JeanneC

I have had animals most of my life. I have had dogs, cats, birds, fish and turtles. This might make you laugh. Alex and I had a fish tank, which took more work than any other animal. We had sharks, gold fish, puffers (never get them, they eat other fish) mollys and so on. This is how much Alex loved other living beings. Just before he would feed the fish they would come to the surface of the tank and he would pet the top of their heads. Well he spoiled them. Imagine spoiling a fish. One day my back was to the fish tank and I heard this knocking sound. Well it was one of my gold fish that was banging his head on the fish tank to get my attention and feed him. I probably could never get the fish to do that again, but it just amazed me. I will tell you there is one thing about animal, mamals, etc. - they are faithful, trustworthy and love you unconditionally. Yes, they are a lot of work, but enjoy them while you have them and don't think about when that time comes. Mary Linda - Maybe in time, you will get another dog. Maybe not right now. Give yourself time and you will know. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Deborah and Kay Thank you very much for your advice. Kay - I definitely will act in good faith. Nobody, except this group, knows my feelings. In fact, I happen to really like this person. He was one of Alex's first friends that he introduced me to when we were first dating. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Hi Everyone: I need a little help with this one. I don't know if I am a good person or bad person having these feelings. A friend of Alex has Hep-C. The cause was of his own doing (intravenous drug use). He wound up with a bad liver. His wife was able to give him part of her liver and he seemed to have responded very well to that. But a couple of years ago his body rejected the liver. Around the same time that Alex got sick, his friend was diagnosed with needing another liver. He progressively got worse and was bed ridden. I don't know much about the disease, but he at times would be incoherent and would not recognize anyone. He eventually was able to be put on another liver donor list. I was just told by another friend that he got the call two weeks ago for another liver. We probably won't find out the outcome for awhile. Now, Alex's year anniversary is at the end of the month and all of these emotions started coming forth from me. I started having these mixted emotions about his friend and some weren't so nice. I was happy for him, but I was also resentful in that why could it not have been Alex to have some miracle happen. I know this is not a good thing the way I am feeling. I don't begrudge anyone from good health, fortune or anything good that comes their way. It's almost like that saying: Misery loves company". But this is not the kind of person I am and I definitely don't want to be that person. Please tell me if these feeling I am having are normal. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Hi Mary Linda: I do understand how your feel about your dog. After Alex passed my two cats were such a comfort to me and still are. I don't have any children so they are like my children, except I don' have to pay for college. I dread the day when my cats will pass. They are going to be six, but animal's life span is so short. I know how you feel and as you say you will get through this as you did everything else. I will definitely say a prayer for your today Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Dear Wendy and Boo: I know what you mean about dealing with the unknown. Especially about when it comes to things that go wrong with your house. I had a leagage problem in my basement right after Alex passed and it took me a year to have this problem solved. Also, my yard in the back was filled with weeds 10 feet tall. Right after Alex passed I was out there every weekend pulling these weed and got bit up by mosquitos. Now that is all taken care of, I hired a landscaper. I have mentioned this many times in my posts that we were in the middle of rennovating the whole house. My kitchen and powder room were already completed. My big bathroom and bedrooms and living and dining rooms needed to be completed. The big bathroom is finally done. Also, my husband was in the middle if switching over our fuse box to a circuit breaker box. I hired someone and that is completed. When Alex first past, I thought, "how am I going to take care of all of this?" Also, going shopping and also for cat food and dry cleaning. But it is now just about a year at the end of this month and I have to say that I am really proud of myself on what I have accomplished. I have been driving for about 35 years now and most of the time Alex drove. We had a car in the garage that belonged to my father that was practically new, but we could not use it until my father's will was probated. We used our own car (which was old). I was able to get my father's car on the road, registered and everything and donated the old car we had. So, when I think back of what was ahead of me, I thought my world was shattered. Of course my world is shattered because of the loss of Alex and all the things that you have to do to survive are multiplied because you are still grieving. I am sure we will all be able to deal with our loss one day at a time. For me, I still think of him constantly. But my life and the things that I have to do have become much more bearable. Maybe a year from now, I will feel even better. That is all we can ask of ourselves right now. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Dear Mel: Oh yes, Sundays are the worst for me also. Especially when the weather is nice and everyone is out. Alex and I would always spend lounging around and then go out for an early dinner. I try very hard to keep myself busy. Sometimes I just can't wait till Monday and that is a work day. Love, Jeanne

