Maylissa

No one really knows for sure, but I'm the only one who has the closest idea and official accounting of how much he really got from our parents' estate, and it wasn't peanuts. It's not likely he ran out of all those funds since he was a hermit by choice (no driving, traveling, friends, etc.), and there's the real estate's value to add to it now, too. The biggest challenge might be locating where he stashed those monies, and if it's even accessible if they were hidden offshore. Or if he had a ton of creditors who are owed large sums. Adding to my outrage, I'd even found old notes of earlier conversations I'd had with the police, where I'd asked directly, and they had assured me I would be the first one notified, and directly by them, if he were to be found dead in his house, since we'd expected that to be the case. So I was clearly "on file." But they didn't even bother checking their entire file for the closest, living blood relative when the time came. Whatever was easiest for them is what they went by. I honestly can't believe how my legal, familial rights have been trampled time after time. It's been like a 2x4 to the face, making my whole identity as a member of the family "null and void," as if I'd never even existed. That hurts just as much if not more, than everything else. And leads to the bigger question, "why was I even born" if I've ended up, in effect, a "nobody" in everybody's eyes, including legally? It truly feels like the proverbial "sins of the father" have come home to roost, not on those of like kind who deserved it, but on my shoulders...the one family member with the highest moral compass of the whole lot. Why am I being punished like this for all of their crimes? And what was the point then of rising above all that my entire life, if in the end, I'm a victim of everything bad that I fought against?...and much like the animals so often end up too, I might add!! This is all just telling me I should have callously sat back and allowed all sorts of innocent lives to be ruined forever, instead of doing "the right things" to try and prevent that from happening. On an even broader scale, it sure looks like "good" does NOT triumph over "evil" at all, and no matter what one does to combat it. The crooks, the morally-defunct, the uncaring, the downright evil, always seem to win in this world, as that's been the result I've seen and experienced over and over again in especially the last decade of my life.

No, the point is he owes ME, for our entire parents' estate that he stole outright, including mine and our deceased brother's portion (which should now go to my nephew). This was my chance to finally recoup those egregious, and criminally-stolen financial losses, once he died. But if my nephew and his mother are planning to take everything, that's not right, or fair.

Because it was in large part the "Public Trustee"'s Office that made sure I lost out on everything twice before! (am not in a State, but a Province in Canada; laws are different in each country, and even in each province) They're inept, corrupt, and indifferent in their jobs, but (just like many vets!) get only slaps on the wrist, IF even that. So far, my time is already being all-consumed by this effort - talking to police, the Chief Medical Examiner's office, searching through old emails for helpful info from the LAST 2 times this kind of thing happened, etc.. But the deceit has already begun, and relatives have already made moves and inroads (only 1 day after the death) into taking all power over for themselves, leaving me without a leg to stand on now, from what I've heard so far. They already have access to my brother's house and all of its contents. The whole system's corrupt & lacking in checks and balances for victims of it. The police didn't even make a real effort to search the house for papers, a Will, etc., since the M.E. figured he'd been dead in there for 2 MONTHS or more, and the place was a horrific mess. Guess the stench was too much for them to want to bother to go get respirators on and do their jobs properly! So now the entire situation is a mess because of them. I should have had 1st rights as the closest blood relative, but they took that away from me and gave it instead to my nephew and his underhanded mother (the woman who I had great reason to suspect ensured my other brother - her partner for a few years - died of a massive stroke). Now have to talk to a few lawyers to see what's viable, and what's not. If it's anything like the last 2 times, though, I don't have any real hope of any good outcome for me, and will become a "Loser" with a capitol "L" for the THIRD time in a row. I just can't express how much I hate my rotten family now, and the world's evil ways as well. And Karma for vile humans never seems to step in in time to do any real good, either. I truly think this world is trying to kill me off in short order, it's being so cruel.

Kay, I finally got to answering your other post, above, in case you haven't seen it, as I just edited the existing reply to keep things more in order. Yes, I'm familiar with the whole hoarding aspects of such situations, and worse. They are just nightmares to deal with! Meanwhile, I've still got to finish sorting through and organizing the last bits in our own house, after living with nothing but packed-up boxes for 2+ yrs. during our reno from hell. For an organizer such as myself, this doesn't sit well at all, yet I'm so exhausted by everything, I've been procrastinating about it. Apparently, my brother's house was already cleaned out once, when he was first incarcerated, but I'm sure it's become a total hellhole again since his release. The biggest problem there, is that I'm in a different province, many hours away, and requiring flying to get there. We also need to find out if there even IS a Will, or whether he died intestate....in which case, I'd be once again battling with the Public Trustee, who is notorious for stealing estates away from relatives and general bungling overall. That office had already screwed me before, after my father had died, not even informing me of his death, and more such unbelievable nightmares. But if there is a Will, I'm likely cut right out, in which case I WILL be going ballistic, as this was the brother who had already stolen our parents' entire estate all for himself, the rotter! (there is NO love lost there, believe me, after what he did to me and others, including his criminal harm) But there are also a couple of other relatives who also betrayed me horribly over all this back then, who will I'm sure be "vulturing" to thieve whatever they can, if they hadn't already, since at least one of them had a key to his place. So pretty sure anything that was left of my Mother's that had been kept from me, is long gone now in any case. Now it's a matter of funds alone, I'm sure, some of which may be hidden in offshore accounts no less, and I'll have to fight for my rights and gawd knows what else. I have to call the police there today, then start looking for a lawyer there as well, before things go too far. Gawd knows who's going to rip me off THIS time 'round, though. I'm just not up to all this, and the expense alone is another issue. All I know is I'm sick to death of getting cheated out of everything that matters to me. Similarly to you and your mother, mine also had some dementia (as did my father, but his was FAR, FAR worse, and wrecked everything), yet there was some healing between she and I before she passed. It was still a "complicated" grief, though, but I let it all go in a heartbeat when my darling Nissakins suddenly needed me to care for her in much larger measure than before. An easy choice for me, since no one ever loved me as much as she and her brother had. I'm also so sorry your own Mothers Day was so deficient. Honestly, what is wrong with people nowadays??!! "Should" care, is right! But most people are Takers, not Givers, so it's no wonder the world is so screwed up and others suffer so greatly by that.

