Guest Posted January 4, 2017 Report Share Posted January 4, 2017 What a gawd-awful day this has been. I guess I've been bragging on myself too much lately. My mood couldn't have been any lower today. All day long today I have felt like I just wanted to bust out and just have a good ole fashioned gully washer of a cry. But crying doesn't happen with me. Even a year ago when this was all brand new, I even then was never able to have that good cry that is supposed to be part of the process. I've never had that particular part of the release. And today my anger has been really intense. The kind of anger where you just want to put your fist thru a door or a wall. I haven't but it sure has been tempting. Why this all came over me today I have no idea. A bad day in bedrock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 I read once that anger was sadness turned inward...be patient ...we are all dealing with many emotions and are on this roller coaster called grief...I am not sure who is driving this crazy train but it sure ain't me.. Take care, Marie 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brad Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 It's the ebb and flow of the tsunami we are all caught up in. It is one of the things I have detested most about the grief journey; every time I feel like I am doing okay I'll have a day or two or ten just like you've had Darrel. I am not an angry person; I taught for forty years and thirty of those years were junior high. I am good at being calm. But I went through a period a little more than a year ago where I was spoiling for a fight. That anger just kept building turning me into a not so nice person and a pretty lousy driver. But that too passed (I hope). 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Darrel, I have days like that too, where I want and wish to cry my heart out and instead I'm just angry with everything. As was said above, it's all part of this grief journey and it sucks. Hugs Joyce 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Thanks everyone. I'm still in my crappy mood, but thanks for the kind words and the hugs. Darrel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdownes Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Darrel am sorry for the hard day they really stink, I get angry sometimes I get angry at drugs and addiction for robbing me of my husband, I get angry at God for taking him out of my life, I even get angry at Kevin for leaving me it is a hard life we lead now but I try not to let anger consume my life anymore I spent to many years angry at my Kevin nothing changed and I can't go back now, I hope tomorrow brings a better day keep heading towards that light hugs. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 4 hours ago, olemisfit said: What a gawd-awful day this has been. I guess I've been bragging on myself too much lately. My mood couldn't have been any lower today. All day long today I have felt like I just wanted to bust out and just have a good ole fashioned gully washer of a cry. But crying doesn't happen with me. Even a year ago when this was all brand new, I even then was never able to have that good cry that is supposed to be part of the process. I've never had that particular part of the release. And today my anger has been really intense. The kind of anger where you just want to put your fist thru a door or a wall. I haven't but it sure has been tempting. Why this all came over me today I have no idea. A bad day in bedrock. I definitely understand. I don't like to cry but i do. Crying is painful, draining and exhausting. Some people do and others don't. There is no hard and fast rule. We all grieve on our own terms. I don't like to be angry but find I am for no apparent reason. If i could just avoid all of these feelings, I think I would be okay.... but I am not. Now I just try to just live in the moment , TODAY, as best as I can. It's not easy . Today, I find myself dealing with loneliness. The feelings cycle and change and I find I can not control them but I try to not let these feelings rule over my life. My hope is that tomorrow I will wake up with new mercy for the day. Praying, Darrell, that you will have a better tomorrow. - Shalom 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdownes Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 George am sorry for the hard day loneliness can consume us sometimes let's face it there are days we just can not control our grief no matter how hard we try or how far along we just have to ride the waves and know that it will not always be so painful or hard, sometimes I actually welcome the tears my release of all my pent up love I hope you wake with your new mercy hugs 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 olemisfit, That is the way of it, two steps forward, one step backwards...overall we are moving in a progressive direction, but when we're in that one step backwards, it doesn't feel like it and it's hard to see up. This is a whirlwind of emotions, that's for sure. It's okay to want to put your fist through the wall, but just don't do it, otherwise you'll have some patching to do and a broken hand to show for it. (((hugs))) 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Lots of suggestions for coping with anger in this article, including those listed at the base: Is Anger One of the Stages of Grief? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 There is so much love here. It is the best place to come when we are needing help or just want to blow off some steam. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 54 minutes ago, Widowedbysuicide said: There is so much love here. It is the best place to come when we are needing help or just want to blow off some steam. I am still just a newbie here, but I agree 1000% Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Decided to take a trip in Feb...my doc recommended it....Kind of a create new adventures and memories type thing...I guess.. Never have travelled alone....it's just down to the Keys...so I can drive, at my slow pace..and have my own wheels. Maybe I will get a massage....I am sure the loneliness will be somewhat magnified...but at least I can sleep as long or stay up late...eat when I want, etc.. We will see... Planned to travel but not on my own...Sigh...Making Lemonade.... ( maybe it needs vodka, lol) Marie 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 I applaud you for the trip idea. I hope you can relax with it and enjoy yourself. Safe travels. Darrel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Thanks Darrel... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marsha Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Ah, the 'process". Screw the process. It sounds so logical, when grief is the exact opposite of that. My rage (at who? what? Who knows what, exactly) was overwhelming at times. Of course I didn't act on it, but what I did do was - crank that stereo (yes, I still have one) up to 10 (had no next door neighbors at the time), close the doors and windows and scream at the top of my lungs. Whew. But it helped. Darrel, we've all been there, are there, or will be there. You're not alone in this. Marsha 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 6, 2017 Report Share Posted January 6, 2017 ah yes, yw old stereo. i still remember my 8 track player. wish i still had my old stereo i bought while in Thailand back in "the day". Fun times. Have a good'un! Darrel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brad Posted January 6, 2017 Report Share Posted January 6, 2017 Marie Lee -I hope your road trip is a cathartic one. I was quite anxious prior to my first trip from Pinetop to Austin. It was good for me. Lots of time driving, listening to music, crying, yelling, venting at the world, reveling in wonder at my previous thirty-eight years. Now I'm gone off on one adventure or another, always alone, two to three times a month. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brad Posted January 6, 2017 Report Share Posted January 6, 2017 4 hours ago, marsha said: Of course I didn't act on it, but what I did do was - crank that stereo (yes, I still have one) up to 10 (had no next door neighbors at the time), close the doors and windows and scream at the top of my lungs. I reserved most of my scream, cussing, yelling for the car and the woods. The woods were great since there were only squirrels and rabbits to object to my rants. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted January 6, 2017 Report Share Posted January 6, 2017 Oh the therapy to cranking up the stereo....going to do that in a few and get some housework done. Feeling a bit sad today....gee, surprise...lol Thanks Brad...I Hope it will be a nice trip. Trying not to feel guilty, I know he would want m to go.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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