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Will We Ever Be Happy Again?


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I realize that a lot of you have been here much longer than me. I just don't know how anyone can stand this for so long. The way I feel now is so awful, what a horrible feeling. Each day feels like such effort, I feel like I'm never going to be happy again. I can't imagine ever laughing or having fun ever again. I feel like I have to be an actress, trying to be as normal as I can around my kids, then I go to work and customers I've had for years look at me funny because I've always been so friendly, and now they see me so sad every day. I try to smile but it's hard. My friends at work are great, but the customers don't know. Is this how the rest of our lives are going to be? Just trying to get through each day? Yes I know I have three great boys, and I'm sure they'll give me much to be thankful for, graduations, weddings, babies etc. But will I just be going through the motions? Will I ever feel truly carefree and happy again? It's 9pm on Saturday, two weeks ago today-- Sean was still alive. Everyone says time heals, but does it really? Will we ever really be happy again? Laurie[attachmentid=66][attachmentid=66]

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Laurie...this is still so very new for you. I promise you life will never be the same, but you will, at some point, feel like laughing and playing with your kids and even enjoy a night out with friends. But don't expect yourself to feel any differently than you do right now..it is where you are at. Let yourself adjust to this new normal and maybe take some time off work if you can. I know I couldn't do that, but time just to be may help you garner your strength and bolster your spirit just a little bit.

Hugs to you and the kids...

Jenn

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Dear Lauri,

Have you been reading my old posts?....I swear to God, I never thought I'd ever feel anything again except incredible pain in my heart and such a feeling of longing and loss for my husband, Dick.

All I did was lie around and cry...sometimes I didn't think I could truly stand the pain - the feelings were so overwhelming. Crying , sobbing, out of nowhere in the middle of traffic, in the middle of the market, in the middle of whatever I was doing and whomever I was with.

It's been almost two months since he died - and although the grief and the sadness and the missing is still here, it's not as painful and not as unrelenting as it once was.

I know that one of the reasons I'm feeling slightly better is because of this site - the people that share their hearts and hope here are such strength. I'm thankful for everyone of them.

And I'm thankful for you, too, Lauri - I know your pain and I'm so sorry you - any of us have to go through this...it IS the pits!!!!...beyond anything I've ever known...but it does lessen and smiles and laughter does return...believe it or not.

God bless and love,

Benita

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Laurie,

I don't think that anyone pays too much attention to your time of membership, I've always found everyone here to welcome

all with open arms. I'd like to be the one to tell you that this healing process has a time limit, and that happiness is only a

stones throw away.

Time; Laurie time does NOT heal, it makes the pain fade, makes the hurt distant. How would I know? I lost my Father

over thirty years ago...not a day has passed that I haven't mourned his loss.

You'll have to trust me, the happiness that you seek probably resides in those boys. Sometimes the answer is as close

as your fingertips.

Give it some time, as I always say ..."Its not a race!"

Best wishes, Good luck!

William

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Jenn, William, Benita,

Thank you so much for responding. I'm having a really bad night. I wasn't too bad at work today, but driving home is so hard. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed with Sean's pillow and pictures and cry. But tomorrow morning I'm having my house appraised for a possible refinance. So I had to do a major cleaning, it's so hard, I seem to move slowly, everything's so hard. The boys mowed the lawn and cleaned their rooms. My son was doing a project on the computer and needed to print something out, we were out of ink and the stores are closed early on Sundays. So I had to go over to my friend's house to use her printer. She's the one who introduced me and Sean four years ago. She was friends with him first. I don't know, just seeing her and her husband (one of Sean's best friend's) just put me over the edge somehow. We talked about when me and Sean met, and how "who knew" that this guy that just happened to tag along to my birthday party with my friend that year would turn out to be the love of my life and would one day rip my heart out. It hurts so so bad tonight, I hate it so much.. how can anyone stand this??? I miss Sean so much, I need him. I'm getting more and more upset as I write. Just wanted to say thank you. Laurie

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Laurie,

It has been over 6 months for me now. While the pain is still there, it doesn't hurt as bad as it did during the first few months. You are going through a very rough time period right now and the shock of everything is starting to wear off. I think the first few months our mind doesn't let us fully realize what has happened in order for us to get things taken care of. There is just so much to do after our loved ones die, and it keeps us real busy. Let yourself feel the feelings you are having right now. Cry as much as you need to, it will help you heal. I know during the first few months for myself I was the same way, I couldn't think about going on with my life. How was I going to keep going on. It was like I was in a tunnel that didn't have a light at the end. I can now see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and life doesn't seem as gloomy as it did in the begining. Hang in there and don't worry about showing your true emotion in front of your kids. The counsler at my group says they need to see that to let them know it is ok to show their emotions and not stuff them inside.

