Maylissa

I feel for you, Parker's Mom. Those are a lot of too-similar reminders to deal with on top of the milestone. 💔 Although, sometimes the anticipatory feelings end up being worse than the actual day is, especially if you come up with some ideas ahead of time as to what to do with/for yourself. Some people do a memorial ritual or project, or they add in something lighter as a distraction to break up the sorrow, like a simple walk, or spending some quiet time in nature. Or they just accept that they're going to feel miserable and sit and cry; here's it's the acceptance of your feelings that can help...and then sometimes you end up not crying as long or as often as you'd expected. Sometimes you plan something, then change it last minute, or simply can't make yourself follow through when the time comes. Nothing has to be set in stone. Just know that whatever you finally decide, even if that's moment by moment, it's all okay, even if you are feeling like a wreck. Give yourself that freedom to choose, and to accept however you are throughout the day. In this way, it all becomes some type of self-care.

Well put, Kay and I echo those sentiments. Since I'd had some very bad experiences around deaths in my tender and vulnerable youth, knowingly, I had to wait a loooong time to feel ready at last to adopt my furkids. But when we lost Sabin so quickly and unexpectedly...since for some reason I had always imagined he'd be with me even longer than his little sister...all the vestiges of "innocence" (at least what it felt akin to) I had managed to sort of recapture in the meantime, were harshly ripped away from me again. And yet, I remember countless times I would be doting on my boy, heart just BURSTING with unfathomable and unconditional love because of our massive and mystic bond, and at the same time would feel such a terror of losing him in the future. That was oftentimes the way I was 'never taking things for granted,' as awful a way as that was. But when he actually died far ahead of my expectations and hopes, Nissa got even stronger a devotion as I could have possibly mustered...even through the utter agony of my grief over losing her brother. However, I still can and do procrastinate like crazy over all sorts of other things that also have value. 🙄 Sigh...human conditioning can be SUCH a problem.

Parker's Mom, I'm sorry but this is all I have time for today as a reply, for now. I'll respond to your other post as soon as I'm able. Your other dogs might actually be shedding tears and there is probably nothing wrong with their eyes. It is human arrogance to suppose that other creatures don't or can't cry, too. But that is incorrect. I saw signs of both one of my birds and my furgirl having cried...my furgirl when we lost her brother, and my bird when we'd gone away for a week when I was a child and he was left with a woman I didn't even know. Upon our return to pick him up, one look at him and I was agonized and shocked to see his eyes all red-rimmed and watery and she told us he was morose and barely even peeped that entire week. But as soon as he saw me he became all animated and happy and began chirping. I promised him we would NEVER leave him alone with a stranger again. He softly twittered to me all the way home, was FINE once we got there (we played up a storm) and his eyes never got like that again, even during bouts of illness in later years. Teresa Wagner also has an On Demand course about "Animals Grieve, Too," which is really excellent. But to keep it simple for now, just give them your love, some explanations of what's happened and how you feel (for now, suspend the belief that you don't think they can "understand" what you're telling them), and playtime &/or walks with you to help create a "new normal" for them, as well as for yourself...something you're going to have to do anyway at some point, so it may as well be now! And as I had to do for my furgirl, "choose Life" for them. That will help you, too.

If you're struggling with either where your boy is, or how he's doing... I forgot to mention that after my Sabin transitioned, the trusted Animal Communicator I had at the time (no longer doing this work) told me that his IMMEDIATE reaction upon leaving his body was a hugely exuberant and zoom-y "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! I remember this!!!!" This also aligns with how many people who've had NDEs had felt upon their return to Source. So I would try not to worry about Parker not feeling happy about the state and 'place' he's in now, wherever that may be. As well, as a general rule, nonhuman beings are normally much better at releasing their bodies than most humans are. A personal story: I was once doing my distance healing work (which sadly, I didn't yet do/have when my own kids transitioned) with a dog who was being euthanized one morning (I didn't know exactly when though), and who had been in a really terrible mental/emotional state for a long time before this. Unexpectedly and suddenly, I was SO incredibly blessed to be sharing in her own actual transition when she left her body, and then reunited with her beloved brother who had predeceased her. And I can tell you it felt like nothing BUT expansive, immediate bliss, love and utter happiness!!!... just as my own boy had expressed, too, years earlier. I made note of the time during her session when this happened, and when speaking with her person shortly afterwards, this was right at the same time she had was being euthanized. I can recall that euphoric feeling every time I remember the experience. And on a recent teleclass I listened to, this statement was made by the guest speaker, who has been catapulted into fame over her own NDE: "Heaven is not a place, but a state of consciousness." ~ Anita Moorjani So please try your best to incorporate experiences like these into your conscious awareness, to help yourself gradually release some of the the fear and stop fretting quite as much about how your Little Peanut feels now. Even if he had been highly distressed before, he isn't NOW.