Thanks, Mary and Marty. I just need all these upheavals, one atop another, to STOP, so I can at least let myself rejuvenate a bit before the next one crops up, making me do yet more battle.

Thank you, Marty, you dear woman, you! Just what the doctor ordered for such an emotion-wracked day! Shockinlgy, I've just had another blow...not in the way most would interpret it, but a shock nonetheless. I just received word late this afternoon that my last remaining brother was found dead in his house, leaving me the only one left of our immediate family. However, my brother was a criminal of the worst order, so it's not as if I'm sad about his death (he'd betrayed me and everything 'holy' so egregiously), but because it could mean lots of grueling work ahead for me, which I'm not in any real shape to handle right now....but handle it I must. And yet, I'm considering getting any notice of this news as a Mothers Day gift also of the "highest order" from my darling furchildren, since they know my heart and story (even after their deaths) so intimately. Still, I'm left feeling bereft and hugely unappreciated by my H, even after this news. What an insanely turbulent Mothers Day, is all I can say!

Thank you for the kinds thoughts for today, Mary. Sure could use some! So far, it's being brutal, since my H has mucked up hugely as usual, so now I feel more alone than ever. I've sent myself a mother-focused, acknowledging quasi-card instead, because of it. Even picked out some flowers for myself at the grocery store yesterday, since I'd gotten zilch without having to ask. I'd also expected I would be getting a new type of "build it yourself" ecard I'd discovered and had expressly pointed out yesterday, to be filled with pics of all my furry loves...but he gave up, full of excuses, and even expected ME to pic out the pics for it, myself. Always giving me extra trials to deal with when I'm hurting, he is, so now I'm also filled with anger and resentment on top of it all. Been reading this morning about the International Bereaved Mothers Day movement I'd never heard of before, but where I'm sure animal mothers certainly aren't welcome or acknowledged, as it always is with all of these human-centric things. Learned that the great irony of Mothers Day is that it was actually originally begun as a tribute for.....Bereaved mothers, not as some "happy," fluff celebration at all.

OOooohhhhh....now I get what you were saying. Hmmmm, interesting angle!

Kay, those are lovely stories. I only wish it had been that easy in each of my cases. The 2 other cats we'd tried to adopt together (brothers) had a tragic life as well. I'd helped them out in various ways for 2 years -- long story, but that self-absorbed family went through cats like nobody's business, all of them ending up dead in short order. I'd also known these 2 boys' predecessor, who died at only ~1yr. of age. The one before her also died very young. Then the family bought a new house, and even whisked the cats away before moving day, so I never got to say any goodbyes. I got my chance with one of them later on, when we saw him outside at the new place, and while I don't want to go into it here, it was a very spiritual experience that made us let him go, rather than stealing him away with us right then and there, even though we wouldn't have also had his brother, too, and of course there was no WAY I would have wanted them torn apart, either, they loved each other so much. Well, turned out there was a huge reason for him to stay, in that it was probably the last time he ever got to be with his brother ever again. You see, soon thereafter I ran into the father of this family, who coolly told me that they'd given this one away to relatives, breaking the brothers up without a thought....again, they were just "property" to these people, to do with whatever they wanted, with no consideration of the cats' feelings or needs. The irony just about killed me, as we could have taken him in that case, since they had ended up separated anyway! But apparently, when we'd seen this one, he'd only been there being sat for temporarily while those relatives went on vacation. At that point, later that day we tried again to adopt them (I had their cell #), this time offering a large sum of money for both. But we never got a call back. Now I have a few reasons to believe they've since both died. Another boy, from the house right next door to these other awful people, really wanted us to adopt him...and he, too, knew many of "The Gang." I'd had some run-ins with the father there, who was an addict and wife-beater, turned out. We missed rescuing this boy simply due to bad timing, when we'd gone out for a day trip, and a realtor (for that rented house) scooped him up and took him away (to the H.S., turned out, but I didn't find that out for weeks) upon discovering the entire house trashed inside, and only 1 other cat plus a rabbit left indoors for 2 weeks, trying to fend on their own. All the other animals were just missing, and likely just let loose. This boy did get adopted out, I discovered later. His buddy, the other cat who lived in their garage with him, likely ended up killed by the H.S., but even if not, those 2 were split up and never saw each other again, either. And the very first furgirl who my girl sent me to care for, also ended up dead. I'd known her for all 6 years of her short life, had managed to at least convince her person to get her spayed, but it was I who put up posters, etc., and searched for her for 2 weeks when she went missing, while her 'family' did nothing but stick an ad in the local paper, and only for one issue. Turned out, she'd gotten poisoned and died an excruciatingly painful death, then her body was dumped somewhere and never found. There were others, too, but it's all too painful to keep recounting the many horrible stories. Just one terrible heartbreak and tragedy after another, with me being the only one who cared about, and for, all these beautiful felines. Many of them were harboured several times overnight at our house, sleeping with us, being fed and watered whenever as needed, being brushed and played with, home-treated as needed, and more. Shannie mainly and virtually lived here, rather than at her house, and everyone naturally assumed she and her brother were ours. As for people, let's just say I've come to despise our neighbourhood and almost all who choose to live here. They've managed to break my heart and spirit with their callous anthropocentrism. So I could have ended up with a houseful of cats, if anything had ever gone our way. But it never did.

