Angry...

[Jackie - Richard]

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[MartyT]

3 hours ago, Jackie - Richard said:

well yes i am blaming God

Jackie, my dear, I thought of you as I listened to this interview just now. Just sharing it with you in hopes that it speaks to you in an helpful way: How Religion Can Harm the Grief Process

[Jackie - Richard]

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[MartyT]

Good for you, Jackie. I hope you also listened to the interview with Terri Daniels. 

I've also ordered a copy of Terri's book, Grief and God: When Religion Does More Harm Than Healing and I'm eager to read it.

Meanwhile, you may find this article helpful: Religion and Spirituality in Grief. If you look for the section entitled Related Articles and Resources at the base, you'll find links to a number of Terri Daniels' works listed there.

[Jackie - Richard]

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[Jackie - Richard]

 

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[kayc]

Of course he wouldn't.  That would be like me complaining about cooking for Arlie's Colitis!  I was glad to do so...when you love someone you do what you can for them, you share in the good and the bad...just as you did with him.  (((hugs)))

Your topic here is as good a place as any for me to vent...I had someone on FB today tell me I SHOULD be thinking of good memories of Arlie and not going to a "dark place"...WTH!  It's only been 12 days!  I am trying my best to process as best/fast as I can!  One of the things I've learned here is not to tell someone how to grieve, what timetable to grieve on, what they SHOULD be doing/feeling!  I hit "like" to acknowledge her lengthy post and moved on w/o response, but it irritated the hell out of me, it really did.  Included telling me I should get another dog, how old, etc.  Good grief, as if!  Not that I won't ever get one, but good grief, no one else should even bring that up with me,, that would be for ME to decide, or NOT!  Grrr...

I realize I'm probably just feeling angry out of grief, dammit, other people still have their dogs but I'm being told how to handle losing mine?!

[Jackie - Richard]

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[kayc]

Yes, she's always had dogs, she was a rancher before she retired.  But to tell someone they should get a senior, not a puppy, focus on the good times, not the dark places, blah blah blah as if it's mind over matter, as if you don't have a season to cry, as if there's no adjustment period, as if I'm somehow wrong for missing him, that'x BS!  And how can she tell me I should go out and adopt a senior dog?!  So I can turn around and go through this again next month?!  How does she think she knows me well enough to know a puppy is not right for me?  I resent the entire post, which was lengthy.  I took back my "like", I just couldn't l"like" that.  She can think whatever.

If I didn't have FB, I would miss so much of my grandkids, I'm lucky to see them once a month, I miss most of their experiences so FB is all I get of them most of the time.  People now do their invites through FB, handwritten cards are a thing of the past. 

 

[Jackie - Richard]

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[kayc]

No!  Everything is NOT good reason!  We live in a fallen world that has bad things happening every day.  I can't believe there's good in babies starving, in rape, torture, murder.  In tweakers breaking in and stealing what people have worked hard for.  There is so much injustice in the world.  How could my husband and my baby dog dying benefit anything?!  I NEED THEM!    Hogwash to all that!  Sorry, I don't go for that kind of thinking.  Yes there's a lot we get called on to accept, to make the best of, to adjust to, and once in a while there's even a tiny silver lining to things, but that does not mean life has turned out the way "it was meant to be."

God never meant for things to happen the way they did.  This was not his Plan A.  He has had to come up with a Plan B, and we're probably all the way onto Plan ZZZZZ by now!  He's the only one who can bring good from bad, but that doesn't mean He intended the bad to start with.

I think of my little boy suffering from cancer, not feeling good, he never did anything wrong to anyone.  He was attacked by other dogs ten times in his life, yet he never bit back.  He was the sweetest dog in the world, yet he had to suffer.  How can that be the way it was meant to be?!  She's lucky she wasn't talking to me!  She doesn't even KNOW mad!

[Jackie - Richard]

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[MartyT]

Dear Jackie, you are the only one who is walking in your shoes, and you are the only one who knows how it feels to be you.

It's good to know that you've found your way here, and that you feel safe enough to share whatever you need to share with us. As you have discovered, not all forums are the same ~ and not all grief forums are administered, monitored and moderated by a qualified grief counselor. I am proud to say that this one is ~ and our members are some of the most caring and compassionate people you will find anywhere. We are pleased to have you as a member of our tribe. ♥

[Jackie - Richard]

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[kayc]

8 hours ago, MartyT said:

not all grief forums are administered, monitored and moderated by a qualified grief counselor

And THAT will always be why this one is my preference.  I have learned so much from you, your blogs, articles, posts...the other forum I belong to it is not that way...in fact, I've often directed people here because they will get the help they need here.  

Jackie, do they have good grief counselors in the UK?  Pardon my ignorance...

[Jackie - Richard]

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[Jackie - Richard]

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[iPraiseHim]

On 8/28/2019 at 1:46 PM, Jackie - Richard said:

Doing what i usually have been doing at least once a day, i have flung myself over Richards bed, rubbing my hands over his pillows where his head would have been and as usual opening up my heart talking and crying to him...just saying what is bottled up inside me, which is often the same as i have let out before...Well this time once again i am angry with God...i had been reflecting on the day we had moved into our previous forever home together along with my-our dog Petra not long after Richard had taken a year earlier retirement, and here i go again, angry with God that he took him away when we hadn't fully enjoyed our retirement years, saying, " why did you take him." we still had a good ten years ahead of us to enjoy our retirement, " we both worked all our working life, reap our retirement money, then what happens, we- or one person doesn't live long enough to enjoy it, does this seem fair..

