kayc

His mom passed before we met. George was the second to the oldest of eleven kids, and the family is pretty messed up, addictions, etc. I met some of his siblings. He told me about his aunt and her kids, etc. Most of his family are users steeped in their problems so I thought it best not to pursue this avenue esp. without him here to protect me. I've cautioned his daughter along the same lines and told her which one is the least affected but also let her know she's probably better off sticking to her mom's family, I think George would greatly concur.

I figure, in the end, I'm glad I'm not married to a coward.

jr, I so agree with you and wish you comfort in your losses. I, for one, look forward to being reunited with my husband, father, niece, nephew, grandparents, eight dogs, two parakeets, and 13 cats that I have lost over the years.

Chris, I hope your birthday goes better than you expect. I cried myself to sleep on my first birthday after George died, no one remembered my birthday or said Happy Birthday and he was always so big on celebrating it. I pray that is not your experience, but I hope you make plans for that day and keep busy. It is so understandable that you'd have ups and downs, it's to be expected. Three steps forward, two steps backward, but remember, overall, you're still moving in a progressive fashion in this journey, overall. Try not to view it as a setback or let it discourage, I've learned to accept the tears and pain as well as the accomplishments and victories. I'm sorry it's so hard!

We all agree she is a strong person, but she may not be feeling that way right now, I'm sure she feels fragile and close to breaking point, she's just had so much to endure. I pray there is a fighter in her that emerges and she doesn't give up. She is still young and can have much life left but probably can't see that and doesn't feel that...I remember when I was 24 thinking I was too old to start over, it wasn't my age, it was my life experiences that made me feel that way. We will keep on praying for her!

I know his mom's sister lives in Redding CA with her branch of the family, I don't know where any others are. I so wish he was here and I could meet his mom's side of the family.

Harry, how cool is that, congratulations! Wow, two inches of rain is a LOT! I hope you get to go to your game, I agree with Marty, you need to have some fun! Queenie, I'd never turn down a Broadway show, that's great! Let us know what you see...I only got to go there once and saw "Annie get your guns" and it was great, we got a limo back to our hotel, long story, it was free, so neat! Mary, it seems you minister to people everywhere you go...

I am sorry for your loss and I truly believe you will be reunited with your ferret. I feel so angry with misguided people that spout off their ill formed opinions that serve no purpose but to cause further unnecessary upset to the bereaved. The Bible says there will be animals in heaven, and you tell me why God would create new ones to inhabit it but not bring our beloved pets! That doesn't even make sense! How do people know if animals have souls or not! Heaven is where my beloved pets are.

The grief may affect how they are but it doesn't excuse it. I'm sorry, I've lived through grief as bad or worse than any of them and I haven't behaved like that to my loved ones.

The US "recognized" some tribes and not others, I don't get it either but as usual, it's always political, probably decided they didn't want to pay/owe them anything. George is Yuki, through his mother's line. The gov't had the amount wrong too, they halved it so his kids dropped off but shouldn't have. I love the Native American heritage and spirituality.

Nothing surprises me about professors, a lot of them seem to think theirs is the only class! I slept well last night, it felt so good!

Hmm, if his ex is crazy and you're immature, I guess he needs to learn a thing or two about picking, huh? JS...

Well sometimes one person isn't satisfied with the relationship and the other person doesn't have a clue...I often wondered if that's how it was with me and Jim, although he denied it. It does make you wonder! It's common to feel introspective following a breakup, several of us here admittedly are analytical. (maybe to a fault?) Stopping the hurt...ahh, that. Yeah, we all went through that or still are to some extent. It helped me greatly to keep busy, and of course, it took time before I could sleep through the night. I think all of us, if we couldn't salvage the relationship, would welcome closure and understanding as to what the h*** happened! But they don't always tell us. And it's our responsibility (to ourselves) to get through it and do what is ultimately best for ourselves. I know, sometimes easier said than done. I hope you have a good night, and thanks, it's how I feel about everything (sig line)!

Dan, What you are experiencing is very normal response, all of us have been through it. Also, different losses affect us differently.

I just learned my son has had one of his worst weeks ever. All three of their vehicles there quit running this week, he has one that needs a new engine (he has one, just needs time to put it in), one quits running, he doesn't know why yet, and another I don't remember what's wrong. Then he has a truck at my house that conked out at Christmas that he needs to get running and sell. And he discovered he has water leaking from his hot water tank into his flooring, it got mold in it, so the carpet needs replaced, everything cleaned and dried out, it did damage to furniture and three rifles, and it started with an infestation of mice so it now smells in there but he has traps set and the hot water tank and storage unit for it fixed. And he's working on three projects with teams and all three appointed him project manager, and he's coming up on finals this week. He had one professor assign them to NOT use technology for 48 hours to show how addicted they all are, which didn't help his other school assignments or communication with his "teams" any. Poor kid! I have nothing to worry about in comparison to him. I'm glad he's one of those people who seems to take things in stride, remains even keeled and calm...but still, we do all have our breaking points...