Boo Happy to hear you had a good time and that you made it home safely. Love, Jeanne

Alex and I were in the mist of rennovating our home and eventually going to sell and possibly move to Florida after I retire. After Alex passed the house was left half done, so I had and still am trying to accomplish all that he was doing. Only thing is that I had to hire a contractor. There are so many memories in my home of unfinished projects that were just left the morning he went into the hospital. I think often about that morning. It was the beginning of the end. He was so scared to go to the hospital and he never came home after that day. I am sure so many of us have unfinished plans. I think that is what makes the grieving process so unbearable. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Teny Time does go by. I know it will be a year soon that I have started posting. The people you mentioned I noticed also have not posted in a long time. Also MikeC. He started posting around the same time as I did. We are coming up on our 1 year anniversary of our spouses death next month. Maybe it is a good sign. They have moved on and feel they have healed. Hope you are well Teny Jeanne

Dusky: What a wonderful idea. I was able to see the pictures, so clear. I especially love the cactus. Enjoy your memorial rock to Jack. I am sure he is looking down and enjoying it also. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Hi Boo: After a long drive you always need a food break hahahha!! Be careful when you drive through Germany. They drive like maniatics there. Very fast. That was very nice of your father-in-law to say such nice things. It's great that you have his family to see and comfort you. I know that when Alex passed his sisters were and still are very close to me and they don't live near me. I live in New York and they live in New Mexico and Texas. So have a good time and let us know how the rest of the trip goes. Love and God Bless Jeanne

Dear Pier: I am sorry for your terrible loss and the way your husband died. Everyone is here for you. This is a wonderful place and wonderful people. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Dear Boo: I am happy to hear that you are taking a big step in your healing. Driving through Europe sounds exciting. I think though you should stop smoking. I know you are nervous, but you will be fine. Be careful and have a good time on your trip and at the wedding. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Hi Mel: Get home safe. Jeanne

Edward: I don't know if what I am going to say is encouraging or maybe make things worse. I lost my husband 10 months ago of a heart disease. My husband has many friends that he knew since he was a child. There is one particular friend who lost his wife 16 years ago. She suffered with cancer. They were married for about 20 years and had no children. It took him a long time to get over her. At the time they were both 42 years old. After about 7 years he met someone and remarried. He seems to be very happy with his new wife and life. They are married now 9 years. When my husband got sick he and his wife came to the hospital every Sunday to see my husband. I will tell you that it brought back a whole load of bad memories for him. He was especially comforting to me, because he understood exactly what I was going through, because he went through that with his wife. I would call him and even now call him or him calling me and we would talk for hours, even knowing that his current wife (who by the way is wonderful) would probably be upset having her husband relive the past. While my husband was in the hospital and after he passed all three of use would go out to eat and he would cry at times. I would feel so bad that I brought all this out again and felt bad for his current wife. But he would say, I know what you are going through. So you see, a death of someone you loved dearly is very hard to overcome. I have lost a lot of family members and the lose of my husband, I have to say, has and still is the most horrific thing that has happened to me. I don't know if someone can ever stop talking about their loved one completely. It might lessen, but I truly don't think it ever stops. I know for sure that it will not for me. I guess you just have to wait and see in time. I know you came to the right place for advice and it is hard even for those who haven't lost anybody, seeing their loved ones go through this Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Happy Birthday Wendy. Hope you have a wonderful and happy day. Love, Jeanne

