Loss Of Confidence

[kayc]

George was my biggest fan and cheering squad. He believed in me and looked at me with such love...he often told me, "You're the Best". It's funny because when we were just friends, I used to tell him "Whoever you go out with will have to go through me, nothing but the best for you." to which he'd reply, "You're the best"...it took me a long time to get it. But now he's gone and I'm left alone to face things I don't know how to deal with...a car breaking down or something going wrong around the house. I used to talk with him all the time, he was my sounding board, we both opened up and shared with each other about everything. And now he's gone. Lately I have been looking for a new job since my job is going out of business and now I find I have an interview Thursday morning and I feel scared to death and out of my league and I miss his reassurances and encouragement. It's like I don't know who I am anymore or where I fit or belong...and my confidence and so much of my self image went out the door the day that he died. Am I alone in this or does anyone else feel like this? I feel afraid and so alone. Some days I just don't feel like facing anything. I have to go on and I don't want to. Why can't I just crawl back under the covers? I wish I didn't have financial problems so I could just hibernate instead of having to go out and face the world. It was different when I just had to go to work, I was familiar with it, it felt safe and comfortable, and the people were safe...but venturing out into unknown territory is terrifying. The person that called me for the interview didn't even have a sense of humor...how do you work with someone without a sense of humor? I'm so scared...

Edited July 25, 2006 by kayc

[chrissy777]

Dear KayC,

I can totally understand what you are talking about. My husband has only been gone since the beginning of this month and I must have needed him a million times. I never realized how much I needed him. He was my rock. If I had a question on anything I asked him. I too hate interviews and my heart goes out to you. There was one time where I went on this interview . I thought it went wonderful because Jason had me so ready for it, The clothes the talk everything I thought was all there. They never called. I called them and they just avoided me. And my husband said "Its not the job for you" The next month I found the job I have had for 3 years now and love. I hope this has helped you in some way, and good luck at the interview. Im sure George will be there with you as your guardian angel. God Bless

Chrissy

[ustwo]

KayC, you are not alone in this. To do life without our "cheerleader", our "mountain" just doesn't seem possible anymore. I've been out for an interview twice. The first shook me to my core. The second I got dressed, prepared, and just drove by and came back home. I've worked most of my life, the goal to get Gene retired early. I quit to enjoy retirement with Gene when he turned 59. Little did I know I would be fighting along with him for his life for 2 years. I am grateful I was able to stay home and care of Gene. I know somewhere I have to pick up the pieces and do what I must but my heart just isn't in it...my confidence is gone...everything is gone. I know that I have another year before I will be in the position where I have no choice and I keep putting it off. Finding a job, going to work never has been a problem for me. Before there was a reason. I was part of a team working for "us". "Me" just doesn't translate into a reason. I guess I'm just waiting for life to force me.

I had a little car problem this weekend. It took me 6 1/2 hrs to do what Gene could have done in 30 minutes. I knew what to do but I did a lot of crying to get it done. Then I thought how proud Gene would be that I learned from him and got it done. I know once I get a job Gene will be proud of me too. I just need a reason.

KayC, you're a talented, wonderful person and I know you will find your way just as I know somehow I will find mine. And when we do George and Gene will be smiling....they both know us better than anyone. Finding the will to continue is so hard. The pain is not as sharp but it will always be there.

Go for that interview and make George proud. I'll be praying for you KayC.

Thank you for being my friend.

Always Gene!

Always!

[dpodesta]

KayC,

I know what you are talking about, it is a little different for me, I am that way with my 7 year old. Karen was the one I would consult when it came to making descisions about Carson, and now I am alone and have to try and determine what is best. It is a hard thing to get used to when you have had someone else around to use as a sounding board. The same thing applies to my finicial situation, I now have to determine the best course of action in order to plan for mine and Carson's futures.

Kay, you have a lot to offer a company and you will do fine. God will put you in a company where you belong. Just go in knowing that God and George both will be watching over you. Pray before you go in and just ask God to be in the interview and allow you to relax, if it is God's will for you to be there everything will fall into place.

Good luck and let us know how the interview goes. You can do it.

[Charlie]

Good luck to you Kay on your interview.

I went back to work after being retired for 3 years after my husband passed just so I would not sit at home every day and cry. My job has helped me so much, but going on the interview, starting a new career, a position I had never done before and with a well known fortune 500 company, boy was I scared. But I did it because I knew Charlie was in my corner, watching me, helping me, every step of the way.

