suzanne

Marlene You are such a beautiful person. And you are so right. They are only things, and can't bring back what we all truly long for. Suzanne

Scotty Some days it's all we can do at times. Emotions are all over the place. I'm having one of those nights. Suzanne

Kim & Marlene At least I have not had to deal with too much ugly with Will's family, his parenats had already passed on, he had a sister he no longer had a relationship with and his three children just up and left but I expected that. Unfortunately a car was also involved with his son. I did give Will's car to him and faced problems on getting the title transfered, was also a vintage car and would not pass inspcetion therefore could not transfer out of my name. His son has a very BAD driving history along with a previous history of us buying 3 cars for him he would never finish paying us for. I was advised to not take the responsibliity of liability should he have an accident (DUI's etc). So it became a shouting match with me being cursed out for "my gift". I should have known better and I have wished a thousand times I had never given the car to him. My thoughts to you Marlene are that you are his wife and have his child and to me there could be no closer bond. I know his brother hurts as well but it is not the same relationship and just be sure if you do give the car they will still support you and your daughter as family. Five years, five hundred years would not be enough. There is a thread somewhere on here perhaps Marty could direct you to it on the differiences of loss. All loss is significant be it two legged or four legged but this is directed solely to the loss of a spouse and those who try to make comparisions. I agree with Kim, this is family here and I thank each of you for your love, encourgement and support. Suzanne

KayC You are right, it is an individual choice. Strangely enough, when I got up this morning I felt at peace with my decision. I donated his clothing to the Retarded Citizens Association. They provide work for people with handicaps as well as the proceeds from sales go to their benefit. We had a grandson with Downe's syndrome so I can see the need to provide employment for those who are able to do some tasks (I say had because after Will died all three of his children totally abandoned me, I believe you went through a similar situation with George's children). So if someone can get some use from his belongings I decided it was better than sitting in the closet collecting dust. It took me over twelve months to get to this point but after the initial shock wore off I believe I was ready and that Will would approve. It almost felt like he was beside me as I packed his things up. And I do still have the things that have sentimental value to me I can "visit" when I need to which I will never part with. Suzanne

Dusky Very wise words. I look forward to reading your book. Suzanne

Marlene I am so sorry your BIL would do such a thing to you. People can be so callous after a death. You are only at 4 months and that is way too soon to be forced into a decision such as this. Your emotions are much too fragile. Maybe if you explained how much this is hurting you he would return it. If you didn't sign the title over he will have to. I know you don't want a rift among in-laws but it is rightfully yours until YOU decide otherwise. Since they were so sneaky about taking it in the manner in which they did, perhaps if you kept a spare set of keys??? Hmmm, just a thought. Suzanne PS - Marty- you are right about the spell check. Right click does work.

Thank you for your replys. Yes I did keep, the special things, his tuxedo, the suit he wore the day we got married, the pajama top he had on when he left our home for the last time, the top I wore as I held him for the last time. It's just too much for me to process at the moment. Please understand. I needed to write what I have done. Thanks for everyone here and your support. I know each hurta just as bad. Suzanne

I know this topic has been discussed previously, but now I did it. I bagged up 85% of Will's clothing and now it's gone. Came home to an empty porch where all the bags were out. Each piece as I bagged ripped another piece of my soul out. Erased another part of our life together. My mothers insistance wore me down. She has already disposed of my father's clothing. This is supposed to make it easier. My brain tells me she is right. I can't wear these, maybe someone could use them and they will only detoriate (sp) but my heart says NOOOO! Can't turn back now, it is done. May God have mercy on me if I did wrong, I was already in the pit of despair from the one year so I guess up is the only way out. Sorry for such a sad posting. Suzanne

I am so sorry you have experienced two such terrible losses together. My thoughts are with. Just take one day at a time. Suzanne

Marlene I am so sorry about your friend having to move so far away. It must be so difficult when your world has already been turned upside down. Like you, I wish I could put things back the way they were but we all know too well that is not an option. Always remember when you feel alone, we're here. Wishing you strength as you bid her farewell tonight. Suzanne

Maylissa I am so sorry for the sadness this day has brought upon you as another marking of your beloved Nissa's passing. I have followed your postings of the devotion, love and care you have given both your Sabin and Nissa and the continuing support and nuturing for all fur animals. They give so much to us unconditionally. I think I told you before, after I lost my husband I adopted a dog (Layla) and she is such a comfort to me. Someone to greet me when I come home, someone to cuddle with, talk to. She has truly become my companion and furry baby girl. No matter how bad I feel, as soon as I open the door, there she is with a smile on her face so happy I've come home and I think, ah yes, someone is glad I'm here. They are so giving and so innocent. I didn't repy before but also I'm so sorry for the passing of your Maggie recently, I'm sure that makes today so much more painful for you. Suzanne

Lily I am so sorry you are in so much pain. I know how you feel. It is so very lonely and something that only our beloveds can fill except they are no longer physically with us. Holidays only seem to heighten it. I wish I had some answers to give you to lessen the pain. I've reached the point as well that those around me no longer want to hear about it and either just plain ignore me or change the subject. Most have completely ran as though I carry some contagious disease. All I can say is to just keep taking one day at a time. At least here we can say exactly how we feel and know the ones that are reading are going through the same pain. Wishing for tomorrow to be a better day for each of us. Suzanne

