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The Holidays


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Is everyone else having a real hard time getting through the holidays? I wish I could go to sleep and wake up on January 2,2007. I just wanted to stay home tomorrow and be by myself but my sister-in-law asked me a couple of times to have dinner with them. I refused and when I talked to my mother-in-law, she said how disappointed Laurie was that I wasn't coming over. So guess where I'll be. People think that I shouldn't be alone on Thanksgiving. I'm fine with being alone so I don't have to put on my happy face and pretend that I'm ok.

As for Christmas, I dread it even more. I have tried to shop a couple of times and I seem to just walk in circles in the store. I don't know what to get anyone. I can't even think about it. I used to love Christmas. I loved all the ornaments and every year I would add to my collection of snowmen. This year I don't like any of the ornaments or any of the decorations.

I did start to put up some outside lights. This is something Doug always did, I was always just the go-for. What a time I had! After some swearing and a little crying and four trips to the store for new lights and extension cords, the lights are up. I'll bet Doug was looking down on me, chuckling and shaking his head. God, I miss him so much. It hurts so-so bad. How can Christmas come when Doug's not here.

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Thanksgiving will be okay because I am so exhausted from my new job and commuting and I will be fixing the dinner and having my kids home and with all the company and the work I won't have much time to think. But Christmas? I don't even want to think about it. I know my son will want to get a tree, he got one for me last year, if it wasn't for the kids...I can't get in the mood for Christmas, that's too hard. I don't have money to buy anything anyway. My new job only pays once a month and I'm behind to start with and it's costing me at least $250.00/month for gas to commute with, so I don't know how I'll buy Christmas presents. Oh well, I'll take it one day at a time, I'll try not to think about it too hard. What I'd really like is if the kids would do the tree and leave me out of it. I don't know that they can understand, but George always LOVED Christmas and All of the holidays...he was such an "in-the-spirit" kind of person, and he was always game for getting and decorating the tree, shopping, decorating Easter eggs, anything holidayish. We always went to the White Elephant party together at the church, it was so much fun, I can't hardly bare to even go to church anymore, I just don't know how to do it...I went the first few months, I don't know why it got harder, but it just doesn't seem right with him gone.

But I want to take the time to tell each of you, my family, how much you mean to me and to wish you a good thanksgiving.

Edited by kayc
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I'm sure everyone is feeling as I am. Its a miserable thing, this grief. I actually asked my family to postpone it, we just had a noreaster and it drizzling and dark and cold but they aren't having the same experience I am. Today my energy has dropped to an all time low but yet I'm cooking and preparing and dragging my body all the way. I know you understand. I hope for everyone to make it thru today without too much sadness. Deborah

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Well today wasnt good. I was over my in laws and all I could see was Jason. The place we used to sit together the picture of us by his sisters Christmas tree. It is so hard.I have been trying to get shopping done for the holiday but money is tight and I cant worry anymore or I will burst. I agree about going to sleep and waking up Jan2. I cant even think of how It will be Christmas day or seeing the ball drop and not having him to kiss. I guess I should be happy I made it through today. Well I hope everyones holiday went ok. You were all on my mind today. Take care and God bless.

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Hi everyone,

Well I guess we made it through the day. I hope all of you had a good day. It went ok for me. I went to my sister-in-laws and had a very nice dinner. A little while after I got home, my dauthter-in-law called and asked me to come over to her mother's for pie-(my son had to work). I got to see my grandson. He is 9 months old and all he has to do is smile at me and I forget everything else. He has helped me so much through this time.

Terry

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Thanksgiving went a little mixed for me...it started out with my daughter having head gasket problems on her car...the guys worked on it all weekend and won't be able to finish until her brother comes back at Christmastime. I ended up crying on my new boyfriend's shoulder because I wasn't able to be there for George his last weekend...he was really good about it though, he could tell I was really hurting and he just held me and reassured me. We had a good weekend with the kids. I've been really stressed with little sleep and I caught up on sleep this weekend but tomorrow is back to work and stress and it's snowing and sticking...not a welcome sign for a new commuter...

At least we all made it through another holiday. I wish you the best in coping with this upcoming season. I, for one, don't feel ready for it...

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Thank you, Marty. I read her site and I especially loved the following excerpt:

"Don’t let the holiday overtake you. Plan how you want to spend the actual day. Let your family know in advance of your plans. You do not have to apologize for your grief because grief is an expression of your love for the dear one who has died."

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I thank you, too, Marty, for this link. I spent the whole afternoon reading through most of this site (and bawling my eyes out), then copied some poetry (from that one and from your site) and parts of the articles and sent them along to a few people in my life, because I've already noticed that most of these people are expecting me to be much more 'upbeat' over holidays than is realistic...despite me having told them time after time about my plans, reasoning and feelings. Some have actually sounded surprised and disappointed that I want to spend Christmas alone at home to mourn! I'm so tired of people who say they understand, but really don't (even though they've also been through loss!), so am beyond caring about catering to their feelings when they don't seriously consider mine....so off went these writings and they can deal with it as they choose. I'm putting myself first and foremost and if anyone doesn't like it, that's their problem.

My H perused the pieces of sections that I'd sent on "How To Help A Grieving Friend" and remarked wryly, "I wonder if anyone will do any of these things for us....not likely..." and that pretty much sums it up in our life.

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Dear Ones,

I'm so glad to know that you're finding Christine Jette's Web wonderful, informative Web site so helpful! Please do re-visit her site often, as Christine is always adding to and polishing her work. (On more than one occasion she's humbly described herself to me "not as a writer, but as a REwriter!")

I'd like to share with you the lovely note I received from her just yesterday afternoon:

Dear Marty,

I keep thinking of more to write on December's Deep Grief. Strange, but I sense that Mom is helping me to write it somehow. Even if her help is in my imagination, well, God gave us imaginations, too. The thought of her helping me is comforting and I guess that is all that really matters.

DECEMBER'S DEEP GRIEF: Loss Amidst the Merrymaking

Please do check back periodically because I am adding to it almost daily. It's very healing for me to write. I hope my writing helps someone else, too. I get a lot of visitors and I believe it is a direct result of your links to me. Thank you!

Peace to you in the season of hope,

Christine Jette

www.findingthemuse.com

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Marty,

I also went to the website and plan to go back. There is so much in there I have to wait until I have enough time to read through it.

Today someone at work gave me the most beautiful ornament for my Christmas tree. It's called Merry Christmas From Heaven. It has one line from the poem engraved on it. The paperwork that came with it said there is a website. www.merrychristmasfromheaven.com. I have not been to the site yet so I don't know what is on it. It is a pretty poem though. I think I have seen it somewhere before-not sure. Maybe I read it in a book.

Terry

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