rosanne

CFH- I am very sorry about your loss, I lost my mother June of this year, I am right there with you. Lori, I also know there is a heaven and you know, I really never gave it a lot of thought, but, now- I can not wait to go.. because I know mom is waiting on me. Rosanne

Teny I know that was a bittersweet wedding. Your Yiani, was there with you in spirit, smiling down on you all. Thank you, for sharing. One day maybe it will all make sense. Rosanne

Happy Birthday to your mom. You are so blessed!! You are a wonderful reminder of how much your mom showered you with love as you do others! Rosanne

I too am dreading the holidays- my sweet mom is not with us.... My heart aches for her. I find times, like watching t.v. and a commercial will come on or someone will say something, and I get the sickest feeling in my stomach- it is like it is in the pit... it is a broken heart. I so wish we could all be together, that would be so wonderful... Noone understands unless they have gone through it. I do not want to hear Christmas songs- I was in a store the other day, and I was crying at the register to I'll be home for Christmas... I thought I would pass out before I got out of that store!! Last Christmas, my daughter made reservations for vacation for her and her husband and me and my husband, that was when mom got such a great report- it is time to leave this Thurs. and I will be gone until the following Tues. I do not want to go....... God Bless You ALL! Rosanne

Annie, I am so proud of you... Now take Shell's and my advice and rest!! I only wish I could feel my mom like you do... God Bless Rosanne

akhockeymom, First of all let me tell you how truly sorry I am for your loss. I lost my mother June 10, 2007- You are so right, life is not fair, why do criminals people that do not even know they are in the world still breath? I do not know the answer to that. I know when I go to my mom's grave, there is a town drunk that is usually walking down the road, or shall I say swaying all over the road- and I think WHY??? WHY??? are you still breathing and my precious angel is gone... There are no answers in this lifetime! I was in church and the preacher talked of the holidays and how hard they would be on people that have had loss (we have had a lot in our comm. this past year) of course, I cried all the way through the service, my feelings are still so raw. He talked about loosing a child and how that was the hardest and most painful thing to ever go through in life, when I looked across the congregation I saw a middle aged couple that lost their daughter two years ago to suicide and they just hung their heads as he spoke.... I felt so for them...... There really are no answers, there is no right way or wrong way- you just have to go through it! You just get tired of always being sad and there being no joy in your life. I pray that you have a very supportive family and friends- that will help you.. This is a good place to come, there is a lot of support and love here. I am thinking about you! Rosanne

I lit a candle and hung a stocking- THANKS! Rosanne

May you all be blessed during Thanksgiving! This is my first year and I pray I get through it. I will be thinking of each of you my dear friends. Love, Rosanne

Suzanne, I am so proud for you, I know that has to really feel good!! I pray that it helps you with your healing process. Rosanne

Dear KayC and Dpodesta- Thank you so much for your honesty you have really helped me think about some things. You know one thing that I can say, my mom and I were as close as peas, and never as I became an adult had words only love, to this day- I can not think of anything that I regret with mom, I did everything that I could for her and would have given my own life for hers. Now, I have to try and be that for my dad, he is much harder to make happy! Thanks so much!! Love, Rosanne

KayC and Wendy, My heart goes out to you! I am lost without my mom and though we all are going through the same grieving process there are differences. You have the responsibility of everything! I have the responsibility of my dad and I know I don't fit up to mom's standards on the way I take care of him- it seems like right now, I do everything with a lick and a promise- there are not enough hours in the day to do everything we need to, so I do what screams the loudest! I too do not want to go anywhere when I get home from work- I have pretty much dropped out of every organization I was in, trying to get back in slowly- if I do I do, if not that is o.k. too- I am trying to focus on doing something for myself once a day- if it is nothing more than relaxing with a cup of coffee.... Lonliness is a terrible thing... I have been there and at times are there now, you can be lonely in a room full of people!! We have got to be there for one another. I too can relate to not wanting to burden your child with your sorrow- my daughter is 25 and we are very close, but I hate it when she catches me down and crying- she was so crazy about her grandmother she is going through it too, but she should not be responsible to pick me up all of the time, she is about 2 minutes away from me... and calls me all of the time- that is the way I was with my mom, called all of the time always at her house, always planning things together- there is a part of me that wants to break that chain with my daugher, because I realize how much being so close can hurt. We have got to stick together girls!! We need each other. Love, Rosanne

I pray and hope that all of our loved ones are happy!! When you think of them being happy, it is a little more bearable. Love, Rosanne

Funny that this subject came up- I had a bad night Sat. evening did not think I was going to stop crying and my husband was there and really did not say much. The next day he said he did not like to see me like that, and he felt that if I trusted God that I would not get this upset- I told him, I do trust- but I am sad- I don't understand why this had to happen to our family- my mom was the rock of our family- and now, I am supposed to be???? I get tired of being strong, you know? Rosanne

DoubleJo- Please, don't give up... Know that we are here for you. We all know your feelings and we share your pain. We have got to be here for one another. Rosanne

