Gone for 4 years

[Gin]

My Al has now been gone for 4 years.  Still can not believe that I could have survived this long without him.  Not “lived” but just survived.  It gets harder and harder to do anything.  Being alone is so hard.  I am trying to clear out the house because I know I can not stay here much longer alone.  We could have done it together.  I sure miss him.

[MartyT]

[brat#2]

Gin, you are in my thoughts and I understand what you are feeling.  In July was my 4th year without Dale and it is so hard and you are right, everyday is just surviving and everything is getting harder to do.  Sending you hugs!!

[kayc]

Gin,

I wish you well, I can't imagine cleaning out my place alone, it's overwhelming when you've lived in one place so long, I hope you have some help.  One thing I feel is that 4 years or 14 seems the same, it's still trying to live without them.

[Gin]

Had to go to doc today.  Arthritis has now spread to my hands.  Have braces to wear at night.  Got XRays today.  All these things would nothing if Al were here.  Without him, everything is such a big deal.  Hard to even hold a cup of coffee.   Not a big deal in the scheme of things.

[kevin]

That Arthritis is a slower downer? of everything...standing, sitting ,eating.....even getting into my car I bang my head(can't bend much...Gin I use a wrist thumb brace and it helps with a few NSAIDS.......good luck and condolences on your four years...

[Gin]

Kevin,. I have it in my feet, ankles, knees, along with sciatica.  I am using the braces at night.  Quite restrictive.  Only take a little Celebrex.  Had stomach bleeding from ibuprofen.  Tylenol, but it does not help that much.  Limited to 2000 units/day.  Could be a lot worse, so I TRY. Not to complain (too much).  Gin

[Gwenivere]

Very much thinking of you, Gin.  This month is my anniversary month too.  We all get an extra day a year that is indelible.  Truly sucks.  I’m sorry about the arthritis.  another thing we get to go thru alone.  Everything is a big deal now.  Many hugs.  💖

[KarenK]

Thinking of you also, Gin. Somehow we keep plodding along year after year, even when our bodies rebel. Take care and don't overdo.

[widow'15]

Gin:  Another year without our dear spouse does not mean we are any stronger or more capable of enjoying this lonesome life as we age.  So sorry for your discomfort with painful arthritis.

I, too, had a followup doctor's appointment today and as she was going over my medications she suggested I try to eliminate my occasional Xanax that helps me get some sleep on those nights I can't shut off my brain.  I asked if there was something less unsafe to take.  I came home with some printed information on trazodone drug.  She is a young doctor and quotes side effects to pain management.  As I drove home I thought how none of this information would be necessary if I still had my husband here. 

I am with you when you say "I am trying to clear out the house because I know I can not stay here much longer alone.  We could have done it together.  I sure miss him."  This is not an easy task.  Good luck and hope you will have some help.  Dee

[Gwenivere]

Dee, there is so much wewouldnt need if we had them.  As well as so much we would that we can’t have now.  I hope the trazadone helps.  I see it is an antidepressant so it may take weeks to work.  Hopefully you’ll get lucky and have the sleepiness side effect right away.  

[kayc]

20 hours ago, Gin said:

Had to go to doc today.  Arthritis has now spread to my hands.  Have braces to wear at night.  Got XRays today.  All these things would nothing if Al were here.  Without him, everything is such a big deal.  Hard to even hold a cup of coffee.   Not a big deal in the scheme of things.

It is a big deal, at least to me it is, as I see my fingers disfiguring and in pain.  Sometimes it is hard to hold a cup in my hand.  I wonder how I am going to keep shoveling snow, etc.  I will keep at it as long as I can.  My friend is a few years older than me, my hands will look like hers when I get there, she says there's nothing they can do.  My doctor sure hasn't suggested anything.  Some days I soak my hands in warm water.  My feet aren't much better with Morton's Neuroma, bone spurs, and Neuropathy.  My doctor says to keep walking, so I do.  

My original doctor said Trazodone is a sleep aid at 50 mg., an anti-depressant at a higher dosage.  Sometimes it takes me two pills to sleep.  I try to do without it when I can but it helps to have something  to help you sleep when you're so behind you feel you can't function.  When taken for sleep you don't have to use it steadily, whereas if prescribed for antidepressant, you'll want to take it daily.  He used it himself and said it was safe.

[widow'15]

13 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Dee, there is so much wewouldnt need if we had them.  As well as so much we would that we can’t have now.  I hope the trazadone helps.  I see it is an antidepressant so it may take weeks to work.

Gwen:  I haven't decided YET if I will request prescription for trazadon.  My doctor gave me a printed sheet of side effects, etc., and once I sat down and absorbed the side effects I think I need to get some questions answered.  I have macula degeneration and one of the issues to discuss with the physician is "bleeding problem".  MD is caused by leaking blood vessels in the eye.  Of course, I found out I had this medical issue shortly after my husband passed away.  Being a new doctor for me, she might not have remembered I had this issue when she suggested this drug in that 15 minute appointment. LOL.  Dee

[widow'15]

9 hours ago, kayc said:

It is a big deal, at least to me it is, as I see my fingers disfiguring and in pain.  Sometimes it is hard to hold a cup in my hand.  I wonder how I am going to keep shoveling snow, etc.  I will keep at it as long as I can.  My friend is a few years older than me, my hands will look like hers when I get there, she says there's nothing they can do.  My doctor sure hasn't suggested anything.  Some days I soak my hands in warm water.  My feet aren't much better with Morton's Neuroma, bone spurs, and Neuropathy.  My doctor says to keep walking, so I do.  

My original doctor said Trazodone is a sleep aid at 50 mg., an anti-depressant at a higher dosage.  Sometimes it takes me two pills to sleep.  I try to do without it when I can but it helps to have something  to help you sleep when you're so behind you feel you can't function.  When taken for sleep you don't have to use it steadily, whereas if prescribed for antidepressant, you'll want to take it daily. 

kayc: Sorry you have such discomfort with your hands.  You seem so young to be at this stage of pain.

So, you have taken Trazodone?  I know very little about this drug and would rather not take any pills at all but those nights since 2015 when I can't shut off the brain, I have given in to Xanax or even an over the counter drug. Dee

[kayc]

Yes for the same reason, I get anxiety in the middle of the night and when I wake up have a hard time getting back to sleep, if at all.  I haven't experienced any side effects with it.  I'm sorry you have MD.