Maylissa

We were cross-posting at the same time there, so I couldn't see your last entry. Oh dear....I think I'd DIE if I lost all my pics of my kids!!!!...or anyone else I ever loved. In fact, in the midst of our reno, we flooded in the basement, where we had ALL our most important things stored, and although most things were untouched, naturally, it was a bunch of my kids' pics that got hit the worst! I was HOWLING in despair and shaking my fist at the 'sky' in disbelief...of ALL things, NOT MY KIDS' PICS, especially after everything else we'd been through to date with that horrendous reno!!!! I spent hours trying to separate wet prints from each other, and many were damaged...especially those for which I had no negatives (before digital, or phone pics existed), or even the negatives themselves, so they can't be reprinted. (still not sure if existing prints can be restored these days) Others had been previously scanned then stored on computer, but many of the scans were poor, so we'd always planned on redoing them again. So this was devastating to me. I'm not looking forward to when we finally get to the stage where we're ready to hang personal pictures back up and I have to go through them all again, reliving this destruction and damage. It's like a knife to the heart...

That just seems crazy to me, because what's the point in getting an autopsy done (and paying for it, no less) if only one doctor will discuss the findings with you? Makes me wonder what's done with human autopsies, too! Is it the same run-around? And what's with the secrecy about their members? I don't know...it just seems everything is secretive and elitist these days, as if it's John Q. Public who can't be entrusted with anything, when it's normally the other way around! Kay's right -- that kind of nonsense happens all the time, and you end up between a rock and a hard place. Well, with any luck, maybe this pathologist has just been busier of late and isn't very good with customer communication either, but you will hear from him. Or MAYBE he's really looking HARD into something, and wants to make sure he's being very thorough before he answers you? Sometimes that happens too, but we sit on pins and needles, waiting, and not knowing. Re: journaling, no, it's not for everyone...although you could sort of think of writing in forums as a form of it. Even though you may get responses to your writing, you're still putting thoughts and feelings down on 'paper.' Regardless, suggestions or options are just that...at least, that's what they're supposed to be...not dictums. There's nothing worse than when someone makes a suggestion they think may be of use, but then either repeatedly or aggressively force you into defending or justifying why you don't want to use that suggestion, after you've said it's "not for you" or "not right now." That's not being truly helpful.

Hey, that's what (good/better/best) boards should be for -- acceptance of how we're feeling, so we CAN vent to our heart's content! I and certain others I've met on boards through the years have had the same complaint, and railed about it. (in fact, I just spoke of that myself on that other thread of mine - "as if I'm 'broken' ") While it can also be a help to get some good suggestions or options for coping with feelings, that ol' "oh, don't feel that way" approach to "fixing" someone only leads to more trouble, and an unhelpful "stuffing" of our real feelings. Then the feelings can't more naturally just "move through" us as we gradually process them. And some feelings remain with us (at least to some extent) for the rest of our lives, depending. That reluctance to let us have our feelings often comes from people who haven't yet, or just never learn enough about the grief process. Mind you, I've even seen that "hurry up and HEAL!" script followed on some grief boards headed by professional counselors!!! (remember, we BOTH know a lot of "professionals" are severely lacking!) In fact, there's one led by a famous British author on "pet loss," which I and several other people dropped almost immediately, as this guy does NOT take the view that animals are much more than "just "pets"" to a great many of us....of all things!!! That made many people rapidly leave in disgust, as he would immediately seek to try and "fix" that supposed "flaw" in people. So fair warning....a LOT of grief boards and chat rooms actually worsen your grief. Like finding therapists worth their weight, forums, too, can be a real minefield. So I'd suggest, at least for now, don't even try to "accept" Allie's death. Just give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel, or think, and don't let anyone try and "talk you out of" it. You'll do that naturally yourself when you're able to, and at your own pace. But a caveat to this -- it's never really "acceptance" per se anyway, but more of just a learning to live with it, over time and a LOT of grief work. And why should we "accept" death anyway? It goes against the very concept and reality of the Life Force of which we're all made. In other words, Life is (inherently) Life, and cannot contradict Itself (by appearing to be Death). It was actually my LACK of giving in to a real acceptance of the whole concept of (a lasting, final) death that led me into all my research on Continuing Life after physical death, and all that followed from there. And that's how it is for many people. The pain spurs us into learning, and expanding our minds. And yet, we still have to learn to live with that anguish of physical absence, the unfairness of it all, etc., etc.. So you've now got a painful challenge that is different in some very important aspects from those you had before, and continuing to talk about those difficulties doesn't make you "weak," but more thorough and thoughtful. No one said you only get an arbitrary # of posts you can make here, so USE the forum for whatever you need and for as long as you need to! You don't have to hurry up and heal, or "get over" anything. You go, or get, through things, not "over" them per se. If it were all that easy and simple, none of us would ever need help, or forums. As for those final, gruesome looking images burned into your mind and heart now...I do understand, as I have those myself. And they're still very difficult to deal with, despite all my "learnin.'" But unless I get dementia , they'll always be there. However, they give me that much more compassion and understanding for others who have also experienced similar or the same things. And from there is the potential for more healing on both sides. P.S. I'll get that doc's contact info to you via PM later.

