suzanne

Wendy I am so excited to hear about your session. I wasn't for sure about the one I went through but she had been used from several members on Sandy Goodman's website. They are pretty much ones who have lost children but it led me to the website. Her name is Lysa Mateu (Marty, forgive me if I should not say a name). I believe it is Love never dies. Believe me, this will give you a peace you have sought for and a new awakening to our relationships with our loves. I was at the breaking point and now I feel Will is at my side. Please post on Occallah, I might use her as well. This is real with the right person. Will had never met the dog I adopted afer his crossing, but he came through speaking of a "barkey dog", one he said would drive him nuts but was okay for me. No way she could known this. And immediately after, though she had been silent, guess what, Layla starting barking her head off. Suzanne

Teny I know the pain and loneliness you feel. Just try to think he is not that far away. Our loves are closer than we think, just ask him to be with you and he will. Have faith. We don't have the physical presence but our spirtis are still connected with our beloveds. Death is not an ending to our love we had for our spouses, it's just a different relationship now and yes as Bob stated our lives are forever changed but we must learn and grow from our loss and be strong for them. This is their wish for us. Do what you know Yiany would want you to do. It is exhausting and draining but each of us have come this far and I believe we will continue on the path that each of us is meant to go. We have all had the blessing to have known love in its purest, unconditional sense. We have truly gone the road "until death do us part". Many will travel through life and not have had that experience nor never taken their vows seriously. Those are sadder people than we for they never had that one true, once in a lifetime, soulmate. If I carry nothing else with me for the remainder of my life, it will be that I was and still am loved by one of the most beautiful souls I ever knew and will continue to be loved by him as you will you will with Yiany. Draw strength from that and it will carry you through as it will for all of us. Suzanne

Thank you Karen. Wishing everyone a happy Thanksgiving even in the midst of the pain we all suffer. May we all find some peace on that day and the ones to come. I am thankful for each of you being here and the understanding and compassion we share. Suzanne

Gail I am so sorry. I understand how painful it is and ten months hasn't really been that long although it feels like an eternity. I will be thinking of you today and pray you have the strength to carry through one more day. May there be brighter ones for each of us on the horizon. Suzanne

Wendy Thanks for sharing that. It is a lot of fun to read the messages and a great way to send your own message. Take care. I still don't have my computer at home so I can only check during the day. Suzanne

Thank you all. Lori, I hope your session goes well and find the answers and peace you seek. I never would have thought I would do this but I was teetering on the edge and felt it was worth a try. I am aware this way would not be for everyone and we each have to search in our own ways and methods. I did go in it with an open mind in the event it was phony. Yes, Maylissa I now know without a doubt our relationship has not ended and I am ready to take on the challenge of forming a new one within our different levels of being. I believe it is possible. Suzanne

Just had to tell everyone I had my channeling session Friday night and it was fantastic. She immediately connected with my husband Will. I was able to get the validation I had been searching for that he crossed over but is still with me. Only on another level. I have at last found the peace I needed to continue on and begin to heal. I can live with the physical absence of my love just knowing he is with me spiritually and is aware of my day to day activities. He even spoke through to tell me of a sign in the desk drawer to look for that he is with me. It was there, in the exact spot he told me to look. Now at least when the feeling of emptiness comes upon me, all I have to do is look in the drawer to know he is near. No way this was a fake, she told me things he was saying to her that she couldn't possible know or have anyway to research to find out. I feel like I have reached a milestone in this journey and I am now ready to move forward, knowing our love for each other is so very much alive. Suzanne

Wendy I don't know what it is about the eighth month but I have taken more steps backward than any month. I guess the holidays are a big factor. I'm back to my sleeplessness in a major way right now. I slept 2 1/2 hours last night so the fatigue is also contributing. My mother and I have found places to hide for Thanksgiving. Now if we could just find like places for Christmas, so much is closed on Christmas day but we have decided there must be a motel that would have a restaurant open. Neither of us are doing any Christmas decorations. My house won't work because of Will's absence and we don't want to be in her house because of my Dad passing in August. I'm glad you are doing catering. That's much easier. And we do all have each other here, like Karen said, there are others that have it much worse than we do. On my way into work this morning I passed a poor homeless soul, pushing a shopping cart with all of his worldly goods in it and had to take a moment to say a prayer for him and think that could be me. So, I'm just trying to look at all of the blessings I do have and not wallow so much in my self-pity as I have a tendency to do. Suzanne

Teny I am so sorry you are having such a hard time right now. It will get better. Maybe your meds will start working soon and bring you some relief. We just have to hang in there. I'll be thinkiing of you. Suzanne

Wendy I know what you mean about the lonely weekends. I almost look forward to Monday mornings so I can hear another human voice. Sure is a complete reversal of before, look forward to weekends dread Monday, Hope today finds you better. I am having my house remodeled so I don't have any access to my computer at home. I think maybe because we are both at eight months and holidays approaching has a lot to do with our feelings. Just keep takiing one day at a time. We've made it this far. Corinne So sorry about all of your other problems on top of your grief. I am sure it is very difficult time for you right now. Suzanne

William I hope today finds you somewhat better and that your appointment today will bring about the help that you need. I will be thinking of you and praying for God to guide you through this. Please hang in there. Suzanne

Karen Thank you for sharing that. You give me hope for brighter days ahead. It is so true that at least they are no longer suffering and I try to think of the separation as only a temporary physical one. We will all be reunited with our loved ones someday. You put a ray of sunshine in my day. Suzanne

I started taking the Bach Rescue Remedy two weeks ago and for me it has made me much calmer. I don't get as upset over small things as I did. Just ordered some more of it. Suzanne

