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Walt, Thank you for sharing this song. This is one of my favorites..it made me smile tonight but at the same time cant help shedding some tears again..bittersweet memories. How i miss my love badly..

DoubleJo, I will be with you in thoughts and prayers as you approach the coming days. You are not alone. And when you shed tears, try to remember what you told me once that they are a reminder of how much we have loved, and how they give us strength to face tomorrows. Please hang in there.

Hi Derek, how are you? Glad to see you here again, I hope you feel a little better now. As we know we are on this roller coaster ride, and it is perfectly normal to fall back sometimes. You may be having some depression now, just allow it to take its course, it will pass too. Maybe you can let Carson share the household chores, it will give him a sense of responsibility. Please hang in there..

Hi Kay, thanks for the meaningful insight. His life does not end when he died, his life continues with me and to the many people he has helped. He changed me, has showned me what life and love is. I still find it amazing how he came into my life. There is a purpose and a reason for everything. For now, I am contented with the memories I have with him, the memories that continue to inspire me to live life the best way I can.

Congrats Gail, I am so happy for you. Im glad you keep us updated, we will be looking forward too for their arrivals. HUGS..

Thank you Lori, he is the most wonderful man I've ever met and I am proud of him. DoubleJo, You are an epitome of wisdom and strength and I admire you for this. Cant helping crying as I read your words, you hit it right again, you can see through my emotions. Am trying to be strong but the truth deeply hurts. He is really gone, and I still couldnt accept it. The pain is fresh and it is a reminder of how much i love him. I am grateful that I have known him, that we have loved each other, and was given that opportunity to love that way though short it is. We will get through this, and yes, we are lucky that our loved ones left us with memories and wise words. Thank you for being here.

I know We are all having a hard time now with the new year approaching. But I have hope that things will get better next year. I want to forget this year, I want to leave the pain..the hurtings. So many things have happened, I stumbled not once but several times. Have made mistakes that i deeply regret, hoping not to do it again. I had my shares of accomplishments, but they all mean nothing without the man I love so much. I want to start a new life. I wonder where to get the strength? Yes, I have to keep the faith. This is all i have..faith and hope for the future. And I take courage to face this life. 6 months had passed since his death. We were so happy back then, only looking forward to our marriage and a life of togetherness. We were so excited planning for our future, our kids, our home. It was so perfect, I couldnt ask for more..we love each other so much. But all that changed in one day, he was taken away from me so sudden.. One thing I am grateful of is that he knows how much I love him. It is too painful for me, I have waited for him all my life, I love him more than words can say. Is there still hope for the future? is there still a reason to live this life? I have often asked myself this question during my early months. And everytime, I felt like giving up, I remember his words, how he often encouraged me not to give up, not to dwell on the past but to live the present. He is my strength, and his love will carry me through the coming days, the coming year ahead. Healing is slow, but I know I am beginning to heal. He wants me to live life again. I wish each one of us peace and healing. I want to thank all of you for being here for me for the past 6 months..for listening, for crying with me, for sharing my pain. I wouldnt have come this far without you. I have loved, have learned, have grieved..and will continue loving, learning, and living this life the best I could until such time that I will be with him again.

I am sorry for your loss. I am on my six months now, and still adjusting. I remember on my first few months, i questioned everything, and my faith was greatly shaken too. I got obsessed with the afterlife, i badly wanted to know what would happen after death. I want to know where he will go after his death. I am grateful that he sent me signs through dreams, I felt he is at peace wherever he is, and he wants me to have some peace too. Doubts and all kinds of emotions are normal in grieving. It can get frustrating and exhausting, and you have to be gentle with yourself. Pray for some peace before u go to sleep at night, ask for signs, and believe you will get it. It may not happen sooner, but maybe one day, it will come. Is living worth dying for? Maybe. One day our time will come too, our stay here on earth is temporary, better to make the most of it. I believe one day, i will be reunited with my love. For now, am trying to live each day as it comes.

Hi Derek, I am sorry you are having a hard time now. Am glad Christmas is over, have survived it, tried to keep myself very busy, but I couldnt escape the sadness too. Have this lump in my throat, trying so hard not to break down. Everytime I see couples, the waves of sadness overcome me, and I have to reassure myself that I am ok now, that I am slowly beginning to adjust how to live my life without him..that maybe, i am beginning to accept the fact that he is not meant for me..It is too painful to say this, but i have to let it out. I have also stopped asking the 'why's', just accepting what life will offer me each day, not hoping not expecting anything at all. As u said, God knows what He is doing, so let it be. Hang in there Derek. I know this is real hard, but we just have to be strong.

What works for me in the past is to stay away from people who are insensitive. Maybe, the best way for you to deal with your cousin is to ignore her. Dont step down on her level of thinking. You know yourself and your family too well. Dont even try to open and read any of her website or blogs, you already know what kind of character she has. You are a special person who loves your brother so much. I pray that things will get better with you.

My dear Friends, Thank you so much for your replies. Amazingly, the tears stopped right after i posted here. I felt so exhausted that i overslept and woke up late, i contemplated whether i should go to work or not, but decided that it is better to keep busy the whole day rather than wallowing in self-pity. I survived the day spending my time with the patients in the hospital. It always touched my heart everytime I see them smile, and that, somehow, i have helped them. Today, one elderly patient told me how grateful she is that I was the one taking good care of her. This is enough to make my day. Right after work, i went to church and lighted candles for my love. I know he is always with me. Love you baby, i am ok here..

almost 6 months had passed. i want to express how i feel, to unload the heaviness i felt now, but i am loss for words. have been crying for the last 3 hours, the tears wont stop. this is so hard.