Actually, I was referring to the whole brother's estate thing, about these recent, shallow comments and laughter. So if we hope people can or will relate better to a strictly human event or issue, even that's apparently not enough to save us from this added insult-to-injury. Like you, too, I got more than my fair share of such garbage when my Mother and another brother died....but seemingly again (from what others told me upon hearing the remarks), on a more egregious scale than most folks suffer from. That said, most of those came from this same, crazy family and extended family members, so that's not as surprising as where they're coming from today! I don't know WHY this is such a recurring nightmare for me, but it's gotten WAY too old, and I just wish it would STOP already! Hey, maybe we need a thread to list all those callous remarks we've all likely heard...to help us purge them out of our systems and get the creative juices flowing for "what we WISH we'd said back"! Hmmm....that reminds me!....I'd had such correspondence from a fellow griever years ago, who was such a funny, sarcastic guy about this exact topic (from his own experiences), he had me in STITCHES over his comebacks. I'd suggested co-authoring a book for grievers, listing these, but don't recall now whatever happened with that....boo. I think it would sell like hotcakes!

Aaww, thanks for the compliment, Mary, because I sure could use more of those lately! You SAID it! I've gotten SO fed up with having to do other people's jobs for them, especially when they're charging obscenely $$$ rates for their utter mediocrity!!! If not for my intelligent, probing questions, I'd never find out anything I need to know. It's absolutely infuriating! And then if you keep pinging on them because they won't get back to you in a timely fashion, they get all touchy on you, or just quit on you without warning. (same garbage as during our reno, time after time after time) They must all be from the "me-me-me" generation...except there seems to be an unending stream of those generations as yet! I'm just about at the stage where I'm wondering, since I can't seem to "lick 'em," SHOULD I just "join 'em" and become as useless, horrid, and stressful to others as they are??? Seriously, why is it that these are the kinds of people who always seem to win?!? If I had a place for it, I'd go out TODAY and buy a nice, hefty punching bag for daily home use!!!! I don't, however, dare even think about any miracles for my own situation, since every time I do, for some strange reason, things often get even worse, not better. Don't know why, only that it seems to have become a very sad pattern. So you'll have to hold that thought FOR me, if you don't mind. Oh, but I'm SOOO glad you may actually have found a specialist who's worth going to!!! Now that sounds more like proper "customer & patient service"! But yikes, yah....2 hours away is really far. If only we all had personal helicopters for such instances! Have you looked this one up yet using some of those resources I'd found for vetting vets? Or are you too scared to even look?! At the very least, he may even be able to provide some better referrals to other vets, too, if he's that much kinder and compassionate, and hopefully doesn't want to associate with those not of the same mindset. Since I seem to only rather jinx myself, it's probably safe to keep my fingers crossed for YOU! Oh, and btw, I do know of another, very reasonably priced homeopathic vet, if you ever want. (she also does phone-call or email appts.)

General update here....and I should have moved the non-Mothers Day portion of this to a completely different thread! Oh well...too tired, and I guess too late for that now. Unfortunately, what I felt and feel was best for me, just isn't panning out or is being impossible to attain. Things have rapidly gone from bad to worse to truly "unbelievable." Seriously, no one can believe this story, it's become so outrageous, even more so than the story before. But now I have to somehow deal with my feelings about it all, and they are so compounded now, it seems like an impossibility. The sheer level of betrayal that's become apparent from both relatives AND the corrupt System is so overwhelming, yet simply walking away from it all just feels disempoweringly defeatist, and so may not serve me well in the final analysis, either. Every day has brought another shocking and astounding revelation and action aimed against me, &/or aimed towards someone else's interest over mine, I can't even begin to process it all. And all this on TOP of my continuing grief over my 2 cat loves...it's just too much. But even IF I dropped it all now, I can't now unlearn all the grisliness of what I found out, and it's already done untold emotional, spiritual, and psychological damage that I'm not sure I can overcome this time. And in the midst of this, there are the usual folks who glibly toss out time-worn cliche´s like, "just start thinking "happy" thoughts instead!"....as if they could easily do it themselves (which I highly doubt) if facing the same traumas all at once, and as if I haven't been trying that all along and for years during traumatic events, while one after another of the things that helped me BE happy are torn away from me, regardless. Just the look in their faces, and the tone of their voices when I share what I've learned, is enough to tell me they haven't got a CLUE how to handle what I'm dealing with, yet out come the ridiculous, new-agey cliche´s anyway. Some have even laughed, so inappropriately, at my pain and anguish. (only ONE person apologized immediately for that inappropriateness, which I very much appreciated; now that's accountability, responsibility and acknowledgement in action!) At this point, all I can say is the rage and bitterness created by all this is severely challenging, and too many people plainly just get a complete FAIL as human beings.