Parker's Mom, Thanks for answering my questions. Yes, there were certainly a lot of red flags there. And anything "routine" can go wrong, but especially with the wrong vet. Most of my own lessons about who to NEVER use again unfortunately arose from emergency situations, when I didn't have time to wait and had almost no choices of emergency clinics, or vets who were available at the time, way back when: 1 local vet who anesthetized in the WRONG body part, the back leg; very old-school practice, was never done anymore then by other vets, due to higher risks. My poor boy's leg was dragging hours later but luckily finally returned to normal by early evening (I had very soon called this clinic with my concerns). Found out later things could have gone VERY wrong because of this alone. You MUST have a knowledgeable vet who stays on top of the most current practices & knowledge, and who regularly does continuing education. Years later, I found out from our neighbour that this terrible vet was a long-term alcoholic, was heavily involved in chuckwagon racing (animal abuse/neglect/exploitation, in which many horses are killed), AND had killed another neighbour's dog overnight at his home, through sheer neglect, and probably his drinking. That incidence of malpractice from injecting a cortico-steroid in contravention of the warning on the chart. That Emergency clinic's sloughing off of the x-ray result. It was only because of my insistence on making an appt with our integrative vet the next week that we found out it was cancer. A top eye specialist who was good, and very current, but after a grueling week-long treatment drug protocol he'd suggested we try for both our kidlets at the same time, which had failed to even work and had been a terrible strain on all of us, I only used gentle, natural management protocols sanctioned by our integrative vet, instead. Those were more successful, well-tolerated by our kidlets, and far less invasive, so I never went back to that vet, either. He had also suggested the option of a corneal transplant for my boy, I asked questions, then told him flat out I could never sanction having another (unwanted/homeless/used as a lab animal) healthy cat who valued their OWN life being killed for their body parts, even for my own beloved boy's sake. Such heartless practice w/i the veterinary field made me sick at heart and I lost respect for that vet, knowing our ethics and values weren't aligned. I learned that some of the best ways to safeguard your loved ones is by learning as much as you possibly can, and by thinking hard and in detail about everything involved with their health, and by talking with vets &/or techs at some length and asking LOTS of questions of them, and by never taking anything for granted or acting as if they are going to voluntarily inform you of everything if you don't ask enough questions first. (this is of course harder to do during real emergencies). And, by ensuring vets and techs are well aware of how dedicated to and highly concerned you are about your beloved animals' welfare. If they can clearly see that, and they're not any good, they may display irritation with you...and that's a clue to "run away." And, even by educating THEM about whatever aspects they may not know about, e.g. if you use alternative methods they have no knowledge or understanding of. In other words, be chatty and ultra-PROACTIVE and try not to miss anything of use, within reason. The more interested you appear in knowing about all the finer points, and in their knowledge base, the more info they should be willing to share with you, and the better off your working relationship will be. As they say, knowledge is power. You've already gained some knowledge about improving diets for dogs (although properly-balanced raw food diets are healthiest overall for both dogs and cats & can even reverse many health conditions), about that vet's sordid history, about some relevant cases involving other bad vets, and you are being pretty realistic about the possible outcome of any complaints filed. Now you just need to act on that knowledge. Otherwise it's rather a wasted effort, and could also become another failure with which to beat yourself up. Do you think it's possible you're using your guilty feelings to avoid taking the actions you'd really like to, imagining that is going to make it easier on you in the long run? I know it's the hardest thing ever to face our own flaws, but it's also the best way we can evolve and thereby improve upon our feelings and behaviour. Self-awareness is great knowledge and power, too. And easier done when you're by yourself and you have time to reflect. Potentially, you might always feel some pangs of regret (maybe still pretty intensely upon recollection at times), but here's the upside -- that keeps us humble and desiring yet more inner growth. Yet any lingering remnants of that pain can at least diminish and feel less crippling overall. Bottom line: it doesn't have to be a case of "all or nothing." Another option regarding therapy is if you can find someone who is experienced in EMDR for trauma. That would probably help you quite a bit too, both for your totally understandable distress over Parker, and for your marital trauma. Science has now (finally) been backing its effectiveness.

Parker's Mom, I feel so bad for all of you. Yes, this all sounds wholly insufficient, negligent, and, as you put it, sinister. I would start writing that letter. I know it will be very hard to detail everything and relive it more again, but I suspect you will feel some relief and satisfaction for having taken a step toward seeking justice for your boy and for how you feel you failed him. And of course if it goes anywhere, an investigation might net you some answers, instead of sustained wondering, which only keeps you more stuck and in limbo. Even if you get no new answers, at least you'll know that you tried. Whereas if you didn't try, you'll likely just feel that much worse about yourself....and considering how you're already feeling about yourself, do you think you could stand to feel even worse? So you'd also be doing it for YOU. But that would also ripple out to benefit Leroy and Porter. And consider this: perhaps there ARE more records, but they were just kept from you. Wouldn't it be worth it to find out? Remember, this vet won't have to prove anything to the state or any other agency if you don't pursue this. And since you can concurrently cite a present suit already filed against him, that could really help your complaint receive more attention. But I'm unsure what you mean about him blaming the food. Does that mean Parker wasn't fasted prior to his appointment/surgery? If so, yes, he could have aspirated during surgery, and that can indeed cause death. Or did he mean that his food was not "good" for him, so he was deeming him not healthy enough to withstand surgery? If he thought so, of course he shouldn't have done anything to your boy at all until going over options with you. "Meds"?? Is this the anesthetic he was speaking about, or something else? And were you able to ask other questions which weren't answered, or were you just in too much shock at the time to think of questions to ask? (what I would expect from someone in shock, as should any professional in the business!) AbsoLUTEly, every vet should be documenting medical procedures and making surgical notations as a matter of course. And yes, you should have been contacted if there were issues with Parker's reactions to the staff. Everything about this is altogether extremely fishy and untrustworthy. And to un-empathetically say, "It happens," and leave it at that?! Whoa...BRUTAL. It tells you what kind of a cold-blooded person you're dealing with...the kind who should NOT be working with animals. 😡 Oh dear, sigh, I was just about to ask you about a necropsy, too... To my mind, that should have been one of the very FIRST things offered up afterwards, considering how unexpected this was. This guy is most likely always trying to cover his own a**. Most people don't think about those until it's too late (another one of these hard lessons learned). I had looked into one for my boy, but I learned the city-run lab that normally does them apparently "makes a real mess" of animals' bodies, so much so that they suggest you don't ask for their body back! And because I wanted to initially bury my boy at home, I couldn't agree to that, NOR to their utter disrespect of animals' bodies, as opposed to those of human autopsies. Our vet confirmed their terrible treatment of their bodies. And yet, she hadn't informed me after his death that SHE could have performed the necropsy herself. So I missed out on finding out how much cancer my boy had been riddled with, and where it all was. However, you're right -- they do NOT have to be performed w/i hours. My vet told me "a few days" is fine, and it's quite routinely done that way since they have to schedule them in, same as other surgeries. I'm very glad you got some verification of your suspicions from your regular vet on this other vet's deficient notes. And yes, to write "fractious" itself, is alarming. I find it downright insulting and wrong to call any animal such a disparaging word, much less by a supposed animal 'professional'!...basically implying that the animal is acting frightened and anxious to spite you, since its meaning includes "irritable and quarrelsome, unruly, hard to control." That's different from just "nervous," or even anxious. It's just blameshifting about your one's own lack of proper handling or other calming methods. Again, probably tells you a lot about this guy's attitudes AND lack of even basic understanding about dogs. Not to discourage you, because these crimes are on the rise and it does take activism to stop their spread, but in general, you're right -- many bad vets DO get away with murder...and egregious abuse and torture, severe neglect, etc. However, there are some who DO get charged or even stopped from practicing. The Dr. Kristen Lindsey DVM, high-profile case is one example you may have read about...despite her having loads of money and her parents' community clout: http://veterinarynews.dvm360.com/texas-cat-killing-veterinarian-loses-state-supreme-court-appeal . More cases are covered more often in the media now, which does seem to help some. That vet tech I mentioned earlier, quit because of the ongoing, secretive animal abuse she witnessed by the chief vet at one clinic here (who had also worked for the city's Humane Society earlier!), which she tried to stop, but was then threatened with termination. He then tried to blackball her from working elsewhere. But later she did find another clinic who hired her. So we can never give up the fight to help these poor victims...and from what you've said to date, I believe Parker was another victim, too. And just maybe, some of this vet's staff might actually know something and care, too, but are being threatened with termination. You might consider trying to speak to one or some of them, when you know that vet isn't in (just get someone else to anonymously call and ask if he's in), documenting any conversations you might have. I hate to touch on some of these points because of how upsetting they might be, but I'd feel remiss if I didn't try and help you "unpack" more of what could be important. So I will ask...did you actually see Parker's body before he was cremated? Or did they dissuade you from saying "good-bye," being with, and viewing him? Because if so, that would be yet another red flag that needs to be stated in your formal complaint. If they didn't offer or allow that, it could be they were hiding clues to whatever happened that they didn't want anyone to see or ask questions about. And if they did allow that later, perhaps they were busy cleaning him up first, hence the big delay in informing you? I read that article you included...and I'm not surprised. Brokenhearted over yet another horrible case, but not surprised. I can see where you're going with that. But seriously, people don't need any studies or cases to "read" animals' behaviours. They rather speak for themselves, imo, and even a general understanding of why they react as they sometimes do is helpful. But certainly, anyone in the vet/tech profession, of all things, should be quite well-versed in animal behaviour to begin with, or they should change careers! That said, I also know how most are taught to be UNemotional, UNfeeling, and totally detached (in essence, training their brains to be akin to sociopaths, for heaven's sake), in order to get them to carry out all the unethical procedures they're normally required to subject innocent animals to during their training. (that vet tech I mentioned had also refused to take part in the brutal operations, then killing of these animals during her own training, as more students are now also protesting; she still got her license) In any case, as you said, this vet already had past experience with Parker's individual personality, so had no excuse for not anticipating his reactions and either stopping what was merely an elective procedure, calling you to come help calm him, or whatever. The fact that that clinic doesn't have any good methodologies in place to deal with such anxiety in animals is also an indication of their lack of care or concern. Do you mind me asking why exactly your husband was insisting Parker go there? And why on Christmas Eve of all times? If you don't want to say, no worries. Yes, I can imagine "tension" is rather an understatement as a result. 🙁 It's probably not going to be easy working through all that, and I'm so sorry your awful story is what came of it. But at least you're both going for help with it, and that's also better than just trying to avoid the whole, painful process.