Dearest Karen, You are so right when you say that it can always be worse.. I am sure you see so much of that in your job every day. It is really hard to believe that there are people walking that can do such cruel and evil things. So you work out of your home, I have always wanted to do that. I do have 2 grandchildren- that will be at my house I guess Christmas eve. I don't know, I really don't even want to think about it. I know I have got to buy some gifts for them I guess, I will do most of my shopping off the T.V. It is very hard for me to go to the mall. The last time I went, a couple of weeks ago there was a mother and daughter laughing and cutting up in the check out line, and I caught myself just starring at them and tears were streaming down my cheeks and I wanted to say so bad- you do not know how lucky you are please, embrace your times together!!! It was so hard to see that! I am crying now- better go Hope you have a better day! Love, Rosanne Dearest Wendy, I know exactly what you mean about the one step forward two steps back, that is something I know oh, to well. 34 years of marriage is a long time, Wendy- you really do not see that a lot these days, you were blessed to have that, my mom and dad were married 50 yrs. they loved each other so very much- it is so sad to see him having to depend on someone for his needs. Mom took such good care of him. Wendy, we will just have to think about each other during these holidays, and no that we are not alone! Catering sounds like a much better plan, I do not blame you for that.. Hope you have a good day! Love, Rosanne

Please, don't tell me it can get worse, Wendy I don't think I can take anymore. I am on my 5th month and it is bad! I am like you, I am finding myself feeling sorry for myself, too. The holidays do not help, all of the commercials, like you said- they just depress me... I don't want to put up a tree- is this fair to my family? My husband said, it would not hurt to skip a year, any thoughts? Love, Rosanne

Derek, Do you feel comfort in that now, Derek or do you wish you would have moved? You know I wonder when it is all over if I can move if I would? I know it has got to be so lonely for you, I think when a man is left it is so very sad, due to the fact that the woman usually does cooking and cleaning(notice I said usually) and it is so hard to have to carry all of that anyway, and then to loose your love. I just don't know if it is best to be removed or be there like we are- sometimes in our situation there is no choice.... Love, Rosanne

I don't know how many of you are in the same town as your loved one that passed on- but, I am. I sleep in my mother's bed almost every night, I see her things all the time- even though it does make me sad there is a comfort about it also. Hugs, Rosanne

Teny, The med. will help it will take a little while- my family was so concerned about me taking something for depression.... IF I don't take my meds. I will cry all of the time, now- they ask me did you take your medicine?? I could not go without it, I hate to feel so dependent on it, but I am right now. It has got to get better. Big Hug Rosanne

To all that have posted- I am thinking of you. I also had a terrible week-end, you know I stay with my father (invalid) ever since' mom passed away- 5 months ago, I stay with him all week and then one of my brother's will take the week-end. When I am not with dad I cry almost all week-end- what is wrong with me?? I am no good to anyone anymore, I am a mess- I know I am and have no control. I know what you mean about not being motivated.... I work all day, and I could clean my dad's house from top to bottom, I don't because I don't feel like it- I feel zapped, I have body aches, are these excuses or is this the way I am going to be? I hate myself right now, I hate being sad, I hate what I have become. You feel like the days are just passing by and one month turns into another. Corrine, I see all of this advertisements for Christmas shows, and I want to scream.... I want the holidays to be over, I don't want to put up a tree, I don't want to decorate anything! We, had a good Christmas last year, (I thought) mom had a wonderful scan we had no idea 6 months later she would be gone! Thank you for letting me tell how I really feel, because I know you understand. Hugs to all of you, Rosanne

Dear PJMurphyK- I am so glad that you have joined us. We have no answers, but big hearts and know exactly where you are. I lost my mom in June of this year and each and every day is hard, when I look back on all that I went through, I do not know how I got from there to here other than God. I am so sorry for your loss, please keep posting you will really find comfort here. Rosanne

Marty- thanks for sending that to me, I will share it with my brother. Teny, I feel there is deep pain with anyone that you loose that you loved deeply. I know that your children would feel the same as we that have lost a parent. You can never replace a parent! I have a few older friends that were my mom's age and sometimes I think they are trying to replace her, and I think to myself NEVER- no one will ever replace my angel mother! Life is very hard, I did not know how hard until I lost my mother, my best friend in the whole world, she meant everything to me.... she is in my heart forever and that is where I will hold her. You hold your loved one in your heart, every beat.... One day at a time Teny. Thinking of YOU, Rosanne

Know what you mean, you just want to hide until all of the holidays are over.My brother and I were talking about Thanksgiving today, and what we were going to do, and I just thought as bad as we feel and as sad as we are we still need to give thanks for what we have left, does this make sense? I am just so thankful that I had a loving wonderful mother that loved me so unconditionaly and I her.... so many people do not have that. I don't know why she was taken away so young, we still had so much more to do and so much future. I miss my mom as much if not more than the day she left me. Every morning I wake up, which is usually in her bed, I know the minute I open my eyes that she is gone, it so sad- she was my BEST friend! Rosanne

Karen, That was a big step for you, I know. How did you feel afterwards? I am so proud of you! Rosanne

I am 50 and also have been divorced, and my mom was always there for me, no matter what. We could talk about anything..... it did not matter and she would always say, Sis- don't worry everything is going to be o.k. Now, I think about that and I don't feel o.k. I am not o.k. I can't even funtion without her- I was in a store Sat. and they played I'll be home for Christmas- I cried my eyes out before I could get out of there! I miss my mom so much!!!!