I have been there now 16 months, Charlie has been gone 19 months so I fill my days with work so I will not dwell on the wonderful life I lost.

Be brave, do this for George, he would want this for you.

Good luck

Grace

[Guest PattiZ54]

Kay - Just wanted to wish you luck on your interview. You are an intelligent person and I bet you will do great!

HAVING to work sucks. I work on commission (mortgage loan officer) and it stinks. I started this type of work while my husband was still here and working and it was different then. You used to encourage me so much - he wanted so much to see me succeed and make some good money. Now I feel so pressured, being the only income, and it's scary. I know he is still "rooting" for me and I want so much to make him proud.

It's terrible to have had someone in your life that you confided in and "bounced" things off of and now you don't. My daughter told her boyfriend last night that I always sound irritated with everyone...she said it has been since her step-dad passed away. That made me feel bad, but I think she's right...and I can't help it. I am just so unhappy that I guess it comes out in my voice. I just wish I had Charlie to talk to and to give me a hug.

I'm glad you guys are here. Atleast I can talk with you all about this....

My heart is with all of you.

Patti

[dpodesta]

Patti,

Children have such a way of saying things that make us look at ourselves. I am the same way, I have very little patience when it comes to Carson some times, and I get wrapped up in the repair work that needs to be done on the house. Every so often he will say 'You don't play with me anymore', talk about taking you down a notch. It is so hard to keep moving on when you don't have the other person there to help you. I to miss Karen and wish I could just feel her arms around me. Just keep coming here. Hugs to you.

[kayc]

You guys are so wonderful, honestly, I don't know what I'd do without you. I know we don't know what each other look like or sound like or where we live, but you guys are my moral support, the ones I can talk to candidly about what's going on inside my heart. Evelyn, thank you for calling me your friend, that's how I view you too and the others on this site I've gotten to know. I'm dying to hear how WaltC is, I miss him here. I will go for this interview and if I get hired, I'll give it my best as I always have, and if I don't, that's okay too, I still have four months left to find something. I've felt tremendous pressure, being my sole support and being alone in this, but sometimes I forget and need reminded, as dpodesta put it, that God is here too...it is easy to get wrapped up in people (as in the one that we love) and forget that God wants to be all to us as well. I guess when we get dependent on Him it reminds us! And Charlie, thank you for your words, they helped me as I see you did it, I can too. Fortune 500, wow! I'm impressed! You have ambition...I just want to pay the bills and not lose my home, but with the price of gas and having to commute 100 miles/day, I have to get a good salary. I'm getting more bold and announcing my "salary requirements" which would have been hard for me at one time, but now I think, "Hey, I'm worth it, if they want me they can pay for me."

[Guest PattiZ54]

Good for you, KayC....go get 'em!!

Patti

[LarrysGirl]

KayC, I wish you much good luck with the job! I understand the feelings you wrote. Larry was my best cheerleader and always encouraged me with my painting even when I was ready to give up. It's just not the same coming from anyone else. I know he is trying to help me still but I'd love to hear his voice and see his smile. The people on this site are amazing. We all try so hard to pull together and lift each other up. I, too, would not know where to turn without you all!

[dpodesta]

KayC,

What time is your interview and what time zone are you in? I would like to say a prayer for you right before your interview.

[kayc]

Derek,

Thank you so very much...I am leaving the house right now to go to the interview and then on a short trip and I won't be back until Monday. I am in Pacific Standard time, Oregon, and the interview is for 8:00 a.m. You guys mean so much to me, you help to fill the gap. God be with each of you this weekend.

KayC

[dpodesta]

KayC,

Let us know as soon as you get back how the interview went, hope you have a safe trip and I look forward to hearing how things went.

[STARKISS]

KayC,

I hope that your interview goes well and you have a safe trip. I feel with my life the way it has turned out that I have little or no confidence left. I find myself doubting my abilities and are constantly seeking others approval before I consider doing things. I talk alot about things but still find myself lacking the confidence in doing them. I have always wanted to drive but can not bring myself to learning. My biggest fan is dead now and I miss her alot. My mom was the only one who really understood me and she passed away In April of 2005. My dad died in August of 2005 so through alot of changes I have less and less confidence so hopefully learning about how you are coping will help me find mine Take care and God bless You KayC

Shelley

[dpodesta]

KayC

I have been looking forward to hearing how your job interview went. I hope your trip went well. I have been praying for your interview and job situation. Please let us know.