Dear Parker's Mom, Oh my(!), you have been very busy and extremely resourceful powerhouse in your justice-seeking for your dear Parker, and I cannot applaud you enough for all that!!! 👏 👏👏 I pray to the angels that every single one of your hard efforts nets miraculous results, including that vet getting appropriately charged, and even banned from practicing anymore. You are one determined woman, that's for sure, and I'm SO impressed with all you've done so far! (please try and receive/take in this sincere compliment, even if you don't feel you "deserve" such praise because of your feelings of guilt) Parker is probably bark/howling up a storm in support of his dear mommy working so hard on his behalf, all out of her great love for him. 💖 I also had meant to say that, omg, what a darling boy Parker looked/s like! His sweet face is just precious! No small wonder you were so smitten. 😍 But of course it's all that he DID that was even more precious. I've caught up on your posts now, and your stories of your life together are all so very touching, and truly paint a wonderful picture for us all to get to know Parker and his antics, his unique personality, his great love for his family, and more. I've laughed, I've cried, I've done both at the same time, while reading them. How I wish you all could still be living life as it was before, with none of this pain to deal with. As I'm sure you have done yourself a kajillion times already, I just can't help but keep wondering what they did to poor Parker. Did you got ANY sort of 'explanation', or rather, excuse, from them at all??? What did they even tell you when they finally called? -- that is was the 'fault' of the anesthesia? Or was it all sloughed off with some vague "we don't really know.."? It's all so unconscionable, my head honestly just reels every time I think of it, and of what I'd feel like if I were in your shoes. I just hope you're getting through today okay, and that it's not too long before your next counciling appt. for a wee bit of respite from all the pain.

Everyone, I was using, part-time, a vet who had an all-cat clinic, partly because my furkids were terrified of dogs and dog sounds. She seemed competent enough and actually did some minor dental work for each of my kids, which had gone very nicely. But when my boy got into a fight with another cat and his own fang punctured his lower lip and got stuck there, she seemingly didn't even notice (or remember) the BIG FAT ALERT in RED written right on the front of his medical file folder that clearly stated "NO STEROIDS!" unless it was a life or death situation. We had discussed the "why not" in great detail and on more than one occasion when I had first started going there, and she even personally knew our integrative vet, from whom this directive had originated. I had TRUSTED her to not only remember this vital piece of info on him, but to pull his chart out whenever we came in. But in this emergency situation, where I was panicking because of my poor boy's pain and still-embedded tooth (it had already been over 1.5 hrs since the fight as I'd had to wait for a cab to get him to her clinic), she told me she could give him a "shot" which would immediately help, prior to getting his fang released, etc. I assumed it was a pain med, but, she failed to specify what it was or inform me that it was actually a CORTICOSTEROID!! I didn't find out until only a day or two later when his eye suddenly exploded in massive watering, because his corneal ulcerations (which we had successfully been treating with homeopathics through his integrative vet; the very REASON all steroid use was highly contraindicated!) had been hugely triggered and brought back in SPADES (far worse than ever before) by that blasted drug she injected!!! I called her to tell her what had happened to him and that's when she informed me what that shot was. Mystery solved, but damage done. She DID apologize profusely and sounded quite sincerely sorry for what we were now facing because of it. But you know what? I NEVER went back there again. I didn't sue for her act of blatant malpractice, as we weren't well enough off then, and in Canada, it's not (or wasn't then) very common to sue vets (or most other people or companies, either), and she had at least admitted to her failure. But that didn't help us, because if you mix homeopathics with steroids, the exact homeopathic remedy/ies which have been individually and carefully selected for someone, and which have been WORKING to heal them on a deep level, may then never work again. AND/OR, as in my boy's case, the illness will be magnified. So she undid all the months of homeopathic work we had already done to get to a remedy that had been STOPPING his ulcerations for a long time by then...all by one act of stupidly gross negligence. And my beloved boy then continued to have bouts of more corneal ulcerations for years afterwards, making our lives more sorrowful and difficult at times. This wasn't the only instance of bad vets harming my kids though, so nope, I didn't give vets second chances for them to irreversibly screw up. Not when it came to my furkids' well-being and lives. We went through about 3 such deficient vets after we had first moved here, until I finally found and stuck with 1, then 2 primary ones - our integrative vet and later, also my girl's distance homeopathic vet out of New Mexico. Only used specialists as required, and only with a glowing reference from our local integrative vet. But even so, we ended up having some trouble with our local vet as well, at the very worst of times, that being when each of my kids were dying. I can still barely talk about it as this has left emotional scars. When you try to give your VERY BEST to your furkids, but someone else destroys it all, it's a very hard pill to swallow. And nowadays, from what I've heard and read, it's often even harder to find truly great vets who you can rely on consistently. This is really no different than with human doctors either, but bad doctoring of either sort shouldn't be on the increase, and instead more of a rarity! Kay, I had a similar experience. When my boy had to go into the Emergency Clinic overnight, after he'd collapsed one morning with ataxia from a yet-as-unknown-cause (vet thought it may have been a small stroke, but it was cancer), they took x-rays, saw some odd, blurry results in a small area...but put it down to their OLD x-ray equipment probably messing up "again," since he seemed "fine" after his overnight stay. Oh boy, nope, totally WRONG. Within the next week we had his x-rays redone by our local vet, who then consulted with the top vet oncologist in the city before giving me the terrible news. The result: rapid metastasis, not even chemo recommended it was so far advanced already, and "probably all throughout his body by now." Long story short, we lost him 2-3 weeks later, so within a month of him falling ill. Nothing has ever hurt and shattered me more than how he went, with not enough pain management or specific instructions on use offered up to us. Please ensure, if nothing else, that you're well prepared for Arlie's potential level of pain, so he can remain peaceful. That is part of true animal hospice care, but it takes knowledge and planning for in advance. I sincerely don't want to see either of you suffer for a lack of necessary resources at the ready. ❤️

