Just Need To Talk

[chrissy777]

I have been feeling alot lately like nothing seems real. Like the death didnt happen. I replay the day over and over in my head and it still just feels like a bad dream and I am going to wake up and Jason will be here. He was too young to die, 36 years old and Im a widow at 25. Its too unreal. I think of our memories now too, which I didnt do for a while. They feel like only yesterday. How can someone be here with you so alive and then just gone forever? Sorry I just needed to vent and no one around me understands. I think some people feel I should be ok by now.

[Roswell]

Chrissy, you've got to be the most difficult person to reply to. I'm usually quiet, however you manage to weaken my voice.

My voice is already shallow, so it doesn't take much.

I can't fathom putting myself into your position, if it's any consolation...our thought's and prayers are constantly with you.

You may or may not realize...you've pulled me through many a bad day! Hope that I've reciprocated.

Take care and be well,

William

[LarrysGirl]

Chrissy, you know we all listen and understand. If its any help to you, I'm at 11 months and it STILL feels like yesterday. I can't believe that I'm coming upon a year because it feels like to me such a short time has passed. I feel out of touch with reality sometimes also but I think it is normal and is a part of the grief process. At least thats what I've concluded. I don't know if its ever going to feel okay again. I just wanted you to know that what you are feeling is okay but hard and I think just expressing it here or with others will help you in the long road to healing. Its just going to take time, how much, I don't know. Deborah

[TerryB]

Chrissy,

Just wanted you to know I feel the same way at times. I can't believe Doug is gone. It's not right and it's not fair. Sometimes I get so scared wondering how I am going to get through without him. I am so-so lonely. I do have family and friends around me but it is not the same as having Doug by my side. I just feel very lonely without him.

Terry

[STOO]

Chrissy,

I think I know how you feel. Me - I hope to wake up and find this is all a dream -- a very long, very detailed, and very bad dream. I don't think that people who have not suffered the loss of someone they loved so dearly can appreciate the depths of our grief and sorrow. Don't let anyone tell you that it is time to "get over" it. Grief takes different paths, and everyone copes in thier own way. One does not recover from a loss such as yours quickly. Perhaps we don't "recover" - just learn to live our lives with our loss. And we will each have to learn our own way back into "life"; each of in our own time and our own way. It sounds like your day started very sadly - I'm glad you shared with us, because we all understand and we all care.

~STOO~

[chrissy777]

Thank you all for your kindness. It so helps me to come here and talk. Today wasnt the greatest of days. After feeling this way this morning I called my dad and he was having trouble breathing. I spent the whole day in an emergency room. Thank God my dad is ok though, and got to go home. Being in the hospital brings back horrible memories of bone marrow biopsies, chemo etc from the 2 years jason fought his cancer. Well thank you all again. William I am so happy that I can help you in any way. I dont know sometimes if I do cause I feel like I tend to complain about my situation alot. I just feel so bad for all of us. I know how everyone feels and God bless you all because it stinks to put it very mildly. Take care everyone.

[JennO]

Chrissy,

I do remember vividly feeling as you do and I think I sometimes do. I know Jeff died, I remember all the events of the last year, but sometimes I think it isn't real. There has got to be a name for this...could this still be shock?

[spunkye]

Hi Chrissy,

It's only coming up on two months since Dick died, but sometimes I still can't believe he's gone...I know what you mean. It's like a nightmare - and some days are just better and some days are just worse than others.

My husband and I had our house up for sale for about 8 months before it sold, and when it finally did, he had had a stroke and we thought he was recovering. We thought it was a mild stroke - there was no paralysis, and we thought he would get well. I had to make the move without his help- and it was very difficult, not having his help - he was always the strong one. Anyway, our original plan was to buy a mobile home and move it onto my daughter's property - then he had another stroke and after spending days in the hospital they discovered he had also had a heart attack and his emphazema (sp?) was not helping his health either. The doctor came in one day and said to the two of us,'He's in his last stage of life'. I thought I was hearing things - I couldn't believe what I heard. It was as if someone had kicked me in the stomach.

I had to leave the room to scream. It was so sudden. He was older and he hadn't been feeling well for about a year or so, but we just thought it was because of the altitude, his emphazema and his age. It never occurred to me he was going to die soon.

Anyway, the point of this story is that all of our belongings are packed from floor to ceiling in my daughter's garage, and the only picture I have of him is his drivers license picture, which I cut out and put on my dresser. Sometimes I make a point of NOT looking at it, so I won't cry...so I won';t ache.

Some days are better than others - today is not such a good day. I really miss him today!!

Love, Benita

[KarenH]

Chrissy ,

How brave you are. It's a ******* nightmare indeed. You are an inspiration. When i was your age my mother died and my son was very young and I thought that was hard. A spouse is a whole differnt experience. Young, old, middle aged, if you were in love the hurt has to be the same. Very Bad. Hang in there kid, you really sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.

All my best

KarenH

[dpodesta]

Chrissy

I hope everything is going better for you. You have been in my thoughts and prayers. How is the baby doing? Get some good rest.

Derek

[chrissy777]

Thank you all again for you kind words. Derek the baby is doing good. He is getting big. He doesnt look like he did when he was born. He is starting to look more like he is developing a personality or something. I am doing a little better too. There are good days and bad days. I cant wait til the good days are plenty and the bad days are few. Take care.

[kayc]

Chrissy,

This is something I have often felt and wondered too...how a person so full of life, so vibrant, so much a part of our lives, can just not be there all of a sudden. I think it helps me to know he still IS in existence, just not HERE. I think of him as moved to a place where I can no longer see him or communicate...but it wasn't his desire or will that moved him there, but circumstances beyond his control. But we WILL see each other again, and who knows but maybe they can have a glimpse into our lives from where they are at?