Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

My Story Of Hope


Recommended Posts

I never thought I would have made it this far

I just passed the 7 month mark

And I can laugh now

I can smile

I can be silly

And all of this seems natural

I don’t cry every day

I don’t cry when I feel guilty for being happy

When I awake in the morning, I remember that J is gone

But the overwhelming feeling of dread no longer accompanies this

Mostly, recently, I just laugh a lot

At myself, at life, at my crazy ideas

Yesterday I thought to myself, how did I survive?

How did I make it this far?

Was it God?

Was it my own strength?

I faced death

I faced the darkest hours of my life

And somehow I survived

I feel almost as if I laugh so much now because my life was filled with such sorrow for the past 6 months that now is my time for joy.

The minister at J’s funeral said to fill the void with hope

I had no idea what this meant but I searched for hope blindly

Did he mean hope in an afterlife?

Did he mean hope that there would be joy in our lives again?

Hope that we find meaning in our loss?

Well I found hope

I found hope in feeling joy again

I found hope in incorporating J’s life into my life and the meaning in my life

I would never trade a moment of this misery

To take back this experience in my life

The experience of love

The experience of loss

Both I wouldn’t want to live life not knowing

I originally thought it so horrible to experience this at a young age

Now I am so very grateful

I have the opportunity to change the rest of my future

I have the opportunity to truly live life to the fullest

Without pretenses

With falsehoods

I will live life with only the most genuine relationships

I will become, hopefully, I more compassionate and understanding person

Life with loss has so much more meaning that a life without the experience of loss

Yes, it is sad that J is gone

It still does not seem the natural order of things

Yet I am not sad

I have found my meaning to all of this

I am grateful to have loved and lost J

"While the experience of grief work is difficult and slow and wearing,

It also is enriching and fulfilling.

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat,

known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.

These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep, loving concern."

Roy and Jane Nichols , "Funerals: A Time for Grief and Growth"

in The Hope Line Newsletter, July 2001

www.hopeforbereaved.com

This is what I hope for in my life…

It’s just so wonderful to be able to feel joy again in my life

If you asked me, just even a few months ago, I don’t think this would have been possible

Now I see that in the future I may have lows

But they will never be the extreme depths of the early months

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kellymarie,

What a wonderful and insightful post. I am so happy for you that you have joy and hope again. What you said about facing death and the darkest hour of your life, and surviving, hit me hard, but in a good way. I truly realize now that it's the misery in your life that makes you a whole person and adds a depth to people that wasn't there before. I think of the people I know who have not had any misery and I now find them terribly shallow. Maybe that's not fair of me, but I would much rather talk to a "grief survivor".

Thank you so much for this wonderful insight. I know this is one post I will read over and over.

Hugs to you,

Shell

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you all so much! Shell, I know what you mean about really only like talking with other grief survivors... they just get "it."

Last night after I posted, I realized that was my 100th post here!! I didn't plan it that way but I feel like it was a real milestone. With that, I have to give my most heartfelt thank you possible to everyone here on this site. It is truly because of everyone here that I survived. I have no idea what I would have done with all of you. I feel that you are all my family. A huge hug and an unbelievable amount of gratitude to each and everyone of you! :wub:

Love, Kelly

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hi kellymarie,

what a wonderful post..i can relate to what u are feeling. i felt that way a month ago. i tried to find myself and face life again..and i am slowly regaining my self. now, i am able to find joy in simple things in life. and i can easily smile now. my life is indeed enriched by the loss i suffered.

it is a wonderful feeling, to feel joy again, when i never thought before that i will survive. but here i am..here we are.

and i totally agree with this..

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat,

known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.

These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep, loving concern."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kellymarie,

I've been up and down so many times in the past year and eight months I don't know which way I'm going! It just never seems to smooth out, does it? But I always know that when I'm down, I will go back up again...sometime, so just hang in there until your rollercoaster decides to go up again!

Hugs to you,

Shell

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...

Dear Kellymarie

I just read your post from Oct when you were at 7 months..you really inspire me. I am at 7 1/2 now and have yet to feel what you did, but your post gave me the courage to keep on going no matter how bad I feel now. You are the light at the end of the tunnel I was looking for!!!I understand from reading further down that you are experiencing a roller coaster ride of emotion but isn't that to be expected. At least you have seen what your life can and will one day be like. Thank you for helping me Jane

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...