Okay then, good decision to leave this friendship behind, when no good can realistically come of it! That's showing strength in your own convictions, and you're better off without this sorry dude. How many others have faced this? TOO MANY!...including myself. From supposed friends, to relatives, to lots in between, and even from my own spouse, who has often kicked me when I'm (the most) down. Sometimes I haven't even found out about the gross level of betrayal meted out against me until years afterwards. It's particularly devastating when it just keeps happening. And "my way or the highway" types are incredibly draining and harmful indeed. I hope someone more suitable to the task appears in your life to help you through this. But if not, at least you can know you're acting supportive of yourself, and that's what really matters the most.

Honestly, it drives me nuts that proper and respectful communication skills haven't been taught in schools all along, so we all must suffer for its lack. It's starting now, though, with some professional people on a real mission to do just that, so as to drastically change how we relate in relationships, in healthier and more loving ways. HOWEVER, this was decidedly NOT THAT, and I'm glad you made your boundary swiftly crystal clear with this "friend"! Displaced anger and frustration, potentially arising from a place of affection for Arlie, which this may have possibly been (just wildly guessing here), is still no excuse for acting so abruptly critical, along with a total lack of empathy or gentleness in tone or approach. UGH! There are too many people like this in the world and so many of us have had more than "enough!" of them. There were so many other ways he could have expressed whatever was really behind his words, but he chose not to utilize those. Now he's given you more negative feelings to have to process, on top of your anticipatory grief. So yes, looks like another re-writing of that address book is sadly in order. Double UGH. Just when you need friends the most... You're right, Kay, every day that's good is something to be able to FEEL good about, and to keep caching up in your mind and heart for the days when it's harder. Your feeling good will also of course help Arlie, too. I'm so sorry this "friend" has made it all more difficult for you. A few expletives are rearing their heads in mine, and I suppose I could have just said, short and sweet, "What a jerk!"

What happened to both your Parker and you is tragic and my heart just breaks for you. I've heard first-hand accounts of such atrocities in and around my own locale, and I very often sign petitions to bring bad vets to justice, so I'm quite familiar with how often these kinds of things happen. I'm sorry I haven't had the time lately to thoroughly read your whole thread yet, but from what I've read so far, I'll say you have every right to be outraged and upset. (at both that vet and those earlier counselors!!) I do hope you will or have already reported this deficient vet. Too many get away with such atrocities and reporting him might help you harness and use your anger for positive change, on both your furbaby's and others behalf. If you're up to it, you might also try to enlist the help of the media to shine a light on that vet and clinic, or to start a petition for justice on "change.org." Because I have heard several horror stories directly from a vet tech, and personally had some upsetting and negligent experiences as well, I learned to become more proactive and never leave my furkids' alone at vet clinics, except for during any actual surgery...but I still remained present and waiting. It's a very hard lesson to have to learn 😢, but somehow, it's always for our soul's growth. Marty had just suggested something I was about to as well. Although there are many great Animal Communicators, my personal suggestion would be Teresa Wagner, not just because she is a kindred spirit and has the tenderest (yet fiercest) heart, but because she can also offer her professional training in grief over our precious animals, so she might be able to serve you in two ways. You might also consider taking her On-Demand (previously recorded) course on Guilt, which is excellent. You can find her here: https://www.animalsinourhearts.com/ No matter who you may use, keep an ear out for even tiny validations that they've connected with your Parker, e.g. mention of a favourite item or game of theirs, or an uncommon treat they loved, for example. Don't be discouraged if things aren't 100% bang-on though. A high % of accuracy is more than acceptable. I also can relate to some things you've said about your spouse, and won't seek to talk you out of what you know about him. YOUR truth is important to respect and honour. And while forgiveness is a worthy action, it is really designed to help the wronged to heal within, but it can be quite a long and often daily process to get there and have it "stick." It can also be difficult or even impossible to achieve if there is no repentance demonstrated by the wrongdoer. Trusting someone who hasn't earned the trust of your heart is simply not wise. And trying to forgive when you're not ready only sets up more dissonance within yourself. So I will just say that you could at least keep it open as an option for when you're more ready and willing to tackle it. That said, there is a technique called EFT that may help you become more ready, as well as help you with your grief and guilt. You can find a sample of a recent session on grief for free, here: https://www.thetappingsolution.com/blog/releasing-grief-the-tapping-solution-app/ You can search that site for where and how to tap the various "points" on your body. I don't personally go by a "Rainbow Bridge" per se, but I do wholeheartedly believe any bonds of love created in any place, time or dimension result in a reunion with those souls once we shed the physical body. Most humans who have returned to earth from either near death (NDE's), or even from medically documented death on this plane, report many of the same experiences when they were out of body. To explore this (including for animals) you might want to visit Bob Olson's "Afterlife TV" site: https://www.afterlifetv.com/ Use the arrow on the "Browse Interviews by Name" in the right column and look for "MacKinnon, Danielle" for a few of her interviews on what the animals have taught her about their afterlives. She's by no means the only speaker on this, but Bob's site is at least one place to start to get a feel for "all things afterlife." Animals DO 'speak' to us, but most people just aren't well versed in the intuitive, telepathic or other subtle ways that are natural to them...and used to be natural to us as well. It's been drummed out of us through the ages. However, I've done this quite naturally most of my life, so I can attest to its truth, as it has born out as true many times with many different animals I've communed with. So having said that, I believe that was your beloved Parker coming through for you, just in ways you may not be familiar with. But if it felt to you like it might be true, I say go with it, as you're most likely right! My furboy did similar things through his beloved sister after he transitioned, and later she came shining through other cats who were not mine, in very personal ways, on very key occasions, after she had transitioned. To me, these experiences were all clear as a bell because I already knew they can and do happen. (my first After Death Communication/ADC came from my second budgie, in my early teens, and my grandmother once rearranged silver cutlery in my Mother's dining console!) It's happened for countless other people around the world, too, skeptics or not. Some people have even had encounters with transitioned animals they hardly, or never, knew and didn't even know had crossed over, in very solidly physical ways. So never discount so-called "mystical" events! As Wayne Dyer used to say in a clever twist of the common, but backwards phrase, "you''ll see it when you believe it." Yet such "belief" is obviously also not required. My furkids taught me very much about the Unseen in our time together here, and then I waited on the rest of the world to finally begin to catch up and start talking about and accepting such things as real...as have all of us who have embarked on that path. So TRUST your heart in whatever you get and I'll bet you will experience even more communications from your boy. He is NOT simply "gone," as we've all been indoctrinated to believe, but merely out of (mere & limited) physical human eyesight. Oddly enough though, you might actually hear, smell, or even see a spirit version of him, if you're lucky. There's a wonderful 'introductory' book detailing many such anecdotal experiences, called "The Soul of Your Pet - Evidence for the Survival of Animals After Death," by Scott S. Smith, that you may want to try and find. It also goes beyond "pets," to wildlife, insects, etc. And think about it -- any sign from your dear Parker is actually proof of his love for you still, despite whatever happened to him. You will not, and cannot ever lose his love, because Love is a Divine Creation, one that both of you powerfully created. I hope some of this helps. I was a classic "basket case" after each of my furchildren transitioned, so don't beat yourself up for feeling as you do (I don't blame you one iota for how you feel!), but do try and find some additional, professional help and other aids to work through it at your own pace. And do keep loving your remaining furries as best you can, as they are likely needing you as much as you are needing them. A team effort is always better than going it alone. I love your heart-centred journaling here, too. They are all such tender and authentic tributes to the vast love you have for Parker, and I hope they are as cathartic for you to write as they are inspiring for me to read. 💜

