JeanneC

Wendy: I will say a prayer for your grandmother today. Living with your grandmother is special. I was raised by my grandmother. I know you have been through some rough times and I miss not hearing from you. I hope you are well and that you take care of yourself. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Dianna: I am sorry for the loss of your partner Nancy. I am happy that you found such a nice place to join. This will be my second holiday without Alex. The first one was spent with my friend in Florida. This one will be here at home. I was invited to a friends home. I know how you feel about selling your home. It is very difficult since you spent so much time together there and there are a lot of memories. In my case, Alex was rennovating our home and passed away in the middle of it being finished. So I am in the process of finishing it. It is going slow, but it is getting done. Takes time and money. I feel if I left that I would miss seeing the work he did on the house. Holidays are rough to deal with, but you will get through it. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Hi Korina: This sounds great for you. It is so important at this time to have family with you. Your mom would be a help with the baby and just to have company. People who have not lost their spouses just don't understand how lonely it can get without them. My husband's sisters are very close to me. Two live in New Mexico and one lives in Texas. Eventually, when I retire, which will be between 3-5 years, I am looking at places most likely in Texas and maybe in Florida (near a good friend) to live. I need to downsize. My house is way too big to take care of. I feel some sadness in that I would be leaving the home that Alex and I lived in. I feel like I am leaving him behind. A co-worker made me laugh and said: "take hime with you". She meant it literally and figuretively. Korina, I wish you well. This is a step in the right direction. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Dear Deborah I remember when I first joined I saw your posts. It is so nice to still see you do post. I am not one to give you any guidance, because it is only 1 1/2 years for me and I go through some bad times. You should not think about how you could have saved him. We all deal with the guilt. You must of been a wonderful couple together the way you speak of your husband. I will think and pray for you and your husband. Hugs and kisses. Jeanne

Oh Cherrie: First, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. This sound like a real love story. I live in Brooklyn and I could never imagine meeting someone on the phone and leaving to meet someone. But for you it worked out wonderfully. I know this is very hard for you. You do have your children and you can comfort each other. You must not think about your own death. You have to take care of yourself and be strong especially for your children. Remember that there are very caring people on this site. Please don't every stop posting. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Hi Boo: Thank you so much for sharing that story with all of us. When I was reading Candice's story, I thought how true. That's how I feel this Thanksgiving and Christmas. This will be my second year spending the holidays without Alex. I could really relate to Candice when she said that not even a mention of her husband at the holidays. Last year I spent it with my girlfriend and her family in Florida. The week I spent with them was really nice, but the actual holiday was very depressing for me. I just felt so out of place. This year I was invited by a few friends for Thanksgiving, but I really feel like being alone. My friends all feel, and this is my impression, that just blopping me at someones house and have dinner is going to make everything OK for me. I guess they don't know that after you eat, talk, laugh and whatever, you are still alone. The situation doesn't change. In fact, to me it makes it worse. Right now I just rather do something else than sit at a table with a bunch of people and making believe that I am having a good time. I do not begrudge any of my family and friends of this happy time, but for me it is just hard. Thank you again Boo for sharing. Love and God Bless Jeanne

Debbie: I lost Alex a 1 1/2 years ago. I know that's still fairly recent, but as time went on it was definitely getting easier. Every once and a while I go through a bad day or so. I have noticed these past few weeks that I have been having a hard time of it. I don't know if it is because of the holiday coming up or what. I am not only grieving his death, but also the 5 months that he spent in the hospital. In fact, remembering the time he spent in the hospital is harder to deal with than his actual death. That is what I am going through now. All of a sudden I am reliving different events of his stay in the hospital. Sometimes I think that if he had died instantly it would be easier. But then I feel I spent time with him for those 5 months. I cry all the time, which I haven't done in quite a while. So Debbie, what you are going through is part of the grieving process. I do agree that this process is very hard for us. I never knew how hard. I try to explain to my friends that are not going through this and they just don't understand. I very rarely talk about what I am going through to them. They must think I am fine. The only ones that do know are all of you here. So remember Debbie, we know what you are going through and what I can suggest that does help me is to keep busy. If I am idle, I tend to think quite a bit and it is as if I am in a trance. I sought of have to snap myself out of it. If I don't I will never heal. That is really what we all want is to heal and to try at least to live our lives in peace. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

PK I am sorry for your loss of your husband. You have come to the right place. Everyone here is so nice, helpful and understanding. As far as the dreams go. I lost my husband just about 1 1/2 years ago. I had my first dream of him 2 weeks ago. It was so real that I started to go backwards in my grief process. It was not as if the dream was bad, but it was as if he came back from the dead in the dream. After my husband passed, I had to clean out two spare rooms of equipment and different items. I had to hire a company to do that. I still kept his personal items for at least a year. In the dream my husband was sitting in my kitchen where he always sat and looking around and I told him that I gave everything away and he said: "that's OK I understand" but looked perplexed. I told him not to get excited because he had a bad heart. I know there was more to the dream, but I forgotten the other parts of the dream, but this seemed real. I felt so guilty after this that I thought that I might have done a bad thing in given things away. Sometimes dreams cause more problems. It was good to see Alex and that I did not forget what he looked liked, but I was sad for him. I hope that you continue to post here. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Hi Mary Linda: Ever since I have been posting on here a 1 1/2 years ago you have been so special. You have always helped me through some bad times. I know what you are going through. People who have not gone through what we have and are going through just don't know. I wish I could be there with you and just give you a hug. My prayers are with you and Tom and your family. Love, prayers, kisses and hugs jeanne

