JHCP Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 We both had our own family traditions, but we made our own together. They were silly and they were ridiculous, but they were ours. For example we would each have a item to wear in our stalking. Before opening anything we had to open that and then wear it. A weird Christmas-y hat or scarf or necklace etc. it had to be worn the whole Xmas. This year with my extended family I am the only one wearing my item. Makes me miss jack. Also I am realizing what I am going through is not holiday conversation. Nobody wants to deal with loss on such a happy day. That's why I am here writing about my feelings. Cant take it out on the happy people around me for being so happy. Just having a bad day with my grief and now I feel like a monster for feeling that 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 Hi, I know..how people don't like to deal with sadness...:-/ I thought that was a nice tradition y'all started :-) I have cried more in the last two days and visited his grave site...guess it is going to be a while yet on this journey... hugs, Marie 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finch Posted December 26, 2016 Report Share Posted December 26, 2016 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdownes Posted December 26, 2016 Report Share Posted December 26, 2016 By no means are you a monster for your feelings you have a right to have those feelings you lost an important part of you, I did not really have any holiday spirit this year no matter how hard I tried but I know people who know my situation they understood. My heart goes out to you hugs 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 26, 2016 Report Share Posted December 26, 2016 Keep wearing your item in his honor. Marie, yes, it's a good long while... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted December 26, 2016 Report Share Posted December 26, 2016 Finch, I just read your quote ... "once we have the words to say, there is no one left to tell..." Oh my how appropriate ! Made it through the holiday, still standing, somewhat..Marie 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted December 26, 2016 Report Share Posted December 26, 2016 Yesterday, on Christmas....I continued a tradition that Connor & I had started a few years back. Having decided that each thought the other "gift" enough, we did not gift one another, instead, we would make up "Random act of kindness" packets......in a ziploc, we would have an anonymous Christmas card, written in it a wish for a happy Christmas, blessings, and good luck.....along with scratch off lottery tickets.....along w/the card in the ziploc, would put in holiday candy.....and on the ziploc would put a sticker tag simply stating, "FOR YOU!" in bold letters. Then we'd drive about, surreptitiously placing them where they'd be found....often taping them to gas station pumps. We truly enjoyed this, and hoped someone won big.....and that at least they'd get a smile when they found one! Then we'd go out for dinner, usually to a favorite Chinese restaurant. So, I did that this year.....now in his memory.....but just got take-out at the restaurant and brought it home. Alone for the first time for Christmas this year.....but 1st and last time, moving back "home" next year and will be with my family! 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted December 26, 2016 Report Share Posted December 26, 2016 So cool wolfskat...I love that idea and tradition! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 27, 2016 Report Share Posted December 27, 2016 I love that idea! Very special people to do something like that! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JHCP Posted December 28, 2016 Author Report Share Posted December 28, 2016 Wolfskat that is a lovely tradition. Glad you will be with family next year! This is my second Christmas without jack. Still tough 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted December 28, 2016 Report Share Posted December 28, 2016 It's been a rough time for me. Tammy loved Christmas more than anyone I've ever known. If she had her way, we would've listened to Christmas music and watched Christmas movies all year long. Our TV would be tuned to all those claymation Christmas specials, too. The tree would be lit up 24/7, 365 days a year. And Christmas Eve was her favorite day of the year. Wrapping gifts and the anticipation of Santa coming down the chimney to deliver the gifts was intoxicating! That's why, when I got down on my knee to propose, I later said, "let's get married on Christmas Eve". I figured why not make Tammy's favorite day a romantic and memorable one, too. We were married on Christmas Eve back in Tammy's hometown of Longview, Illinois. Population 200. Or so the sign says. Honestly, that census probably includes cats and dogs because it looks more like about 100 people really live in that town. Best feature of the town is the house that has a working soda vending machine in the driveway! We had a small ceremony in front of the Christmas tree at Tammy's childhood home. Tammy's sister had a friend that was renowned statewide for cakemaking and she made us a beautiful (and yummy) cake. It was a wonderful day. And the next paragraph I write will tell you how "into Christmas" Tammy was... This was our wedding night mind you... Tammy and her dad had a tradition. Every Christmas Eve, the two of them would sit in the living room and watch the 1951 version of "Scrooge" with Alistair Sims. Well, on my wedding night it was Tammy, her dad and me watching the movie! Yep, we had to watch it first and then Tammy and I were able to "consummate" our marriage in bed. Apparently, some traditions are never meant to be broken. So this year, my second Christmas without my beloved Tammy, was another lonely Christmas filled with sadness. It wasn't the same, but I did keep the tradition. At 10:30PM on Christmas Eve I fired up the DVD player and watched the 1951 version of "Scrooge". I imagined my beloved Tammy was beside me in bed. Her head resting on my chest. The two of us lost in our world of love. Life is so very hard without my Tammy in it and this time of year is overwhelmingly sad for me on so many different levels. Mitch 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 28, 2016 Report Share Posted December 28, 2016 A couple of the traditions I miss... In the Fall, we'd take a drive out in the woods and gather the colorful leaves and come home and I'd arrange them in a vase. We so enjoyed doing that! It's not the same without him. I bought some fake ones for decorating after he died. After Thanksgiving we'd drive out in the woods and cut ourselves a Christmas tree and we'd put on Christmas music and have hot chocolate while we decorated it. Afterwards we'd sit in our loveseat cuddling and holding hands and just looking at the lights and ornaments. Ours is a memories tree, with a collection of ornaments from people and places we've known over the years, each one has meaning. I still put it up but now I have a fake tree. George used to make the 120 mile round trip to pick up my mom on Christmas morning while I was fixing dinner. The kids would celebrate with us until later in the afternoon and then go visit their dad and stepmom. After they left we'd drive my mom back home. I miss those days. (sigh...) 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted December 28, 2016 Report Share Posted December 28, 2016 Mitch, nice to hear from you. I know this past week has been difficult for you, but you have made it through another one. Traditions are so hard, especially when they were done with your special person, but was glad to see that you still honored yours and Tammy's. I have a hard time doing the things that Dale and I traditionally did for any occasion, but maybe some day. Hugs to you Joyce 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted December 28, 2016 Report Share Posted December 28, 2016 Joyce, Me, too. Some things belong to him and me. Do not want to do them without him. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted December 29, 2016 Report Share Posted December 29, 2016 18 hours ago, Gin said: Some things belong to him and me. Do not want to do them without him. It sure isn't the same is it? I've made it a point from the beginning of my griefs journey to keep doing things we did together. I go out to dinners at our favorite spots, (although now half of them are closed down or renamed) I travel to our favorite places. Hell I even watch our favorite movies alone but it's not the same. It will never be the same. How could it be? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finch Posted December 29, 2016 Report Share Posted December 29, 2016 Every Christmas Day Crystal would watch 'A Christmas Story' with her kids. I did it last Christmas to start joining in the tradition. Part of me wanted to do it this year but I found it too painful to think about. Same with Charlie Brown and The Great Pumpkin at Halloween. I hope the kids watched them with their family. The traditions that belong to just me and her... without her, they are gone. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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