Oh no, Kay! What shocking and sad news this is!! I'm so terribly sorry this has happened to your cherished Arlie and you. 😢 💔 Arlie is SO handsome and sweet-looking, and I'm sure your heart is totally breaking. Of course these things happen, yet I'm still gobsmacked that this awful news came about so suddenly, and when you least expected it. Unfortunately, I also learned years ago that even basic blood-work, especially in animals, doesn't often flag cancerous conditions until they're already fairly advanced, meaning the cancer has been present for quite awhile already, sometimes years. It's so sad but true, but I've heard it happen like this time after time. I can certainly understand your position on not resorting to "heroic measures" in Arlie's case, so yes, regular quality of life assessments will be of high importance now. No matter which route you take, you may want to check out Dr. Ella Bittel's site on animal hospice care-giving -- https://spiritsintransition.org/ I believe I posted about her work here before, but she has since vastly expanded upon her offerings. She has comprehensive Resources pages here https://spiritsintransition.org/resources/ and here https://spiritsintransition.org/additional-online-resources/. Ella also has a different Quality of Dying Checklist, informed by her own knowledge and definition of hospice for animals. There are also apparently financial assistance programs for U.S. veterinary services, a U.S. house call/mobile vets listing, and so much more. I'm not familiar with what-all the following involves, but I see her Additional Resources now also include: "Georgia’s Legacy Canine Cancer Resource is designed to help those get started on their personal journey whose dog has been diagnosed with cancer. It provides key resources, useful tips, holistic treatment options, answers to frequently asked questions and basic information about canine cancer and pet loss issues." I recall there was a vet she was liaising with before who offered hospice care help by phone in the U.S., if that's still available. There is also Brighthaven (under Additional Resources), a fantastic hospice organization for dying pets, from where Gail (its founder) also now offers paid consultations to assist in supporting animals in home hospice care-giving. Had Dr. Bittel's detailed help been available to me when I was losing my Sabin to rapidly-metastasized cancer, it would have been a huge help in my care for him, but there just wasn't anything like this available at the time. (and even most integrative or holistic vets aren't aware of all these aspects) So if nothing else, I'm hoping some of her info might help you with best practices and considerations to support Arlie and yourself, potentially providing more quality time with him with less worry, confusion or regrets. Marty mentioned taking lots of pictures, and I'd add that to that voice recordings of your dear boy, too. Thankfully, I was able to do some of those of my Nissa's various talk, but never thought to do that for my Sabin, and I still massively regret it. Hearing their voice is a treasure that can help you feel that much closer to them later. I know how close Arlie and you are, Kay, and you've already been through so much heartbreak in you life. I truly wish you didn't have to suffer any more. I'll be thinking of you both, and hoping for the best there can possibly be. 💞

Sharon, Marty is right -- " asking how long it lasts is like asking how high is up. " Exactly so. It's really rather pointless. Even after taking courses on grieving our precious animals, one of the best and most helpful pieces of wisdom I've ever heard is that, even if most self-guilt is realistically addressed, there will almost always be some part/s of grief and sorrow that will still be activated and alive at times...or even all the time, even if just in the background but not far from more tears. Then our job just becomes to learn to live with it, as another component of our lives with our beloveds. But I deeply hear you when you speak of gardening time, and how your loss severely impacts your previous enjoyment of it. Been there, done that, still feel it, particularly when each spring arrives. There is melancholy still. There are always reminders and triggers. But that's also okay. I feel the same, year after year, just not quite as intensely as the first several years...and I accept that. Acceptance of how we actually and truly feel is more than half the battle, and honours both us and our relationship with our furbabies. Know that you are somehow "okay," even with the immense sorrow and loss of passion you feel now. I hear you, I feel you, I know... "I will never forget you .. How could I? You were my soulmate.. " Yup, yup, yup. I came to use a phrase I have by now used an awful LOT -- whatever question or feeling I was expressing to my late furchildren, it so often ended with "how could I NOT?" (love you the way I do, always did, always will, etc.) Pretty much sums it all up for me. And even though I've never even had dogs, your baby is SOOOOO darn adorable. I've just always had a "thing" for sleek, white doggies with black spots on one eye. SO precious....