Oh dear, that's not good news. I certainly hope you can get much more help from the holistic vet. All this other stuff is like pulling teeth! (a parallel to what I've been experiencing with my brother's death: all sorts of people lying through their teeth to me, stonewalling, not responding, acting fraudulently, breaking protocol, causing more harm, etc.) This is all such depressing stuff, and sure doesn't help one's "faith in humanity" one little bit! So I'm feeling similarly, albeit from a different scenario. Good question -- how DOES one find a "team," or heck, in some cases even one, lone individual(!), you can fully or mostly trust and believe in??? The longer I live, the harder that seems to do anymore, since human society has become so broken it often feels irreparable, and those with real, or at least more integrity, are becoming rarer and rarer every day. I think we're both struggling with the same dilemma at core, that being: Do we keep fighting for what we feel we need, believe in, and want to see in this world? Or do we just give in/up and try to "let it go," offering no resistance, to see if that will help get us better results? (and if this choice, HOW, really, whilst still honouring our needs and feelings?) It's a real up-down, inner battle each day, and so very wearying. I feel so sorry for both of us, and anyone else facing the same kinds of dilemmas.

I hear you and your concerns, Mary, and as you know, also share in them. And part of the problem is also having to find and test out vets, including those in the holistic field. We can't expect them all to be perfect, nor know everything about everything, or be the "perfect package" of human and professional in every way, but therein lies the rub. And since many don't want to work as a more complete medical team for our furkids and us, that adds extra challenge for us. But of course it's the way the whole System is set up that gives rise to all this. Holistic vets are more $$$, but essentially only because the whole medical model paradigm is wrong to begin with, and so discounts the holistic perspective and 'punishes' them for it. And who knows if or when it &/or the public might finally wisen up and reconfigure itself? In our lifetime? Or never? It all feels like a Sisiphusian battle placed upon our shoulders to bear. Supplements are only one part of the picture, too, though, and no, it's not always wise to rely only on them, either. I'm referring to using whatever more natural, "ancient," and newer methods out there, as an integrative way of treating, healing, or even curing conditions. That would include then energetic-based means, which is a HUGE sector all by itself. Often, no one method holds all the (better, safer) answers, but it's a matter of trying as many as we're able to in our quest for healing. (whether nonhuman, or human) And of course I'm a firm believer, too, in the concept of "a family heals more optimally as a unit," meaning there's a team approach taken there, too. I know it's tough, though, due to costs, time, etc. And it's only in retrospect that we consider what we maybe should have funded more of, vs. something else. I also share your anxieties over consideration about future furfamily members. I'm at a crossroads there right now, but it's also extremely painful a prospect to imagine myself NOT ever having the shared love of any more animals in my life, personally and closely. No easy or comfortable answer there for me.

Ah yes...and that's typical of most modern-day drugs, isn't it? The very thing they're claimed to prevent, or 'treat for," ends up being one of their "side effects." I just call them "effects," because they're a DIRECT effect of the drug, not some kind of "aside." A 'side effect" is nothing more than duplicitous marketing lingo. Is Vetmedin just another brand name for Lasix, or is it a different drug, or another hybrid of same? But even if you found an independent study or studies showing a direct correlation to prove its lethal effect, what then, when, as they say, that's "all they've got" as highly risky but "usual" treatment? They're never going to actually admit it's a direct cause of someone's death....not unless the fatality statistics are so high they're forced into a recall off the market, or there's a Class Action suit against it/them. That's how it always works so far, right? So why not then focus more on trying to find other less dangerous, or much safer, complementary/alternative methodologies for the condition instead?...assuming you're comfortable with any you may find. I do understand the huge frustration, all the same, though, as I later found certain substances or ingredients (if not exactly "drugs") I'd been using for a time, were actually highly risky and could have caused, say, a cancerous condition in the body, which my boy did eventually contract and die of. While I had stopped their use once I became informed, and despite our vet continuing to sell them, regardless, it just became yet another lesson under the belt for me of how hard we must work ourselves to become more educated about what's out there. This system makes it VERY enraging for us, though, and sometimes there's just not a whole lot we can do about it....so far, anyway. For instance, there are often other substances that are just as effective in humans, and often more so, as the standard drugs prescribed, yet no one's developed any studies for use in nonhumans...and so you're hooped, as the vets don't know what the dosage would be, nor if it would work just as effectively in a cat or dog. I ran into that with high blood pressure meds for Nissa, and was in the end forced to use the standard drug instead. I hated it, Nissa hated it, yet I had to use it anyway. *sigh*

