rosanne

I had to share something with you today. There is a lady in my community that lost her mother 10 years ago to the same cancer my mom died of and her and her siblings were left to care for their father just like my brothers and I. She visited me at work today with a beautiful blue butterfly made out of glass on a metal stand, something that I will stick in my yard around a flower - and this is what she said, When my mother died and the graveside service was over a butterfly flew out of her casket floral spray into the sky. Butterflies represent resurrection, and every time I see one I think Hi, Mom. She gave me the butterfly and said don't be sad be glad that she has a resurrected life- a new life! She is a butterfly.

Midnight- I know exactly everything and I do mean everything that you are going through! I am there, too- DOES ANYBODY CARE???? I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer June 2007- she was my life........... my best friend my everything. I have no joy, I feel like I have been robbed I thought I would have her forever. It just seems like when the funeral was over everybody went on about their lives and never gave it a second thought.. and you are left with such an emptiness a hole that feels like it will never be filled again. I care... we are here for you and I do find comfort being able to come on here and pour out my heart.... There will be a better day!

Shell, I wanted to send you a a little story I read one day, what you had posted earlier reminded me of it- and I still think of it from time to time, when I judge but should not- A man was running late for an interview and kept on driving around and around looking for a parking space- he saw a woman get in her car and darted quickly to pull up behind her and get her parking space he waited and waited and waited and was to a boiling point when he started blowing his horn- she just set there so he jerked the car door open and ran up to her car and knocked on the window- He said, Hey! Lady are you going to move it?? She looked at him with tears streaming down her face.... she rolled her window down and said, I just found out that I am dieing ,I have three months to live! It definitely put things in perspective for the man- moral of this story You really do not know what is going on in the lives of the people you meet on a daily basis.

lorikelly- I was the same way that you explained, almost like an out of the body thing, you are in your body but not really and your mind is not there, either- I still have awful days. I love your explanation on courage, I will remember that. Thanks, Rosanne

To all of you that have lost your mother, your friend- God Bless YOU! I have never in my life been through anything that hurts so bad, my joy is gone- I feel low all of the time. My mom died of cancer June 10th 2007- every day is a struggle, and as life has added more family struggles on me I miss her so much more, just to hear her say everything is going to be alright, just her saying those words did make it alright, because I knew she was on my side, always rooting for me. I just don't know- anymore

AnnieO I am so happy for you- what a sign, somehow I know that gives you comfort. Thank you for sharing Rosanne

I have missed you all. My dad has been in the hospital for over a week. Found out that he is a diabetic, caused by taking steroids (that he has to have to be able to breath) we did not know that this medication could cause this, took him to his heart doctor, for a visit because he could not breath with oxygen (this was so scary for us) I thought we were going to loose him.... The doctor said he had to go into the hospital, his heart rate was out of rhythm and blood sugar around 300- he is on an insulin shot every day now, so we are going down another road, with him- he has really been depressed. Our life has been such a roller coaster ride, there is no control anymore, over anything. I am really down, too. Will there ever be happiness again? Rosanne

Deb, There was no one as close to their mother as I was- we were one- she died at age 68- too young! She is my every thought- I pray at night to dream about her and I don't, and really do not understand why- but, someone I think it was Shell, said maybe the time is not right, yet- When I dream about her I want it to make me happy, I think right now- I would be so sad to wake up and she leave me. It is like she disappeared.. I never knew how final that would be- not even when she was sick. I know exactly how you feel, I went through my first birthday "50th" without my mom- it was very hard- she always gave me the perfect gifts but, more than anything she gave me her love every day..... I was so lucky to be able to see her every day and spend time with her and my dad, we had so many great times on the back porch talking..... Making memories! I can't give you advise- but, I can say this is a soft place to fall. Hugs----- Rosanne

I lost my mom June of last year-there is not a day that goes by that she is not in my every thought. She was my life! I was thinking this morning as I was driving to work- it has been 2 years since' I have had any real joy in my life! It was a year prior to her death that we were in and out of the hospitals chemo, radiations and two major surgeries. I don't know what to say to anyone really, that can help- it is a day to day struggle. The only thing I can say is that I do know I will see and be with her again, and that is what I hang on to. Rosanne

Karen, Thank you for sharing your special Valentine story with us! That is wonderful!!! Rosanne

Marty- thank you for that, I have not taken the course, but all of that made sense to me. Teny- I think you should go ahead with your plans... I am so proud of you! We have to keep pushing..... Rosanne

Karen, I won't start my day out with hashing old garbage, either- but, know what you are talking about with the greed, honey! The day my mother-in-law was diagnosed with alzh. my sister-in-law called my husband to let him know she withdrew $20,000 cd that belonged to their mother- we had to take care of her by ourselves for 5 years.. no phone calls no nothing- had to call her when she died and she told me to make the arrangements and pick out the dress, it did not matter to her whatever we wanted to do- so we did it all.... She has been dead for 3 years- get Christmas cards from her children but, not a word from her! What goes around comes around, remember that. Thing that gets us, she does not understand what we are upset about.............Go figure. Rosanne