I've been too busy to even respond to date, but have been reading all your entries all the same, and while there's more I could add in bits and pieces, what I really want to say is that you are ALL so inspiring, and possess far more courage than I had, especially so early in my and your grief journeys. It's just amazing, and bless you ALL!

Oh my, Kay, what a stupendous sign! Love it!!! And how beautiful is it that, even though your anxiety was somewhat more peripherally related to your husband's passing, he still heard/saw it and responded in a way that would assuredly help you!! Physical signs among the BEST! ❤️ Thanks so much for sharing! In much the same way, my fur-son's spirit came through for me physically as well, and as you put it, it was "unmistakable." One or two days after his transition, in the morning while we were still in bed, and in that open head space and brain wave frequency of beginning to wake up, he was suddenly there beside my head, nuzzling his snoot deeply into my ear, while also tromping my hair and purring his loud, soothing purr!!! So utilizing two earthly senses - touch and hearing. As he well knew, this was my ALL-TIME FAVOURITE lovingly affectionate practice that he'd done for me regularly, that just made me SWOON in delight. It was so vivid and REAL, I reached up to stroke his silky body, as always, not even being aware yet that anything had changed in our world. So, sighhhhh....I got to experience a few glorious seconds of "all is how it's always been" before it dawned on me that he had just crossed over, so how could this BE? That of course and unfortunately made me lose the connection in a split second and I started bawling. But I'll never forget how powerful, real, and loving it all felt. The gratitude still swells in my heart every time I recall it... Our loved ones' essence, and our lives together, never really dies. 💘 These signs have taught me firsthand that death is just another illusion, simply (yet very powerfully) made up in our minds. And that always reminds me of the famous quote by Marianne Williamson (referencing "A Course In Miracles"): "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us."

Yes, Marty, it certainly is! I've mentioned you to her, too, in a private session, and she thinks highly of you, too! Love, all the way around! 💕💞😍

I echo everything said so far, and would just add that it's been, respectively, 19 and 12 years since I lost my cherished furchildren, and nary a day goes by when I don't still miss them in some way....and more extensively than any other dear cats I have since loved as well. Regarding the lingering guilt, I really do need to make time soon to separately post a course I took recently on exactly that! In the meantime, if you're interested, here is the live class I attended. You can now purchase it "on demand," after the fact: https://pet-loss-grief-counseling-certification.com/healing-guilt-finding-peace-and-self-forgiveness/ Although it was meant for animal loss alone, it was SO well structured and comprehensive, I realized it could be used for absolutely ANY kind of guilt, in any life situation. I can never recommend Teresa Wagner's classes and site content enough. You're also not alone in your furchildren being the only children you will have. Same thing here, and frankly, the only way I wanted it. I also found grief groups (both animal and human) to be pretty useless too, as I still didn't "fit in" to the typical situations, and I found the facilitators didn't even know as much as I already did. (I also wasn't the only one attending who had issues with some of these groups) I will also NEVER throw out anything related to my beloved furchildren, and I have a LOT in storage...including many specific toys of theirs I could never bring myself to share with later cat loves; bought & made those ones new toys instead. So I hear you...

Well, how excellent is THAT, Kay?! 😃 👏 I actually experienced my very MOST profound and "in your face" signs from my furkids within the first few days after their transitions, so that is how I learned this "old" information just wasn't true...or at least was no longer true. But that was many years ago, yet I still see it posted everywhere, as if it's still an indisputable "must-do." Old ways die hard with humans. But it certainly helped me trust more in what I received/experienced, over relying upon anyone else's opinion or outdated belief. And as I shared this with others through the years, it helped them to relax and realize their own huge upset couldn't potentially stop them from receiving these communications, either. Win-win! I think the main problem is that, especially when in the worst throes of grief, we just don't trust our senses, no matter which senses those might actually be. That said, there are still some forms of visits I'd always wanted but never got so far. 😕 But we have to be thankful for whatever we DO get. I'd be interested in hearing what your sign was...only IF you'd care to share of course. If not, NP! 🙂

Oh my, Buster's Mom, what a WONDERFUL sign from your darling boy!!!! Hearts, PINK objects (the colour of my girl's particular energy; this also validated from what others telepathically got from and about her), and rainbows have also been some of the ways my own furkids have connected, too! I'm overjoyed for you for getting that from Buster!! 💞😃 You may want to start marking these down in a journal or something -- another way of consciously validating him still being in your life. I sincerely hope you will end up with more entries than you ever thought possible! And now I'm going on a roll...😉 It has been said by many that our loved ones really aren't "up above" or any of those older ideas, but often only ~3 feet above ground level, and most people just can't see them, but they're RIGHT HERE, ALWAYS, and we've just forgotten HOW to see beyond the earthly physical. Yet LOTS of folks even physically see them pop in & out, or see them rather like 'shadows' out of the corners of their eyes, and the like. It's a real help to read up on all the ways they can show up, so that you're prepared in case it ever happens, and then you can recognize it straight away, without having to wonder or think you're just "going crazy." And please don't be too quick to discount those sounds in the other room that you'd mentioned, either -- they may be REAL sounds from Buster!!!! The BEST EVER signs I got were of that nature, and my girl and I shared in witnessing several of those from her brother, so I knew for certain what we clearly heard together was actually him!! (I'd probably written about these here if you want to search, most likely for "ADC") By contrast, my H didn't hear any of our boy's, BUT, was the only one who heard one from our girl, which was SO loud and clear to him that he'd thought it was ME doing it on purpose to fool him! Regarding that one, it was very interesting, albeit very upsetting to me, that he heard that sign at pretty much the same time that I got a different one from our girl! So yes, she was certainly working hard that evening to make sure we were BOTH aware of her presence, bless her hugely loving heart! In reality, we are ALL mainly made up of space, not solid form, and are all in this same, connected, universal "soup," which has often been called The Field, if you wish to look that up. Newer science knows about this now, but many people either don't know, or just can't or won't accept it yet. However, that makes it much easier to understand why and how these signs happen. And it's a very GOOD thing! I'm also so very sorry for the major loss of your own ginger boy, Buster 😞. I didn't have enough time to respond to everyone here earlier, but I've loved what you've shared here, too. You've been so helpful and empathetic in the midst of your own fresh pain, so please take some cyber-hugs for that! Unfortunately, my life has become so crazy in the last few years, I never know each day if I can make time for anything personal anymore, or not. (so if I suddenly disappear, it's only because something else wacky has suddenly come up again!) And thank you much for your kind thoughts on behalf of these 2 bonded cats. I'm still checking on them daily via their adopter's fb pages, but still feel helpless to influence their wellbeing, so it's still a painful form of ambiguous loss. I sensed their fates coming just before it was formally announced (days after the fact), and I'm very angry about the whole matter. The only positive thing was that it was another validation of my intuition still working accurately. Had I known at the outset how toxic and ill-educated this 'rescue' society and its fans really were, I never would have been drawn in in the first place and could have saved myself a lot of grief over the last year. You may be interested to know their focus is actually on "feral" cats (TNR or adoption), but I've come to now call such cats "community" cats instead, since I've learned the term "feral" is often a misunderstood word that can make a huge difference as to their fates. These last 2 cats aren't even the first cats from this place that I came to love & adore and attempt to help, but all to no avail. As far as I'm concerned, this non-profit org. emotionally & psychologically wrecks a lot of cats, and a lot more.