And yet when I just googled "truth behind Vetmedin," several sites came up: http://www.livestrong.com/article/220258-side-effects-of-pimobendan/ Apparently, you can look it up below (this source cited in a few places), and dogs are supposed to be mentioned somewhere: http://www.drugs.com/ Also try googling phrases of worst-case scenarios, or other such words, e.g. "dog deaths from Vetmedin." Or maybe "holistic vets on Vetmedin" and such. That's often how I find more info.

Indeed, Marty! There were also other links you had posted in the midst of another (likely older) ADC discussion, which does also come up on a search as I'd described. There is of course also MUCH that can be found online on ADCs just by Googling.

Hmmm, interesting, but also even MORE deceptive a practice! Thanks for pointing that out! What's the specific med you're trying to search on? (maybe I already have something on it...) No, most people don't automatically think of forms of ADCs (after death communications) until they research them, or have one, then look more into it. Pretty sure there were a few older threads here talking about them, that you could do a word search on up top, right corner. Try typing in "after death communications, ADCs".

I have also now added the Vet Abuse Network and another important, related link/site to my Topic thread, "Protecting Your Animal from Bad Vets/Clinics":

Mary, I know it's a huge amount of info on that page, and of course you don't have to read more than you can handle. I only had time to read little bits here and there, myself, but just thought it was a great page for reference, whenever. Sorry about it making your heart skip a beat...I know how that can sting and jab. But there's another, and 'happier,' way you could look at that, too, one that I've become very familiar with myself through the years. Although it won't stop the pain, what if 'coincidences' like seeing Allie's "angel date" are signs of continuing connection (ADCs) from her to you? What if she's asking you to acknowledge her presence with you as you go through all this upsetting stuff about her crossing? I know my furkids have both used (and still do) that specific form of communication with me, along with other repetitive (and other types of) signs....and particularly when I really, really need their ongoing support. Sabin started a similar one right away after his transition, except he sends his age, 13 -- from his living 13 yrs + 13 days beyond what I'd roughly determined were both their birthdates. Plus, "13" is classically linked to black cats in particular as well, so that very specific # holds GREAT meaning for me, personally. And of course he would know that. So using specific #s has become quite the Family Classic ADC from them both! Now that you're more aware, and especially if you ask Allie to keep making her presence known, you might start seeing her date (or other signs) really often, lending you much needed solace in knowing she's heard you and is always there. What's this bit on hiding information? Where is that mentioned?

I know this will likely be distressing, but since this has now happened to you (and more than once), I came across this invaluable site today, so thought I should pass it on to you.....as well as to ALL OTHER animal parents who should definitely read it through, preferably before, but certainly after a tragedy occurs with their furbaby. Full of excellent info, including what to do and how to do it, if you ever have any issue with your vet, as well as means to help pre-check any US vet out beforehand. If only we had the same kind of investigative resource for Canadian vets, too! However, much of the info applies to anywhere. I've definitely bookmarked this one! I should post this link under a New Topic as well, for easy finding, but just don't have the time right now, so if anyone else wishes to, feel free! http://www.vetabusenetwork.com/savetoc.htm This story was also interesting... http://www.editorandpublisher.com/PrintArticle/Publisher-s-Dog-Sues-Vet-in-Kentucky