Debbie That's great that this was a wonderful experience for you. When you meet other people that are going through the same think it helps to talk to them and you can help each other. Happy that this is working out for you. Love and God Bless Jeanne

Hi Fred: It is also good to hear from you. I think that I might be ready to move ahead. For me, it makes it harder to stay in the same state that I am in. I need to branch out and find out what is out there for me. It is just about 1 1/2 years since Alex passed and I know who would be so upset to see me just crying all the time and not trying to enjoy myself. I do check in on New Beginnings so I probably see you there. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Hi Kim: I remember a 1 1/2 ago when I first posted here and I saw your posts. It is so nice to hear from old friends. I thought I would never reach this stage in my life. In a couple of months it will have been 2 years since Alex was sent to the hospital. I know this is all so tough what we are going through. Hang in there and I hope that you don't stop posting. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Stuart: I am so sorry for the loss of your wonderful wife. I know about this cancer. I know that it is very fast moving and many women don't know about it. I hope that you do find comfort with your sons and know that we all care here about you. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Debby: I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I lost my husband 16 months ago to heart failure. He was 54 and we were married for 20 years. He had a heart attack and then went into cardiogenic shock, which is where the heart takes all the blood from the other organs. He was in a sedated coma for 3 weeks and then woke up, but I was told that he only had a 10-15 good heart. At first and because I am not that knowledgeable about this, I did not realize how serious that was. He was in the hospital for 5 months. He went through many ups and downs and infections. The doctors were trying to get him on a transplant list, but you pretty much have to be in good health, go figure. Actually, they don't want you to have any infections. He would have been on the top of the list. So after 5 months, he passed. Just like you, I was happy that I was able to be with my husband those 5 months. I know how hard this is for you, especially since it is only 2 weeks. Just know that everyone here is very caring and we are all here for you. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Wendy: I was actually thinking about you today. It is such a nice surprise to see you post. I know you must be in a lot of pain. My brother-in-law has the same problem. We have a lot of new members here now, but it is also so nice see other members that have either moved on or are just so busy or like you with health issues. Hopefully you get well soon and we do hear from you more. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Hi Teny: It has been a long time since you have posted. It is 16 months now since I lost Alex. I know, we all seem to have survived, but things will never be the same. And I find that the only people that do understand that are right here. My friends and family think they know what I am going through, but until it happens to them, they really don't. Teny, I hope you are in good health and everything is OK in Greece. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Hi Boo: Happy to see you back. And don't work to hard unless you like to. Love and Glod Bless from your friend, Jeanne

Kimi: Have safe and happy trip. Enjoy your birthday and your grandkids. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Mary Linda: I know what you a going through. I seem to be going backwards also. Alex is dead 16 months and it seems like yesterday. I feel sometimes that this will never end. That even though you have periods that everything is fine, you go through those real tough times. I am happy that you were able to go out to dinner by yourself. I haven't gone out to dinner by myself, but I do eat lunch at work by myself and eat at home by myself. We are here for you Mary Linda. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Azusaman: It absolutely does not make you a wimp. In fact, it shows how much your loss means to you. I notice that we have many new members on this site, since I have joined last July, 08. We used to have quite a few men on this forum. I guess they feel they have healed and moved on. Women always feel that men do not have a sensitive side to them and after I joined here, I see differently. I know if it was my husband that had to go through this, I think he would have taken it much harder. It is great that you can share you feelings with all of us and that maybe we can be of some help. So hopefully you do not stop posting. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Rochel: I am sorry about the loss of your husband. 2 1/2 weeks is still way too soon. I hope that living with you mother will bring you comfort. You can comfort each other. We are all here for you. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

DeeGee: You are so right about widowhood is a very lonely state of being. Nobody except us knows what it is like. I have lost many family members and some friends in my life. I lost my mom and dad. My mom was young, 62 (died 30 years ago) and I was 28, my dad was 89 (died 5 years ago). I took my mom's death quite hard. I was young and needed my mom. She was my friend. Talked on the phone 3 times a day. My dad and I got close after my mom died. Not that he should have died at 89, but he did live a good life. But there is nothing that compares to the death of my Alex. He died at 54. We were talking about where we would live when we retired. Now I have to think about retiring alone. I don't think I will ever marry again, if that should ever be presented to me. All I would like is to have someone and that person could be just a friend to go out to dinner and a show once a week. Maybe even someone to travel with. Or just to hang around. I eat lunch by myself and dinner by myself. Thank god I have a job to go to or I would totally go out of my mind. So this is a very hard road for all of us no matter if we are alone or we do have family and friends that we see ocassionally. Love, Jeanne

Deborah: I know exactly how you feel. I lost Alex just about 16 months ago. The first year is the hardest. But it is not like a clock goes off and after one year you stop grieving. It started getting better about a month ago. But this past week has kind of been tough. I don't know what happened, but I started to relive the time that Alex was in the hospital. I don't know why, but it just happened. I figure this feeling of ups and downs will go on for awhile. I tell myself over and over how could this have happened. Alex was not suppose to die. So Deborah, hang in there. We are all here for you and each other. Love and God Bless, Jeanne