Yup, Kay, I certainly agree with that! I've experienced so many countless ADC's (AfterDeathCommunications) from my furkids, it's been amazing...even though I haven't gotten some of the specific ones I'd asked for, but others that nevertheless made me feel SO heard & connected to them. One of the best ones from my girl actually had the power to make me LAUGH OUT LOUD awhile later, it was so darn apt for how hers and my life was together over her last 6.5 years! 💖😻😹 BiscuitsDad, even today, every time we go away anywhere, I still ask my kids to be with me for the whole time, and so far, I have not failed in getting a meaningful sign of their abiding presence. They definitely found their favourite ways and forms to send their signs, and some are like clockwork now. It always makes my heart burst with love and smile in gratitude, even if I still might feel weepy at the same time. I read a LOT on this subject afterwards and that was one of the most comforting aids I found...as well as reading about human child loss reactions in parents, because I could relate so well to that, too, since my furkids were/still are/will always be my furchildren. Word to the wise, though, I'd advise to never publicly try to connect with those parents on that level, as they find it horribly insulting and can't relate to the equality of pain levels/thoughts/reactions, due to this society's prevailing attitude that it's still "JUST an animal." But the writings might help you, regardless. As for receiving signs, unlike what the majority of the literature claims, I personally have NOT found I necessarily needed to be in a calmer state to receive them. In fact, the most spectacular signs have actually occurred for me when I was the MOST upset! I have only ever needed to be open to believing they could send them, and having that desire. Because of the vast love between us, I've always received far and away more signs from my kids than from any human family member who has passed...how I prefer it anyway.

Hi BiscuitsDad. You're most welcome, and I hope it helps in some small measure. Grief support tends to have cumulative effects, over the long term, I've found. But I can certainly imagine where you're at right now, especially since it's only been a couple of weeks. I remember all too well how utterly devastated I was myself, especially after we lost our girl, who was the last to transition. Prior to that, I had to go on, because she was still here with me. My heart just breaks for you, over the crying/near-crying, sadness, emptiness, unhappiness, loneliness, the quiet and feelings of pointlessness. Truly, I felt the same way, and cried all through the days, until I got numbed-out or too exhausted for tears, but only for brief periods. Just staying alive was such a struggle...and I didn't want to stay alive, either. It's excruciating, and even that word doesn't do deep grief justice. At my bequest, we went on a short, local trip soon after losing our girl because I could no longer tolerate being in the house by myself, nor coming home to an empty place after being out. I sobbed like stink every single night on that trip (just as I had at home), thought I would have a heart attack my heart burned so terribly (and wanted to have a lethal one to end the emotional pain!), and woke up with nightmares and sobbed some more until I couldn't breathe. The break from being in an empty shell of a home was a little relief of sorts, though of course it didn't "solve" anything. But I sure needed even that tiny bit of a break and distraction from the feelings of devastation. In the past, we had only on average gone out for up to 3 hrs at a time after we lost her brother, as she needed so much care after that and I wasn't about to let her down if I could at all help it. Even my body knew exactly when that 3 hr window was up, and it felt all wrong to stay out any longer, though I had no reason to rush back home anymore. That went on for months, it was so ingrained, and became just another form of torture. So I suspect you must be at least a little stronger than you believe you are, being able to stay at home for work! But I feel terrible for you, imagining what that must be like. That said, is there any way you might be able to get out for a bit, even for a small amount of time to take a walk, or just go sit somewhere else for a spell? Baby steps are often all we can handle, but are also cumulatively good for us. I say this also knowing how difficult it is to even go to the store, for example...where I also used to break down in tears, with all the stupid music played everywhere you go! Thank you so much for your kind thoughts about my own current grief. I truly appreciate it. The worst part about that bonded mother and daughter cat being separated...is that it was a rescue org that did that to them(!), very UNlike how the majority of rescue orgs these days handle bonded pairs. To my mind, it's unconscionable. So yes, real-life stories like this break my heart in two as well, and I definitely share your wish about the world, particularly when it comes to animals! There isn't a tenderer place in my heart than there is for them. I sincerely hope getting responses here or elsewhere keeps helping you get through each day or each hour. I know it did for me, too.

BiscuitsDad, I, too, am glad you came back to share with us. No matter how fresh or old our losses are, I don't think there's ever a time that we don't welcome support, sharing, and a listening ear. 💕 Even though I've learned so many concepts concerning grief and grieving, I just read another article this morning from the site What's Your Grief / WYG, that explained one of them so well that I wanted to share, entitled We Don't Recover From Grief, and that's Okay The wonderful quote they included encapsulated it so nicely for me, particularly its last line. (hope this gets attached right, as the tech's changed since I last tried this here) I agree, we do not want to relinquish that love. And we don't have to. And of course there are no "substitutes" for our beloveds. As rightly said, even if more love comes our way, it is always "something else," and not what it was before. Even so, my heart was yearning for at least that "something else." Now I'm going through another grief of a similar nature, over another cat from afar who I unexpectedly and immediately fell in love with, because she is nearly the spitting image of my beautiful boy, and has his personality but my furgirl's voice, and other such marked similarities. Sadly, I wasn't in a position to adopt her and her very similar mother. They were totally bonded with each other, and for good reason, I don't believe in splitting up bonded pairs of animals. Now they've been callously separated, each ripped away from each other and adopted out to different homes, and the daughter-cat also doesn't have any other furry companions now to help her through this, either. So actually, I'm grieving more for each of them and their grief (non-human animals do also grieve the loss of their own close relationships), even more than my own over having lost this chance to give all 3 of us happier lives. Sort of a triple-whammy grief of a less common nature. It's all making me dream of my own furkids on a nearly nightly basis again...at once ambiguously painful, yet also soothing. So while many people recoil from the idea of holding even tiny vestiges of the pain of loss, this article and its accompanying quote gives us permission to do exactly that. In some way it can be a sigh of relief, taking the pressure off to "hurry up and heal," and for good, so as to never "bother" anyone with our pesky feelings 🙄. At least on some level, I never want to forget, nor leave 100% of these pains behind. They give me the ability to be compassionate, and without them I might lose the seed of those hard, yet otherwise affirming life lessons, as well as the ability to empathize deeply with others' losses. And having also personally experienced the frightening opposite in others, I'll take the value of being able to feel that pain, instead of coldheartedness, any day. It means I suffer much more inside than they do, but there is also some merit to that. I hope this kind of broader perspective might in time help you carry your loss a bit less heavily, and add honour, self-respect and worth to what you're having to go through. I, too, am glad you've been reaching out and finding whatever help and support you can. Without forums like these, and other resources, I would have totally lost my mind.