Persie, WOW....yes, you have a TON on your plate right now!!! I'm exhausted just in reading what-all you have to contend with, and the conditions around it all!! Yet, like others, I do understand such situations and have experienced a number of similar ones myself. Even in retrospect, when things settle down for a short while in between, I'm always amazed I even made it through them all. And when such things go on for years at a time, well, oh boy, it can be as incredibly DRAINING and overwhelming as are things like chronic pain. Similarly to the overwhelm in your own situation, I'm presently grieving over the much-loved catties I suddenly lost in my life, while now unexpectedly having to deal with an insane, legal mess from my brother's death, plus trying to finish up all our furnishings, etc. replacement from an extensive renovation (and various, related lawsuits) we've been stuck in for over 4 years, so I "get" how debilitating too much to deal with can be. Sometimes life events (there's an understatement of a term if I ever heard one!) force us to just keep plugging along, even during the most "pressure cooker" of times. Bouts of busy-ness can keep us a bit more detached from the pain and sorrow for awhile, but that's why we also need to try fitting in some self-care as best we can, just as other folks here have so wisely suggested. For myself, this time I've gone TOO long in staving off the grief with too many endless to-do's, and as it usually goes in such cases, I'm finding my grief is suddenly peaking, at yet another most inconvenient time. Most ironically too, I had finally decided to focus much more on me and my needs, when this latest fiasco arose to totally disrupt that good decision - UGH! Timing is everything, as they say, and mine has been WAAAAY off more often than not in the last 5 years. So I echo others' advice -- take whatever little, or big, chances you can get....or better yet, MAKE whatever time you can for self-care, or for just feeling some gratitude for whatever little thing or moment you might experience in your overly busy days, since you never know when another challenge to your strength and resilience might hit you. But look!....here I am, gifting myself with the time to come here and write for awhile before it's "back to work!" with everything. It's an outlet for me right now, as it's been in the past too, and I hope it's one you'll be able to use as well, as needed. We've all been there, and we all need camaraderie and support during these trying times. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And Mary, isn't that a telling 'coincidence'....I'd just been writing elsewhere about my own experiences with in-person support groups for "pet loss," and even other losses, and how not a one of them served me very well! I've found them all just about as deficient as the whole vet issue.

Aaaah, Mary, as I'm sure you know, I can very much relate to, and agree with, all you've said here. And any "tangent" you like is certainly allowed! Grief is never a simple, straight line, after all. Like you, I'm really "fed up" with so much of this utter nonsense, too. How long do we have to wait until more people wake up and smell the coffee? I've been pretty patient for 2 decades and counting, but am getting more impatient by the day now, since that general ignorance and resistance that remains so prevalent only makes those of us more "in the know" feel more isolated, and therefore less supported. I'm just weary of waiting, having foolishly thought years ago that, "well, next time I suffer a big loss, there surely will be more this, that, or the other out there for me..." But, no...hasn't really been the case, and in fact, some aspects have even gotten worse imo, e.g. the amount of incompetency in whatever fields, including vets. It's not simply frustrating to deal with, but as with instances like yours, may actually take someone's very life. So how can we be expected to "accept" that? Any sort of acceptance is hard enough as it is when it comes to death, but complicating factors make it so much worse! It's certainly true that the unknowns also cause us far more pain. I've just been reading more (again) on the "why's" and the "search for meaning" in loss, and must admit I'm finding it even tougher than ever before to trust I'll discover some answers...or at least any I can really live with. The inner anger and frustration this causes can be relentless in its tight grip, and also knowing that it's damaging to our bodies, our psyches, and various energy bodies as well, only makes me panic all the more, in wishing it gone asap! That all just puts more pressure on us to "hurry up and heal," which I know isn't how this process works. Rock and a hard place. "But it states the cause of death as histiocytic pneumonia and congestive heart failure. I don't understand why they didn't see this on the xray taken a few days before her death." I'd be wondering exactly the same thing, frankly. If it were early stages (of either), I can imagine it maybe being missed on x-ray, but if either was bad enough to cause death so soon thereafter...how could it not have been picked up? I wonder, given what happened with my own boy, what was the condition of their x-ray machine? And I imagine you're also going to have to ask for a more thorough explanation of the "histiocytic" pneumonia, since I see there are different types (and therefore, causes) of that medical term, and I'm sure you'll want to know to which type they're referring. Of course, I see one type they call "cancer-LIKE," and have to just snort -- what the heck could that even mean?, really, it's so vague and fuzzy a description. It's only a small "good thing," but I notice Allie's autopsy results came back quite quickly, so at least you didn't have to wait too long for those. I only mention this because apparently, by comparison, my dead brother's results will take about 3 months, if you can believe it! So while it's likely only because animal autopsies probably aren't ordered nearly as often, at least they come in well ahead of humans'. That's quite a welcome switch for change, I'd say. "But I am tired of feeling like I have to be the vet myself. That's what I'm paying them to do." Again, I agree wholeheartedly, and have said the exact same thing before on several occasions, myself. I've said that in every instance where I felt (or absolutely knew) there was shoddy work done, in whatever sector, but certainly the medical field should be one of THE most important areas where this doesn't happen as often, since it's so critical. And considering that the veterinary field is also a wholly privatized, unsubsidized area, so we're paying through the nose for care (in most instances), to my mind that makes it even more unacceptable to receive deficient service. We the grieving already have enough of a sense of "it's not FAIR!" to contend with, never mind that being compounded by the supposed medical "professionals" and "specialists." Of course I've also noticed that many so-called "specialists" often don't seem to be all that bright or competent in their "well-studied" niches, either. In fact, I've experienced being asked for my expertise &/or skills many times, by these very kinds of people, who I've expected to far surpass my own abilities and knowledge, only to discover how ignorant they really can be in their own, chosen fields!!! Whaaaat?!?! It's just a growing phenomena everywhere, I think. Not that knowing that helps us much, when we're still left wanting. I'm still hoping beyond hope that at least you get enough answers, though, and without having to struggle so hard to find them. Maybe an eventual ACing session could end up helping you find out if Allie's departure was really one of her "time to go" windows or not, and how she feels about the whole thing.