I've read Mary's lovely post and akin to you, naturally, I agree with virtually every word. Of note, a few key points she made: "Actually it is no different than losing a person we love." Amen to THAT!! The more of us who say so, boldly and repeatedly, hopefully the more it will sink into the general populace's consciousness. "In many instances, like my own, a pet is the living link to a significant person we have lost." That of course is another one of the reasons my loss of Shannie & Carly is extra difficult. They were, and remain, the last links to our whole, previous "Gang" here. I used to sit and sob into Shannie's fur every now and then, reminiscing with her over particularly the other 2 cats we'd tried unsuccessfully to adopt, and with whom she and Carly spent so much time here. I know they both missed those two just as much as I did, and so it was heartbreaking for us all. And Shannie and Carly were the last in this whole Legacy of Love, as Teresa might put it. It's just been way too much loss in only a few years' time, and this last one has become like the straw that has broken this camel's back.

Yes, thanks to Marty and Deb for letting us know of this new book. Always wonderful to see more of those being written. I'm debating whether I dare read it, since so many such books leave me blubbering for days on end. To that end, if I may ask you, Deb...in reading the reviews and description, one reviewer said, "...from kitten hood, and into the after-life," so I'm wondering if you had actually had an experience from/with your dear Mr. Jazz, after his transition?

And I feel as though I've been disemboweled. And next morning he would have somehow managed to completely take over the middle of the bed, pushing me to the very margins! I refuse to be ashamed of my grief. Dear Rand64, Your expression of how it feels is so touching and apt, and echoes how I, too, felt upon losing each of my furbabies. And your beautiful Urdwill looks much like my own fur-son, Sabin [in my avatar], and who also transitioned at age 13, that your post viscerally ripped at my heart, even all these many years later. Like your Urdwill, our boy would also take over the whole bed at times, stretching out horizontally in between me and my husband. But we never minded at all, and in fact, it was the RULE OF FELINE LAW in our home that you would defer to such things, and happily! This was so ingrained in us that one time, Sabin actually managed to push my husband right over the edge and out of bed onto the floor! I never laughed so blasted hard....though, naturally, my poor husband wasn't very pleased. When I first read the last statement I've quoted you on here, I felt such kinship, I could have kissed you outright. As far as I'm concerned, that is the right and purrfect attitude to take in your grief over your boy. Urdwill would be SO proud and honoured by that, I'm positive! What a wise person he chose to give his love to. Like you, I have no more beloved animals here to love in my life, and it is the emptiest, most desolate feeling in the world to me. So my heart goes out to you in extra measure. You did Urdwill loving service by allowing him to return to spirit when he let you know he was ready to go onto his continuing journey. I highly suspect that when he was staring "fixedly," "as though he saw something we could not," he may have been seeing other loved ones who went before him, who were waiting to guide him Home, just as what we know happens with humans. I'm sure he's in loving hands/paws and good company for now, just awaiting your eventual reunion together. I hope you can know that the love and relationship you shared will never die, no matter how painful this is right now. Bless you both. Although mine can't at all match the ones Urdwill gave you, I send you many heartfelt purrs in your sorrow, Maylissa

Well, I think we've all noticed, if we're old enough that is , how shoddy "reporting" or journalism has become overall, compared to years before. I put their weak choice of example down to that, and maybe basic laziness, etc.. And it was only a short, 5-minute piece, besides, not an hour long expose´. Agreed, each scenario is different and dependent upon this or that, but I think we're getting away from the main point of this piece -- that the veterinary professional bodies are covering stuff up. No one can be expected to more fully "vet" a vet through research, if all files on a complaint case are kept "sealed" to the public, as the TVMA admitted themselves. That in and of itself, is just SHAMEFUL, cowardly, and not protective of our animals or us. That's the overriding outrage here.