I have to also put some blame on my MS ( 4 years ago ) as this too interfered and stopped Richards enjoyment as he wouldn't go to places without me, and with my MS there were a lot of places i wouldn't have been able to go to...so he also suffered along with me...he missed out on a lot of things...my MS not only has ruined my life but it had ruined Richards life too...He never ever complained that he was missing out..

 

Jackie..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can speak from the husband/soulmate perspective.  My beloved wife, Rose Anne's Diabetes,  progressed to the point were the last six years of her life she was completely disabled and unable to work.  I never thought or imagined for one moment that I was missing out on life because she was ill.  She was my life.  Just being with her calmed me and settled my soul. She would mention how she thought she was a burden to me and making life harder but for me it was just the opposite.  

I loved her from the moment I saw her and our bond grew closer each passing day.  We were blessed to share almost 26 years together.   She knew every day how much I loved her because I showed her every day.  She would comment, " How come you love me so much?" I would answer, "because I love you more today than yesterday!" 

I still miss her presence every single day. I had the best life with her even during the difficult and trying times. They were still better than what I'm dealing with now since she is no longer present... the afterlife is not as bright.    Still, I press forward on the path set before me. - George (Shalom)

[Kacy]

Jackie,

I so understand everything you are saying.  I started really questioning my faith when we lost one of our dogs 5 years ago.  She was only 7, and we had only had her for two years.  We loved her dearly.  We knew the breed had heart issues but never expected to lose her at such a young age.  She died in my husbands arms.  The following year, we lost two others - both to heart disease.  One died in my arms on the way to the ER.  The other died in our home after bringing her back from the ER.  A year later, we lost the last of the original 4 that we had adopted of that breed.  And now, I have lost my husband.  I've lost them all within 5 years time.

I was the same way as you.  I was happy just to be here spending time with them.  Other than our grown kids, it was just us.  And now they're all gone.  I can't understand why it had to happen.  Why any of them had to suffer like they did.

The other day, my son and I went to dinner.  I saw 2 couples from church that are probably ten years older than me.  Not that I would wish anything bad on them, but I wonder why we didn't get those extra years.  It's so hard to understand and accept.

Like everyone else, almost all of the people who were around right after the funeral are no longer in contact with me.  I understand their lives have gone on, but some I've never heard from since the funeral.  Not even an email.  When I sent a family member a note the other day wishing her happy birthday, she asked me if I've been staying busy.  Stay busy doing what?  The person I did everything with is gone.  Right now, I'm lucky to do the things I have to do.  I have no ambition to do anything else most of the time.  Could they possibly think that life has just gone on for me?

Mary

[kayc]

Mary,

I remember you posting about your dogs, were they Cavalier?  It seems like I remember reading about the issues their breed has.  Just as the Golden Retriever has cancer and the Siberian Husky can have Colitis (my Arlie was both and had both).  

I don't know the why, I don't know that there IS a "why", it seems luck of the draw who gets hit, who doesn't, nothing fair about it.  I've lost all the animals my husband and I had together, now I'm losing all the ones I got after he died!

Today at church they asked who likes camping...I raised my hand.  I haven't camped since George died.  It wouldn't be the same by myself, some experiences are meant to be shared.  

7 hours ago, iPraiseHim said:

They were still better than what I'm dealing with now since she is no longer present... the afterlife is not as bright.    Still, I press forward on the path set before me.

I hear you, George.  

[Kacy]

Kay,

Yes, they were all 4 Cavaliers.  I knew before adopting them about the heart problems, but didn't realize how quickly it would take them and how young they would be when we lost them.  We had two dogs before them - one with kidney disease and one who was diabetic.  We managed their diseases for quite a few years.  So, that's what I was expecting with the heart issues.

When you said about Arlie being attacked by other dogs and not fighting back, that's pretty much the way they were.  So gentle and sweet.  Made their suffering even harder to accept.

I know what you mean about things being meant to share.  It seems like all of the places we went just wouldn't be the same going by myself.  Or even going with a friend.  It's just all different now.

 

[kayc]

I hear ya.  I just posted about a strange happening in Loss of Pet (Living with Loss)...made me wonder...

[Kieron]

On 9/1/2019 at 6:54 PM, Kacy said:

Like everyone else, almost all of the people who were around right after the funeral are no longer in contact with me.  I understand their lives have gone on, but some I've never heard from since the funeral.  Not even an email.

Yep.   All I can really do is 🙄.  The shoe will be on the other foot in due time.

[Kacy]

I really understand people not calling because that can be kind of awkward, and I'm sure they don't know what to say.  I'm really okay with that.  Don't want to be asked to go to lunch anyway, because I just don't feel like it at this point.  But to not even send an email to just say hi and ask how I'm doing?  Or even send a card in the mail?  That I don't understand.