Wendy, I am sorry. You and your mom will be in my prayers for strength and courage. Take it one day at a time, and never lose hope.

William, Was Dec.12 your birthday? Belated Happy Birthday. HUGS..Sorry for the late greeting, have only read this now.

Karen, Keep it up. You are amazing, and I am proud of you. Indeed, reaching out to others lessens our pain too. I have experienced this and i get real joy in giving my time with them. A smile, a hug..these are all enough to take the funks away.

I agree Bob, i will still take the Season too to experience love all over again. William, you ok now? A pillow to hug..same here..so sad, but gives me comfort at night feeling his love with me all the time. Let out the tears, I am here for you.

Hi Teny, It is normal to doubt ourselves, to doubt God and the people around us. What faith we may have with ourselves/ God before was shattered with the loss of our loved one. And building this faith again is real hard. It will take time. Think that you have survived the first year. Try to focus only with today, that you will also survive this moment, this hour, this day. Keep posting..we care for you.

Dear Lynn, I am very sorry for your loss. We didnt ask to travel this road, but here we are now caught up on this difficult journey. For me, it became bearable because of the support and love i get on this site. Expressing and writing my thoughts helped me a lot too. Too many emotions to deal with - the numbness, denial, anger, pain..the craziness of the changing emotions as we go through the different stages. Allow yourself to feel all of these. We are here for you.. Nothing in life is fair Lynn. I couldnt count the number of times i have told God this. And He always listens. I am still rebuilding my relationship with Him. I still couldnt pray and go to church diligently. It is ok, I dont force myself to do things I am not ready to do. One day it will come..i have hope that one day healing will come for me and for each one of us here. Hang in there.

Hi Kathy, I am sorry you are having a hard time now. I also felt that way the first time I attended a special event after the death of my love. It was the wedding of my childhood friend, and I couldnt decline the invitation so I decided to attend. I did fine in the party, and actually felt happy for my friend. But the sadness hit me right after the party. I regret that I attended for it only made me feel worse even more. I am conditioning my mind for the coming days this holiday. There will be lots of parties to attend. I know it will be very hard but I intend to try at least to enjoy the moment as it comes. Let out the tears, crying has a way of healing. There will be bad days but keep the faith that the better days will also come. My prayers are with you.

He came into my life and gave me the happiest 8 months of my life. Yes, we only spent too short period of time, but I was changed forever. He has such a very beautiful heart. I still have lots of whys. I often wonder how something so beautiful that we shared can end up tragically. We were supposed to get married. I really feel bad..If he were only here, we would have been married now, I would have been pregnant with his child. He brought me so much peace, so much joy, I am amazed I could feel love that way. And i Know he felt the same way too. It is giving him joy, seeing him smile that gave me so much happiness. It hurts so bad that he is no longer here. He came into my life for a Reason - to show me what pure Love is. A season?.. this i will never understand.. why so? I am deeply sad, I am angry that we were only given a short period of time to be with each other, yet I am also grateful that I was able to share the last few months of his life, to give him joy and to love him. My love for him will keep him warm and comfort him wherever he is. I love you so much baby. We will be together someday. I need to cry now, be with me, the tears will pass, but your love will always stay with me.

Im having a hard time today, need to let out the tears again, just want to share this with you guys.. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ People come into your life for a REASON, a SEASON or a LIFETIME. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

Dear Karen, Im sorry you are having a hard time now. I can relate well to how you are feeling..the numbness, the weariness of trying to feel strong. Shell is right, it is ok to allow yourself to surrender to the feelings when they come. Reading this thread brought me to tears again because like you, i have also been holding the tears for so long. I acknowledge that I am not strong, I am really tired and weary but I have also hope that like the previous months, I will get through this. You have a very strong faith and it will certainly help you, that I can assure. Please hang on, I will be praying for you.

Thanks for asking William,i am ok..i hope so. the bad days are getting rare. maybe, i get too tired from work that when i arrived home, i fell asleep immediately. i feel numb lately..couldnt feel any pain, any joy..it is ok for me, helps me cope with the coming holidays. but knowing this crazy roller coaster ride, i dread the days that it will come again. Wendy..yes, your daughter's time with the phone is really crazy. Maybe you should tell her that it bothers you, and would really love to spend some uninterrupted time with her. Maybe she is not somehow aware of her actions..just a thought. Have a goodnight rest everyone.

William, Hang in there my friend. It is ok to feel angry, acknowledge your feelings and know that the anger will also pass. It may be hard to focus on the happy memories now, but your love for her will always prevail..in your heart you know that she was a very special person and will always be. ~~~ Wendy, What a beautiful photo you have with your husband. You look like Julia Roberts. My thoughts and prayers are with you yesterday. You are a strong woman, you know that. I guess your daughter only wants to make you feel better when she asked you about the gift you want, i am sure she did not want to offend you. Maybe she also felt frustrated or stressed out in some way. Hope you are both ok now.

lori, i noticed that i was having anxiety attacks too, like palpitations, shakiness and upset stomach. am not taking any medications but when it gets worse, i often wish i can control it. i tried to keep myself calm most of the time and divert my mind when i start having the attack. it is very uncomfortable and sometimes, it affects my self-confidence too. relaxation music, meditation, exercise and deep breathing help a lot too.