Okay, the whole "quote" function didn't work for some reason, so I've had to just C&P what you'd said instead this time: "Of course, I keep thinking I should have taken her back in, but with no cardioloigst there, what good would it have done? They seemed stuck on the idea that it was her lung disease causing her problem. ...they kept saying the xray was not showing more fluid in her lungs. I don't know if it is possible for a dog to have widespread congestion and not have it show up on xray. I have contacted a company that does animal autopsies and asked if they would be able to answer my questions if I hired them to read the final report when we get it. The person who emailed me back said the vet was out of town until early next week, but he was going to pass along my questions, and he would let me know if she felt they could give me the information I am looking for. I just don't know why I didn't just give her more of the lasix. Our other dog is her size, and she is getting much more. I guess I just wasn't thinking straight. They had me believing it wasn't the congestion." I agree..."what good would it have done?" without a specialist there to confer with, and especially if they were so narrowly and rigidly focused on "lung disease" instead? You can't blame yourself unnecessarily for that logic. I probably would have been thinking along exactly the same lines. So if you need to be angry, frustrated, or whatever about THEIR failings, just allow yourself to. There's nothing wrong with any emotion, even the so-called 'negative' ones. And I think you already know how to put those kinds of feelings to good use, to work for you, rather than against you. You've done it before, and can do it again. I also agree about it sounding very odd that that much fluid wouldn't be detected by x-ray. I'm no x-ray technologist, though, so maybe you could also go online and find a resource where you could ask about exactly that. Do you have the actual x-rays yourself, and if not, can you request them? Remember, they form a part of Allie's medical record, and since she was legally your "property," by rights, I believe they could be YOUR property now....just as our own medical records can usually be requested if we want them, even if there's a fee attached. At least that's how it works up here. You could try asking for them "just because" you'd like "everything" to keep that was Allie's, now that she's gone. You're being very astute and creative about finding out whatever you can, by whatever means you can, and I wildly applaud that! (we'd make a good research team, you and I! ) If that autopsy company doesn't work out, try another if you can, or heck, try one in Canada instead, where suing isn't considered as common as in the US and maybe they'd be more willing to talk! For the Lasix, well hey, you were trying to do right by the "expert" advice, and you were frazzled and upset at the same time. So even though you thought of it, you were duped into focusing on the wrong diagnosis first of all, and not wanting to maybe make anything worse or do anything wrong, either. Once more, who could blame you for, heavens, not being an actual vet, yourself!? I am just SO anguished by all these stupid, reckless mistakes that vets are making with people's precious animals, that then leave their people wracked with guilt that doesn't even belong with them!!! And then they go merrily on with their lives, while they've totally ripped apart those of the very sector that they should be considering as the BEST and MOST valued one for their own daily bread and butter! I don't want you to keep taking on all that guilt, and yet I also know how that goes for those of us with (a) some brains, and ( the very hearts that CARE that much about our animals. I still carry some guilt myself, no matter what I've learned since, so I know it's no easy-peasy thing to just let it go. It's easy for some people to say, "ah well, you live and learn," but not when it's a matter of life or death, at least not if you loved someone deeply, and especially if you're a "responsible" type, too, as I think you are, and as I am, too. Then it's much harder to deal with. So you have my utmost compassion for the hurdles you're facing, emotionally and cognitively. Inner debates like this just plain suck.

Yah...although actually, that was only one part of it -- that old equipment part being at the ER we had to rush him to initially. But you'd think, with the higher fees they charge at ERs, they'd have enough for better equipment than most regular vet clinics! For my boy, the #1 reason he got so ill in the first place was because our integrative vet wouldn't heed my concerns a few months earlier, when we could have had lots of time for treating him. I KNEW something very wrong was happening, and that's when she SHOULD have investigated more than she did, and more to the point, should have started treating him homeopathically for his presenting symptoms!!! Of all types of vets, she should have understood that the most CLEARLY, since that's where homeopathy can really do the trick, before something worsens to the point of no return! But she failed us, both then, and when he was dying later on. And also when I was desperately trying to get him at-home oxygen equipment. And when he needed a home-call euthanasia. So many botch-ups, from everyone, all throughout. It was all a brutally tough lesson for me, all-told. That being said, because absolutely nothing I chased up seemed to go right (there was much more than this), it did end up leading me to the idea that for my boy, it must have really been his "time to go," no matter how much I wanted and tried to stop it. And of course all I learned helped my girl, his sister, in both her illness and dying years later. He loved his sister mightily, as he did me of course, and the interim years gave me that much more time to increase my knowledge base so I could help my girl more. Sabin gave straight from the heart and soul, right up until his final moments, and for the GOOD OF ALL of us. So I've learned that really, you can't trust that many of them, which is also why a health team can work better, so you can bounce one piece of info off against other docs in your team, and just hope that at least one of them isn't weak-hearted about having another perspective or idea. I certainly agree with you (and the many more who've learned like we have) that the exemplary vets are, or have become, pretty rare nowadays. You have to learn each one's strengths and weaknesses, then extrapolate their service use & info from there. But again, the added pressure that puts on US, the panicked and worried animal parents, is enormous! But the ones who don't truly care would never even THINK of all these ramifications, so sure aren't going to try and remedy anything without a great, big SHOVE to do so. I do really understand "it's not the same" as how you felt about Allie. For me, I don't think anyone or any other relationship could ever measure up to what I had with my kidlets...and certainly not with any human. Maybe some could come close, though, depending. Yet that doesn't discount the level of love and attachment I ended up feeling for so many of these other cats, much to my surprise. So no, they weren't the same at all, but it's just that over time I learned I did indeed have that much room in my heart to include them there to a far greater degree than I would have thought possible after losing my own beloveds. Even with Shannie, I didn't realize just how very MUCH I'd come to love her...until the moment I heard she'd be taken away from me. And she wasn't even my "type" to begin with, if you know what I mean! The funny thing is, she kept growing more into my "type" the more time we spent together and the more I included her in both my heart and daily life....mainly at HER insistence, of course! So that's all I'm really saying. I still sit here, shocked that this even happened, yet I know the whole thing has my kids' blessings, too. But keep in mind, this whole process has taken me years and years. However, all you have to concern yourself with for now, is NOW. That's all you can do anyway, and you'll feel however you feel, and that's all A-OKAY. What you had/still have with Allie will always be all it is, and nothing can take that away from you. In fact, if you do end up using an ACer or whatever other means to stay in more aware contact with her soul, you could end up with even MORE to your continuing relationship with her. As Marty's been fond of saying here, a relationship never dies, it only changes in some ways. Your special girl with always be special, and the more you can expand on it, even now, the more of a treasure trove you'll have, forevermore. Perhaps Molly will play a bigger part in all this than you can see right now. Even if not, she still needs you, as do your other furries, and I hope you can all help support each other to the best of anyone's abilities. After all, we all heal most optimally with, and as, a family unit. And of course animals in particular are masters at helping humans heal. As for feeling like "strangers," for SURE huge numbers of us prefer being with our animals way more than with most humans! I've always felt that way, and as so many now say, the more humans I know, the more I love animals!!! I'd meant that more as a critique of being in a world that doesn't value other species as, at a minimum, equal to humans. Personally, I think we're very substandard by comparison.