Teny I am so sorry for your pain. Wedding anniversaries are especially tough. I will be thinking of you today. I hope things will get easier for all of us. One day at a time as everyone says. Suzanne

Wendy So sorry you had to spend the eighth month alone last night. That is a tough one. I feel same as you, almost like going back to square one or something, but I made it through it. Erica I know what a difficult day today is for you and I'll be thinking of you. Christmas is just a dreadful thought. New Years eve even worse. We were homebodies as well and just spent New Year's eve at home together. I don't have any children so I won't have to deal with ANY Christmas decorations. If there was just a way to be able to watch television without all of those endless Christmas commercials. Maybe that is why those of us at eight months are going a bit backwards. Holidays approaching as well. Bah, humbug! Suzanne

Erica I am so sorry for your pain. I had my eight months Nov 2 and like you it just doesn't seem possible. I wish I had some answers as to the why's but I don't. We just have to hang in there and keep taking one day at a time. Try to remember the good times and all of the love you shared together. Some people never have the blessing of experiencing that once in a lifetime love and I try to hang on to that. I will be thinking of you and praying for the strength for you and all of us to get through this. Suzanne

Teri It is still so soon for you. You are not crazy. My husband Will died on March 2nd of a septic infection and internal bleeding. He was 61. Like you, I will never get the image of the last heart beat on the monitor out of my mind. I just wanted to reach out and say stop. If I had not found my way to this website I don't think I would have made it. I see people here who have been on this journey longer and I believe from their postings it will get to where it won't be so raw and fresh. We all have times we wished we had said something else or did something different. Be patience with yourself. You are not alone. Suzanne

Wendy and Karen I feel the same way. It is so hard to find someone to do the little things that go wrong. I don't want an apartment either because I have a dog and she loves the outdoors plus I remember all of the noise that goes with one. Haven't lived in one for 21 years and that would be a huge adjustment. So, when things go wrong I search until I found someone willing to fix it although I believe at times I have paid too much. Nothing else you can do when you don't know how yourself. I am very thankful to have my house because it was Will's as well and I have so many good memories here. Hope everyone has a good day, I've got to start packing. Suzanne

So glad everyone's weekend seems to be going smooth. I finally found someone to remodel my house and will start Monday morning. So, my mother and I have spent the day packing up, will do the same tomorrow. Wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. The fear of it was worse than actually doing it but then I didn't have to do it alone. I look forward to the new changes. The last few weeks have been a real downer but I have come through that. All of us know the roller coaster. I think of each of us daily and pray we will find our way. Tomorrow I will have to unhook my computer. It's like a lifeline but I will read how everyone is as much as I can at work. I feel so much that we are a family. I will be thinking of all of you and sharing all the ups and downs in thoughts and prayers. Love to all Suzanne PS - William and Wendy, please take your meds

Karen Thanks for sharing this. That is such a precious letter. It is so wonderful of whomever took the time to do that. It made my day to read it. Suzanne

Gail So glad you have your children to help you through this. I have often times wished we would have a child togther. Maybe it would have been easier, maybe not. I just found out one of my bosses has died tonight (his name is Greg), he has a wife and two children (Leah, Ellen and Stephen). Please remember them in your prayers tonight. He was the longest living person that was on dialysis in the state of Tennessee. That wasn't what took his life, complications from, he fought a long, hard battle, diaslys (sp) three times a week. since three years of age. He was 51. His children are only eight and three. My heart just breaks for them. Holiday thoughts are beyond me at this moment. Suzanne

Maylissa I am so sorry for the loss of your furkids, your mother and brother. I dread the holidays this year as well. This will be my first without my husband and my dad. I wish you would share Dusky's service or provide me with a link as I'm not quite certain what I want to do. I read your posts so often and I feel so bad you can't find the support you need in Canada. All of us are here for you anytime you want to talk about your beloveds. You do have friends. You are such a caring person. I read one of Marty's links about the five candles and I might do something like that. Don't know yet, too far in the future for now. Suzanne

My eight months will be on Friday, November 2 (plus Will died on a Friday), today was two months since my Dad died. I as well feel like I'm going so backwards but I think some of it may be the change of seasons. Weather getting cooler, leaves falling and darkness much earlier, plus the holidays looming ahead. I could never had made it this far without everyone here and one thing I am thankful for as the holidays approach is to have found the friendship and understanding of each of you. I know that each of us has suffered a great loss and have an empty spot within our hearts or we would not be here (two legged or four legged Maylissa) and I pray every day for each of us to find what we need, each in our own way. Suzanne PS Gail- burgers grilled out would be so wonderful. Add extra cheese to mine. KayC - I agree with you. First year if you want to avoid Christmas, and do something else, especially with no children, it would be okay.

Teny I know how badly it hurts and my heart goes out to you. Please hang in there as hard as it is. I do believe I will remember the love I have for Will and we will be together again. As he was going through the process of dying, I held him close to me and I put our wedding picture in his hand and told him ( I have always carried a wallet size in my billfold) how much I love him, how he had made my life so happy and the day would come we never have to say goodbye again. I kissed him over and over, even when the monitor showed no longer a heart beat. Gosh the pain that comes with writing this but I need to let it out. Suzanne

Gail I am so sorry you are in such a bad place. Weekends are TERRIBLE. I as well have such a hard time to do the things I need to do around the house. I just don't have the energy and at times don't even care. That is such a small thing at the present. My dust bunnies are a plenty now I'm sure. Let your children be of comfort to you now. They need you. I went from having a husband, three step children, eight grandchildren (stepchildren and grandchildren went like rats on a sinking ship) and parents. Now I am down to me and my mother in a matter of months. But she is a saint to me and a shining example of strength and courage and I am thankful that I have her still with me. I pray for each of us daily to get through this, one day at a time as they say. Suzanne