniversary Reactions in Grief Grief Rituals Can Help on Special Days In Grief: Dreading the Anniversary of A Loved One's Death In Grief: Remembering Is An Active Process

Only you can decide how much, if any, support you are willing and able to offer to your mother-in-law. Short of visiting her in person, might you find some alternative, indirect ways of acknowledging her grief and demonstrating that you care ~ e.g., a written note, an email or a text message saying simply that you're thinking of her? See, for example, Helping Another in Grief and Helping Another in Grief: Suggested Resources

Grief In The Second Year: Finding Your Way ❤️