My guess is that because this news piece is tied to the recent, horrific killing of the cat by the Texan vet, and the public's push to see justice done (a big part of which is for the TX board and the national AVMA to revoke her license to practice...which they haven't done YET, a whole month after the viral, gruesome killing), they needed to find someone fast, and who was willing to go on the news with their own story. Perhaps that woman had been recently interviewed elsewhere, too, so was an easy contact? I didn't read the comments at the time (or there were none to read yet?), but yes, it would have been better if they'd found a more indicative case.

Oh-oh-OH, Mary!!! ANOTHER great sign from Lucy!!! How marvelous of her. See how those "whisperings" work? You could always try Teresa Wagner, who's been doing that work for DECADES...but there are many really excellent ACers out there. I think I'd posted a list or two in another member's thread whose dog had gone missing, not too long ago.

Oh, those are WONDERFUL stories, ladies, and glad you both DID mention them!! And yes, indeed, I certainly believe they are signs. And Mary, even IF you just hadn't noticed the violets before, the fact that your attention was drawn to them at all....is a sign all by itself that someone was "whispering" in your ear to "look....look there..." Everything is Consciousness touching and intermingling with Consciousness, so that kind of thing happens all the time with ADCs. It's beautiful! *Sigh* For me, though, since Shannie and Carly aren't dead (that I presently know of, anyway....another additional stress of ambiguous loss! ), I can't even look for any such signs....at least that I know of. But hmmm, maybe I shouldn't limit things to any preconceived notions. Yet if I did see a sign from them, I'm sure I'd fly into an immediate tailspin, wondering if that meant one or both of them were now dead! Ugh....my head.... Mary, I do think it's wise to wait a good amount of time before handing anyone back, since your grief is still so fresh. You know what they say about not making any big decisions whilst grieving... But speaking of your other dogs, how has the rabies vaccinosis issue gone? Any good news there yet? I've been hoping all along... And don't worry about "sidetracking." That's just a part of discussion, and I welcome it. Most of us (well, women, anyway!) go off on tangents a zillion times when talking verbally, so not to worry. About worrying as we get older, yes, there's that. However, I've always been cognizant of the fact that age itself really has nothing to do with it, in that one can die or become incapacitated at any age, so you still should have a comprehensive plan, including a financial plan, in place for any animal "dependents." I'd had a pretty large one for my beloved Sabin & Nissa, but scenarios have changed drastically since then, and frankly, even IT wasn't as complete or optimal as I'd really wanted. That course brought up a LOT of worries on that front for several participants who, like me, don't have suitable friends or family they could count on. And as for husbands, oh yes, I hear you! Those are exactly the kinds of issues that are so common. I mean let's face it, most men aren't natural Nuture-ers. Heck, I even worry about the kind of care I'd receive if I needed a health advocate, as my H doesn't care to remember even half of what I've tried to teach him over the years, much less to be willingly proactive on my (or anyone's, even his own) behalf. I did virtually everything for our kidlets, myself. He's just not one willing to go the extra mile regarding healthcare, or even several other things, like playtime. That was always my forte´, not his. It's a real concern for me, since love means not just feeling an emotion, but taking ACTION on it. He did SO nicely suggest we go away overnight for Mother's Day, but I'm not too keen on the amount of expense, and there's still all that dang yardwork waiting, with weather/temps ruling the timing of things, and several lengthy and large projects to get done this summer. So I'm trying to think of some simpler, daytime activity in a place that won't remind me in some way of when S & C were here. Problem is, my mind is feeling pretty scattered, so I'm not able to think very hard. Even a bike ride is questionable, since we often used to ride down to the area where S & C ended up moving to. But in truth, my heart would like to go hang out near their new house, and if I see them roaming around the new neighbourhood, just snatch them both up and drive away, singing "lalalalalala!" to any consequences!!!! Their 'mom' (using that term VERY lightly here) had kept repeating to us the irresponsible and dangerous idea that they could roam all the way down (~6 houses away, then across a street!) to a man-made storm pond area there, for them to hunt and hang out. I KNOW this spot, having biked there many times, and naturally I was horrified on every possible level, but she wasn't listening to reason, as usual. It's a popular dog-walking zone, and they could disappear pretty easily if down there, though... That's how my head is working lately...sigh. What an inner battle this all is. And glad you posted the link to that page here, Marty! (months worth of reading material), because it reminded me to check out the Annual Afterlife Awareness Conference coming up (at bottom of page), since I was thinking of purchasing their streaming coverage of this year's (and including last year's) event, if that's still available. I'm getting highly interested in William Buhlman's OBE work, of late. Wish SO much I could physically attend. Things sure have come a LOT further than when I initially started on this path after losing my precious fur-son in 2000. Suddenly, I'm no longer in the "minority" anymore!

