kayc

I don't know why you're thinking about it so much, but we tend to wish we could rewrite history so everything would be perfect...only none of us can go back and do that, including Tammy. I'm sure they have the same wishes and regrets we all do, but the life we lived together has been done and it was still pretty darn special, warts and all!

I am so sorry. I know this is hard hitting. Each and every emotion you feel is yours and valid.

I've been told I come across as strong and independent and a bit intimidating. Ha! I HAVE to be strong and independent, it's not because I WANT to be! I would have loved sharing my life with someone, interdependent, but I got it for such a short time...sigh. I guess I'm lucky to have had it at all, but man it hurts like the dickens to have had the greatest love in the world, only to lose him to death. We were supposed to grow old together! You are doing well to focus on what you DO have, and good friends are worth their weight in gold! Right now I'm lacking that and miss it...need to find and build some new relationships. My friends all seem to move away at some point or another!

You are doing what you need to do for you and that is good. Stepping away will protect what love you have for him while maintaining your own personal sanity. He's not likely to tell people what he's feeling and we all know what a facade we can put on when we don't feel like opening up or think they'd really want to know.. ("How are you?" "Fine." ...while inwardly you're hurting.)

Hi, Teddy. Welcome to this site. When you are ready, I hope you will share your story...who you lost, when. Yes, death is an uncomfortable subject...even more uncomfortable to live in the face of it. Others may be able to walk away from it, but to those of us living with grief, it is ever present.

Move on to what? I continue to live, breathe, perform tasks, but most of what was good in my life died June 19, 2005. Yes, I look for good and find it, but nothing to the extent that it was with George, nor do I expect it, I've learned not to compare. My life is just so different now. I don't think you can get that at three months out or a year out. It's not until it's year in, year out, alone, no one to care, no one to help, no one to talk to, no one to make a big deal of your birthday or wake up with on Christmas. No one to share your day with, no one to leave the garage light on for you. Only until you've experienced that over years can you know how I feel. Move on...what does that mean anyway?

Oh Hon, been there! I'm sorry. I know how bad it hurts. I've cried so hard I've had to pull over in the car because I couldn't see the road. I think after a long time you get kind of numb, I guess they call that acceptance. You know they aren't coming back and the grief bursts don't hit as often. But always, always, he's on my mind. Always, always, he's in my heart. Each and every day I miss him, a thousand times over! And time doesn't change that.

Oh yes, we get it. They never will...not unless they go through it, and I pray they don't.

A computer whiz should be able to disable the password on the computer so you could use it. All passwords do is keep ordinary folks out like us! Hope, I can't even imagine losing my sister, I've lost everyone else it seems, and I know it'll start happening any time and honestly I don't know how I'll live when the time comes. That you're making effort to live life for her is admirable and I hope you are able to find some meaning in life eventually. (((hugs)))

George was the social one, I relied on him to make friends for us and come up with the fun ideas. I guess that's why my life can be sort of lonely or boring now.

Brad, hope the weather/roads is okay as you're driving. TX, OK, LA are so hard hit with excess rain! Still waiting to hear back from my sister about the hurricane conditions they were in last night (OR Coast).

Mitch, I totally agree with that assessment of forgiveness, and I've had plenty of practice!

Mitch, I never had a weight problem until I went on Prednisone. In fact, when I had my kids my weight returned within 1 1/2 lbs of my pre-pregnancy weight without any dieting. Can't blame it on them! But once you have the fat cells, they're more readily filled up even in you lose the weight, that's one reason people yo-yo or can't seem to get the weight off. Plus it screws with your metabolism. I used to be a Prism Weight Loss Director, and learned a lot about weight then. Getting older affects it too. As women hit menopause they get an extra cushioning, it's supposed to help you through it. And we wonder why we struggle, God built this in to us! I understand doctors talking to their patients about their weight, but they shouldn't judge them or look down on them for it or try to squeeze more $ out of them for it!

