kayc

My MIL was Swedish...also alcoholic. She was also my best friend and the sweetest mom one could ever have...when she wasn't drinking. She quit totally the last few years of her life.

Everything you've said is true, I think you have a good grasp of the situation. What I pick up is that even though he was a drinker and problematic when he did, he also had a kind heart. He made you love him, in spite of it all. I suppose you neither regret nor relish some of your days together, alas, that is the way it is sometimes. I'm sorry the facility didn't do right by him, it's too bad. Addictions wreak havoc on families and relationships, but it's a sickness, not necessarily indicative of one's worth. I believe it to be in the genes and it's up to the individual to help or hurt it. At last he has laid his addiction to rest and you also can lay it to rest and remember the good that made you love him for who he was.

Mitch, I join Joyce in what she's saying to you. I know today is tough, every day is tough without Tammy in it, but somehow it seems extra hard when it's the anv. of death. It brings everything back in vivid widescreen. I'm glad you worked today, if nothing else, it killed some hours. My wish for you today or sometime in the near future, that you can think of good memories without it hurting so bad inside. Eventually it gets there. I'm also glad you feel support here, that is the whole purpose of this place...that and learning throughout this journey. Peace & hugs, Kay

Your Bella is beautiful, I can see why you miss her so.

Terri, all I can say (in response to BIL/lawnmowing/financial services) is WOW! I'd rather pay someone to mow my lawn! Don't feel bad about getting hit for $2,000, I got hit for $50,000...we're very vulnerable when we lose our spouse and the vultures start circling immediately, they smell their prey from far off!

Haha, I love it!

My dryer has been running 38 years and has only been worked on once, nine years ago. My washer only lasted 21 years though an I've had this one 18 years, although both were worked on a few times. There's not much to dryers, so it's possible your dryer will last as long as you do! The more high tech things become, the more that can (and does) go wrong.

According to marriagebuilders.com there isn't anything you can do to save a marriage plagued with alcohol and drugs unless and until the affected person seeks help. That doesn't mean it's destined for divorce, but it can't be all it could be in its current state. I grew up in a home with a mentally ill mother and an alcoholic father, and know how it affects those in the family. I'd have to say you deserve a pat on the back, not guilt, for holding it together in spite of the issues. Maybe you didn't always respond perfectly...who of us would?! Right now you have enough to deal with in losing your husband, whom you love, without beating yourself up for whatever mistakes you perceive you made. You both made them, we all have, to some degree or another, humans just aren't perfect. I hope you'll give yourself the same grace and understanding that you would give to a best friend in this situation. We are, after all, hopefully, our own best friend.

I'm with your mother, if you figure that one out, let me know! Haha Well I hope you don't have a long wait. I've heard those extended warranties cost more than they're worth in the long run so quit having them over 30 years ago, good thing too! My refrigerator lasted 34 years, my microwave 22 years, my freezer about 60 years...can't hardly get that length of time any more!

I wish I could stream but alas there is no cable internet here, only slow speed satellite and it's very limited.

Marg, I have an e-book that helped me when my mom got dementia. I'll be happy to email it to you if you message me your email address.

Amy, I'm sorry. These kinds of days can be hard to deal with when we've lost our mom or the relationship wasn't what it should have been. If you want to treat it differently, then create it to be what you want it to be!

Terri, you might want to limit your time with her right now, at least until you feel better able to handle it. Or confront her with the differences between a stinkin' job and losing a husband. I'm sorry you're going through that.

Karen, will they bring you a new freezer then? I got mine from Sears, only paid $346 for it and it paid for itself in what I saved in electricity over my old one! It's smaller and a chest, not as convenient as my big upright was, but it's just me now, I don't need such a big one.

Thank you, Marty!

It's hard to understand how someone can have it so hard while someone else has it easy in life. All I hope is it is easier for her in the next life.

I am so sorry you lost your husband and so quickly. It's common to feel guilt after their death, I'll ask Marty to post you some links that might help you. I'm sorry his own family didn't come pay their respects, my husband only had three out of a huge family, but the community and his friends, coworkers came. I hope you'll take the time to read some of the threads here, it'll help you know you're not alone. This is a good safe place to be, like an extended family, we've all been through it together and we'll be there for you if you want us to.

Mandeldog, I am sorry you lost your wife, just as all of us here have lost our spouse, the person that made our life what it was. I hope you find comfort here and realize that here you are not alone, you don't have to say you're fine, you can be real with us...we get it. It's not uncommon for all of our relationships to change when we lose our spouse, for we can't speak what's candidly on our heart without them disappearing on us. I was fortunate to have one friend with whom I could share, for she too is a widow, but now she's moved away and remarried so once again I am alone. You wish for your wife what we all wish for our spouses, that they be at peace and doing well, until we can be together again.

I love this video! It is beautiful, and I love the songs you chose for it.

iheartm, that is assuming there WAS something you didn't do when you were with him but wanted to do. Many of us here DID what we wanted to do, and did it together! I've heard that advice too and it's applicable to those it fits, to the rest of us, we must let it go.

Karen, sounds like me, I'm English, Irish, Scotch, Dutch, French, and German, or so my parents said. My George was native American, a tribe the gov't did not recognize. How do you just not recognize a tribe? It's like pretending they don't exist! They do, they lived here before the gov't stole their land! I, too, love the Native American people and feel we have a lot to learn from them. Karen, your day sounds just awful and it's still morning! It sounds like my life. It's a struggle sometimes, isn't it! Yet you're doing what you can and that's all any of us can do. I got the news that my dog has severe Colitis and will have to be on bland diet the rest of his life. The dogfood they want me to buy for him costs over $200/month! I will be making his food from scratch for the rest of his life as no way can I afford that, but he is my baby and we do what we can for them. Right now he's in his dog house not feeling well and refusing his morning walk.

I've been there, I so know how you're feeling, it's hard to understand, no, impossible. You won't know how you'll respond until you're there. I'm glad you have your horses.

I am so sorry, she's adorable and I can understand your missing her so badly. I just made 130 mile round trip to the vet today...my dog has been having digestive problems for 3 1/2 weeks, I thought he had Giardia, but the vet thinks it's Colitis. He's had it in the past but never this long. He said he'll have to be on special food the rest of his life. Instead of buying their expensive food, I'm going to cook for him myself. At 140 lbs that's going to be a lot of cooking, but he's worth it. I've been researching information all day. I will do whatever I can to get him well and through this. I know you'd give anything to be doing that for Isabel. It's so unfair, you didn't get any notice and I'm sure her dying was the furthest thing from your mind when you left. My heart goes out to you.

Oh Mitch, it doesn't seem possible it could be an entire year already! I am so sorry, I know how hard the anv. of death is, it always is for me. A very lonely unsettling day. My heart goes out to you.

corgigurl, There were five girls and a boy in my family and my mom left everything to the boy (he was adopted, the youngest child). Sometimes parents can be really unfair or unloving. I'd say, sell his house and buy where you want to be when the time comes.