Dear Nettan, First of all let me say, that I am so glad you found this place, you will find comfort here, you will cry when you read other e-mails, and one day you will even laugh. I lost my precious mother June 10th 2007, she was my soul-mate, we knew what each other was thinking without saying a word, we spent so much time together- I remember about a couple of months before she passed away, we were sitting on a swing on her porch watching my 25 year old daughter paint a chair in the yard (my daughter idolized my mother) and mom said, where has all of the time gone, it seems like yesterday she was a baby (I am crying as I write this) I never even considered living without my mother- and then she is gone.... it has been 8 months, I think of her every day!!! I still cry!!! I miss her so much sometimes I want to scream..... but, Nettan we have to go on- there is no choice in that. Take it one day at a time- Feel what you feel and do not question yourself- you will have crazy feelings... and think you are going crazy but your not, it is just part of the process. Your life is forever changed because she is gone- but, your life was forever changed because she was such a big part of your life! One day at a time! Rosanne

Thank you, all for your messages and sharing your stories! You have made me feel a lot better about it! Rosanne

Dear Cindi, I lost my mom to cancer in June 07- I stayed with her pretty much off and on for the last year of her life, due to her hospitalizations and medical problems we encountered. My dad has always been in poor health for the last 20 years, and we never dreamed my mom would go before him, but she did. We have not left dad, I stay with him every night of the week and my two brothers take turns staying with him on the week-ends, thank God we all live in the same town- my family is very close! My father is in a wheelchair now, which before mom passed away he was still walking some- I have to do everything for him from wash his hair to put on his socks... I get very tired and discouraged and do not feel like I am doing enough- They were married for 50 years. My dad has kind of put me in mom's place, sometimes he calls me mama- and I just answer. It is very very hard, and I do understand what you are going through, and I can not stand the thought of him going.... my mom had a much stronger christian faith than my dad shows. I try and take it a day at a time and remind myself that my life will change and I won't have him..forever Rosanne

I went through a very hard week-end- with my son..... He has never given me any problems, but at age 30 here we go, it was pretty bad- I mean my tears have streamed and it has pretty much effected my whole family- my daughter and I were talking in the bedroom and I was crying, I got up from the bed and was going to the bathroom when I saw something shiny on the floor and picked it up- it was 2 gold hearts my mom wore every day on a chain along with a cross that I keep on her dresser with her picture! My husband thinks I am crazy when I talk about this. Could my mom have given me this sign? I felt she did. Rosanne

I took the advice of some friends from this sight- and I got balloons for my mom's birthday my brothers and dad and I went to her grave and let them go- it sounds funny, but it some strange way it made me feel a little better. All of these occasions are very very hard on the one's that are left.

Dear Mduwyenie, I am so sorry about your mom and also very concerned about your situation, please keep posting and let us hear from you. I lost my mother to cancer in June 2007- is was 8 months yesterday- it is one of the hardest things I have ever ever ever had to go through.. she was my best friend in the world! I am so glad that I have found this safe place to fall, and the wonderful people here that help me get back on my feet. Rosanne

In all of our circumstances, we all have a lot to be thankful for, sometimes I just do not think that we can see it. Time helps some, I think you really just get more use to your life. Does the hurt ever go away- No Does the lonliness ever go away-No I thank God every day for a wonderful mother, that loved me and showed me how to love. Is life fair- No Will life ever be fair- No Will I ever find my way completely-Probably Not But, I do know that I am just passing through- that this is not my home, and I will never be 100% content, until I get there. Love, Rosanne

Hello, Teny! So sorry to hear you have has a bad week-end, as I have also- it is not only that we have to deal with our loss, we also have to deal with day to day problems, and I have had my share of those this week-end. Valentines day for me will be putting some beautiful red roses on my mom's grave and praying that she lives in a rose garden, now. One day at a time Teny, that is all we have, and that is all I try to focus on. This is not easy- but, you are much stronger than you think! Hope you have peace today. Love, Rosanne

Kathy, I am so sorry about your loss! I lost my mom June 10th 2007- I know what you are going through. 8 months for me- still going through some crazy days and my thoughts. I have done a tremendous amount of soul searching I can tell you that. I have two brothers- they help with my father (he is an invalid) and 74 years old. It is so hard, so hard- every day is a struggle. There are no answers. My mom died before my 50 birthday in Oct. there are no fun things for me anymore, I go to work and take care of my father, and try and be with my husband as much as I can. When my mom was on her death bed, and I was crying- she said, sis don't cry- you will be happy again...............I think about that so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

leeann, The first time I have laughed out loud in I do not know when- is when I read about you wanting to smack Andy Williams, oh................how I can relate to that!!!!!! Thanks, for the laugh Rosanne

Drew, How what you wrote touched me so... I was right there with you. I can feel your pain and those feelings so raw. How wonderful that you and your mom had such a special relationship, like my mom and I also, so many people don't and for that we are blessed. No one will ever love me like she did, ever- I remember her telling me so many times, I wish that I could be the one to take care of you when it is your time. Oh, how I wish that could have been... she would have done it so sweetly and tenderly, I will never be what my mom was, never! Part of me died with her, and I do not think I will ever get that back. Forever changed... to live the rest of our lives with only memories does not seem fair to me! Rosanne

AnnieO How right you are and I guess that is what I miss the most about mom- she cared about me and every need and hurt I was going through and she was my cheerleader all the way! When mom said, everything is going to be alright it was, whether it was or not, it was because she said it! I do not have that love and cheering on anymore! Rosanne

Shell, I know exactly what you mean, I had to tell my mom also- and at the time I was telling her I did not know how it was going to impact my life, not really or how much I was going to hurt and mourn. I wonder now, what she was trying to tell me? I wish I would have gotten something to write it down, but I don't know if she could have done that, either? I have a picture of me and mom on my screensaver at work- I look at her every day several times during the day, and I can not believe that she is really gone- Rosanne