Mary, how cool is that, to be married on the longest day of the year! George and I were married when we got an extra hour in the fall, we got teased about wanting a longer honeymoon, but we hadn't even thought about that when we scheduled it, it's just how it worked out. fae, I would love another dream catcher, I felt somehow like it honored his tribe, which the US didn't "recognize", as if it's up to them to decide who is and who isn't a legitimate tribe when they were around long beforehand, ha! I, too, am so glad you are at the point of being able to enjoy your friends and your time there, that is how it should be.

Jan, that IS a positive, I have found the same thing to be true, that they are with us as surely as they were before.

As George is Native American, we had a dream catcher high up on our living room wall...where Arlie ate it. I have no idea how he reached it. They have always had meaning for me, and perhaps someday I'll have another one. fae, I will breathe a sigh of relief when at last you are home. I am glad you have had someone to be there with you through this. Mary, I can't imagine what you are taking on, but I know you are a blessing to all who have the fortune of contact with you.

What many fail to realize is that all deaths are not the same, and thus all loss/grief is not the same. I have lost many people in my life and I can assure you, some were harder for me to get through than others. It depends on the depth of the relationship and how intertwined your existence was with one another. Losing my husband was by far the hardest. But I think if I were to lose a child or one of my sisters, it would be extremely hard too. My sisters and I have been there for each other all of our lives, through thick and thin, we are closer than most, regardless of preferences or beliefs. And children...there's just something about having them precede you in death that would make one feel it was unnatural and not the course things were meant to take...our children came from us, we are not prepared to lose them! Still others find losing a parent particularly difficult, or perhaps a friend that was closer than a brother. When someone thinks we should have been over it by now or some such ridiculous thing, it shows they have not experienced loss in the way we have. Perhaps they lost someone that wasn't as close to them and they are comparing it to that, or perhaps they have never even lost anyone. It shows their ignorance on the subject...lucky them that they have been spared this so far!

Just a few days after George died, the social security office told me our marriage "ended in death" and I erupted in tears and cried all the way home, so hard I had to stop on the way. I didn't ask for our marriage to end, and neither did he, and it seemed unfair that the gov't or anyone else should pronounce it so...at best it seemed incredibly insensitive for them to say that aloud. I think you'll find as you go through this grief journey, that you still carry your Paula with you, for she never leaves you, she lives in your heart. It will be to her you continue to turn, for comfort, solace, strength, even as it's her physical presence you grieve. I'm sorry you were left with so many infirmities with your accident. Some of what you have learned in dealing with overcoming that tragedy will probably aid you as you overcome this one, for many of the same principles apply regardless of the situation. We do not get a say in the hand we are dealt, only in what we do with it. In the beginning it is enough just to stay alive and breathe, but as time goes by we begin to process and learn and it is then that the challenges confront our focus.

Thank you, Mary...God be with you and Butch as you help our Shannon. Please keep us abreast of her progress.

Dan, I am so sorry you lost your beloved Judy. This is a very caring site and we all welcome you here, and yes there are plenty of men here, although many of them seem to be taking a break for now. I'm glad you are in a group and hope you will eventually feel comfortable enough to share with them. This place is very safe place to share your feelings and experiences, you can be as anonymous as you choose to be. I hope you will do some reading here so you can see that much of what you are going through, others have also. You are not alone. If you search any of our posts, you can read our posts from the early months of loss and I'm sure you see we have cried out the same things as you may be feeling right now.

Anne, I pray they find what is causing it and that it can be easily corrected. I am certain that Benji was sent to you for you to love and care for him and for him to bring you love and joy, and I don't think the placement was a mistake by any means. Unfortunately, with love often comes fear as we await the outcome. Do please keep us posted as soon as you know something, and know you and little Benji are in our prayers.

Thank you, both of you. I just got my pickup back from some needed maintenance and they told me the "noise/banging" I've been hearing is...I need a new exhaust system. Someone had cobbed together an exhaust pipe (the thing that goes to the muffler) in such a way it is barely hanging on and bangs against something else which will eventually wear a hole in it or it will just fall off...not a good prospect. Since I can only imagine what the bill would come to if I took it to a specialist or dealer, I am hoping to find a less expensive solution. That, however, is not the financial planning I was referring to...that is a mere blimp in the overall scheme of things.

Pollara, I am sorry he wasn't mature enough to be real and honest with you. I asked Jim the same thing, was there something else in our relationship that he'd considered breaking up with me and he adamently denied it. Since he seems to be cowardly I don't know if that's the truth or not. It would be so much easier if these guys would be honest and real with us, that we could handle...it might hurt in the beginning but we could move on...it's the lack of closure and not understanding what's going on that made it so hard. In the end, I had to do what was best for me, regardless of his responses or lack of them, and I think that's true for all of us, regardless of what the outcome is.