So Much Upsets Me Lately

[Leann]

Hi,everyone:

Something really upset me today and I need to vent. When I arrived home from school today, I received a phone call from my parents' dentist office. My mother had an appointment there to get her partial replaced today and the nursing home where she resides took her for her appointment. The receptionist called to tell me that Mom hadn't had dental coverage since June 19th (my Dad worked for the University of Illinois and was a state of Illinois employee....his benefits were through the state of Illinois and Mom was on his insurance with him). I told her, "I guess you don't know that my Dad passd away. I also said this could not be possible....right after Dad passed away, Doug and I initiated the paperwork in order to report his death and so Mom could have her widow's benefits. Those benefits included her health insurance, dental insurance, and vision insurance. The receptionist said, "Oh, I guess I should give them your Mom's social security number rather than your Dad's." I said, "That might make difference," and thought to myself "Duh!" This woman didn't miss a beat.....didn't even say "I'm sorry for your loss." All she was concerned about was getting the money. So she told me she'd call the insurance company and call me back. I said OK. About five minutes later, my phone rang again and she sounded all chipper. She says "That's awesome...they'll pay 100%!" I said, "Well, I was gonna say....." Then she says something that really got me. She goes, "We see so many patients, we can't be expected to keep track of everyone who passes away. We once had one lady who worked here in the office who checked the paper each night for patient obituaries, but we just don't have that kind of time." I said, "Well, one thing is for sure...my Dad won't be coming in again." She then said, "We'll pull his card." Just real matter-of-factly....we'll just pull his card. All my Dad was to her was a card....and that really hurt! I've been crying my eyes out all evening. I'm a patient of this particular dentist as well....this makes me want to switch dentists!

Thanks for letting me get this out.

Hugs,

Leann

[lorikelly]

I would switch myself and your mom. i work for a vet and we take better care of animals and there owners. she is a very insensitive human, and someday she will feel the grief and pain that you feel. remenber you know who your dad was and that is all that matters. lori

[Leann]

Hi, lori...

Thanks for your reply. That's pretty much my take on it, too.

Hugs,

Leann

[FUNNYFACE]

LeAnn: I agree with Lori....I can't believe her attitude....no compassion at all....

I ran into the same kind of thing after my Father died...with my Mom....than what really sinched it for me was ...as my Mother lay dying in a Hospice ...I find out from one of her doctors offices that someone at the wonderful social security office had transferred something in the computer for my Mother and changed her date of birth...therefore...none of her bills were being paid....I got her birth certificate and anything else I thought I would need and to the Social Security office I went......after sitting there for over 2 hours and constant calls to my husband via cell phone to find out how my Mom was doing a gentleman called my name....I explained everything to him....pulled out all my paper work and he proceeded to tell me he couldn't help me......the tears started...explained to him my Mother was right now dying and I needed help....told me to take a seat.....after another almost 2 hr wait a lady had me come back to her office......she was not sympathetic to my plight and after a call to my lawyer finally took care of the problem.....her date of birth was off by 1 number .....they could have cared less that I had spent 4 hrs waiting ....precious time that I could have had with my mother......I hope that when they loose a loved one that they have people that are more compassionate ........

Hugs

Funnyface

[shell]

Leann,

That is so hard and cruel. I hope she remembers that someday when she has to face grief. I would tell my dentist about what she did and how it made you feel. See how he reacts and then you'll know whether to change or not. He might be as horrified about it as you were.

A big hug to you,

Shell

[Haley]

Leann

I also had something close to that happen. Right after my MOM left me I was at a cook out and this lady (wait shes not a lady) this thing was running off at the mouth and to make a long story short she worked at a funeral home and was bragging about it to begin with and than she was telling us how they find people and burry them and cremate them. Mind you my MOM was cremated!! and telling with a great laugh that it only cost $20.00 for the fuel to do this and would not stop so let me tell you I am a respectful female so I turned around and we left I was crying my eyes out. 2nd we were at another cook out and she and he boyfriend showed up and started all over about it all again and once again we left but this time a few other people told her to stop talking about it but that didn't faze her she is such a low life and I still think about that all the time. I would love to call her job up and tell them about it but the way the world is now a days is that it would not bother them So why waste my breathe on that low life.