Well if it could not get worse I have been called for jury duty. HELLO, I have lost the love of my life, my partner, my soulmate and I should be qualified to judge the outcome of someone elses life. I can't focus beyond my own lack of life. How do you make them understand? Supossedly your social secuirty number has your status and haa proclaimed you ""in behalf of the decesed". I will never understand the callousness of the government. Suzanne

Lyn I know what you mean. I reached the year mark this month and I guess I expected something magical to happen. Nope, only grinds in the harsh reality that much more. Twelve months without my beloved. I was for certain I would never survive that long and would have gone to join him by now. But like the rest of us, I'm still standing - hanging on by the tips of my fingers at times. Wendy, like you, I stare at the box of ashes and can't believe this is all I have left to caress. I don't think any of us will be the same person we were before. We have to discover the new person our loss has created. Suzanne

William I, like you have not posted in a while. The March 2nd sadiversary took its toll and I have nothing postive to contribute but I as well lurk around. Thinking about each of us who travel this journey, a very dark lonely place at times but the beautiful memories we must hold close to get us through this. I'm beginning to feel as though it was another lifetime ago, someone else. At least here we can share our heartache, no one will tire of hearing of it. Hang in there. Suzanne

Wendy Thinking of you today. May your memories give you some strength and comfort to see you through the day.. Suzanne

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. Losing a spouse is one of the most painful experiences life can bring. Take one day at a time and don't try to look far into the future for now. You'll find warm and caring people here that understand what you are going through. I think we all have gone through the why's and what ifs. Keep posting, it helps to write out your feelings. Suzanne

Art I too am facing the first anniversary on March 2nd. I would be more than happy to share my experience with a medium with you. We also made promises, the last words Will spoke to me were whatever happens tht's the way it is supposed to be and it will be okay, many hours before he crossed. Not sure how to make any contact without posting and would not want to make public all of my session. I hope you will find peace, she is with you, have no doubt about that Suzanne

Kathy I also would like to thank you for this post. I think there are legitimate mediums and I have done a lot of research on life after death since my darling Will crossed over. I believe there is the ability for communication and myself have received such from Will. Some are very subtle and I think you have to be open to recognize this. Art, you may have had such and not realized what it was. In all I have found on this subject, our loved ones are still here but in a different dimension and are happy in their new surroundings. Almost all NDE's have not wanted to return to this earthly life. Their descriptions are a of a beautiful place beyond words with a heavenly being. For myself (which I know is not for everyone) I did have a channeling session and Will had the same personality and traits as he did here on the earthly side. Does it stop the pain, the loneliness, the missing, the heartache, all that grief entails? No, I still have the melt downs, the ups and downs and I know I will continue to have, but it did give me peace that he is okay and our separation is only temporary and only physical. His spirit is still with me. Still tough to live with. The support and compassion I find here gives me strength to keep on, one day at a time. I no longer look at it as facing the rest of my life without him, only today. Then see what tommorrow holds. Suzanne

Reatha First of all I am so sorry for the loss of your dear husband. I wish none of us had to experience this. We all question our decisions. I had to decide to take my husband off of life support. A decision I will have to live with for the rest of my days here on earth. I hope I made the one he would have wanted. We had talked about it and he had told me so many times to never leave him on life support if all hope was gone. I'll never know if he felt that hope was gone but I must hold on to I made the best decision I could for his sake to end his suffering. He had a living will and he trusted and loved me enough to make those decisions for him. I'm sure your husband knew you would as well. Take one day at a time. Keep posting, this site has been a life saver for me in many times when I thought I could not make it through one more day. You are not alone. It's a long hard journey but better walked along side of those traveling down the same road. Suzanne

Dawn I am so sorry you have to spend tommorrow alone. 40 days, I counted days until I reached 100 days then I started counting in months. Now I am at 11 months, 3 days. Is it easier? Not for me at the moment. I wish I had words of comfort to offer. I will be thinking of you and know your beloved is close by you. I think you will find comfort when you receive his ashes but the initial shock will be so terribly difficult. It will be like living it all over again. You will feel like he is finally home. Hold that close to your heart. Know you are not alone. We are all with you. Suzanne

Patty Ann & Tessa I am so sorry for your losses. No one understands unless they have walked this journey. That's why this is such a warm and caring place to come. We all understand. After 11 months it is still so difficult, I wish this was a nightmare we could all wake up from. Suzanne

Teny I do understand how you feel. Much of the time I feel the same way. I think that grief speaks a universal language that all who have walked down the path understand. I was out today and overheard an elderly couple talking about someone whose husband has died. Commenting about how she seems to be doing okay. All the while thinking, I hope you never have to know but she is not okay. Like you there was time I didn't understand the enormity of this agony that I now do as do all of us here. Just hold the love you and Yiany shared here on earth close to your heart, it's still there and nothing can take it away from you. Don't give up on yourself. Suzanne

John Thank you for such beautiful words. You have such warmth and comfort. Guess we will never stop counting. Suzanne

Kathy I understand. My moderator is gone so I no longer watch any football. Anyways, last Super Bowl was watched in Vanderbilt hospitals emergency room under the most terrible of circumstances but at least at the time I didn't know I had only until March 2nd with my beloved so I am thankful for that. We at least spent it together. Suzanne