kayc

It's hard to understand how someone can have it so hard while someone else has it easy in life. All I hope is it is easier for her in the next life.

I am so sorry you lost your husband and so quickly. It's common to feel guilt after their death, I'll ask Marty to post you some links that might help you. I'm sorry his own family didn't come pay their respects, my husband only had three out of a huge family, but the community and his friends, coworkers came. I hope you'll take the time to read some of the threads here, it'll help you know you're not alone. This is a good safe place to be, like an extended family, we've all been through it together and we'll be there for you if you want us to.

Mandeldog, I am sorry you lost your wife, just as all of us here have lost our spouse, the person that made our life what it was. I hope you find comfort here and realize that here you are not alone, you don't have to say you're fine, you can be real with us...we get it. It's not uncommon for all of our relationships to change when we lose our spouse, for we can't speak what's candidly on our heart without them disappearing on us. I was fortunate to have one friend with whom I could share, for she too is a widow, but now she's moved away and remarried so once again I am alone. You wish for your wife what we all wish for our spouses, that they be at peace and doing well, until we can be together again.

I love this video! It is beautiful, and I love the songs you chose for it.

iheartm, that is assuming there WAS something you didn't do when you were with him but wanted to do. Many of us here DID what we wanted to do, and did it together! I've heard that advice too and it's applicable to those it fits, to the rest of us, we must let it go.

Karen, sounds like me, I'm English, Irish, Scotch, Dutch, French, and German, or so my parents said. My George was native American, a tribe the gov't did not recognize. How do you just not recognize a tribe? It's like pretending they don't exist! They do, they lived here before the gov't stole their land! I, too, love the Native American people and feel we have a lot to learn from them. Karen, your day sounds just awful and it's still morning! It sounds like my life. It's a struggle sometimes, isn't it! Yet you're doing what you can and that's all any of us can do. I got the news that my dog has severe Colitis and will have to be on bland diet the rest of his life. The dogfood they want me to buy for him costs over $200/month! I will be making his food from scratch for the rest of his life as no way can I afford that, but he is my baby and we do what we can for them. Right now he's in his dog house not feeling well and refusing his morning walk.

I've been there, I so know how you're feeling, it's hard to understand, no, impossible. You won't know how you'll respond until you're there. I'm glad you have your horses.

I am so sorry, she's adorable and I can understand your missing her so badly. I just made 130 mile round trip to the vet today...my dog has been having digestive problems for 3 1/2 weeks, I thought he had Giardia, but the vet thinks it's Colitis. He's had it in the past but never this long. He said he'll have to be on special food the rest of his life. Instead of buying their expensive food, I'm going to cook for him myself. At 140 lbs that's going to be a lot of cooking, but he's worth it. I've been researching information all day. I will do whatever I can to get him well and through this. I know you'd give anything to be doing that for Isabel. It's so unfair, you didn't get any notice and I'm sure her dying was the furthest thing from your mind when you left. My heart goes out to you.

Oh Mitch, it doesn't seem possible it could be an entire year already! I am so sorry, I know how hard the anv. of death is, it always is for me. A very lonely unsettling day. My heart goes out to you.

corgigurl, There were five girls and a boy in my family and my mom left everything to the boy (he was adopted, the youngest child). Sometimes parents can be really unfair or unloving. I'd say, sell his house and buy where you want to be when the time comes.

No, you're not the only one. I talk to George all the time. In my profession I was a bookkeeper and it wasn't uncommon for me to talk myself through a procedure as a way of processing it in my brain, so I've always talked to myself, bosses have just had to get used to it. I preferred working in a private office for concentration. But living alone is different, at least I have pets to talk to.

My neighbor's dog died right before Arlie displayed symptoms. He didn't take her to the vet, she had blood in her drool, lost appetite, couldn't hold anything down, ;lethargic, vomited, lost a lot of weight, all signs...didn't see her excrement as she goes out in the yard. My concern is his other dog could come down with it, he doesn't pick up her poop and they don't always show symptoms. It's so easily spread. They can get over it, but they can also contract damage to their intestines from it, I imagine it depends upon their health & age somewhat. My son got it once years ago and I had parasites about 19 years ago, that's how I possibly sustained liver damage. Also there's different kinds of tests, the ones in the lab are better, ones at some vets don't always show it, 30% have a false negative. Well, I'll find out more today.

