suzanne

Walt Thinking of you. Your dear Jeannie is with you. Embrace her and hold your memories close to you. Suzanne

Wendy I so understand what you mean. Like you, I never paid that much attention when Will would repair things around the house nor did he ask me to in the event I would out live him. It is very diffucult to maintain a home and the necessary upkeep by yourself when you don't possess the skills or physical strength plus working on a limited amount of energy to just get though day to day. These things aren't like following a recipe for a new dish where if you mess you can throw away the ingredients and start over. Maybe be out 10 bucks or so. I had to pay someone $45.00 just to replace a light switch that maybe cost $3.00. But I'm no electrician, so do I take the chance of getting shocked, hooking it up wrong and maybe causing a fire later on or pay someone qualified? We just have to do the best we can. Take one hurdle at a time and pat ourselves on the back when we accomplish it. Hang in there. Corrine I am so proud you have the skills to manage some of your own repairs. I hope in the future I can learn to do likewise. Suzanne

Wendy I'm glad to know I'm not the only who has already started fretting about someone to cut the yard. My power went out last night for about 2 hours and I wandered aimlessly around with my one flashlight wondering what I was going to do about that. As if I had any control over it, so if you figure out a way to contol the worry please let me know. I can conjure up more "what ifs". I had myself in a frenzy this morning because I had to reset all the clocks by myself, talk on the news about black ice, worry about the roads. I don't even know how I had enough sense to get to work this morning but I made it. All the worrying about everything didn't do a thing but get me tied up in knots, yet I do it anyway. Thinking all the while, now Will would know what to do and muttering to myself like an idiot what to do, what to do. Suzanne

Gail I so know how you feel. We had a deck that we loved so. I always bought beautiful flowers to put all over it, had two rocking chairs and we would sit in the evenings and rock together. I did take the rocking chairs out this last summer but I could only bring myself to run out for a few minutes and quickly decide, nope can't do this and made a hasty retreat back inside. Like you, maybe this summer will be better. Sunday at 10:00AM I reach 11 months. I can't believe it is that close to a year. I hope things will get easier for all of us. I feel Will's presence so strongly, I know he is with me. That keeps me going forward. Suzanne

Bob I totally agree with you. Once you pass 50 you tend to have a different perspective of life, especially teamed with the loss of your spouse. I not willing to risk the remainder of my years for a relationship that more than likely would end as a disaster. Rarely is there room in one for 3 people and I would be carrying Will right along beside me. Nope, not for me. Suzanne

Well I did it yesterday. Found a 2007 Honda Accord I fell in love with. Had a wonderful salesman. Took my 80 year old mother and she did the talking. Pretty good at dealing. Much better than me. It was painful to say goodbye to yet another piece of our life together but at least I don't have to worry about can I make it to work in what I was driving. The salesman found a dime in the back of my mothers car and on the one I picked out, found two dimes. I really felt like Will was with me and giving me his okay and telling me this is a good deal go ahead and buy it. Thanks so much for everyone's advice. I did my searching on Edmunds and didn't go in blindfolded. Suzanne

William I am so sorry you are in such pain. I found the days leading up to our anniversay where actually worse than the day itself. Try to think of something special to do that day that would honor Myrna and the love you both shared. We are all so very fortunate to have found that once in a lifetime special true love in our lives. Many never have that. Draw strength from your beautiful memories of the life you shared with her. It's hard I know but it is what she would want for you. We don't know what the future holds for any of us but we did have the gift of loving and being loved. Suzanne

Scotty Kate's pottery is just beautiful. She was so talented. I hope the thought that she touched it and created it will bring you some small amount of comfort. It's still so very early for you right now. I know in those first few weeks there wasn't much of anything I could find comfort in. Just numb I think. Hang in there, one step at a time. KayC Thank you for the advice. I have to trade and or sell this car ASAP. Major problem and I must have something reliable to drive. Right now I have nothing. One of those push, pull or drag situations. I just never gave any thought about the title or a problem with it being in both our names. I do have copies of the death certificate but I know this is going to a painful experience. Guess I'll just hang on to the roller coaster. What other choice is there? Suzanne

Thanks Bob. I just checked the title and it does so or. So I guess I could sell it and not tell anyone anything? Just sign it over? Suzanne

Scotty Is this something that is required that you have to change registration? The car is still titled in both of our names and I still have Will's drivers license as well as his gun carry permit. I have not notified anyone regarding these issues. Suzanne

Lyn I actually did the same thing a couple of Sundays ago. I knew I should switch the channel but for some reason I was glued to it and of course it did bring misery and tears. All the while thinking why I am doing this to myself? But in the end it made it feel like Will was close by me. Maybe my imagination, maybe not. Suzanne

Dawn Welcome to this site. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and that you had the need to seek out this site but you have found a wonderful place to come. My husband died on March 2, 2007 from a septic infection. I have finally reached the point of only bad days but it took a long time to get there and I am sure there will be times I'll slip back into the darkness of despair. With the help of the people here I have learned how to manage those days and to recognize when they are approaching. I hope we can help you as well. Scream, cry whatever and whenever you need to. We are here to listen and to help you along the journey. We understand. Suzanne