Thanks for watching it, Kay! Yes, I noticed that, too. But then it's just one illustration out of hundreds of complaints filed in just TX alone, and only out of those who decided to actually pursue making a complaint. One can imagine how many more people don't! So still grossly shameful cover-ups, regardless. And yes, absolutely needed pressure for change through state law campaigning there, as well as on the national level. Sure makes it obvious that people must scrupulously be "vetting" any vet whenever at all possible, though, doesn't it? But I rail at the massive pressure this puts on all of US. Not fair, not right.

Yes, Mary, I've also thought about fostering, but I'd still be facing the same dilemma (as stated above) if I should ever be asked to sit for Shannie & Carly again. That could mean a recipe for disaster, as they wouldn't already know any "strange" cats and would totally freak out over having "their" old territory (our house) invaded by others, meaning I'd have to turn down the opportunity to see and be with my darlings again, even if only temporarily. I'd feel like a total traitor, and then would worry myself SICK over who would be sitting for them if not me! (due to all the dreadful, previous sitters these people had used) I know it's also not really right to put my own life "on hold" because of a "what if" possibility, but I can't convince myself otherwise as yet. Again, another problem with an "ambiguous" loss, vs. an outright loss through death. There are also some issues with fostering through rescues (especially around here, but not limited to here either), as they all really do hope you'll just keep them forever, since cats aren't anywhere near as readily adopted as dogs. Understandable of course, but still an issue, considering my other problem. So there's not much real difference in fostering vs. straight-up adoption, if there aren't enough people willing to adopt fosters. (most rescues here have dozens or even hundreds of cats waiting at all times) Also, it would really just put me right back in the same position again if anyone did want to adopt them later on. I'd still have a relationship torn apart and be forced to say goodbye to someone I'd come to love "as if" they'd been my own. I really don't think my heart could stand it. So it's flat-out adoption or nothing, really. But thank you, TOO, for such a lovely compliment of my "momhood." I do feel like a real jerk and loser for feeling this way, and I wish I could somehow fool myself into not knowing what I do, but it is how it is, I guess. As to Mother's Day plans, that day's High Tea is already all sold out, so if I want it at all, we'll have to go the day before instead, leaving the actual Mom's Day devoid of any distraction for me....so back to the drawing board for now. _______________________________________________________________________ And to everybody here, I SO appreciate all your time and attention to my own pain, I truly do. I had had to let go of a few unhealthy friendships over the last while, and was dumped in others, making all this (and other personal issues) that much more traumatizing. So you've all helped me feel less alone in this harsh world, and I send xox's to you all for being there for me.