I hear you, poeticapathy. Great loss, recurring depression (always "situational" for me), being chosen by your furbaby, a bond beyond measure, kidney failure, not having support, feeling there's nothing left to live for, and more. I know you can't magically un-hear the cold hearted things ignorant people say to you once they're said (suffered many of those myself), but please try to disregard them as much as you're able. (I used my anger over this, as required, and cut several such folks out of my life as necessary) I also know how difficult and exhausting it can be to try and find the professional, or even lay help you need, particularly when finances are tight. I didn't find much for myself, but kept trying for quite awhile and did utilize a few, briefly anyway. Highly depends on where you live as to its quality or availability. Most of all, I can relate to your "thinking about going to heaven to be with my baby," even though I never did end up just staying in bed; too much restless energy and nightmarish feelings for me to not try to distract myself from. But I've felt that way so many times myself, over a few major, devastating losses, as well as over other types of disenfranchised grief that society doesn't/won't yet properly address. Bluntly, it really sucks. And it's frightening to feel that way. But there it is. Yet I'm still here for now, for whatever that's worth. Imo, I've learned (w/o ever taking them) that drugs/anti-depressants don't help any more than a placebo (power of the mind) @30% on average (usually less than 30% for the drugs) and can even worsen matters, so I always turn to my own custom blends of entirely safe flower essences to help take some of the edges off. I'm pretty sure I've written about them here in the past (I hope!), but if not, you could google them -- most comprehensive resource online is the "FES" (Flower Essence Society) site. They're relatively inexpensive and there are pre-made Grief blends available as well. But I really favour Teresa Wagner's ("Animals In Our Hearts") own blends, developed in conjunction with FES...as well as Teresa's website itself, wholly focused on animal loss. I'd encourage you to check it out as one resource. I do hope you keep reaching out. Your furgirl thought you were worth a whole lot, and I'm sure she was right.

Oh, dear, BiscuitsDad, I'm so very, very sorry for your loss and pain. Your dear Biscuit looks like such a sweet ginger boy, and even his name is special to me as well because I later came to adore another cat who wasn't technically mine (his and his brother's people wouldn't allow us to adopt them), but who I also still grieve over and had actually re-named "Biscuit." Yours and your furboy's story moved me on so many levels, because it's quite close to mine and my boy's story, too, and I can only hope that may help you feel like you're not totally alone in the terrible state this has left you in. You displayed great courage in telling your painful story here, so I hope you can at some point acknowledge and respect yourself for that. Just about everything you said here, I've felt and said myself. I truly resonate with the utter agony of it, and am able to re-experience a now somewhat softened version of it in a nanosecond, even to this day...but I do try not to as much as I can help it. Unlike your story though, despite being right at my beloved boy's side and still at home, I was not even able to hold him in my arms in his final moments, nor even for hours before...yet another aspect that still haunts me no end, it was just so "wrong," given how such closeness had always been a given between us. So I envy you that gift. My boy fully knew how immensely and endlessly loved and cherished he was, and like you and your Biscuit, he, I, and his sister were all soulmates. Still, these kinds of "if only's," the wishing for every purrfection in the past, linger. But like your story, those horrifying moments of gasping for air...no, I don't expect those will ever dim from my memory. Trying to find meaning in such excruciating experiences is no easy fete, potentially taking many years of deep reflection and effort. To that end, I just took another course a few weeks ago to try and work more thoroughly through the vestiges of my own guilt, even these many years later. I haven't yet finished it, but this course certainly has loads of merit, and I can share more about it if you wish, including where to purchase it "on demand." (was going to post this course as a separate topic here but haven't even gotten around to that yet, either) My heart just busts apart for any of us who experienced a less than "peaceful" or "easy" transition for our beloved furbabies, when they deserved only the very best from life. Yet we cannot, and I say even should not forget the pain, either, as that would be a disservice to both ourselves and the lessons we learn through our beloveds' precious lives. However, it's best if we can learn how to move through and past as much of our guilt as possible. There are different types of guilt though, which that course outlines and helps you work through in depth, as well as addressing the task of self-forgiveness as much as possible. You're right about this -- life will never be the same after such great loss. How could it? And as kayc said, we miss them every day. But then, why wouldn't or shouldn't we? For me, my furchildren were and still absolutely are the biggest, most meaningful and most spectacularly miraculous loves of my life, for so many reasons 💖, so missing them so deeply seems a very fitting and honourable way to feel. It also helps me feel and recognize how bonded and connected we remain, even after death. To best help ourselves through the roller coaster of intense grief, learning all we can about grief and grieving is highly important, taken in whatever doses we can handle each day. I would certainly recommend Marty's material as a great resource, as well as some others. Most people are not at all prepared for the devastation felt, since western society runs from death, so we need to learn and not blame ourselves for not knowing beforehand. I sincerely hope you will find much of what you need here, as well as the company that is so key to getting through the pain. Blessings to both you and you sweet boy, Biscuit...

Oh my goodness, I've been very tardy on getting to older emails from the summer, and just came upon notice of your traumatic story. I'm so terribly sorry for the losses you've gone through, and yes, of course, discovering an affair is also a loss, to your marriage and much more. Like you, I also have had what many consider to be a "hard life," so I get it, in more ways than you could know. The loss of your dear dog was already more than enough to deal with, but finding out about an affair on the SAME DAY?! Absolutely doubly-devastating! You poor woman! There are many resources here for pet loss, as Marty mentioned as a starting point, so I won't add to that. But for affairs, if you haven't already made any finite decisions (which is actually recommended for at least 6 months afterwards, if not longer), might I suggest you look into this site: https://www.affairrecovery.com/free-resources-home My heart goes out to you, and I hope you have been able to cope in some way(s) since all of this tragedy hit you.