HH, I'd write a letter to the old doctor and tell her why you switched...how it made you feel about yourself, and that with the new doctor's encouragement instead of his berating you, you are, in fact, doing better. We are more than our weight! It makes me mad! We aren't all on the same even footing with regards to our losing/gaining weight. Genetics play a part in an inability to lose or gain weight. Sometimes medical conditions or medicine causes weight gain. We aren't all playing with the same deck of cards so how can someone judge you by your weight! And for her to try to glean copays out of you for it, that just angers me worse! Sorry,but this struck a raw nerve with me!! I'm so glad you're no longer going to her, good for you!

I hope you do better than you think you will! You're in my prayers.

There is no "moving on" from George & his love for me, there was awareness of his death and how my life has changed as a result. I have accepted this is how it is now, I don't like it but I try to make the best of it. I have some good things in my life, but I also have loneliness and struggle, and imagine I will the rest of my life.

Margaret, I'm sorry, I hope your mom is okay and has plenty of food in the house. My sister & her husband went to the casino over near the coast and they're having level 2 hurricanes tonight. They don't have cell phones and I'm worried about them. I'm hoping they went to the hotel early and don't try going out anywhere.

Just my opinion, it takes a very long time to learn to live without them. You never like it though.

My husband would still be with me today had the doctor sent him to a cardiologist when he first complained of tightness of the chest, chest pains, etc., esp. with his family history, which the doctor had. It wasn't about money or the drug companies, it was about the doctor's pride, thinking HE could be the expert and not sending him on to the real expert. It cost me my love, my life.

I lost my mom 1 1/2 years ago, my dad 34 years ago, but I think you always miss your parents no matter how old you are. My dad missed everything in my life, the birth of my children, seeing them do well in school, marry, my son serving his country. He never got to know the love of my life that I didn't meet until my 40s (who has since passed). My mom lived to 92, but even though she lived a long life and I don't feel bad for her, she got to go be with daddy finally, I miss her. My kids are grown, I'm alone, and I really understand now how my mom felt after losing my dad. I feel like history is repeating itself. So often I want to call her or take her to lunch, but she's not there.

Thank you! First flower I've gotten in ages!

My mom put masking tape notes on the door. Now I understand.

MyMB, Welcome to this site, I hope you get as much from this site as the rest of us have. We're all in the club no one wanted to join, but we're making it together, one day at a time. You can start your own thread or you can jump in on any of the threads already started here, you're in the right place. Have you seen a grief counselor? That's a good place to start. Having a way to express yourself is important, journaling, blogging, or here. I'm glad your son is living with you, even if he is at work all day. I had my daughter with me the first few months and I thank God for it. I believe we will be together again and that faith, that hope, is what keeps me going in life too. They say energy never dies, it just changes form, so I believe even without their physical bodies, they still "are", they're just no longer limited to them. I know it hurts like hades, I remember those early months, very tough. We'll be here to go through this with you if you want us to.

Hi, I'm sorry for your loss and the reason you're here. Nausea & panic attacks I think are common with fresh grief, it's stressful! I'm sure the eye-twitching is also probably stress. Are you seeing a grief counselor? If not, I'd recommend it. There's also support groups that might be helpful. Make sure to express your feelings through journaling, blogging, or here, it helps to feel heard. For myself, when my husband died I felt my power had been stripped from me, after all, no one asked ME if I wanted this! Coming here helped tremendously, but it's important to do our grief work, and it IS work! I used art, writing, making a collage, all kinds of things to work through it. It also helps to take care of ourselves, daily walks, eating healthy, avoiding depressants like alcohol. Make sure to have supportive people around you and limit your time with those who just don't "get it", at least for now. I hope you'll continue to come here and read the threads, it helps to know you are not alone in how you're feeling and what you're going through. Meditation is also very helpful, and listening to soothing music or nature sounds. Spending time with pets also lowers your anxiety. See your doctor if your symptoms continue in spite of your best efforts.

Terri, I'm not sure but what those ER personnel might find themselves in a similar situations someday.