kayc

Gerald and Zac who??? I'm not a cougar but George was two years younger than me...a fact he had a lot of fun with.

I don't recall lashing out at people, but I think anger is common in grief. I hope you're seeing a grief counselor that can help direct you through this as grief of this magnitude is just to great to maneuver on your own. I think most of us here have seen one in addition to the other grief work we've done. It's good to explain to the person that it's not them, but you're experiencing grief anger and to please forgive you if you're not always yourself, you don't mean to hurt anyone. I know I became protective of myself and stood up for myself more after losing George.

Naw, Clint Eastwood is never too old!

This is indeed a very special place and it's always been a place of support and respect, I hope that continues.

Brad That totally doesn't surprise me, it's what I'd suspected because of what I've seen over the years. I think it's harder for a man to live alone in some ways.

Andrea, I, too, am sorry you have a loss too, but glad you found this place, it's made a world of difference to me. I can relate to what you say, as my George and I were married only 3 years 8 months and never dreamed we wouldn't get to grow old together. When it takes a lifetime to find each other and you're so happy and then lose him so soon...there's no words.

I guess you have to understand dementia. You could visit my mom and five minutes later she didn't remember.

Just got news she came out of surgery fine and her vitals are good, mom Katie is holding her. Thanks everyone!

Butch's granddaughter is having surgery on her brain at this moment, and for the next hour...please pray for the doctor's guidance and success. Thank you!

Even after nearly 11 years, my thoughts are continuously on George, I don't think people realize this as it's private between me and him, part of our connection. I could no more stop it if I wanted to...which I don't.

I posted here but it must have disappeared! I don't live in my hometown so haven't faced this. I'm sorry you are going through this though, it must feel like a dagger each time it happens.

I don't live in my hometown so haven't been through that. I'm sorry you're facing that, it must feel like a dagger each time you're asked.

Janice, You have to remember that not everyone has the same relationship and we all cope differently. I've seen many men do this, although there are many (on our forum for instance) that do not. I have a friend that got engaged right after his wife died. 12 years later, they're still "engaged"...they'll never marry, they don't even date each other, it's like they're using each other to not feel so alone and have a Plan B. I have another friend that started dating right after her husband died, only she called them "friends"...they weren't, they were dates. She dated countless people until she found the one she wanted to marry. She always wanted to set me up, but couldn't understand, I'm really not interested. I tried, I gave it a good shot, and in looking back I realize I was just trying to put my life back together and it didn't work because I went into it with the wrong reasons and they weren't the right persons...they weren't George. I'm happier alone than I would be with the wrong person. I know a lot of people do find love again, and I'm happy for them, but George just has too hard an act to follow!

Stephen, I'd like to see that painting! I've made recycled art out of discarded things...can lids, screws, watch and jewelry parts, you name it. It's true, it can be beautiful all in the presentation and perspective. In a way, that's what we're doing with our lives.

Oh my dear Gwen, I believe with all my heart that love does flow both ways, we just have a veil between us that prevents us from reaching each other like we'd like to. I feel as you do, and I'm sure everyone else does too, like we're being punished, but for what? We were amazing to each other! Our relationship couldn't have been better! Not that we're perfect, but we were perfect for each other and understood and cared about each other! I know this isn't a "punishment" but sometimes it has felt like it. I guess because it's so unfair...you see other couples that don't treat each other like we did, yet they manage to stay alive and don't even begin to appreciate what they have!

No, that is a picture of our pansies before George died...the following year one pansy came up on it's own beneath the patio, it survived through winter snows, I found it very amazing and it's the only time in all these years that has happened.

Hi, I'm sorry for your loss I lost my dad when I was 29 and just lost my mom 1 1/2 years ago. I lost my husband nearly 11 years ago and that was by far the hardest loss I've endured, and yes, anxiety and depression fit. I learned to take a day at a time and not try to think about the whole rest of my life, it's just too much to bite off. I'm appalled that your family did not notify you of your dad's death! That happened to my sisters when their dad died (our mom is the same but our dads are brothers). They weren't told or given the option to attend the funeral, which I find unforgivable! My sister's friend read about it in the newspaper and notified her...too late. There is no magic pill to fix grief. It takes a lot of time and effort to process the death of a loved one and I highly recommend you see a grief counselor. I would also schedule an appt. with your doctor, not necessarily to get on antidepressants but because grief can affect your health and I'd be open for suggestion. Do, however, let him know what you've been going through so he can have the more complete picture. Taking care of yourself helps...eating healthy, going for walks, drinking plenty of water. It gives your brain it's best optimal chance for coping. There are countless stories on here of people's losses, I hope you'll take the time to do some reading and familiarize yourself with this site and all of the helps it offers. There are many threads in the loss of parent section.