God I come to you tonight to ask that you give Laurie some rest and to hjold her in your arms and give her peace

Derek

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Laurie

I just want you to know that if you ever want to meet and talk i would be happy to meet you. maybe we could help each other. i have 2 boys 11 and 8. i don't live far from aldrich right off Georgia Tavern Rd. let me know, i am sorry you are feeling this bad. i pray that God gives you some comfort and pls know that you are not alone. we are all here for you. lori

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Laurie - I know it seems unbearable now. I understand how you feel and after almost 2 years, somedays, it still seems unbearable, but I'm still here. All you can do is take one day at a time. You don't need to rush anything for anyone, this is something that you do in your own timeframe. I understand what you're saying about laughing and having fun. I promise that someday you will smile and laugh again. At some point, you will EVEN smile and laugh about things having to do with your husband. It just takes some time.

I think what Derek said about being open with your feelings with the boys is absolutely the best way to go. You know they need to "feel" what they feel, too and you all need to help each other get through these rough times.

My heart is with you today and every day. It will ease up - I promise!!

Patti

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Laurie,

I am about 4 months out since I lost my husband Jason. In the beginning it was very rough, but I was more numb than everything. At 4 months things still are hard some days, but I do laugh especially at my new son. Some things get easier and some things get harder. I think the biggest thing for me was constantly telling myself he is not coming home. I still do that today, because part of me feels like he will. It all seems so unreal. With time things get a little easier. You do have things to be greatful for as do I, but we had the biggest part of us taken away. I feel like I died with him in some ways. You shouldnt feel sorry for your grief. I did for a while, because I didnt want others to feel awkward around me. Take your time and be good to yourself.

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Laurie,

I hate to tell you that you are doing well for the length of time it has been because I know you don't FEEL like it, but you ARE right where you can be expected to be. Those of us who were really close to our spouse and loved them with all of our hearts can only be expected to miss them more than we feel we can bear. If you went back and read my posts from shortly after he died, you'd see that I spent much of my time crying, lonely, talking to people about him, and there were times I just wanted to lay down and never wake up. I still feel that way a lot except I don't cry as often now. Eventually you get a little more numb (I think they refer to that as adjustment) and you learn to live with it or, in my case, hold it at bay so it doesn't quite touch you so hard. But it doesn't ever really go completely away. We never like it, we just have to learn to accept it, and that's tough. It does take a while though and there IS no timetable, not really, we're all going to be different in how we accept it and in what time frame. Please pat yourself on the back for making it thus far because it is the hardest feat anyone ever has to accomplish. I have really appreciated this site for helping me to see that I am not alone and for finding others who are going through the same things as me...it helps.

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KayC and Chrissy, Thank you. Although I wish no one had to do this, it does make me feel better that you KNOW. You all understand. I just think there can't possibly be anything worse than losing your partner, because they are also our best friends, our soul mates, our whole world, the one we want to tell everything to, the one we hold at night, the only one who can really comfort us when we're upset, the only one who loved you in that way. And they're just not here anymore. It's so hard for me to accept that. I know everyone says it, but it really doesn't seem real. My neighbor told me she thinks I'm doing pretty good, considering. But once in awhile throughout the day I just have to go in my bedroom, close the door and cry, cry, cry. That's usually when I talk to Sean and tell him how I'm feeling, sometimes it makes me feel a little better, sometimes not. Does it seem strange to talk to him about regular stuff like, "OK Sweetie, I'm gonna take the boys to hockey now, I'll be back in a little while." This is such a horrible, crazy, sad fog. I never could imagine being in so much pain. I've been fortunate up till now, in that I never lost anyone close to maybe at all. I'll never, ever think about it the same way again. I think that if we can get through this, it will make all of us much more caring, understanding and sympathetic people. I know I won't take things so lightly anymore. I'll really think, is this the right thing to do? Is this really important? Is this going to hurt someone's feelings? And I'll put more thought into things and make sure that I truly feel I'm doing what I think is the right thing. I appreciate everyone here so so much!!! I can't imagine not being able to read and write here, Thank you all. Love, Laurie

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