Thanks very much, Deb, for answering to my question, and for being so honest about it. As soon as you mentioned actual "sightings," my heart skipped a beat and I got really intrigued(!)....ADCs that are right up my alley, even though, sadly, I've never had a "visual" kind myself, but plenty of other types, including tactile and auditory. I really, really want to read all about those experiences of yours now! But I'm still leary of how much revisited pain the rest might cause me, considering just reading this newer review already had me in tears, remembering my own, painful journeys with my furson and furdaughter, plus my current grief over 2 other catties (not legally mine) who were taken away from me a few months ago. I can just imagine how very difficult (yet, yes, cathartic) it must have been for you to write this book, having envisioned writing my own one fine day, but always getting stuck in the anguish before I can even begin. I also then imagine I'd be much like this reviewer....2 lines in, and bursting into tears straight away! So I'm still debating how to best take care of my extra-sensitive heart. Maybe I'll get the Kindle version and see if I can handle it, one tentative line at a time, or get someone else to sample it for me first, putting it on the back-burner if necessary. Again, thanks so much for your help, Deb, and I wish you every success in your writing career, and with whatever fur-family you may still be blessed with.

Mary, yes, it's a matter of fact that once you have knowledge about something, you can't really UN-know it, and there are both pluses and minuses to that. But I've thought the same thing dozens of times myself, yearning for the days when I was able to experience more happiness due to my ignorance about whatever. But life is also a lot more complicated now due to the myriad of extenuating factors around any one issue, yet it all boils down to how messed-up the whole world has become, and sadly, we can't seem to change everything all at once, or without great struggle. In cases like yours, I don't even think it's just a "referral business" that's the root of the problem per se, but a value system problem. If someone has higher inner integrity and hence, higher values by which they live and act, even professional associations' influence won't stop them from doing what's right, or at least a step up from "the usual." Unfortunately, honesty sure isn't very lauded anymore, and those who are more honest, are often made to suffer for it. It's all backwards. Still, I hope someone in this whole scenario decides to take that higher road and help you get the answers you're seeking. If the squeaky wheel can still get the grease, let's hope your tenaciousness plays a big enough factor in it all. At the very least, you deserve to find out if your own senses were/are trustworthy (as I highly suspect they ARE), as I think that's really your overriding concern here -- "can I really TRUST my intuition + accumulated knowledge + other senses to be telling me the truth in such situations?" That being said, I guess you also need to ask yourself how even a big "yes" on that might help you get what you're after in future, if vets won't listen to, take seriously, and respect what you're telling them you believe needs doing next time around? Would they listen harder if you have proof positive that you were RIGHT all along in Allie's case, or will it make them more defensive of their overblown, professional egos? Or is it mainly that Inner Trust Factor that you need in order to be even more effectively assertive in dealing with them when it really counts? I don't know....maybe we ALL just need to take lots of Assertiveness Training classes to really help us navigate all these scenarios when we're faced with life or death situations, and even otherwise!!

OmG, Marty!!!! "Preoccupied" is quite the understatement!!! Thank GOODNESS you didn't end up with more than 'just' a "lovely scar" from this mishap!!!! I hope you'll be taking a dose or a few of Arnica montana (homeopathic, 30C) for the bruising and trauma, and herbal Turmeric capsules for the swelling, asap. Yikes, who knew "office work" could be so hazardous!! I DO hope you'll be on the mend quickly and easily, regardless. So you needn't have rushed to answer me, considering, but I appreciate your dedication nonetheless! No worries, I just happened to notice this again the other day, but I'm not in any rush myself to archive, just wanted to be informed when I get around to it. Take all the time you need -- your health and painlessness is far more important! Let me know how you're doing once you get back to this, whenever! If we had a bouquet character here, or I knew how to import one properly from elsewhere, you'd be 'smelling' the virtual roses I'd be sending you right now...