Mitch, How special! I'm glad you have these experiences. For those who are sad because they do not have these experiences, I think some are probably better at communicating from beyond and some of us are better at realizing communications than others. I must be one of them that is not picking up on it as well. That's okay too, George and my relationship began and grew on faith in each other and that faith still exists...I don't need externals to know our love still exists in present form, not merely memories. BUT I think all of us would love to have these "signs" that they're here with us in some form, just for some reason or another, some do not get them or pick up on them. Maybe that will change!

TIPS FOR CARING FOR A LOVED ONE WITH ALZHEIMER'S (MAYO CLINIC) Anyone caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s disease very likely can relate to former first lady Nancy Reagan, who called the illness suffered by former President Reagan “a truly long, long goodbye.” Mrs. Reagan, who died March 6 at age 94, was a tireless advocate for Alzheimer’s patients and their families, recalls Mayo Clinic neurologist Dr. Ronald Petersen, who knew the Reagans well. “In many respects, Mrs. Reagan was the optimal caregiver, providing love and support for the president in a fashion similar to many other Americans whose families deal with this difficult diagnosis,” he said. In 2015, an estimated 5.3 million Americans had Alzheimer’s disease, according to the Alzheimer’s Association. As the disease progresses, once-simple tasks become difficult or impossible. Practical tips can help your loved maintain a sense of independence and dignity. To limit challenges resulting from Alzheimer’s: Schedule wisely: Establish a routine to make each day more predictable and less confusing. Schedule the most difficult tasks, such as bathing or medical appointments, for the time of day when your loved one is most calm. Adapt your routine, as needed: For example, if your loved one insists on wearing the same outfit every day, consider buying a few identical outfits. When your loved one is bathing, switch the worn outfit for a clean one. Take your time: Expect things to take longer than they once did. Schedule more time to complete tasks, so you don’t need to hurry your loved one. Involve your loved one: Allow your loved one to do as much as possible with the least amount of assistance. For example, perhaps your loved one can dress alone if you lay out the clothes in the order they go on. Limit choices: The fewer the options, the easier it is to decide. For example, provide two outfits to choose between — not a closet full of clothes. Eliminate belts or accessories that are most likely to be put on incorrectly. Reduce distractions: Turn off the TV and minimize distractions at mealtime and during conversations so your loved one can better focus on the task at hand. To keep your loved one with Alzheimer’s safe: Prevent falls: Avoid scatter rugs, extension cords and any clutter that could cause your loved one to trip or fall. Install handrails or grab bars in critical areas. Use locks: Install locks on cabinets that contain anything potentially dangerous, such as medicine, alcohol, guns, toxic cleaning substances, dangerous utensils and tools. Check water temperature: Lower the thermostat on the hot-water heater to prevent burns. Take fire safety precautions: Keep matches and lighters out of reach. If your loved one smokes, make sure he or she does so with supervision. Have an accessible fire extinguisher and smoke alarms with fresh batteries The Register Guard 03/14/16

Keep us posted!

I am having to make Arlie's food too as he's on bland diet for life. Dogfood has put him overweight, even the healthy weight one, and he is finally losing (his vet says he should weigh 110, not so sure, but I'd be happy at 120) he was 140, weighed in at 135 nine days ago and I think he's lost since then. He doesn't seem to be hungry or he'd be pawing at his old dogfood container or begging, but he's not. He eats everything I give him and loves it. I have him on rice, chicken breast, and vegetables. I like your idea about pureeing the vegetables so they're raw. Do you give him any Metamucil? My vet suggested that. I have Arlie on Probiotics all of the time. I make up packets of vegetables and diced chicken & freeze, & when I cook the rice I add them to it.

HH, I'm proud of you for going ahead and buying that car, and I think your sister would be too. Maybe if you picture her with you as you drive it?

If that doesn't just figure! You finally do something positive for yourself and that happens! Sometimes I wonder if life doesn't have a sense of humor!

George, maybe you could message or email me what hit you about it...

I don't have any answers. I definitely feel we'll be together again, but I don't particularly feel like he's watching over me...maybe he is, maybe he isn't, I just don't know. I haven't had any overt signs, except a rainbow now and then, that means a lot to me. And after he died, a pansy came up in the ground beneath our patio where we'd had hanging baskets the year before...his last summer was our best year for flowers and it seemed that pansy was a sign because as they're named, they aren't exactly hearty, yet here was this one that survived the winter and, well it kind of felt like a sign. It took me about a year or so to even dream of him! Mission? I think that's something we have to find for ourselves. That to me is one of our hardest challenges.