[STARKISS]

Hi dpodesta,

I am emailing to let you know that I am impressed of how you handle the posts you answer too. I think that what I have read makes me feel that you are a very kind and friendly person and you care about others. Thank You for all the kindness you have shown and God Bless You Shelley

[dpodesta]

Thank you starkiss, I have always been the type who never meets a stranger and I love to talk (or type). I have liked your posts as well you always have a kind word to say. By the way have you read your personel messages? I sent one to you a few days ago.

Talk to you soon

[ann]

kayc,

i do hope ur interview went well. u always have my prayers..

lately too, i have been experiencing this 'loss of confidence' with myself. i started to doubt my capabilities, and i just 'go with the flow' of events. before, i consider myself an assertive person..but lately, i noticed i agree easily with what others have to say, or how things will go. it seems i feel too tired to argue now or contradict other people's opinion or explain some things to them.

some things are not going well for me these days the way i planned it, but it seems my reaction for this is just to accept it as it is.

i just want to get through each day without any expectations at all.

i hope this phase will pass too...

take care everyone..

[STARKISS]

Hi dpodesta,

I have read my message and I wanted to thank you for your kind words. I hope everything with Carson goes well and God keeps you both in his arms and holds you tight. God Bless you and take care Shelley

[kayc]

My interview went all right but I haven't heard back from them, although she did say she was considering me for either position they have open. I have another inteview tomorrow morning though. Maybe eventually I'll get better at it...I spent the weekend looking for an interview suit. Ugh! I'd rather just be working...

It really is hard without our cheerleaders in our lives anymore. Let's just send them our thanks and a smile for the years they were in our lives, encouraging us, being our best friend. They really were special to us and always will be.

[STARKISS]

Hi KayC,

Well here's hoping you get the position you want, and thank you for the kindness you have posted in your last post. From the posts I have read that you wrote I think that you are a special person. Take care of yourself and I will continue to pray for you. Shelley

[dpodesta]

KayC,

Glad to hear you interview went good, and glad you made it safe from your trip. Remember this, we are your cheerleaders now, we can't replace your husband, but we can cheer you on. Don't give up you will find the right one for you. Just look at the interviews that you go as practice, each one you will get better and better until you get the job you really want. I will continue to pray for you and keep us posted.

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

Thank you to everyone who has posted a message of this page, I find them very helpful to read and it lets me know that I am not alone as I feel this way and it is also telling me that feeling this way during grief is perfectly normal. So thank you again for all your posts and God Bless you all, Take care and God bless Shelley

[kayc]

Thank you...itd helps me to know I have you all cheering me on, and I hope you know that goes for you too!

I went to an interview yesterday, it was for a CPA firm and it sounds like I wouldn't have a hard time getting the job if I wanted it, but they aren't willing to pay what I listed as my requirements and it's 3/4 time instead of full time. I was disappointed because I listed my requirements up front and I haven't applied for anything but fulltime so I felt a little deceived and it's a 110 mile round trip so I felt it cost me for nothing. But I do look at it as practice and I did well in the interview. My son just attended a seminar put on by someone who is retired Army and now works for the Dept. of Labor and he instructs in building resumes, writing cover letters, researching companies, how to interview, how to address certain issues, such as money, etc. He talked to me a while last night but has a lot more to share with me when we have time to go into more detail. Anyway, I found out my sisters were meeting in Eugene so I connected with them and we had lunch and we shopped afterwards and I got a couple of "interview suits" and also met up with my daughter, and she had some news...her boyfriend is asking her father this Sunday for her hand in marriage (her dad's Italian, that's how they do it in their family) and I am so delighted because this is the one I and my whole family have wanted for her but we've been trying to keep our mouths shut and not influence them (a hard feat). So I may not have landed my job but the day wasn't wasted. And I was real proud of myself because when I learned it was a 3/4 job and on top of it their Office Mgr is going to retire in a few months and she "doesn't do computer" and they don't know what all she does or where things are, I asked them if they'd considered cross-training...that could easily fit into a full time position and would help them out in the long run...they aren't interested in being open for changes or suggestions, and that's okay, but I was proud of myself for bringing an option out in the open. The right job will surface and I'll be the right person for it! Thank you for all of your cheers and prayers...

KayC

Edited August 4, 2006 by kayc

[MartyT]

Good for you, KayC!!! Well done!!! We are sooooooooo proud of you!