While I didn't have dogs, I started making homemade raw (mainly Dr. Pitcairn & his nutritionist wife's recipes at the time) for our feline furchildren way back in the '90's, on the advice and vast knowledge of our integrative vet. I wasn't able to transition our furkids 100% to raw, but at least to ~50-60% of their diet. I used about 6 or so different flavours, and combos, that they preferred, to add variety and different nutritional and even TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) properties to their diet, and to help address different medical conditions that arose for each. It used to take us 1 full day, from scratch, to make a whole year's worth...since cats are smaller than many dogs, of course. Froze it in small rounds, then just thawed portions in glass jars for daily use. We used nothing but organic, non-GMO ingredients, including NON-bleached eggs (for the eggshell calcium....never using the alternative bonemeal, with all the issues around that). If you didn't know already, even "organic" designated eggs are required by law to be bleached prior to sale, and that "Clorox" is then of course absorbed into the shell, creating yet another area of risk! My supplier, however, would sell soap-washed, but unbleached, eggs to certain customers, if she could trust them to stay hush-hush about it. I don't know how one gets around this other important consideration if you aren't hooked up with such a small, private supplier who you can get to know so personally. I had that one particular, local supplier for the turkey, chicken, and these eggs, so that I knew first-hand what their operation was like -- very old-school, where all the birds were raised naturally, were TRULY free-roaming, fed organically, and even killed on-site, not sent to slaughter houses. (this whole part still sickened me, mind you, but veg and vegan cat diets were not very well researched or available as yet back then) There are and were, however, several highly successful and very healthy, balanced veg or vegan diets for dogs, even back then (e.g. see Diane Stein's book, "Natural Healing for Dogs & Cats") -- even cheaper and easier to use than meat-based recipes. And yes, we used several supplements and appropriate vitamins as well, including probiotics and digestive enzymes -- both of human, high grade, multi-faceted types. Our furbabies ate even "cleaner" food overall than we did! Other than the raw, they ate high-quality canned (mainly Wellness brand...which in later years, once they were gone anyway, had escaped all the tainted food recalls that had killed so many pets, I was pleased to see), plus tiny daily portions of Wellness, non-grain dry (since I couldn't totally break them of that latter, bad habit by then). I also used the highest quality water I could get. Nowadays, our drinking water is even better, but I didn't have the equipment or other such aids back then to super-charge it, as I do now. So I had been a proponent of raw food diets for animals for a LONG time, and have been warning others against the bulk of commercial pet foods, and especially "prescription" diets, for about 2 decades now. I've found most people, however, just don't want to know...then wonder why their animals get so afflicted with illness, or die well before their natural lifespans. If anyone is wondering, one of THE best books to read regarding this whole field is Canadian, Ann N. Martin's, "Food Pets Die For - Shocking Facts About Pet Food." She's known as "an international authority" on the dangers of pet foods. She regularly updates it; in 3rd edition right now. It's also full of homemade recipes, and other great information. See her featured works here: http://www.newsagepress.com/foodpetsdiefor.html Ann has also written another book - "Protect Your Pet: More Shocking Facts" -- http://www.newsagepress.com/protectyourpet.html which also includes info on the dangers of vaccinations, and alternatives to same. To me, our furbabies are MORE than worth gaining the knowledge about their health and well-being, and hence helping stave off our loss of them as long as possible. It's win-win.

Hmmm....seems I've still got this question, having since even forgotten I'd asked it before! Did you ever get any more info on this, Marty? (still hoping for a more efficient and faster way to archive here)