Thanks

Haley

They will reap what they sew (sorry about the spelling)

[lorikelly]

You are right she definitely is not a LADY. I would go to the funeral home not call and tell how she goes aroung talking about these things. they will not be happy b/c they will think that they will lose business if people think they are charging to much. I also cremated my mom and dad and they are both home with me. You just have to remenber their souls are in such a better place. people still amaze me at how they act. lori

[MartyT]

Dear Ones,

I'm so very sorry that you've been treated so poorly by these people, and if I were in your shoes I'd feel exactly the same as you do.

It occurs to me, however, that the ones in charge of these individuals (that is, the dentist and the funeral director) may not be aware of what their employees are doing, and therefore may not know how poorly they are representing their employers to the public.

If I were that dentist, I would want to know how rudely and insensitively you were treated by that person on the phone, Leann, and if I were that funeral director, Haley, I would want to know how inappropriately that funeral home representative was behaving in public -- which in both cases would give me an opportunity to do something about it. In general, I would expect employers to be much more sensitive to their public than their employees may be, because as business owners, they know they need the loyalty of their customers in order to stay in business.

You may be too angry and too upset right now (and if you are, I certainly wouldn't blame you) -- but when you feel more in control, you each might consider writing a letter to this dentist and this funeral director, describing what happened, the behavior you observed in their employees, how you feel about it, and the effect it's having on your decision to continue doing business with them. Doing so won't change what happened to each of you, but it may prevent the same thing happening to someone else.

[KathyD]

I think that unless a person has experienced a loss as personal as we all have they don't have any clue when it comes to what they say. It's unfortunate that there are those out there who can't take a step back and put themselves in another's shoes but I've learned the hard way that that seems to be the case a lot of times. Insensitive people might be that way because they just are focused on themselves and their lives, and don't take others' pain seriously. My Dad (who passed this March) and I shared the same dentist and one of the first sympathy cards I received was from his office and signed personally by him. So there are good people out there - that's what I try to remind myself of. I would definitely write a letter to anyone who treated a person in grief poorly, though. At least you know that you vented how you feel! In my mind that's what matters.

Take care,

Kathy

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

I agree with Kathy D, and in my case it was my boss at the daycare where I used to work. She was very upset that I did not come back from vacation right away... Eventhough my mom died in Las Vegas where we were vacationing. My boss also was very upset at me when my sister in-law came into work with my brother and told her that I would have to leave right away because my dad had just died... She told my sister in-law that it would upset the schedule too much... I also was mad at her for how she treated me... But now she is suffering with her own dad dying of cancer... It is the first time she has had anyone close die around her... I can only think of saying now she knows how I feel... Take care Shelley

[Rayon]

Hi Shelley,

I guess a lot of us have the same problem with insensitive bosses. My dad died of cancer three weeks ago, and when I told my boss that I wanted a week off to be off with my dying dad, he got all loud in front of people and showing me up saying he needed a doctor's excuse, and proof of illness!!! No sympathy or "I'm sorry to hear that"....nothing!

Yet when his own brother had a car accident last year he took off work two months with no problem to take care of him. Also there's a cute, young girl that he flirts with, that he always gives time off whenever her friends, dog, or family are merely sick with the flu. He's such a jerk, I feel nothing but disgust for him now that I see him. But yeah, what goes around comes around, and if one of his family members ever gets a terminal illness, I hope he remembers how he treated others.

Edited September 8, 2006 by Rayon

[Leann]

Thanks for your support, everyone. I'm so sorry that all these bad things have happened to all of us. My Dad used to say that it takes all kinds to make a world. He would also tell me to remember that there are also good people in the world (such as on this discussion board!) and to focus on and cherish those. Thanks for your advice, Marty....I plan to write a letter to my dentist, but I'm far too upset to do it right now. I have the incident documented to refer to later when I'm ready to write.

Love to all,

Leann

[MartyT]

Good for you, Leann

I think it was Edmund Burke who said, ‘The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.’

In this case, it seems to me that the only way we can combat the insensitivity of others toward the bereaved is for us to stand up and say, "Ouch!" when we are hurt. I am proud of you for documenting your experience, and I know you will write that letter when you are ready to do so. If you save just one other bereaved person from the pain that was inflicted upon you by this individual, you will have performed a noble service for all of us.