It's not as easy to get rid of Giardia in pets as it is in us because they do stupid thing like lick someone else's poop and drink out of a puddle, they pass it back and forth. It's not going to be simple. Will have to ride herd to keep the dog and cats from doing so. They administer antibiotics which will probably make him deathly sick, they usually do. I'll have to disinfect his pen (bleach water) which means I may have to throw away all his bedding. It also means expensive follow up testing, repeatedly.

I am so sorry. Your Bella sounds like my Chappy, I lost him several years ago. He's the only cat I had that slept with his arms around my neck and his face burrowed into my neck. I know you miss her and are going to feel this for a very long time...a part of it never seems to go away. It's hard to understand how they can be so much a part of our lives...and then die. I'm sure you will be with your Bella again, just as we all will with those most precious of all, our furbabies.

I don't know, George, you'd think God could have made fat, sugar, carbs all taste horrid! I am forced to eat healthy because that's all I buy so that's all there is to eat. Glad I don't know what a Krispy Kreme tastes like! Speaking of dogs, mine has not been well for 22 days now, taking him to the vet tomorrow to be tested for Giardia. Can be complicated since I also have two cats and it can be transmitted among humans and animals. It's not uncommon for him to get Colitis but I've been treating him with rice and chicken breasts and he keeps getting set back every time I introduce dogfood gradually back into his diet. This is obviously more than his usual bout of Colitis, time for calling in the vets.

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband, but I'm glad you found your way here. It really helps to know there are others that understand some of what you're going through, and this is a good safe place to be. I feel the same way, I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have the hope of knowing my George and I will be together again, next time never to part.

One2counsel, I'm sorry for your loss as well. I hope you're seeing a grief counselor. I understand your job removing some of your duties temporarily but I hope this doesn't have a permanent affect on your job. I was fortunate to have a wonderful understanding boss that checked my work following my husband's death, knowing my brain was not up to snuff, but he didn't dock me, he was great. Unfortunately, the business went under a few months later, in the beginning of the recession. I hope you'll touch base with your doctor and let him know your medication isn't doing it, but perhaps some time with a grief counselor might benefit greatly. Feeling overwhelmed and anxious seems to come wit the territory, I recall how I felt when my George died. I was a basket case!

I am so sorry for the loss of your brother and all the more so for how it took place. You asked if your feelings are normal, yes, they are. You ask if you'll get over feeling this way, my answer is you can. Not "over" as in back to how it was before, it will never be that again, but you will find a new normal for you. I really hope you'll see a grief counselor, it would help so much as they're trained to guide us through this muddle of grief. It's okay to cry. If you don't feel comfortable in front of your baby, go in the shower and cry. I know how hard it is to get time alone with a new baby, but if you can get someone to watch your child while you go for a walk, cry, scream, whatever. Journal, blog, it helps to express yourself and get your feelings out. I like posting here because you know you're heard, which helps. Also, there are grief support groups and you might look for one on loss of brother or loss to suicide. It helps to know there are others going through similar things.

I know some prefer it, I do not. But I have gotten used to it for the most part, to the extent I can see the good and the bad sides to it.

Yep! If you're from Oakridge...

Janka, Autumn is my favorite time of year too, George and I loved it, the crisp Fall air, the leaves turning color, a beautiful time for drives!

That was supposed to be George and me. How I envy them!

Karen, I think you're probably you're own hardest critic. I rather imagine Ron would understand how hard this has been for you and would want to put his arms around you and make everything okay. I've been hard on myself too for having married John, yet I know deep inside of me George would be the first one to understand rather than judge me, and would feel for me and want to put his arms around me. If you carry on anything, carry on Ron's love and care for you.

I am so glad it's over! Yeah, anytime something happens to the nose, the eyes get blackened. I hope it heals fast!

Karen, I think that's understandable.