Ugh, computer suddenly crashed and I lost my whole reply...a new one now: Yes, hopefully, although I know all too well how long these things take, and how useless many lawyers are. I cut my teeth on the previous family battles, then again with the reno. Many people who are successful with suits are the ones who've done most of the lawyers' work FOR them, I've learned. As we've lamented for years now, there's very little if any "pride in one's job" left anymore out there. And yet the lazy and inept people keep getting rewarded, while the exceptional ones, more often than not, lose out. Nice world. I've lost virtually all faith in things just "working out." And in tandem with the ridiculous number and severity of my losses in the last decade or so, I've lost almost all of my resilience, too. I don't want to be a 'soldier,' with great strength to carry on, if there's no tangible OR intangible "reward" for all this strife and battle. I just feel lost now. I've encountered SO many "whiners" out there who rage and wail against far, far less than what I've had to endure, yet they get (and expect) everyone's ear and sympathy so easily, while I'm lambasted for my own, far more weighty complaints, or they're continually minimized, or even laughed at, adding insult to injury. Many also seek to swiftly take away my natural anger over these trials, as if there's something wrong with that reaction, and it requires immediate snuffing out, and I need "fixing," as if I'm "broken." Well, even if my case isn't the "worst in the world," I still dare any such people to go through everything I've had to, and survive it all, without becoming a total basket case in the process. I had to re-read a synopsis of what I'd written to someone years ago, detailing a fair chunk (but still not ALL) of what my family, this brother, and other relatives had done to me, and I honestly couldn't even believe, myself, that I'd survived it all, it was so outrageously bad and extensive. No wonder no one really believes it. And same for our reno. I can't believe I'm even still standing. But now I have to ask what the point of surviving it was and is, if life is just going to keep getting worse, not better, for me, as it has insisted on doing these last few years? And why is this meme still operating when I've tried so many ways to reverse this nasty trend? I know and deeply feel I deserve much better than this, so why haven't things become easier? I'm just so bone-tired weary of it all.

That's exactly why I had distanced myself from them many moons ago...to gain more peace of mind. I only maintained some contact with my Mom. It's not really the lack of "parental" recognition that's bothering me the most, but my legal rights being stepped on and circumvented by The System and whomever else. I no longer even care about mementos associated with the family, as those memories are now tainted by what's transpired since, so who needs more reminders of that? If anything was even left (which I highly doubt anyway), I'd just sell it, and those monies would benefit my own future. It's really because finances would greatly benefit both our present and future, that I bother pursuing this to whatever point at all. It's the practical thing to do! I'd forgiven my mother long ago, and my eldest brother as well, but the others, no. They're not even worth forgiving. They will have to deal with their own souls and actions regardless, and will have to forgive themselves, and I have nothing to do with it. This is about standing up for myself and my rights in the present, and not allowing others to treat me with disrespect or as a pushover. I'm just going to do what I think will be for my good/better/best interests in the long run, and overall. It just may not be that easy to tell what that is, beforehand. For all I know, it may turn out that sitting back and just waiting after taking a few simpler, proactive and protective steps, is all that's needed. There's just too much unknown as yet to tell. The largest part of the dilemma is in trying to determine, or guess, if the estate's assets even outweigh its liabilities. If I had that one answer, I'd have all the other answers I need. But this brother was never really a "good person," starting from at least the time I was very young myself. A "bad seed," just like our father was. And even though I'm one of few (and the only one left alive now) who knows potentially why he become like that, he still made his own choices. We both came from the same family, after all, yet I chose very oppositely. So I don't mourn for him, personally, but for the fact that I grew up with such a lousy family, and their bad influence still ripples outward today, through other relatives. But this brother abetted in harming &/or killing countless innocents who I've, instead, fought for, and so I'm glad he's finally gone from this plane. That huge worry is no longer warranted, so I can finally rest easy on that count. His Life Review must have been a real doozy for him to experience first-hand because of all that, but I'm pretty sure it still wouldn't have made him change his sociopathic mind, either. Interestingly, I never have gotten any signs from my father, or now this brother, yet I did from both my Mother and other brother...which may be an indication of who chose to seek more enlightenment, and who didn't.

Thanks for sharing that, Kay, and I'm so sorry, you too were dealt such an unfair blow. Why some parents especially do such things, knowing the rifts it's going to cause, is beyond me. But it does always help to know others have had similar trials to deal with, so you don't feel as alone in those issues. I'd written (on the advise of a therapist back then) a long, impassioned letter to this brother (even sending copies to other relatives involved, so no one could try and later twist my words, approach, or motives!), asking for just certain sentimental items, if they hadn't been sold (by our father) and he had them. No response, same as for you. I'd even offered up a much larger share of the estate to him (at the time not expecting to be cut right out), but he took the whole thing, regardless. He was always a very mentally sick individual, but that doesn't excuse the behaviour of all the other relatives who backed him up in his evil plans....and if I dared speak here of what those entailed, you would probably vomit... Now though, I'm forced to revisit all the vileness from the past that I'd basically put behind me, because it's all tied into my brother's estate. "Welcome back, PTSD"....groan. Speaking to lawyers this week, so we'll see what comes of that. Mainly, I need to decide asap if it's even worth pursuing, and if I can live with whatever decision I come to. Mainly, I'm sick of spending good money for nothing in the end, like my father and brother are still bleeding me dry, even after death. And I'm really mad at my own soul for choosing to become part of such an insane family. Wasn't worth it, so far!