suzanne

Karen I don't feel like a wonderful person but thank you. I try as well as we all do. You are farther along in this journey than I am and one of my inspirations during those days when that mountain just seems to high to climb. Step by step, right? William Don't leave us my friend. I am here if you want to talk, so is Karen. Suzanne

William My friend, I am here with you. I lost Will the same day you did Myrna and yes the agony is so intense. I too had to pack up all familiar to remodel and thought why could you not be here. But I did all the things we had planned to together and now today I am unpacking the photos. But in the process I found one of the most beautiful notes Will had sent on our 10th wedding anniversary about how much he loved me along with a penny on the floor, heads up. I will treasure it always. Rememnber how they loved us so and still do. You are not alone. They will shine to guide us. Remember to take your meds, I forget mine yesterday. You too Wendy. Your friend Suzanne Karen That stew sounds yummy. Could you make jalepeno cornbread to go with it? I'm from the south. Suzanne

Wendy In my session Will said he was glad I was staying in our house and to not sell. He could see boxes all around. Not forever, but for now. We are so much alike. I have never been afraid to be here. It's my comfort zone. I think he would be proud of me. It's just so hard. Suzanne Karen Thank you. You are always so strong and supportive. So hard to muster up the strength. You give me hope.

Thank you Gail. Will's children don't even know I have done this. But they have no contact with me so I guess it doesn't matter about them. I'm sure they would not approve, if and when they ever come around again. Suzanne

I have posted before I was having my house remodeled. I look around, it's like a tornado has been through. Tomorrow I'm having new carpet put in along with all of the drywall, paint etc. I have been this way for 5 weeks now. Time doesn't really matter any more. All of the things I'm doing are things we had planned together to do. Now I have to do it alone. But is it for my benefit or am I doing this for both of this.? All familiar is gone. My comfort zone has been sorely misplaced. Was it too soon? The reality has set in so hard, I'm nine months into this journey of grief and it hurts like nothing I've ever known. Has anyone felt the need for change but felt remorse after? It will look beautiful when I'm done, but Will is not here to appreciate it or compliment me. I need a hug so bad tonight. Suzanne

I cringe at the thought of the holidays. It would have been easier I think if Will and I had a child together. Just me and my little dog at my house so I don't have to do decorations. I think I might get just a tiny tree to put on top of his ashes and maybe a silk poinsettia to go beside them. Suzanne

No way I could watch that even if I was at home. I am like you Karen, what good would it do. We all know it is not going to happen. But just the thought of it.

My friends This tired old woman must go to bed. I'm 55. Thanks for the conversation. Sleep well. My little dog Layla just ate the hands off of my old Ken doll my mother had saved all of these years (anyone old enough to remember Barbie and Ken). I found his mangled body. Not a pretty site. Rest in peace Ken. Suzanne

Karen One of my Will's favorite things he told me all the time. You never could have should have. Has more meaning now. Suzanne

William Be strong my friend even when you feel like you have run out of fuel. I'm right with you at nine months. I have also felt the guilt. Maybe I didn't do enough or should have done something different. We all did the best we could at the time and we can't go back and change anything. If only I could. I feel like I am 100 years old at times. Wendy Your photo with Steve is so beautiful. I can tell what a happy couple you were. It so nice to be able to put faces with names. I wish NONE of us were going through this and since we are, I wish we lived closer together. But I guess we are just a mouse click away. Suzanne

Linda I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. I can't imagine. I still have my wonderful mother. She is 80 years old. I lost my husband and my Dad this year and my mother has been such a strength to me. My heart goes out to you. There are lots of wonderful, caring and compassionate people here that will help you along the way. Take care. Suzanne

Thank goodnesss we are all here together to face the holidays. I am so dreading it. I haven't been near a mall. The grocery store is bad enough. Playing Christmas music, decorations. It's all I can do to finish my shopping, make a hasty exit before crying. Gail, I sort of come and go wth the realization that Will is not coming back and I think on Christmas it is going to hit hard. But we will make it through it. It is such a comfort to come here and hear the same things I'm feeling or else I would feel like I was crazy. Suzanne

Lori I am just estactic for you. It really is such a comforting experience. It almost feels like they are really not that far away doesn't it? Thanks for sharing. Suzanne

William You two are such a beautiful couple. I can see the love you have for each other in the photo. I know today was a difficult day. I thought of you this morninbg knowing we share the same day of crossing over for our soulmates. Did you do anythibng special? It was a very down day but I knew it would be and thus prepared myself for it. I hope you doing well and taking your meds. I took my little dog Layla yesterday to have her picture made with Santa. Oh what a frown on her face, very Grinch like. She was very interested in Santa's beard and glasses but not so much for all the other barking furbabies waiting for their turn. The profits go for homeless animals so it was a worthwhile cause. Take care my friend. Suzanne

