Three Months?

[starrgirl]

I attended a workshop last night offered by the hospice that cared for my mother. It addressed coping with the holidays after a loss. It was very good, with ideas for shaking up the routine, giving yourself a break, and even for taking the opportunity to use the holidays to honor the loved one you lost.

One thing the counselor said makes me curious. She said that most people (though not all, since grief is individually unique) at around three months after their loss, experience a "letdown" because, until that time, a numbness has protected them. It seems to wear off about three months along the grief journey. Also, that seems to be about the time that friends think that you must be doing ok by now and begin to slack off of the attention they've been giving you. Can anyone identify?

At just two weeks into my own grief journey (it only SEEMS like months...), I don't feel numb -- this hurts--...maybe at three months I'll realize just how numb I was. I dont' know. I'm thankful for my wonderful counselor and a small tight group of close and faithful friends who will not "drop" me. I'll deal with it when it comes.

Just wondered if anyone else has noticed this.

Martha

[kellymarie]

Martha, Three months, by far, was the hardest time for me! You can check out this thread Three Month Mark There was another thread recently started about this too but I don't remember where. But for now, you really just have to deal with where you are now, today. It's too overwhelming in the early stages to look to far ahead. Oh and my friends thought I should be "over it" by about 6 weeks!! HA! HA! Kelly

[LoriW]

Martha,

I totally agree with what you've been told about the 3 month mark. My Mom died last November 30th. I had her here for Thanksgiving and Christmas was difficult and strange without her here...but so has every day since she has passed away this year.

I think it is the brain just finally realizing that this person is gone....forever. Sure, they live in spirit and in the stories we remember and tell but the physical presence has left. There are days when I just want to hear my Mom's voice again and feel the warmth of a hug from her. That all really hit me at about 3 months.

Right now I am coming up to the 1 year mark and it's not easy for me right now. My brain keeps wandering back to last year at this time. How this was the last holiday without my Mom...how none of us new 6 days later she would be gone.

Do what is good for you this entire holiday season from Thanksgiving all the way through the New Year.

Hugs and Peace

Lori

[lorikelly]

Martha

The 3 mos hit me hard. i am at 4 1/2 mos and i can only say i feel horrible. the pain and depression is overwhelming. i am back to one moment at a time. i think it is true we are numb in the beginning and now it hits us hard. i miss her so much and can't believe i won't see her again until i die. it is hard to understand. i cry everyday and still yell i want my mom. i wish for you the best. take it slow. lori

[dpodesta]

I remember what I felt at 3 months and things at that time seemed to be okay, yeah it still hurt a lot, but when I hit 4 months that is when it seemed to really hit me. I am now just over 7 months since my wife died and the other night it hit me real hard, I had a hard time just to keep from crying in choir. I think it comes and goes and will continue to do so for quite some time. What gave me some relief was coming to this site and posting my feelings and praying to God to just help me. The next day was a lot better. Just keep praying and God will answer your prayers.

Derek

[Brooke]

I have to agree completely for myself I am coming up on 4 months, this past month by far has been the worst for me. I thought I was doing good but I guess it is true that maybe I was still just numb. It's good to be able to come on here and write down some feelings to help you through this long and painful process called grief. My prayers are with you.

Brooke

[curlyredheads]

At I am at the three month mark and I have to say it has been far the worst. I cry at a drop of a hat and the pain I feel for missing my mom is so much more intense. The thoughts of the approaching holidays and not having her here are not helping either.

Libby

[Trudy1964]

To add to all the responses,

I am at 3 1/2 months now. My mom passed July 16. It hurts more than I thought it could. I cried off and on all weekend. I'm seeing a therapist. I'm on Lexapro and topamax because I was having migraines 5 out of 7 days a week. Before getting on the meds, I was considering taking a leave from work. The grief was all consuming. If it were not for my children, I do not know if I would have gotten out of bed in the mornings.

When I think of the holidays coming, I could just throw-up. I don't know how I am going to make it through them. This journey is one I was not ready for. All though I guess we never are.

Missing my Mom so much,

Trudy

[Leann]

Hi, Martha: My Dad died in June, so this is my first holiday season without him. From the time he died until about a month ago, I had a backache, right in the small of my back. I visited a massage therapist and she helped somewhat (visiting her was something gentle I did for myself), but that ache was always there. It is just now easing up at 5 months. At three months, I was totally exhausted (still am), yet I couldn't sleep. I was worried, anxious, and keyed up at the same time. My doctor put me on Nivaram and that seems to help me rest better. Dear friends, bereavement counseling, and church have been my lifelines. As you go along, you will find the lifelines that work for you....it's just hard getting through all of these "firsts."

Wishing you comfort and peace,

Leann