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On Sunday my sweet Clarice, 16 year old mini long-haired dachshund was killed by a car. She was blind and while we don't have a fence, she was old and didn't walk far to do her business... unless you stopped paying attention. Then she would wander off because she was a brave little soul and she trusted us to watch out for her.

My husband took her out and got distracted. She walked into the road and was hit by a car; I believe she died instantly, though we rushed her to the emergency vet.

My heart has never been so broken, not just because I lost her when she was perfectly healthy (we had just had a check up) and had many more years with us, but mostly because I don't know how to trust my partner ever again. This is my worst nightmare come to life. I want to stop remembering her limp body as we rushed her to the vet. I want to go back in time and stop this from happening. The person I most love and trust in the world hurt me. She should still be here.

If anyone has anything they can say to help, I would be grateful. I don't want to blame him, I want to call it a horrible accident, but I don't know how.

I plan to put a memorial in the yard. I also immediately called two fence installers to get estimates. None of it stops the pain.

Thank you for this work you do,

Kim

MVIMG_20200312_183227.jpg

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So sorry for your loss and she’s beautiful by the way.There are probably no words I can say that will ease your pain but it’s only natural you are blaming your partner for the tragic accident as that is what it was and I’m sure he is hurting inside just as much as you are as well as feeling a tremendous amount of guilt.Life is full of if’s,why’s and but’s and with hindsight in everything we do life would be perfect.You should cherish the amazing 16yrs of memories you had with each other that’s something nobody can ever take away from you and can I suggest you make a shrine of the like what I’ve done with a framed picture,collar and lead hanging over it and a candle as it lights up beautifully at night as that has certainly eased my pain especially when I got my boys ashes back as even though 4mths on I still cannot believe I’ll never see or hold him ever again.Put your anger for now to one side and cherish the life you gave your fur baby.Sending hugs

Frankie xx

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Thank you C.F. I really appreciate your kind words. I know he did not want this to happen. I do want to think about all the good things and all the love she brought into my life instead of worrying over "what ifs". Sometimes it is just hard, that's how our minds are wired I guess. I am working on a shrine now and some of my friends brought over some beautiful plants to put at the roadside. Yes, it happened right outside our house, and I am scared I will have to think of it for the rest of my life. Hopefully I can cleanse that space and leave a lovely shrine to her. I will be getting her ashes tomorrow. She was such a good girl.

 

And like many have said, night time is the hardest time.

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I am so sorry for your pain.  It sounds like you and your husband will need to talk about this at some point...try to stick to "I" statements like "I'm afraid" or "I feel" instead of "you" statements such as "you should have."  I think Frankie's advice is good for the immediate. 

She is so beautiful, her sweet eyes, I know your loss is tremendous and the pain is great.  Your husband is undoubtedly feeling the same, but with added feelings of guilt.  
I hope you will read through some of the threads here, and understand you are not alone in what you are feeling and going through.  I don't know of any way but straight through it, but in time the edges should soften a bit.  The memories that bring us pain in the beginning can bring us a smile later on when we've had time to process our grief.

I hope this video brings you comfort and peace as you look forward to the day you can be reunited again, knowing that for the meanwhile, she is at peace:

 

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I am so sorry for your loss of Clarice, what a lovely little dog, it is such a shock when they go, 6 weeks tomorrow will be when I lost my little Archie unexpectedly. I blamed my partner at first. I have a couple of places in the house with Archie’s fave toys, bed, collar etc to focus on and remember him, hopefully something like that will help you. Keep in touch on here, it is a big source of support as we are all going through same thing at different stages. I still find 1st thing and the evenings too difficult, look after yourself,  sleep when you can. My thoughts are with you 
 

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4 hours ago, Archie11 said:

I have a couple of places in the house with Archie’s fave toys, bed, collar etc to focus on and remember him, hopefully something like that will help you.

I do too, I have Arlie's collar and leash hanging by the door, his coat handing on the back of a chair, I hold it sometimes, it's all I have of him.  I have his bed and toys too, along with a place where I have remembrances of him and I recently had a remembrance bracelet made in honor of him, one year since he's been gone.

Arlie bracelet.jpg

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I am so sorry for your tragic loss.It is so hard to lose a pet but suddenly like this can be even more painful.i just lost my pug of 17 years put to sleep  and just yesterday almost lost my 4 yr old ridgeback mix as my wife opened the door and even though I told her to watch and be careful our  dog ran out in the  street and a car just missed her and she continued running in front of the car a few seconds then somehow wasn’t hit but I too would probably blame my wife if something tragic would have happened I’m sure your husband feels terrible with guilt and sometimes accidents can’t be avoided but you should talk together or you will build up anger and I’m sure your beloved dog wouldn’t want to make you upset over this.She had a long life and great times with her family so don’t think of the end but think of all the happy times.I feel your anger but talk about it and mourn together that’s what your loved pet would want.

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On 8/22/2020 at 8:31 AM, kayc said:

I do too, I have Arlie's collar and leash hanging by the door, his coat handing on the back of a chair, I hold it sometimes, it's all I have of him.  I have his bed and toys too, along with a place where I have remembrances of him and I recently had a remembrance bracelet made in honor of him, one year since he's been gone.

Arlie bracelet.jpg

What a beautiful remembrance bracelet for your precious one!

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Thank you, I do love it!  And that is my favorite color, the color of my car, a lot of my clothes, etc.  ;)

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I want to thank everyone for their responses here. I am sorry that I haven't been able to respond in kind. But your messages helped me. I will heal. But on nights like tonight, when a deer was hit outside my house, my terrible memory of that day comes back. Be sure to show love to those around you. ❤️

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Oh Kim, I am so sorry!  Things like that upset and stay with me too, I hate to see any animal suffer.  (((hugs)))

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18 hours ago, KimS said:

I want to thank everyone for their responses here. I am sorry that I haven't been able to respond in kind. But your messages helped me. I will heal. But on nights like tonight, when a deer was hit outside my house, my terrible memory of that day comes back. Be sure to show love to those around you. ❤️

I once hit a squirrel who ran out in front of another car next to me. I backed up to make sure it was dead but I felt so guilty. There definitely needs to be a lot more love and caring in this world.

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