Kay So good to hear it was not a heart attack. Destressing, now that will be a difficult monster to tame. But try your best. Hope John is feeling better as well. Take care of yourself. Suzanne

Scotty I am sorry for the loss of your wife Kate. Losing one's spouse is one of the most painful experience s life can deal you. One day at a time is all you can do and if that's too much break it down into smaller increments. I remember in those first weeks all I could manage was an hour at a time some days, some days only minutes. This is a very, compassionate place to come to. We all understand what you are going through and will walk with you. Suzanne

Wendy So sorry about your mother. Chemo can be pretty rough. You would think the medical professionals would have a little more compassion. I will be thinking of you and your mother. Suzanne

KayC Thinking of you and sending a prayer. Please let us know how things go at the doctors. You sure have a plate full right now. Try to take it easy and take care of yourself. Easier said than done. Sending you a hug. ((( ))) Suzanne

Kathy I recently dealt with the same thing. I got prices from several contractors but they were ridiculous and yes they will take advantage. It doesn't take them long to figure the situation out without you telling them anything. It took me 4 months of searching, each estimate got even more amazing. Two tried to purchase my husband's civil war relics, one so bold as to take a pistol off the wall without asking me. What I ended up doing was finding a handyman that was a type of jack of all trades. He did flooring, drywall, painting, plumbing, replaced a step on my deck etc. He was a retired pastor, someone I could trust to leave a key to the house. It took him six weeks to remodel but I was very pleased with the results. He was so patient with me, everyday I would change my mind and want something else done. He was someone who had done some work for one of my mother's neighbors. If your work is not too extensive you would be better off with a handyman versus a contractor. It ended being way less than half of what a contractor quoted. Do you know anyone who has had remodeling done recently or perhaps if you have a local small hardware store they could recommend someone. Or maybe someone in your church knows of such a person. I don't recommend picking someone out of the newspaper either. Suzanne

Thanks so much for the advice everyone. I think I will begin my search via internet. I know I would appear way too nervous in person. Leasing was something I hadn't thought of but I intend to look into that as well. I am so tired of repairs! Suzanne

Thanks for the advice Sandra. I am so scared of doing this alone. I'm too too fragile to make a good decision yet I know it is one I have to make. Suzanne

My friends I need some advice and direction on purchasing a car. I must admit I have never done this on my own even though I have reached 55 years of age. I own a 1995 Lincoln Mark VIII and the repairs are eating me alive all of a sudden since Will crossed over, $600 dollars for brakes, $180 for air, $356 for a door handle and now $800+ for shocks for the front (air ride system), all in less than a year. I feel like I am throwing money away for something I will never recover. I know I need to look for a newer car but how? I have discovered if someone finds you are a single woman they do take all the leverage they can in the outside world. And you don't have to tell them, guess I have that dear in headlights look. Any help would be appreciated. Suzanne

Gail Thinking of you today. May your memories and the love you and Bruce shared light your way. Hope the good days continue. We are so truly fortunate and blessed to have had such wonderful soulmates to share our life with. Suzanne

Lily I know exactly how you feel. It's the way we all feel so don't worry about adding to the sadness of anyone here. We're already there. I'm fast approaching 11 months since I lost my beloved husband Will and I still have those moments I think one day he is coming back and then reality hits. Back and forth. Grief is a terribly hard journey and without the support of everyone here I think I would have lost my mind. I soon learned when people asked if you are okay all they want to hear is "fine, yeh I'm fine" or they just don't want to talk anymore. So that's what I've learned to say. They don't get it and it's useless to try to explain it. It's not like that here. We all know we are not fine, so say whatever is in your heart, we'll listen and it helps to tell people who do understand. You are not crazy. I hope you can find a support group. I didn't attend but one meeting of one where I live but it was not the right fit for me. For now coming here is enough support for me. It was the only I could find that met on the weekend and my work schedule doesn't work for me during the week or I probably would try again. Since you are retired you could be open to any schedule. I wish you the best of finding one on Monday and hopefully it will help. In the meantime, just keep posting and let those feelings out. Suzanne

Lily My deepest sympathy for the loss of your husband. This is a wonderful place to come to express all the emotions that go along with grief. We all understand the heartache you are going through. Suzanne

Wendy My dear friend. Believe it or not. Call Ripleys. Your message to God for Steve and your mother floated upon my computer at work today. I guess God does work in mysterious ways. What are the odds of this happening? There are some 5 million plus bottles sent. I tossed it back, asking God to answer them for and your family and I so hope they will be. In my prayers today I asked God to give me a reason to live, having friends like all of you was maybe His message to me. Not meaning to make this religious but this was so bizarre. Suzanne

Dusky Your words leave me speechless. Thank you for your inspiring thoughts. You write so much of what I feel but can't express, especially to the outside world. Suzanne