Teny & Gail I know how each of you feel and I'm so sorry we are all in such pain. Teny I don't think we can run from it, just try to take it head-on. I reached 9 months this morning at 10:00 AM. I as well feel as if it was a lifetime ago. So this morning I held his ashes, looked at his picture into those beautiful blue eyes and cried. For what used to be, what will never be again and the painful present. There are just no words to really express it. I know William is at nine months today as well and Wendy yours is right around the corner. Hope all are getting through it. My thoughts are with each of you. But we have made it this far. I could not have done it without the support of all of you. Thank you. Suzanne

Bob I will be thinking of you in the days ahead. These firsts are so painful. Our anniversary was August 5th (would have been 23 years) and my birthday August 11th and Will and I always celebrated both together as well. He always made it so special. I'm glad you have a plan. I thought I could go to one of our favorite restaruants but in the end I got it to go, came home, ate, lite a candle beside his ashes and renewed our wedding vows. Guess that sounds pretty far our, but it got me through the day. I hope you find comfort in your venture. I think all of us here are so fortunate to have had such loving companions, soulmates, best friends, partners all wrapped up into such beautiful souls created just for each of us. I'm sure Linda will be with you on your special days. Suzanne

Teny Sounds like everything was really pretty. I love the tradition of the little pots with almonds. I'm sure since you made them it was all the more special for your son and his bride. Oh don't we all remember the joy of that special day. I tear up as I think of it. Yianny will be so proud of you. Suzanne

Teny Thinking of you today. Remember we are all with you as well as your beautiful husband. ¥our friend Suzanne

Wendy I understand. We don't have to apologize for our actions. It is what we chose for our peace. I would never judge you whatever method, remember I am close to the same time as you, although a thousand years would not be long enough for our soulmate to be with us, they are stil with us. Last night I went back and read cards Will have given me over the years. Oh how I miss that. Brought a fresh, new wave of pain. Suzanne

My dearest friends Please let us all pull together. I have to admit after reading last night I spent yet another sleepless night for fear I had driven away what few friends I had remaining. This is so wrenching and agonizing I can't help but seek what small comfort I can find. This is a safe haven that I look so forward to coming to. All of you are so much a new found family and I cherish the love and compassion I feel here and I am thankful for Marty that has made it possible for us to come together and share our loss. My hope is we never lose touch and continue to share our sorrows as well as happiness that we may find. After all, we are the only ones who truly "get it" and are "the ones left behind" (I prefer that to widow/widower in an earlier post I did sounds like an insect). Your friend Suzanne Wendy See you here. You doing okay? Did you take your meds (and you too William) Suzanne

Thank you Deborah, well said. I have found so much compassion and support from everyone. We do all have one common bond and need to keep holding each other up. Suzanne

I realize everyone has dfferent opinions as far as mediums go and I respect that. It wasn't my intention to tread into some evil territory that was demon based. Before March 2nd I would never have considered such an action as I was brought up in a religious environment. If people where I live knew about it they would probably recommend I be committed knowing my personality. But as we all know, you are not the same person as you where before. I prayed for a long time and ask for guidance before I made my decision to try this and read as much as I could on the subject. I can't say God came forth and gave me the go ahead but I just prayed if it was wrong for forgiveness and before the session I prayed a prayer of protection that no evil would be involved. I understand Wendy's desire as well to be able to recognize signs of the presence of Steve. I take no offense at others opinions. We all have ours. This is something that has helped me. I may regret it some day but for now I found a peace I didn't have before. Thanks for listening. Suzanne

Wendy So glad you had contact with Steve. It really is an amazing experience. Does it not give you a feeling of peace to know he is around you? For me, that was all I needed to know to begin healing although slowly it is a start. What are the other signs to watch for that they are with us? William - I have never had glasses breaking but I believe that could be a sign as well. Suzanne

Wendy I did half an hour. Yes, it is pretty pricey but I felt like mine was worth every penny of it. I would love to have done an hour but can't afford that. Fifteen minuites didn't seem quite long enough but it may be. I considered it my Christmas present from Will to justify it. Perhaps someone on here knows of one that is not quite so expensive and reliable. If so I would like to have the names. Ann, who did you use? How did it go with Christine last night? I would love to hear all about it. Do you know how much Ocallah charges? I need to check on that but I haven't heard about anyone who has used her. Good luck in your search. Suzanne

Well we made it through Thanksgiving. I had a good one, went out to eat with my mother, went to see the Rockettes Christmas show, was beautiful but so lonely without my husband and my dad. William So worried about you. Please take your meds. I have not had my computer at home for almost 3 weeks. Like a lifeline had been broken, but have been reading each post during work time when I could. You are all so much my friends and I have missed you and thankful for this family. Suzanne