Thank you for your empathy, Marty and of course in one way, I certainly wish the same kind of thing for myself, too! When I read what you'd said, naturally, I burst into tears, knowing that's what I 'should' be doing, for myself, for some in-need cats out there.... And it's exactly what my H has said before, too -- having someone else, instead of those "over whom I have no control at all." That was a common refrain and complaint for both of us while I was choosing to help these and all the other cats, to be sure. But I'm quite the train wreck after all these years of having not just my own heart broken time after time, but also those of all these cats I'd come to love and not be able to save from harm or death. More than that, though, it's the hard practicalities that are reigning supreme right now. I knew I'd explain things more fully at some point, so I'll just do it here and now. I'd thought I'd posted one of Teresa's (Wagner) classes here, but I guess I never did. In any case, I had taken one by her not long ago, called "Animals Grieve, Too," and was one of THE best animal-focused classes I've ever taken (how I ADORE Teresa, as you know!), even though much about its content broke my heart even more while I was already grieving terribly. While I had already deeply considered the bulk of vital considerations for animals that she imparted during that course, it ended up really cementing the conclusions I had previously come to on my own. In essence, I don't have ANYBODY right now to whom I could or would entrust my animals' future care should anything ever happen to me &/or my H. And no, even my H is not "good enough" for that if only I should die or become incapacitated. (apparently, this is quite a common concern from animal moms!) That's really one of the biggest bottom lines for me. I always said that I'd rather be the one left behind to grieve, than have any of my own furchildren go through that pain without me to support them, or to be left bereft of the lifestyle they were accustomed to because I was their mother. As with so many situations for defenseless animals, absolute horror stories abound if proper provisions aren't made by their guardians, and I'm cognizant of far too many of them to ever naively rest easy. I just cannot allow that kind of thing to happen if I can help it at all. Also, since I'm still trying to maintain at least a sliver of hope that I might still be asked one day to either sit for my dear Shannie & Carly, or that they may end up being handed over to us after all (or go missing and then be able to be formally adopted by us instead), if I already had other cats, that may not work out and I'd have to decline sitting for them, or maybe even adopting them! I can't even imagine!!! Neither of these scenarios solves the problem of not having any back-up person in line, but I feel such an absolute duty to these two now, that I'd make myself scramble faster to find a solution if I had to. But for now I have to play a waiting game and see what, if anything, may change over time. And as much as I hate it, my own Nissa had said (to one ACer I'd used to verify some things) that there would BE no more cats for me....at least for the time being. I'll be delving more into that soon I hope, but it's looking like for now, I just have to live with things as they are, if I can. It IS just killing me inside, though, as if I can't breathe and have been holding my breath for all these long months, still always checking the doors and windows for any sign of them, still hating coming back to a house where no one's eagerly waiting for my arrival, not having someone who loved to follow me around and greet everyone at the door, and all those precious charms. Shannie became that one for me in short order. And just as it is for those we do legally "own," it's her, and her so dearly sensitive brother, who I want back, not someone I didn't spend 5 years in an ever-growing relationship with. So thank you for such a wonderful and heartwarming compliment, Marty , but someone new is just not currently a good idea, and may never be if I don't ever find anyone who would fit the bill as a suitable "beneficiary." My heart hurts for me, too.

Sorry it's taken me awhile to get back to my own thread here....just too much to get done. I also now don't know how "MulitQuotes" are working, and don't have time to check, so have just lumped everything into the one!

That's very nice of you to say, Kay. Thank you! Though I've always advocated for animals and can't imagine ever not, in this last year or so I think I've sadly felt anything but positive. I've lost so much more than I've gained...except for a return of way too much body fat! ....the one previous, positive side effect I'd had in the last month before losing those 2 feline loves of mine; anxiety & grief always makes me shed excess pounds. So maybe I'm just grasping at whatever straws might save me now. Still, thanks again for that.

I debated whether I should post this here, given the issue's disturbing nature, when we're all suffering enough from our losses as it is. But considering the number of instances where veterinary negligence, or worse, appears to be on the rise, in the end I've decided it really is in every animal-person's best interests and a priority regarding their own animal's care, to at least be aware of this information. Plus, since some members here have also run into some such situations themselves, and I've seen this happening on every "pet loss" forum I've either been on or simply perused, I think the more of us who are aware = the more vigilant and proactive we can be on behalf of our precious animals...and preferably before we lose them to such shameful practices. The more obstacles and hurdles we know in advance, exist, hopefully the more we'll want to take every protective measure we can for our furbabies. These very real concerns can include pets being misdiagnosed then suffering needlessly and/or dying as a result, pets being neglected, abused, or even hidden from their guardians (i.e. not returned to, under false claims of death) then experimented on by vets, people posing as vets but without holding professional licenses, and domestic animals being hunted and killed by licensed DVMs. Alarmingly, the list of atrocities continues to mount, yet grieving animal parents are left with little if any recourse. I will leave searching for online proof of such cases to whoever may wish to, but suffice it to say, this is really happening. While there are of course many good, or outstanding, vets, we still should not stick our heads in the sand about the growing number of those being discovered who aren't, and are ruining it for everyone. What has given me the impetus to inform people is both the aforementioned increase in animal parents suffering the unnecessary loss of their beloved animals, and some recent news coverage I just caught focusing in on the governing veterinary boards who are largely NOT protecting our furbabies or us. Since I've shockingly become aware that most professional veterinary boards seem to operate pretty much the same way across both the US and Canada, I believe the following TV report's warning applies in the vast majority of cases, and not just in this one state. Yes, it's highly disturbing information, but without this basic awareness being brought to the light, it will only be allowed to continue, unabated. I hope the link will continue to be accessible in future, but if not, at least for now, here is the 5 minute report that just aired the other day (May 5, 2015): http://www.keyetv.com/news/features/top-stories/stories/investigation-does-state-protect-vets-not-pets-25679.shtml Should the above link disappear in future, the same report is also now on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PRH9lWDSkQ I'm also ADDING/editing in this other website, called the Vet Abuse Network, which I later discovered as an invaluable resource for anyone wishing to protect their beloved animal/s from bad vets, preferably BEFORE such tragedy may strike. But it also covers what to do if your furbaby has already been harmed or killed. I'd suggest everyone who has a nonhuman family member make themselves very aware of this issue and what to do about it, and bookmark this site. http://www.vetabusenetwork.com/savetoc.htm In particular, if you live in TX, another website link taken from the Vet Abuse Network lists veterinary records of Disciplinary Documents that the Texas Vet Board is now keeping secret from the public (as per the news feature above): http://texasveterinaryrecords.com/ Lesson: You can never, ever be "too careful" in advocating for your animal's safety and well-being when choosing or dealing with any vet. As a quote taken from this Network says: "...we happily abdicate our responsibility as our pets advocate in favor of our vet's perceived wisdom...It's important to remember that perception isn't always reality." While we all come here, after the fact, for support in our grief, one of my own aims has always been to try and help all of us to not have CAUSE to grieve our beloved furchildren's transitions any sooner than necessary!