Marty: Thank you very much for the link. I know, not right now, that I will be selling my home. I also need to downsize. It won't be for at least 3-4 years. The home I presently live in is actually my family's home that I grew up in. I moved from this house when I was 30 and lived on my own in an apartment. I then met Alex and we lived in that apartment. When the apartment became too small for us, we decided to move back in my family's home. It's a two-family and my father moved in the apartment downstairs and Alex and I took the bigger apartment. We moved back in my family's home in 1995. My father passed away in 2004 and we rented the apartment hie was living in. I know that Alex always said that if anything ever happened to me that he would not be able to live in the house. For me it is a little different; being that I grew up in the house. But I do know that eventually I will have to sell. There are many steps and the upkeep of the my home is so hard when you are all by yourself. Also, I have a tenant and there are always demands put on you when you collect rent. I have slowly been throwing out things that I know I will never use. I know right now it is going to be hard to leave my home, because I feel that I will be leaving Alex behind. When I told a friend of mine this, she said with a little humor, which made me laugh: "why don't you just take him with you". I do agree that when I do buy another place that it will not be a place that Alex and I shared. I guess this is something that I will have to deal with. Jeanne

Dear Karen: I am sorry to hear about your loss and the way your husband passed away. I know about those last images and they seem to never disappear. Sometimes you think that they do disappear and then they come back. But you have to hang in there and get through this tough time. I lost my husband 10 months ago to a heart attack. He lasted 5 months in the hospital with a heart that was only 10-15% functional. He eventually died on June 28, 2008 of septic shock. You have come to the right place. People here are just wonderful and have gotten me through some depressing times. Again, I want to say I am very sorry. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Terre: I think that is great that you got a kitten. When I used to come home from the hospital after visting Alex, I had my two cats to comfort me. I don't have any childtren and all my family and friends live either hours or miles away. My husband also hated needles, that's why he never went to the doctor; and it is ironic that he had to endure all those needles for 5 months. Well they are both in peace from the pain and needles. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Dear Wendy: You are in my thoughts today. I hope you have wonderful thoughts of you and Steve's life together. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Dear Terre: I am very sorry for your loss, but you have definitely come to the right place. The loss of your husband is very new right now. There are many people here that are going through what you are. Some a little further along, but still there is pain for them. I don't think that ever goes away. I know how it feels when you have to fill a form out and it says "widow". That was very hard for me also. I was married for 15 years and with my husband for 20. In fact, today it is 10 months since he passed. It is nice that you have your children and grandchildren. It is something how children can make you laugh and just feel better, even for just a moment. Please know that we all care and are here for you. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Thank you Kay for given me the name. I will check them out when I am ready. Jeanne

Hi Joanna I know how hard it is when you lose your loved one so young. My husband was 54 when he died. It will be 10 months 4/28 that he has passed. Coming up to the one year anniversary. I also have all of Alex's clothes. Never did give them away. I think at one time I will come to doing that. But I do understand how you feel. Things will get better. When I first joined this group just about a year ago, I was so devastated. I am still heart broken, knowing that I will never see Alex again, but at least now I don't burst into tears every time I talk to someone. I do cry, but not uncontrollably. I miss all the sharing that we had. I also miss that we will never grow old together and live a retired life like we had planned. I have intentions of possibly moving to Florida when I retire. I am eligible to retire in 3 1/2 years, so most of his clothes and other belongings, except for tapes and recordings of him, I will have to either give to someone or to some charity. I have slowly given many of his electronics (he was an electronic designer) to a close friend of his. I feel that at least it will stay with someone I know and it will be cherished and not just thrown away. It is just so hard for me to keep all of his belongings. Alex was a lighting and sound designer and he kept everything. And a lot of his equipment were huge. I had to hire someone to clean out three rooms of computers, amps and so on. I eventually want to downsize and you just can't keep everything. I hope Joanna that you will continue to post here. Everyone is so nice and so helpful. I cannot talk for you, but only tell you how things have gone for me and that you will get better. Love and God Bless, Jeanne

Dear Kim: I am so sorry to hear about this latest news. Just so much that one person can handle. I know that you will be fine. Hang in there. You are a very strong person. Love and God Bless Jeanne

Walt My thoughts and prayers are with you and as you have good memories of your beloved Jeannie. Love and God Bless, Jeanne