Mary & Kay, All these stories are horrifying!....and despicable. Yet as I've discovered, they aren't nearly as isolated as most people who have been lucky enough so far, would like to believe. It's only when we're faced with an emergency situation or serious illness regarding our babies, that we become part of the "in the know" sector of animal parents. It's not surprising, but naturally, the veterinary profession has followed in the footsteps of the human medical 'care' model, and sadly, infuriatingly, it now also contains all the same hallmarks of poor and deficient practice. Because the entire paradigm is backwards, in a nutshell. We and our animals are the ones to suffer for it, and die from it. I hate it all, and have for ages, but still, not enough people care, are still in the dark about it, or are unwilling to step out of their comfort zones to try and effect change in and around it. And naturally, we most often don't even find out for the first time until we're hit with a death, and then we're grieving too freshly and hard to have the energy to do much about it, after the fact. But it's disgusting at any rate that now we almost have to BE top vets ourselves in order to really trust (or not) what they're doing! How is that fair, or right? And as practically anyone in the biz will tell you, the ERs are the WORST. But Mary, they're not always young and inexperienced docs, either. I've heard of a few who either came from, or from there went on to the larger kill shelters to work. OR, they ended up running some big clinics that were known (within the biz; the public remained unaware) for rampant animal abuse behind closed doors. That likely either means no one else wanted to hire them, OR, that's their bent to begin with -- to care that little about animals that they're more than willing to keep killing off the "surplus," as they like to call it, &/or abusing animals. And a lot of ERs also have the worst of equipment, too. That's how my precious boy, Sabin, ended up dying. The ER x-ray machine was older and untrustworthy to begin with, we found out. Add to that the lack of expertise of the vet who took and viewed his first lung x-ray = recipe for disaster. She'd thought it was just their admittedly lousy equipment that showed a slight "shadow" in his lung, as apparently this happened a LOT there!! WTH??!! Meanwhile, it was actually cancer...that metastasized so rapidly we couldn't get a handle on it fast enough due to the time that was wasted. But it was her mistake in the first place, misreading it, then not suggesting we check it out further, elsewhere! (what did I know back then?!) But you'd think our integrative vet would have known about the ER's faulty equipment, and taken immediate steps herself to re-check. By the time she suggested it (when Sabin wasn't getting better after ~another week) and also called in a top oncologist to verify new x-ray results, it ended up being too late, even though we tried a few alternative treatments anyway. So I found out the hard way, too, as most of us do, and for over 15 yrs I've been trying to warn others of these dangers, but generally no one listens until it's too late for them and their babies. It's absolutely heartbreaking. _________________________________________________________________________ Mary, I do understand that extra-special bond some of us have with certain individuals, and the ultra-tough grief that creates when they go. It was of course that way with my own kidlets (having had them since kittenhood & pouring my heart & soul into being their Mom). It was also an instant "like attracts like" familiarity like this between myself and the fur-boy who asked me to call him "Biscuit," and later his brother, too (once I'd met him as well), each of whom we'd tried to adopt from yet another negligent, uncaring family. And yet, I often wonder, too....could that bond have ended up just as strong, deep, and tight with others as well, given enough time and willingness on my part? This is one of the lessons I believe Nissa was aiming to teach me, bless her soul. Now I often think it's mainly been my lack of wanting to open up my heart AS fully with some of these others (because I was hurting so bad), that really made the biggest difference. As I've always said, love is fundamentally a choice, and if I've learned nothing else, most animals respond massively quickly and in the most heartwarming ways, once you've made that choice, even if that initial attraction to each other wasn't as strong as with others. So while I know you're in terrible pain at present, maybe it's just a wee thought to put on the backburner for later, months or even longer from now. I guess I'm just trying to offer you some hope for the future, if you're able to create a similar, or just as strong, bond with your other furries once you're not in this much pain. Only because we know that love does help us heal. I liken it to me and Carly. He always seemed so loyal to his own people (no matter the neglect), yet so rapidly blossomed with me in just that month's time, because I started feeling much more attached to him, myself, and firstly, so he responded in a way he never had before. Of course this isn't meant to take anything away from what you need to focus on NOW, or the deeper connection you and Allie shared, but just to hopefully take a little bit of edge off that natural panic that arises when we've lost someone we loved so hugely, and can't imagine our lives without them in it. So I hope it doesn't come across as offensive to your bereavement. But if your remaining furkids can help you heal, and vice-versa (if they're grieving Allie's absence, too), that would be a good thing for all of you. I know it's just SO hard, though...